CHAPTER 56
Gage
“Are we going to fight?” Carrie asked.
“What?” she asked back in surprise as she closed the bedroom door behind them. “Why would we fight?”
“Because you’ve been weird all morning.”
“I haven’t been weird.”
“Yeah, you have. Yesterday, you woke up and held me. You were all sleepy and adorable, and we talked before we had to go out there, but this morning, you were on the other side of the bed, staring up at the ceiling, and you hardly spoke to me at all. You mumbled something about needing to shower, and when I asked if you wanted me to join you, you said no. I even suggested you show me that dildo you used on yourself in there, and you weren’t interested at all. ”
“So, because I wasn’t in the mood this morning, I’m acting weird?”
“No.” Carrie sat on the bed. “You got quiet, Gage.”
“I can be quiet.”
“I know. And I’ve seen you quiet before, but you still felt, I don’t know, open. You’re closed off to me now.”
“I’m not closed off. I was just freaking out because she was going to put me back with Sharon, and you were already worried about Sharon.”
“I wasn’t worried about you with Sharon.
I was jealous that anyone else got to touch you, in the same way you probably don’t like that Christian and I were together.
I don’t actually think that you want Sharon, and you know I don’t want Christian.
It’s just hard to find the person you want to be with and think about them being with someone else.
Your someone else is down the hall right now, but I’m not worried that you’re going to sleep with her again.
Hell, even if she wanted to, I know you don’t.
You were confused and upset, like the rest of us out there, but that’s not all it is, Gage. You’re worried, aren’t you?”
“Can we maybe pack first?” she asked. “I’m regretting saying no to that second cup of coffee already.”
“Will you sit down, please?” Carrie requested. “Packing will take, like, ten minutes. We can do that later.”
“Carrie, I know we have to talk, okay? I know we need to figure out who’s flying to whom, how much that will cost, and how we’ll do it again and again, but can we just–”
“Remember how Nia said I don’t let you off the hook before?”
“What? Yeah. So?”
“Sit down next to me, please,” Carrie said, patting the spot on the bed. “Gage, please.”
“I’m better standing. I can pace or–”
“Get upset more easily when you’re moving?”
“What? I’m not upset. I–”
“You’re scared. You’re worried.”
“Yes,” she admitted. “We’re not like the other couples.
The two that already left live in the same damn place, and Debra clearly has money.
She can probably afford to fly Sharon back and forth every weekend if she wanted to, or get herself to her place whenever.
Hell, she’s already flying home with Sharon tomorrow, and they’ll have a whole week together or maybe more, I don’t know.
I was only partly paying attention because I… I just found you.”
“I know.”
“And you’re leaving tomorrow. We’re both leaving. I’ll be going in one direction, and you’re going the other.”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be busy, Carrie.”
“Okay.”
Gage started to pace and said, “I work ten-hour days, and I’m in charge, so I don’t usually get a day off.
Sometimes, I leave at eight hours, but that’s a short day for me.
Even if you could come for a visit, when would I see you?
At night? I come home exhausted, smelling like pool chemicals, and we order in dinner and do what? ”
“Talk about your day and mine,” Carrie suggested.
“You really want to hear about how the Fosters’ pool had a massive leak?
Or how the Chance family is a mess, and I know that because Mrs. Chance lays out whenever I’m there to check on my team or do the work myself and she talks on the phone loud enough for me to hear that her husband is having an affair and she’s thinking about having one of her own? ”
“She does what?”
“Yeah. And the Thompsons need a new liner, but they can’t afford it, so they keep yelling at me repeatedly over the phone, telling me my prices are too high, but I’ve given them all the discounts I can, and–”
“Back to this Mrs. Chance.”
“What?”
“Gage, that woman wants to sleep with you.”
“Oh, I know.” Gage shrugged.
“You know?”
“I’m not an idiot. She’s a very bored housewife now that her two kids have gone off to college, and her husband isn’t around. She’s not exactly subtle.”
“You haven’t…”
“God, no. I don’t sleep with customers, Carrie. She’ll get tired of it eventually and just stay inside when I’m there, but the point is that I’m a workaholic. I’ve never needed to get home to someone before.”
“I know.”
“And you’re probably used to perfect-boyfriend Christian, who knows how to cook, pours you wine, and helps with the dishes.”
Carrie laughed and said, “Christian burns frozen pizza and hates wine. He might have opened a beer for me from time to time, but he was in no way a perfect boyfriend, Gage. And I’m not looking for a perfect anything. It’s not like I’m perfect.”
“But you’re used to having someone. I’m not.”
“Then, maybe it’s good that we’ll be long-distance at first.”
“What? No, it’s not.”
“If you’re not used to having someone around all the time, maybe it’s good to start out like this – you’ll have some time to adjust.”
“Adjust to you not being around?”
“Adjust to us being on the phone or FaceTime every night and maybe some mornings. I don’t know how early you have to wake up to get to work, but I can get up earlier to talk to you or at least text for a few minutes if we can. Then, we can talk at night.”
“Until when?”
“What do you mean?”
“How long do we do that for?”
“I don’t know. However long we need to.”
“Carrie, you have a life where you are now. I can’t pack up and leave my company. I have employees and an office.”
“I know. I understand that most likely, if this works, I’d be the one who’d have to move.”
“Have to?”
“Moving is a pain in the ass, Gage. I’m not sure anyone actually wants to move.”
“So, you wouldn’t want to move if we get there?”
“I’d want to be with you, so I’d move, yeah. I think we’ll have this conversation at least a thousand more times before we’re ready for that, though.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t.”
“Shouldn’t what?” Carrie asked.
“Bother.”
Carrie nodded once, and Gage watched her reaction after that. Carrie looked out the window. She looked down at the floor.
Then, she looked back up at Gage and said, “No.”
“No, what?”
“No, you’re not doing this,” Carrie stated.
“What am I doing?”
“Trying to push me away on our last day here. It’s not very nice, Gage.”
“I’m not pushing you away. You just said that you don’t want to move.”
“No, I said that moving is a pain in the ass, and no one likes it, but that I know it would be me moving. When we get there, it would be me moving.”
“You’re so sure it’s a when?”
“Yes, I am,” Carrie replied.
“What if I’m not?”
“You are. You’re just being a pain in the ass right now because you’re scared. You’re worried I’ll want more than you can give or that you’re not going to be a good girlfriend, but I’m not. I’m not worried about those things, Gage. Do you know why?”
“No,” she replied. “I honestly don’t.”
“Chicken soup, Gage.”
“What?” she asked, looking at her in confusion.
“Chicken soup. You said you want to make me chicken soup when I’m sick.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” Carrie smiled up at her. “I’m scared, too.”
“You are?”
“Gage, I’m going to miss you like crazy.
I don’t want to go home. I honestly don’t.
I’d much rather just change flights and go back with you, but I have things I need to do at home, and I don’t have some of my work stuff here.
I have clients I need to talk to. But we can plan something today, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
I think that’s as much as either of us can promise: that we’ll make an effort. ”
“I want to make an effort. I’ve just never had to make this kind of effort before,” Gage said.
“I know. I have. I wasn’t exactly the best at it before because I was gay and didn’t really want a boyfriend, but I have a feeling I’ll be much better at it with you.”
“What if I’m not?”
“What if you just lie down next to me and cease pacing so that we can hold each other and talk about this?”
“The pacing helps.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Carrie chuckled. “Baby, I’m asking you to hold me right now.
We can talk about the trips we need to plan and pack later.
We’re here right now, but we won’t be able to touch once we leave until we’re together again.
What if we just cool it with all this serious talk for a moment and hold one another?
What if you touch me and I touch you, and we remember how good it feels to be together? ”
“Did you already forget?” she joked.
“No. I never will, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want new memories with you.”
“How do you know me so well already?”
“What?”
“Sasha doesn’t even know me this well, I don’t think, and you knew how to calm me down just now.”
Gage moved toward her and used her knees to spread Carrie’s legs.
“Maybe because we’re meant to be, according to Nia; I don’t know.” Carrie laughed a little nervously. “I’ve never had a girlfriend before, so I’m a little new at this, too.”
“Girlfriend,” Gage repeated the word. “I like that. Have I told you how much I like that yet?”
“Yeah, once or twice.”
Carrie smiled at her and pulled her in by wrapping her arms around Gage’s back.
“Chicken soup,” Gage said.
“Yeah, chicken soup, babe.”
“I don’t actually know how to make chicken soup. You know that, right?”
Carrie laughed against her stomach and said, “Yeah, I figured. It’s not that hard. I can show you on my first visit to your place. We’ll go shopping for the ingredients and everything.”
“I’ve never had someone to shop with before.” Gage moved her hands to Carrie’s neck and lifted her face to look at her. “I want that.”
“And I want that with you,” Carrie said. “Now, will you make love to me?”
Gage nodded and said, “Lie back, baby.”
Carrie did, and Gage stripped her own clothes off first before climbing on top of her.
She kissed Carrie just about everywhere she could before removing any of Carrie’s clothing, and she took her time.
She knew they’d do this again later that night, but it felt important to her that they do this now, too.
They hadn’t fought as Carrie had suspected they might, but they still had an important conversation to go through.
Carrie had also told her no when she’d tried to pull away, and no one had ever done that for her before.
No one had ever wanted her so much that they were willing to hold her accountable for her actions.
“I’m really going to miss you,” she said as she pushed inside Carrie with two fingers.
“I’m really going to miss you, too,” Carrie replied. “But I can’t imagine being able to go very long without seeing you, so it won’t be forever. Just remember that, okay?”
“I will. I promise,” she said and kissed Carrie deeply.