4. Petra #2
“You know,” he begins, as if getting ready to articulate a very deep thought, “I’ve had my fair share of embarrassing moments, too.”
“Yeah, right!” I retort instantly. “What happened? You didn’t lift as much at the gym as you wanted to? Got some crap from some gym bro?”
“No, really! I was made a fool for a whole day,” Sin says with a voice that’s trying hard to sound solemn.
“So, my sister and her friends,” he starts, already grinning, “they decided it would be hilarious to play a prank on me. I had this big game, and they snuck into my room and redecorated the back of my jersey.”
A real storyteller, this fellow, I think privately, while out loud I ask, “Redecorated?”
“Yeah, they replaced my name with ‘Mr. Sparklepants’ and added a bunch of glitter. Of course, yours truly didn’t notice it until halftime, wondering why everyone was laughing and pointing at me,” Sin says, shaking his head.
I burst out laughing. His words had conjured up a scene that was too hilarious to pass up. “Please tell me there are tons of pictures of you from that day!”
“Forget pictures; there are entire videos of it floating around. Besides, the guys on the team won’t ever let me forget it.”
“Gotta hand it to you, Arnoult,” I say, feeling a bit lighter, “you do know how to make a girl laugh.”
And forget that she almost drowned an hour ago.
“Yeah, I had to laugh it off,” Sin says with a shrug. “I mean, what else can you do? Couldn’t drop out of the team, right? I love the game far too much.”
“Hmm, I sense a lesson coming on,” I say teasingly.
“No lesson, Petra. Just wanted to tell you that . . .” He struggles to find the right words, even though he doesn’t need to. “That I understand, somewhat. What it feels like to be set apart and laughed at, I guess. Of course, that’s nothing compared to falling in the pool.”
I take a deep breath, feeling more at ease. “Yeah, I suppose. But it’s not just tonight. People at school . . . they don’t like me. They think I’m a stuck-up bitch with my nose in the air.”
“That’s their problem, Petra,” Sin says in a firm tone as he changes his posture, unfolding and stretching out his legs before him. “I hope you don’t agree with them?”
I shrug, staring at the floor.
“I don’t know. Maybe I am too quiet and standoffish? You gotta admit I don’t really fit in with anyone; my people skills are almost nonexistent.”
“Sometimes people judge what they don’t understand,” Sin points out. “But that doesn’t mean you have to believe them.”
“I try not to,” I admit, my voice soft. “But it’s hard when you feel like an outsider. All. The. Time!”
He nods empathetically as his expression softens again. “I get how that could quickly become very tiring. But trust me, Petra, you’re not as predictable as that. You’re more than what they think. If only they could see the side of you that I have seen today, you know?”
“Thanks, Sin. That means a lot.” And it does, in ways I still fail to articulate properly. So I take a deep breath, deciding to share more. “It’s just . . . I’ve always felt different. Like there’s this wall between me and everyone else. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to break through.”
He nods. “Yeah, I get what you mean. I feel like I’m putting on an act most of the time. And you know what? I am pretending. How else are we supposed to survive high school? It’s downright brutal out here.”
“Yeah,” I say in a choked voice as a lump forms in my throat. “I see people with their tight-knit groups, their inside jokes, and I just . . . I don’t have that. I have Amelia, but that’s on the internet. Here, I’m always alone.” I give a defeated shrug.
“But you’re not alone right now,” Sin says softly when I stop speaking, too overcome with bitterness to continue. “And I think it’s brave of you to even be here tonight.”
“Brave?” I scoff lightly. “It doesn’t feel like it. You know what it does feel like? Like I’m constantly trying to prove myself. And failing!”
“Hey,” he says, leaning forward, his face furrowing with concern for me. He looks pained at the sight of my distress. “You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You’re amazing just as you are. And if they can’t see that, it’s because they are blind idiots.”
His words hit me hard, and I blink back tears.
“I wish I could believe that. It’s just so exhausting, trying to tailor myself to appeal to others and still not managing to forge genuine connections. It’s like, am I defective? Am I a psychopath or something?”
“Well, if you are, then maybe I like psychopaths more than normal people,” Sin says with a small chuckle.
“Ah, I wish I was truly abnormal,” I continue. “Then I couldn’t care less that everyone hates me.”
“Hey!” Sin protests. “I don’t hate you! In fact, I think you’re quite a badass.”
I blink, surprised by his words. “Really? A badass? What do you mean?”
Sin assumes a thoughtful expression. “I’ve noticed you before. You have this air about you, this . . . quiet strength. What you call ‘coldness’ I call ‘discernment.’ You can exist without needing others to validate your existence. That’s pretty badass.”
I feel a warmth spread across my cheeks, and I know I’m blushing again. “You really think so?”
Dammit. I sound like some breathless scullery maid from a Jane Austen novel.
“Absolutely,” he says in that signature earnest voice. “You don’t let people’s opinions define you. You walk through those halls like you own them, even if you don’t feel that way inside. That takes guts.”
I smile shyly, the compliment making my heart flutter. “I guess I never thought about it like that.”
“Well, you should!” Sin says with a grin. “It’s inspiring, honestly. Most people can’t handle being alone. They need constant validation. But you? You’re like . . . like a fortress!”
“A fortress.” I turn the word around in my mind like it’s a rare gem. “That’s a nice way to put it.”
Sin’s eyes twinkle with amusement. “See? Don’t sell yourself short, Petra. You’ve got more going for you than you realize.”
I look down, my heart pounding. “Thanks, Sin. That really means a lot.”
He shrugs and grins suddenly.
“Just laying out facts, you know? Besides, anyone who can stand up to Daphne and her crew like you did tonight definitely has my respect.”
It is a welcome recollection, so I smile. “Well, they had it coming.”
“They did,” he agrees with a laugh. “And you handled it like a pro.”
The room feels hazy now, the warmth of the alcohol buzzing through my veins.
Who would have thought that I would actually end up connecting with someone today?
And at Elias Rutherford’s party, of all places! Sin and I have been talking for what feels like hours, and it feels like we’ve barely begun to scratch the surface.
And I have gotten so comfortable that I haven’t even noticed my robe has fallen apart near my neck.
I only see Sin’s smiling eyes as he leans closer. Like he has another secret to share with me. There’s an edge to the soft lines of his face as he says, “Would you mind terribly if I told you how pretty you are?”