Chapter 24
It’s been almost a week since the incident with the charred paper flower and I won’t lie, I can’t get him out of my head. My mind races with details of the night at the party, and not even in a bad way. My brain is fucked up. So fucked up that Rome fucking me while I was duct taped turned me on more that I’d like to admit. I need to see Sass and talk through this before I combust.
Me: What are you up to?
Saskia: Nothing. Come over.
Me: Can we go out for lunch somewhere outside of campus?
Saskia: I’ll pick you up in thirty!
Me: See you soon!
Saturday in this place is quiet. All the guys go to the gym, and who knows where else, and leave the house empty for most of the day. Not that I’m complaining as it’s nice to have the place to myself. Even Queen Charlotte leaves for the weekends, which is fine with me, she still hates me for no reason. I doubt we’ll ever be besties.
I change into my comfortable low slung ripped jeans, a cropped t-shirt and pull on my sneakers ready for when Sass arrives. She’s allowed to drive their cars anytime she wants, and it still irritates me that I don’t have my own car here. I miss my Mustang. Maybe I’ll go back and visit and take her for a drive down to the beach and watch the sunset next weekend.
A car honks out the front and I grab my bag before locking the front door after me. I skip across the cobblestone drive and climb into the Range Rover.
“Hey, babe.”
“You look like you’re glowing!” Sass winks at me.
“Oh my god, just drive will you,” I say as she pulls away from the house and heads down the long driveway.
“It’s true. That Rome dick must be magical.”
“It is good. Real fucking good. He gets my fucked up fantasies.” I smile and stare out the window.
“I need all the details. Leave nothing out.”
“Rome has been sneaking into my room every night this week and I swear the others know but don’t say anything.”
“Oh, they would know. The walls in these old houses are thin. Like really fucking thin. I hope you’ve been moaning into your pillow.” She turns down the road that leads to the main part of town.
I can feel the embarrassment color my cheeks at the thought of everyone in the house hearing us. “He duct taped my mouth the first night. Fuck. We’ve tried to be extra quiet. You know, so Sin doesn’t find out.”
“Duct tape.” She glances at me. “I’m not even commenting on that one.” She holds up her hand to stop me from talking. “Is Sin still fucking going on about that? He’s such a dick.”
“Yes, and yes.”
“His obsession is fucking weird. You’re pretty much siblings for fuck sake.”
“I have a confession.” I swallow my nerves. Sass and I tell each other everything, we have no secrets. But I think what I’m about to confess to her will top any of the crazy shit she has done.
“Oh shit.” She glances at me, a smirk pulling at the corner of her lips.
“I caught Sin jerking one out and it got me all hot and bothered.” I want to sink into the seat and become one with the leather.
“Monroe!” Sass looks at me in shock.
“It gets worse.”
“You didn’t fuck him, did you?”
“No!”
“I kind of got myself off in the shower with my cloned finger vibrator straight afterward though.” I cover my face with my hands, not wanting to see Sass’ reaction.
“You dirty girl,” she replies with a chuckle.
“I’m going to hell,” I groan and peek at her through my fingers.
“Look, he’s hot as fuck. If you tell him I said that I will have to kill you. But, I get it. Even if he is your brother.” She pretends to gag.
“Shut up. We’re not related. You make it sound so gross.”
“It is gross... and hot,” she tacks on the end after a brief pause.
“Don’t ever mention it again. Promise?” I glare at her as she parks the car.
“Shit. I promise.” She holds her hands up.
“It gets worse. I have to unpack my thoughts here, but first I need coffee and cake.” I climb out of the car before she can convince me to spill my fucked up thoughts right here.
Saskia follows me out and the look she’s giving me makes me want to go hide. “My mind is coming up with all sorts of scenarios here, babe.”
I pull her into the nearest coffee shop and order us both the biggest coffee they have on the menu and a piece of cake each.
“Sit.” I point to the chair in the far corner of the shop, because the last thing I need is for anyone to overhear what I need to tell her.
Sass does as she’s told, which is rare, and makes herself comfortable on the padded seat in the corner of the booth. When the barista finishes making our coffee, I grab them and make my way over to her.
“Okay.” Placing the coffees on the table, I climb into the booth and make room next to me for the pile of pillows I just moved out of my way.
“Spill.” Sass sips her coffee and eyes me with curiosity.
“I don’t know how to explain it.” I fidget with the spoon next to my coffee cup.
“Just start from the beginning. We have all day.” Sass encourages me.
“Okay, here goes nothing. But first, promise you won’t judge me because of my fucked imagination.”
“I’d never judge you.” She looks worried.
I move closer to her and glance around to make sure we’re out of earshot of anyone. “You know how that guy forced me at the party.”
“Your stalker.”
“Well, I think it was him, but I can’t stop fantasizing about it. I kind of want him to find me again and hurt me. I’m fucked in the head, aren’t I?” I run my fingertips over my Rosary beads tattoo and watch Sass process my confession.
“That’s a kink, babe. You like to be forced and be scared. It’s very normal, you know, and you’re not fucked in the head,” she reassures me.
“Doesn’t sound normal.”
“Trust me, you’re normal.”
My attention is stolen by the girl from behind the counter as she approaches us with our slices of cake. “Anything else, ladies?” She grins.
“No thank you.” I smile back innocently and hope our voices aren’t loud enough for her to hear what we’re saying.
“You look guilty.” Sass laughs at me, shoveling in a piece of cake.
“Shut up. I’m here spilling my guts about wanting my stalker to rail me again. Of course I look guilty. It’s not like I have a boyfriend or anything. Me and Rome are just sleeping together, so I probably shouldn’t feel guilty, but I can’t stop thinking about that other guy too.” I scoop up some cake to make myself feel a bit better.
“You know the saying. Just because he’s good for your hole, doesn’t mean he’s good for your soul.” Sass waves her fork in front of me.
I burst into giggles. “Where do you get this shit?”
“No fucking idea. I heard it somewhere and thought it was relevant to this conversation.” She shrugs and grabs my hand. “Mama Sass has some wisdom for you. Allow yourself to feel these feelings, no matter how messed up you think they are. They’re your right to feel. Whether you want to cut his dick off for what he did or you want to suck it and thank him for unlocking a part of you that no one would have touched on. You are allowed to feel how you feel, it’s not wrong and it’s definitely not fucked up.” She squeezes my hand.
“You always know the right things to say in the most unconventional way.”
“I got you, baby.”
Sipping my coffee and mulling over her words, I come to the conclusion that I need to accept my thoughts and messed up ideas and bury them inside me. Like I’ve buried the thought of ever finding out who my parent’s killer is.
“Did I tell you, this stalker guy left me a note tied to a charred rose made of cards from a deck?” I shovel another bite of cake into my mouth.
“Excuse me, he what?” Sass’s eyes grow large as she stares at me.
“The other night on my way to meet the guys for pre-dinner drinks. It scared the shit out of me.” A shiver crawls down my spine at the memory of that narrow road.
“What the fuck. He followed you here? Babe, I think you need to report this to someone.” She looks concerned.
“I don’t know. I just want to pretend it’s not happening. All the guys in the house are aware, they went looking for him, but he was long gone.”
“This is next level creepy as fuck. You’re moving in with me and I’m not leaving your side.” She grabs my hand again.
“I wish. But I’m a Vitiello and we stay in the Spades house.” I roll my eyes at the stupidity of it all.
“Babe, I’m genuinely worried here.”
“Don’t be. It’s okay, he’s probably just messing with me now and will go find someone else to stalk soon enough.” A small part of me still craves the thrill of him watching me and wanting me.
“Those boys better be fucking watching over you, or God fucking help them.” Sass drinks a sip of her coffee and watches me as I chew on some more cake.
“The whole house is, except Queen Charlotte.”
“Is she still being a stuck-up cow?”
“She’s got issues with me. I think she thinks I’m trying to take her position and I don’t know how to convince her otherwise.”
“She’s salty because those boys aren’t touching her.” Sass cocks her perfect eyebrow.
“I know.” I say, my voice changing tone.
“How do you know this?”
“Chaser told me. He caught on that I was jealous of Sin fucking her.”
“Interesting isn’t it? And I’m actually surprised.” She scoops up another piece of cake.
“So am I, honestly.”
“Don’t lie, you’re fucking relieved.” Sass teases me.
“Shut up.” I throw a piece of cake at her.
“I can see it on your face. Knowing they haven’t fucked her is making your little heart do a happy dance. Admit it.”
“Yes, I’m relieved,” I sip my coffee and hope she changes the subject.
“When are you going to tell Chaser you want his dick too?”
“Saskia!”
“How many times do we need to have this conversation? Those boys are happy to share you between them.”
“Stop it.”
“You could probably add Sin to that list too, now that you’ve discovered you’re into him pleasuring himself.”
“Oh my God, I knew I shouldn’t have told you. I’ll never hear the end of this.” I shake my head at her, smiling at her teasing.
“Eat up so we can go look at the stores. I need something to wear for tonight and so do you.” She pushes my cake closer to me.
“What’s happening tonight?”
“Party.”
“I have studying to do.”
“No, you don’t. It’s Saturday and we’re in college.” She scoops a piece of my cake with her fork and shoves it into my mouth. “Chew.”
We spend the rest of the day getting our nails done and shopping for outfits for tonight. Saskia convinces me to buy the tightest little black dress with the highest split I’ve ever seen. She thinks it will have Rome hard all night, which is fine by me because I can’t get enough of him as it is.