Chapter 50
In days gone by, when he was more welcome, Nic would have marched straight up the hill.
But today he texted his mother his location and hung out on the beach, his childhood feeling like a shadow behind him.
Summers of freedom, with salt in the air and a board under his feet, destroyed in his teen years by his father’s infidelity.
Propping Mum up after their separation and helping her build a business from the settlement, sketching out plans for properties of his own had been hard, but it set him up for life.
Brighton was where he began, and he normally felt a kind of peace here.
But today, the electronic sounds from the arcades were a distraction.
He was used to blowing dandelion clocks where he could only hear the sound of his own puff of breath.
His nerves were jangling about the prospects of meeting his mother and being by the sea.
He wasn’t sure why he’d chosen this as a meeting place.
It was all a bit overwhelming. But this was a good time to practise the calming breathing techniques a therapist had recommended.
He sat on the sand, took his shoes and socks off and focused on the rise and fall of his rib cage.
‘Nicolas.’ That was all she said. One word, filled with the intensity that had infused hospital visits. He tried not to let that put him off. Instead, he leaped up and kept his greeting cheerful as though he’d seen her only last week.
‘Hey, Mum. How are you?’
His mother stood on the beach in a red and white floral kimono, wearing wooden sandals embroidered with cats.
She carried a parasol even though rain had been forecast. He noticed her hair had grown longer, flecked with strands of grey she hadn’t tried to cover.
Free from his father and her kids, she had become the person she’d always wanted to be.
He wasn’t sure whether to hug her, but she made his mind up for him by keeping a distance.
Then she surprised him by pulling two towels out of a beach bag and spreading them out.
This reminded him of his night under the stars with Aria, and he checked his phone.
When he’d shared the good news about planning, Theo had returned his message in capital letters, and even his father had been on the phone within minutes, whereas Aria had sent muted congratulations by text and then stayed away for the night.
Weirdly, she’d failed to reply to any messages since.
His mum nodded to the near-empty beach. ‘The weather is changing. We might have to relocate to a café unless you fancy a swim.’
‘I don’t go in the water anymore.’ He flashed back to the night she’d been so vile to him, prompting him to take the jet ski onto the lake so dangerously.
They had a lot of bridges to build, and he guessed the rift would have destabilised her as much as it had him.
He studied her out of the corner of his eye while pretending to look at a family digging a castle.
‘Thanks for meeting me here. I wanted to have a conversation on neutral turf,’ he said, picking out his words carefully so they didn’t fall back into shouting at each other.
‘This isn’t neutral. This is my home, Nico.
It used to be yours, or rather ours, and you are always welcome here.
I’m sorry you avoid the ocean these days, but of course I understand it.
I have also had to come to terms with what happened out there.
I’m not saying my pain is greater than yours, but Theo’s accident broke my heart.
’ Her eyes seemed to look into his soul as memories he’d been suppressing flooded in.
He relived the adrenaline spike as he stood helpless and stranded on the ski after employing the kill cord, rewinding through the arrival of the coastguard and the emergency services.
Water and blood, sunshine and darkness. He took a deep breath and pushed it out.
Noticing this, she moved into a meditative posture.
‘Let’s do some breathing for a while. In and out.
That’s all you have to concentrate on. Let the body and mind be one. ’
***
When he’d calmed, they sat and chatted. She kept her legs crossed while he pushed his toes into the sand. ‘I was expecting you to be angry. To be honest, I didn’t even think you’d want to talk. Thought maybe you’d hang up on me or not answer at all.’
She took his hand. ‘It’s the opposite, actually.
I’m glad you rang. Theo has been bugging me to get in touch.
He’s been calling twice a week, giving me reasons why you and I need to kiss and make up.
I was working up the nerve to reach out but hadn’t quite got there yet.
I said some terrible things, Nico. I know about everything you’ve done to help him, like allowing him time off to recover and then to resign without acrimony.
And, of course, I know how many hours you spent with him in hospital and rehab.
He is your biggest fan and made me feel very petty for what I said. ’
‘You told me I should be prosecuted for negligence. At one point, you even accused me of being drunk at the wheel. I promise you again, hand on heart, I hadn’t had a drink.’
‘I was angry, felt it needed to be said at the time, although I don’t think that now.’
He wasn’t ready to let her off the hook. ‘Then there were the phone calls when you ranted and raved and said you wished you’d only had one son.’
‘I’m his mother. I couldn’t talk to him about it, and your father was busy with child number…
whatever. I needed to vent, and I took it out on you.
I’ve meditated on it a lot. I’m running yoga weekend escapes now.
They’re quite successful.’ She pulled a plastic bag out of her handbag, with two neatly cut rounds of sandwiches. ‘I know you like egg mayonnaise.’
‘Honestly? You want to talk about sandwiches right now?’
‘Is Theo eating well, do you know? I’ve sent food parcels.’ Her face creased with worry, the same look she’d worn whenever he saw her in the hospital.
‘I’m surprised he accepted them. He has pride, and he isn’t a kid.’
‘You’re both still my children.’ The sun came out again. She held out a sandwich. ‘Peace offering?’
***
An hour later, they retired to a café and watched tourists queue up for ice cream in the rain. ‘You and Theo spent hours in rockpools when you were little. Do you remember coming down here in the school holidays?’
‘Of course I do. Remember that leaping frog game we used to play? Where I encouraged him to leap too high and he chipped his tooth on a rock? My fault as well, I suppose.’ Nic sighed.
His mother tutted. ‘Theo’s accident was not your fault, Nico, despite what I might have said at the time. I was distraught and lashed out at you.
Nic’s phone rang and he checked the screen, relieved to see Aria’s name. But this conversation was too important to interrupt.
‘Do you need to get that?’ his mum asked.
‘I’ll call her back.’
‘Someone special?’
Nic smiled at her question, but stayed silent, turning his phone around in his palm.
‘You don’t have to tell me. But don’t be like your father, Nico,’ she said.
‘Find someone you love and establish a balanced and trusting relationship. Go all in, and don’t throw her scraps of you.
’ Her coffee came and she graciously thanked the waitress.
‘And I hope it goes without saying you shouldn’t cheat.
Bring her to see me sometime. Theo tells me you and your father are talking again.
It’s no surprise. We’re all drawn together by a web of memories.
’ She took a sip of her drink. ‘Our shared experiences, photographs and stories prop us up when we are sad, ground us when we are lonely and cradle us when we are dying.’
‘God, Mum, you’ve gone really zen.’
His phone rang again.
‘Theo’s thinking of relocating here eventually,’ she said, ‘helping me at the hotel and living a quieter life. I think he may also have a girlfriend he’s not telling me about.
Maybe he can manage the business, and I can go travelling.
But when I die, you’ll get an equal share.
I’ll never forget the work you put in to build the place. It almost broke your back.’
‘On the contrary, I think it gave me a backbone. Flipping that property started my career. But you were a pain in my back-side. You said the hotels on the prom were garish, so I painted the place white for you and then you decided you wanted it redone yellow.’
‘Theo told me about your new development. I’m proud of you, Nic.’ As his phone stopped buzzing, his mother put her hand on his shoulder. ‘Want to have dinner and talk some more? Stay the night, maybe? You can fix…’
‘That stupid cupboard? I don’t know why you don’t replace them.’
‘I was going to say you could fix us some cocktails, but if you feel inclined to pick up a screwdriver, I won’t object. How did you know it needed mending?’
‘Things never change around here.’
‘And I haven’t changed, either. I love you, Nico. That’s unconditional. That’s all a mother is, really. A husk of love.’
He took a deep breath and said something he should have said to her a long time ago. ‘I am the eldest. I should have protected him. I should have had his back. I’m so sorry.’ His voice broke at the final words and a dam of tears he’d been holding back for a year opened.
She reached out and put her arm on his, letting her tears fall too.
‘He was behind you when the accident happened. You couldn’t predict or stop it.
You couldn’t see around every corner or protect him from every eventuality.
If anything, that was my job. You were his brother, not his bodyguard.
Let him leave your flat and your company and forge his new path.
It’s time everyone moved on, and you can’t do that if you are stuck in the roles of victim and protector forever.
Believe me, it’s not healthy.’ The phone beeped again.
‘Sorry, I keep making you miss her,’ his mum said as he checked out the message.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
He sent a question mark back before telling his mum he’d need to push off but would come to visit soon. ‘I’m really glad I came.’
‘Me too.’ They parted with a hug as his phone went again, this time his brother. What was going on?
‘Aria phoned the office,’ Theo said as soon as Nic answered. ‘She was hysterical. Did you sanction the builders to get to work on her land?’
‘What? No, of course not.’
‘Well, it’s gone.’
Nic was confused. ‘What’s gone?’
‘The hut.’
‘Aria’s cabin? Gone where? What the hell are you talking about?’
Theo let out a breath. ‘They knocked it down, Nic.’
‘Who did? The builders?’choked Nic. ‘They couldn’t have. I put them on stand-by. I was going to figure something out.’ He heard the beep of his voicemail to say he had another message. ‘Dad!’
Theo came to the same realisation at the same moment, cursing loudly. ‘You didn’t listen.’
‘He went off on one when he was up there about the hut being in the way, but I never for a moment thought he’d do anything about it. He doesn’t have the right. Theo, I’ve gotta go. I need to call him.’
***
‘What did you do?’ Nic barked at his dad.
‘Excuse me?’
‘Aria’s hut. You know what I’m talking about.’ Nic spoke through gritted teeth. If his father were here, he’d punch him. How dare he overrule him? Especially on something so delicate and important.
‘Oh that!’ his dad said breezily as though it was no biggie at all.
‘I gave the go-ahead for contractors to clear the land. That was the next stage, right? You said the hut was sorted. But I looked at the blueprints, and discovered it wasn’t.
So, I took care of it myself. You are too emotionally involved with the Cumbrian girl. I did it for the good of the business.’
‘My business, not yours! You tore down her father’s legacy.’
‘It was a ransom strip.’
‘Her inheritance…’
‘Your pension. You said it was sorted,’ he repeated. ‘I just made it happen.’ He rang off.
Fuck no. Nic phoned back, furious, only to be put through to voicemail.
‘Theo was right all along,’ he said, teeth grinding in anger as he left a message.
‘I don’t want your investment, and I don’t want you sniffing around my family anymore.
Stay away from us all!’ His voice faltered as the call ended.
But it was no more cracked than their relationship.
He walked down to the beach, ringing Aria over and over.
He wouldn’t stop calling until she answered.
On about the tenth ring, she picked up. But his relief was short lived.
‘I had next to nothing, Nic, and now you’ve turned that into zero.
’ Her anger radiated through the miles. ‘You have no idea what you’ve done.
You’ve taken everything away from me. I trusted you with my past, which also happened to be the only thing in my future, if you don’t count Tiger and some dog food.
I let you in. And for what? I will never forgive you for this and never trust anyone else as long as I live. ’
He spoke with urgency, desperate to keep her on the line. ‘Aria, listen to me, I didn’t do it. I would never do that to you. I’m coming back, this afternoon. We can talk. I know it doesn’t make things better, but my father—’
‘I won’t step foot in your house again.’ The hatred in her voice jolted him and his hope dissolved.
Without her, he was reduced to zero too.
Everything he was excited about in the future connected back to her.
His enthusiasm for life, his bullishness in business, the new-found love of his environment, all her.
The Wilson family clung onto their hut for decades, and he’d had a part in destroying it.
Was there any return from this? There had to be.
Filled with panic, he begged her to stay on the line, telling her he’d fucked up by not keeping a leash on his dad.
He repeated he’d be home in a few hours.
‘It’s not your home,’ she said, sounding broken. ‘I don’t even have one anymore. Go back to London, Brighton or wherever, and leave us all alone.’
‘I’m so sorry, Aria.’
‘So am I,’ she whispered. ‘Sorry I ever met you.’