Chapter 16
It was going on eight hours of sitting by her bed, watching her sleep and breathe.
For the first few hours, I could hear everyone in the living room of the small house trying to figure out if Nina was a threat, if her power was dangerous, and how she even had so much. As far as I could, tell Angelica had calmed their fears and questions enough that they split up to the other bedrooms and slept.
It was morning, and little by little they were all getting up and starting to regroup. Everyone but Nina.
I scrubbed my hand across my face as the door opened and in stepped Angelica.
“How is she?”
“The same,” I whispered, my voice ragged. “Sleeping.”
“The Morrigan doesn’t want her dead.”
“Do you think the Morrigan will take over soon?”
“I don’t know,” she said, sitting in a chair nearby.
I could hear by the tone of her voice that there was something she wasn’t telling me. I waited, not having the patience or energy to draw it out of her.
“They’re scared of her,” she whispered. “Jack in particular.”
“If they try to hurt her—”
“I don’t think they will. She charmed Whitman enough that he’s making her continued participation mandatory.”
“Does he know about her powers? The attack?”
“Wanda told him Jack’s theory about the attack being a rival team. Everyone is buying it, including Whitman.”
“But?”
“But I have reason to believe it was the Sinners. Possibly your pissed off feral Orc.”
I ran a hand down my face, more tired than I’d ever been in my entire life.
“Yeah,” I nodded wearily, “that tracks with the gear I saw.”
“The sooner we finish this the better, for all of us.”
“What about her power, does Whitman know about that?”
“Whitman is happy about it, says her abilities will help, but everyone is still a little edgy about it. They’ll likely give Nina and you a wide berth until after the job.”
“And then what?”
“Then be ready for anything. I wouldn’t have thought they’d attack you inside the vault before but now? Who knows? Just be on your guard.”
“Did you expect anything less?”
She snorted.
“No, I didn’t.”
I rubbed the scar on my neck, the ball of scar tissue at the base of my head especially painful at the moment.
“Here,” she handed me a bottle of ibuprofen. “You look like hell. Have you slept at all?”
“What do you think?”
“Me either. I keep trying to figure out how someone got past our wards enough to let in a team like that.”
“Nina thinks that someone cut themselves and got blood on her dress at the party, that’s how they breached the cabin,” I said.
“Fuck,” Angelica breathed. “Well, that explains how they got in, but not how they knew she would be there. Which is actually the more worrisome thing since no one but those of us at that cabin knew about it.”
“No bugs or listening devices in the cabin?”
“The wards would have destroyed anything like that. And Trey did a sweep when we arrived just to be safe. There was nothing.”
“So we have a mole, one who either works for, or has connections, to the Sinners.”
Angelica nodded solemnly.
“It’ll all be over soon.”
“Three days doesn’t feel soon.”
“Shit, I forgot to tell you.” She rubbed both of her palms on her eyes, where dark circles were heavy and prevalent.
My stomach dropped.
“Tell me what?”
“Whitman moved up the job. He said if another team was nipping at our heels, we needed to get it done sooner rather than later. We leave for Vancouver this afternoon. The job will be tomorrow.”
Tomorrow we’d have the artifact to heal her.
Tomorrow Nina would be safe from the Sinners at least.
And then what?
Best not to think of it. Just keep protecting her.
“We’ll need to wake her soon,” Angelica said, getting up and yawning. “What is it?” she asked, after see my scowl.
“Just Whitman…I don’t like him. There’s something…off.”
“What do you mean? What did you feel?”
“I don’t know. Just…he was talking about peeling back the layers of someone to get to who they really were. Xiang Yu shit. I know lot of people talk about that sort of thing, but it was the way he said it. Like he’d tried it before.” My mind spun and I could see him, clear as day. “Like, he enjoyed it…it was an art form, something only a skilled person could achieve.”
Angelica frowned as she took in everything I said, and finally nodded.
“There were rumors about him when I first took over the Archive, nothing that could be proven. But several people said they saw him with Francesca in the basement labs.”
Even though I’d had no connection with the Archive, I’d heard plenty about what had gone on in those labs. Experimentation, torture, bio-weapons testing, and a myriad of other things that ran the gamut of disgusting. Most who were sent there never came back and if they did, they were changed in ways that made them wish they’d died.
“What happened to the people that worked that department when Francesca died?” I asked, a terrible suspicion starting to take place.
“The few that remained I had redacted. But by the time I got there, most had either fled or disappeared, why?”
“What if they went to work for the Protectors, at the lab?”
“Honestly, it’s been a concern from the start. And, even though we don’t have confirmation, I would assume after what we found at the lab where Nina was kept that some did. Gene splicing and artifact experimentation was something of an obsession of Francesca’s.”
“And what if Whitman was one of them?”
Angelica’s face paled.
“He’s been considered an upstanding businessman and philanthropist for a decade. And in spite of the rumors, we don’t have any proof. It would be hearsay, and even the council would be hesitant to touch a man of his reputation. The only way to get to him, is to do this job so I’ve got proof that he’s at least involved in artifact theft and smuggling.”
“Darius?” asked a raspy voice from the bed.
I spun around and saw her gorgeous green eyes, exhausted but still her.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“Like I got hit by a truck.”
“You drew on a lot of the Morrigan’s power to get us here,” Angelica said. “Not a wise decision, but we are grateful.”
She nodded and then winced.
“Headache.”
Then her stomach growled.
“And hungry,” I added.
“I’ll see about some food,” Angelica said. “There are clothes in the closet. If you want a shower, make it quick, we’ve got a lot to go over.”
Nina gave her a weak smile and watched her leave before turning her attention on me.
The entire time she was asleep I’d thought about what I wanted to say. But as I looked into her eyes, all I felt was gratitude that nearly leveled me. I had to clench all my muscles to keep from falling on my knees next to the bed and weeping.
“Come here,” she whispered, holding out her hand.
I did so reluctantly, trying to rebuild my boundaries. But it was becoming increasingly apparent to me that the longer I spent with Nina, the less able I was to deny her anything. I shuffled to her and sat on the bed. Her hand was so small in mine, but strong. The skin paler than usual but hers.
“Don’t do that ever again,” I growled. “You…I can’t lose you, Nina. It would destroy me. That’s the power you have over me. So please, please, don’t ever put yourself in danger like that again.”
“I’m stronger than any of you give me credit for, you know.”
“I don’t care. That could’ve gone wrong and then…you have to be careful. Using that power will only make it harder to let the Morrigan go when it’s time.”
Her lips pressed together and her pale cheeks turned pink.
“Do you remember what my father said when he found out I’d been trying to train my powers?”
I shifted on the bed.
“I’m nothing like your father,” I protested.
“No, you’re not. But you are trying to keep me in this little box, like he did. I’m not a fragile thing, I won’t break.”
“You don’t know that.”
She let out a long breath, obviously trying to steady herself.
“I do, actually,” she said, not meeting my eye. “I remember more than I let on about the lab. I remember some of the torture, the ways they tested me, the…in any case, I know enough about what I went through to know that if that didn’t break me, this won’t either.”
I swallowed the rage that threatened to choke me at hearing even a little of what she’d gone through.
“Just because you survived that, doesn’t mean that you’re invincible,” I said when I could manage to speak without snarling.
“I know that. But it does mean I’m stronger than anyone has ever given me credit for and I don’t want to be coddled anymore. This power needs to be used or it’s going to build up in me and then I have no idea what will happen.”
I stared down at our joined hands. I yearned to keep her safe, even as I knew that my role as her protector had reached its expiration date.
“I still need you,” she whispered, as if reading my mind. “I will always need you because…because you’re important to me too, Darius. More than I can say right now. But our relationship needs to change. I don’t want you to only be my shield. I want to be yours sometimes too. I want to be your equal.”
“You are, always.”
Nina gave me a sad smile and shook her head.
“No, I’m not. I’ve been a burden, a thankless job, a friend you needed to protect. But I’ve never been your equal. That’s what I have to be if this will ever be something more between us. You see that, don’t you?”
I let out a long breath and got to my feet. I paced at the foot of the bed, my mind trying to process what this would even look like between us. I had never let myself imagine anything beyond being her bodyguard, never thought of myself as able to have anything else.
And maybe I can’t. The last time I tried to have something else, tried to have a life, it ended with the blood of my friends on my hands.
Just the thought of that happening with Nina and my stomach lurched, my heart sped up and I started to panic.
“I’m going to see if your food is ready,” I darted to the door.
“Darius, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing we just need to talk about other things.”
“But—”
“Now’s not the time, Nina,” I snapped.
I glanced back and hardened myself against the hurt look on her face.
“Alright,” she said slowly, “we can pick it up later.”
I ripped the door open and fled without another word, knowing I’d hurt her but wondering if this wasn’t the solution. Make her hate me, hurt her so she despised the sight of me.
But the thought of that caused pain to tear through me and I leaned on the hallway wall as I breathed through it. Nina was the first thing I’d wanted in so long and I had made the mistake of entertaining the possibility of keeping her. Though it was brief, the desire had taken hold, deep inside of me.
But I’d have to rip it up by the roots, despite how much it hurt.
The only thing that matters is that she lives and has a good life. And she can’t have that with me.
I busied myself by checking the perimeter outside, which wasn’t really necessary but it gave me time to put everything I was feeling behind the appropriate walls inside my mind. I focused on the job at hand and reminded myself, over and over, of the stakes if I let my guard down.
Blood, screams…Nina dead when I finally came to…that’s what could happen if I let myself try to have a normal life. I can’t, that was never in the cards for me.
I had accepted this a long time ago; Nina being older and wanting me didn’t change that.
When I got back inside, everyone was assembled in the small living room. Nina was seated on the couch with a cushion’s length of space between her and Wanda, who was on the other end. She had a smile on her face as she nibbled on her sandwich and tried to joke with Jack, but I could see how miserable she was in her eyes. Everyone was giving her space, afraid to be too close, even April, who was seated across the room in a chair that looked like it had been moved there. Nina’s skin was pale and in spite of how much she’d slept, there was a fatigue to the way she held herself and shadows under her eyes. I had a terrible feeling that this was the result of the Morrigan in her, that I was seeing the beginning of the power draining her life force.
Nina’s eyes darted to me and she held mine. A thousand questions burned in those green depths and I couldn’t bare the hurt behind every one of them. I looked away and went to the kitchen for a glass of water.
“You okay?” Trey asked.
“Fine.”
He nodded.
“Yeah, I’m fine too.”
The way he said it told me that not only could he see right through me, but he also had his own troubles with a woman. And I could guess who it was.
“She’s been hurt bad,” I said, draining my glass. “She might not ever get over it.”
“I know what happened with David.”
“But you didn’t see it.”
“And you did?”
I leaned on the counter and crossed my arms. Though I towered over the man, I could see the Dragon stirring just behind his eyes and it made my berserker cower in deference. After a lifetime of being the apex Supernatural in most rooms, this was a very uncomfortable feeling.
I looked down at my shoes and shrugged.
“Not for all of it. But I saw enough. When you watch the man you love become a monster…I imagine it would make one shy to let another Supernatural in to one’s life.”
Trey let out a long breath.
“And here I thought it was the fact that I looked so much younger than her.”
I chuckled.
“That’s probably not helping.”
“I could age up my glamour.”
“Don’t do that, it’ll just put it in her mind more. Be patient, it’s going to be the long game so if she’s just a distraction, walk away now.”
Trey’s eyes burned when he looked back up at me.
“She’s much more than a distraction.”
“I thought as much.”
Trey glanced out the doorway of the galley kitchen, toward where Angelica was talking with Jack about a piece of equipment he was holding, and a tender smile lit up his face.
“She’s a rare treasure,” he murmured. “One in all the world for me and I intend to have her. No matter how long it takes.”
Jack moved out of the way and there was Nina, isolated, lonely, and everything inside of me was pulled toward her. I knew exactly how Trey felt because if I could, I’d wait a thousand lifetimes just for the chance to make a life with her.
A simple life…a book store and a coffee shop…a little town…a daughter with her hair and smile…
“What about you?” Trey asked.
I was jolted from the irrational daydream and scowled at him.
“What about me?”
“Nina. It’s obvious you’re…well, something is going on.”
“No, there isn’t…I mean, it’s complicated. I’m not…I’m not fit for a relationship.”
“Huh…okay, why not?”
“You strike me as the kind of male that’s well informed.”
Trey chuckled.
“You mean nosy.”
“That too. If you know anything about me, you know that I’ve got the berserker gene. It’s volatile and unpredictable. I…I killed my family when I was a child. And later, my entire Special Investigations team. It’s too dangerous.”
Trey nodded slowly.
“Do you know anything about Dragons?” he asked me.
“Not really, except you’ve got four different forms, you’re powerful, and scary as fuck.”
“Well, that’s the broad strokes, yes. But one of our forms, the most primal one, the one that’s on all the story books and tattoos, it’s very much like your berserker. It’s pure animal, driven by the most basic instincts. Before we learned how to control it, we’d level entire cities. It was no wonder we were hunted nearly to extinction.”
“Thanks for the history lesson, but—”
“I could kill everyone in this house in thirty seconds,” he said, his eyes flaring bright blue as he looked at each being pointedly. “That part of me is always prowling, looking for an opening. Some of my kind stay in the mountains or under the earth because they’re too afraid they’ll lose control. Others keep the beast at bay with drugs, artifacts. And by all accounts, I shouldn’t be around Angelica at all. That part of me wants her with a brutality that is truly bone chilling. But if given the choice to try, or to live with this ache because I will never know? I choose try, every time.”
I snorted and shook my head.
“Well, thanks for the self-righteous pep talk but you’ve never killed people you loved with your bare hands.”
Trey gave me a crooked grin that was so cold, so not like him, that I knew I was looking at the part he kept locked up. Just for a second, his skin turned cobalt and gold, and a long, thin, forked tongue flicked out from between a mouthful of razor sharp teeth.
“Who says I haven’t?” he asked, his voice impossibly deep and growly.
Just as quickly as it came on, it faded, and I was looking at a thirty something Korean man again.
“Don’t lose her because you’re afraid,” he finished, “some things are worth risking it all for.”
I swallowed and glanced over at her. She was still munching on her lunch, brow creased in thought. I wanted to know what was worrying her, to smooth it away and make sure her days were filled with joy.
And her nights with pleasure that I gave her.
“Even if what I’m risking is her life?”
I hadn’t meant to ask it out loud, and I grit my teeth in frustration.
“From what I’ve seen, your berserker only tries to come out when she’s in danger. So maybe it’s about protecting her, not about hurting her. I don’t know what goes inside of you. But I do know that she’s probably a hell of a lot more capable of handling herself than any of us have given her credit for. That portal should’ve killed her, Morrigan or not.”
“What do you mean?” I asked with a deep frown.
“The distance she cast that portal for, holding it stable for all of us? That’s an enormous amount of energy. And it wasn’t just the Morrigan that was doing it. Didn’t you see the way she glowed gold? I think there’s more that happened to her in that lab, maybe an enhancement to her natural abilities, who knows. Whatever it was though, she’s the most powerful being in this whole house.”
“Besides you, right?”
Trey blew out a breath.
“After what I saw? It would be close. The only reason she’s not tearing the world apart is probably because she has no idea what’s inside of her, or how to control it. But if she ever did learn?” he shook his head. “Let’s just say, I hope she’s on our side if that day ever comes.”
I stared at her and tried to reconcile what Trey had said with the woman I knew.
Was she capable of what he said? Was that the purpose of experimenting on her?
And if we couldn’t get that power out…?
No, I’m not giving in to that thought…we’ll do it. We have to.
“Alright you two, we have some things to discuss if you’re done gossiping in the kitchen,” Wanda called.
Trey chuckled and I followed him out into the living room. My mind was still reeling from the conversation. Not just what Trey had said about her power, but also about me, my choices. I wanted to take his advice and run with it. The temptation was so painful that resisting it was a knife twisting in my belly. But I had to, at least for right now. Nina needed me to be as focused as possible on getting her that artifact.
Since I didn’t trust myself not to get distracted if I was too close to her, I stood apart from the group near the door. Angelica started the meeting, laying out the plan and what we’d need. It was simple on the surface, but I knew better than to let my guard down because of that.
“The change in the date will actually work for us,” Wanda said. “Tomorrow, late morning, there’s a delivery coming in. The entire basement where the vault is will be shut down to outside visitors for that delivery in order to ensure its safety, which means we won’t have to deal with any civilians causing trouble. Whitman is making sure that delivery is delayed and that we will take on the guise of the delivery crew.”
“How?” I asked, ignoring Angelica’s look of warning. “How is he doing that?”
“I don’t ask questions I don’t want the answers to,” Wanda said. “Whitman has connections and enough money to do virtually anything he wants. Let your mind take it from there.”
And I did and hated this whole fucking plan more than ever.
“What’s the layout of that floor? I haven’t seen a plan,” I said, trying to sound all business.
“And you won’t,” Wanda replied. “It’s spelled to shift and change every day to protect the vault. Only those who have a supernatural key will know how to navigate the floor on any given day. Which means, I’m the only one who will know where the vault is that day.”
I didn’t like that one bit and I didn’t try to hide it. I crossed my arms and glowered but apparently Wanda was used to my sour mood so it didn’t even phase her.
“Glamours will be given out to protect our identities,” she continued, “but they will only last until we get to the vault, after that, there are magical wards in place to strip them. But by then, the security staff should be neutralized by Jack’s device.”
Jack stood up and held a small black device that looked similar to a grenade.
“These are special little devices that April helped me rig up. They release a spell that puts anyone close to sleep. We’ll all have the antidote runes on our skin, temporary tats for safety’s sake. I have enough of these to cover most of the area around the vault, though they won’t last long. We’ll have, at max, ten minutes.”
All eyes turned to Nina, who nodded, head high.
“April was timing me. I believe I can crack it in the time we need without setting off the alarm.”
“There’s no more time to practice, unfortunately,” Angelica said. “Are you sure you can do this?”
“Yes, absolutely.”
“Very well. April, unfortunately you will not be able to drive us, but you can wait at the rendezvous for us. Trey will be our driver, and I will go in with you and take his place.”
“After seeing you with that sword, I’m glad you’re on our side,” Jack joked.
Angelica gave him an indulgent smile and continued.
“Pack up what you need, we leave in four hours for the hotel.”
Nina sat on the couch for a moment while everyone got up to make final preparations, her gaze far away as she frowned. I wondered if she was thinking of the vault, or the artifact we’d be stealing separately, or if she was worried about the Morrigan.
She’d tell me if I got her alone, and that’s what I would do after this. Nina and I had to be on the same page to ensure this all went smoothly. When she got off the couch and walked into the kitchen I followed her, glad we were alone.
“You alright?” I asked.
“No, I’m worried. What if I can’t break the lock? What if things get out of hand? And, even though I know this isn’t the most important thing by a long shot,” she turned to me, hands fidgeting in front of her, “what if you decide that last night was a mistake and shut me out? I…I can handle a lot right now but I’ll be honest. That’s the one that might be too much.”
I glanced behind me as Trey and Wanda walked by. He raised his eyebrows at me, as if to challenge me to remember what he’d said, to take a chance.
I wanted it, so damn much. And if she was as powerful as Trey suggested, then perhaps she was the one woman who could handle me if my worst ever came out.
But if I wanted that, then now was my chance, maybe my last one.
Can I do this? Should I…?
I looked down at her, so beautiful and small, but so stubborn and strong too. Nina was everything I wanted, everything I never let myself hope or dream of, and she wanted me. And I knew, as surely as I knew my own name, that I’d never be able to let her go. But I also had to be sure she knew what she was getting herself into, and give her one last chance to run.
“Come on,” I pulled her after me toward the bedroom.