35. Roxy
Roxy
Afluttering pulse behind both thighs jolts me awake.
With my sleepy eyes still shut, I reach behind my legs to feel the soft bandages secured tightly around them.
I groan, stretching out my sore body. Compared to last night, everything is quiet.
Cold. One peek through my heavy eyes, the room is still dark.
Vaguely, I remember Kaleb murmuring in my ear that they’d both be downstairs having a meeting with Ash.
And I also remember reaching for them, silently begging them not to leave.
They did, and now everything feels empty.
I shift, forcing myself to sit up against the headboard. The sheets are different from the ones I was thrown onto last and absolutely ravaged on. They must have changed the ruined ones while I slept.
Every movement makes my thighs pinch. The pain makes my stomach flutter.
“Fuck,” I mutter.
My voice is raw, as if I’ve spent hours screaming.
The scent of them still lingers in the air, and I inhale slowly, letting myself enjoy it. Even though I don’t deserve it.
Speaking of don’t deserve...
My fingers slide over the necklace Kai bought me. And there, next to the bedside table is Kitty, but infinitely improved. She’s always been pretty. Now, she’s wicked.
How have I gotten so tangled up? And in such a short time as well.
It seems like the night I killed Jacob, my entire life got obliterated. The pieces fell into something beautiful, too. Something that I could almost picture myself having.
The family Christmas. The laughter. The twins.
I was so close to having it. Sitting around last night, everyone bickering and giggling, while my heart was tearing apart. Because I knew then that I wouldn’t be able to keep them.
My eyes burn just thinking about it. Will they ever forgive me? Probably not...
Like I said, I don’t deserve it.
At the end of the day, the second Ethan pulled up the video feed of Maddy, I knew what my answer would be. There was no other choice to be made.
I dare to test the weight on my leg, sliding out of the warm cocoon. Thankfully, all I feel is a slight pulling and stinging. Both thighs bandaged perfectly.
I’m too much of a coward to peel the dressings and check what they’ve done. It’d probably destroy me, anyway.
My body loves the way they torture me. The way it shuts off every coherent thought in my mind and turns me into a crazed woman.
In the darkest corner of my mind, I pray that the wounds never heal. That they pull every time I move. Just one last reminder of them.
Searching for my phone on the bedside table, I see something gut-wrenching. Kaleb’s fucking beautiful knife. Left there for me.
My fingers close around it; the heavy steel cool to my touch.
“Fuck,” I whimper again, biting back the tears that threaten to pour down my cheeks and never fucking stop.
I spot my phone on the dresser and force my stiff legs to move. The screen clicks on, and I gasp.
It’s not still morning. It’s the next night. Eleven twenty PM.
I almost missed my deadline, dead to the world in this small slice of depraved heaven. Frantically, I search for my clothes, finding some tights and a big jumper.
I’m not ready to leave. I’d give my life for just five more minutes here, with them. Five more minutes of sitting around that table, pretending that there is no bad outside the door. No people who want to harm us and our family.
Five more minutes in their arms.
Time’s up.
There are missed messages on my phone. One from Maddy, who sent me a picture of Leon passed out and Ash sticking a candy cane up his nose. And another of us two, when we were taking selfies during cooking.
There is a third, and when I click on it, a sob escapes me.
A photo of Kai, Kaleb, and me. Sitting at the table, with me in between them.
I’m looking off at someone, mid-laugh, and Kai and Kaleb are looking at me.
Their faces still have that stony expression, at least to everyone else. To me, I see it.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to them on my screen. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
I shut the phone down before I do something stupid like stay.
I grab my sketchbook and a black pencil, tearing out a page with shaking hands. I scribble my message with blurry, tear-filled eyes. I weigh it down with Kaleb’s knife. Then, I reach around and unclasp the necklace, leaving it behind.
Maybe one day they’ll find someone worth giving these to. Because that girl isn’t me.
My hand wraps around Kitty. My only friend, once again.
Without looking back, I leave their apartment. Leave their scents and their belongings. Leave their lives.
As quietly as my boots allow, I run down the stairs. I can feel them when I hit the last floor. My stupid, reckless heart warming at the thought of being closer to them.
We can’t have them; I chastise the thing.
It’s quiet on the other side of the door. No celebrations. No drunken slurs and pool balls sinking. Just some faint voices.
I don’t give myself a second to listen for them. It’d break me. Instead, I turn towards the back door. Twisting the handle as slowly as I can. As soon as I pull it open, an icy wind blows my hair back. The moon is hidden behind the clouds, and the darkness makes me nervous.
They could already be out here. But it’s too late to turn back now. I make sure it’s unlocked and can open from the outside before pulling it closed. Shutting me out from the Devils and their club.
Ash called me a Devil last night.
He couldn’t be more wrong.
I’m a coward. A Wraith. A fucking Kavanagh.
So I run like one. Into the darkness with no real destination. Away from the only people I have ever loved. The only people, that despite everything, loved me back.