Chapter 21
Jordan
Two hands, one belonging to Luke and the other Brody, come down on Liam’s shoulders, but he seems completely unbothered by Paul and the hands of his friends.
He’s focused solely on me as I beg him without words to leave it alone.
All Paul is doing is spewing words and hatred.
None of it matters. He can say whatever he wants, but that doesn’t mean it’s true.
He’s a jerk. A bully. He’s always been that way, and for years I let him.
No more. He isn’t worth any of us getting worked up over.
Liam’s lips touch my forehead before he ushers me back to our seats with a gentle hand to my hip.
Sliding back into my seat, I turn so my back is pressed against the wall of the bus, my eyes locked on him.
He refuses to look at me, though every once in a while I can see his eyes start to slide in my direction.
Checking to see if I’m still staring at him.
He won’t look at me because he knows what he’ll see on my face.
This isn’t how I saw today going. At this point, adrenaline is the only thing fueling me.
After this morning’s goodbye, and the crumbling I did after Liam left, all I wanted to do was get home.
I knew I would have to see him during parts of the trip, but I didn’t expect to sit with him on the flight or share a seat on the bus.
Today is full of surprises. I didn’t even think about Paul being on the same flight as us, but in hindsight it makes sense. It’s not like we live in LA or even San Francisco. There aren’t a ton of planes flying to and from San José.
When Liam first showed up and demanded Quinn’s chair I wanted to tell him I was too tired for whatever he was pulling.
Between the lack of sleep and the crying, I was totally spent.
Seeing him in the airport was more than I felt I could handle but I had no choice.
Sitting with him felt like it would send me into a tailspin I wasn’t ready for.
Then I realized he was only there to rescue me. To be there for me. One more time.
God, my heart. It aches for this man. I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want today to be the end.
Gripping his hand, I bring it to my face, nuzzling into it.
The contact gives me comfort. I need that right now.
The bus is vibrating with friction, palpable in the air.
From the girls behind us, to Luke and Brody sitting in front of us.
It comes from Paul and his friends, and when I glance at the bus driver, he’s checking his mirror to ensure nothing is amiss.
By the time we get to the parking lot, Liam is like a brick wall beside me.
Veins are popping in his neck, his back is rigid, and the hand I’m not holding onto is tapping a steady beat on his thigh.
He’s primed and ready to go. The only thing that feels soft about him right now is the hand I’ve claimed for myself.
I wonder if he realizes it or not. What would happen if I touched his bicep?
Would the tension leave? His face? Would his jaw not grind together?
I test it out, first by touching his bicep.
His shoulder drops from its raised position, causing my eyebrow to creep towards my forehead.
Interesting. Next I touch the far side of his jaw, gently turning his head in my direction.
His eyes briefly touch mine, but it’s obvious he’s having a hard time looking at me when he leans in and presses another kiss to my forehead.
Whether he’s worried about what I’ll see in his eyes, or by searching mine he’ll lose the tough guy routine, I’m not sure.
Paul and his friends get off the bus first while the rest of us linger in the back.
Paul is the last one off, but before he steps down, he’s giving me one last look with a smug grin lingering on his face.
When I hear a rumble coming from Liam, I know he saw the same thing I did, but I squeeze his hand soothingly.
Luke and Brody are at the shelves holding our luggage, the rest of us following. They’re pulling things down when Luke grabs a small carry on type bag that fell between two suitcases and holds it up, his face scrunching with confusion.
“Whose is this?” he asks, holding it up for everyone to see.
I release a loud sigh as Quinn and Brody both tell him it isn’t theirs. It doesn’t belong to any of us. It belongs to Paul.
“Give it to me,” I tell him, holding out my hand. “It’s Paul’s.”
The slow turn Liam does in my direction while his eyebrows hit his hairline says he isn’t happy with me taking the bag. “Why? He’s a douchebag. Leave it here and he can pick it up in lost and found.”
“He might be an asshole, but I’m not.”
Liam huffs. “He doesn’t deserve you being that nice.”
Rolling my eyes, I move around him to grab my suitcase that Brody has just brought down for me. “It’s not about him deserving something or not. If someone knew something was mine, I’d want it returned to me.”
Thanks to Brody, and his placement of my bag, I end up being the first one off the bus. It works out because Paul is already on his way back, irritation showing in the thin line his lips make and the tic in his jaw.
“Looks like you’re still good for something,” he quips when he reaches me. “If only you’d learned how to bring me a beer, we might still be together.”
Liam is right behind me. I can sense him without seeing him, and he’s ready to rumble. This is the “one thing” he was referring to when he warned Paul.
Acting quickly, I throw my arm up to the side I know he’s on, where he runs into it.
It’s not rough or vicious, but it does what I intended by making him stop before he does something he’ll regret.
Though I’m not entirely sure he’d regret any kind of physical violence against my ex.
Between him and Nate, they’ve talked about it long enough.
“I’m good for a lot, Paul.” Dropping my arm from in front of Liam, I set Paul’s bag down on top of my luggage and place my hand on my hip. “Like not having to resort to calling you names or hurling insults at you. Why? Because I’m a good person. And you? You’re not a good guy.”
A humorless laugh slips from my lips. “I can’t even use the word man because the only thing that makes you one of those is the appendage between your legs.
” My eyes do a quick drift down the length of him, and then back up.
“You don’t embody anything that makes someone a man. Integrity, pride, respect. Loyalty.”
His eyes narrow at me and he reaches for his bag, but I pull my suitcase back, keeping it out of his grip.
“I like you better when your mouth is shut,” he spits at me.
The words are out before I can think about them. “Funny, that’s not what you’d say when you used to beg me to suck you off.”
Paul blanches, his eyes darting towards Liam who I can hear snickering at my side, and then to the others behind me, some who are better at holding back their laughs than others.
It’s not that I want to humiliate him. And if I planned to, I’m not the type to do it in front of people, but I’m sick of the way he always puts me down.
Plus, going after Quinn today was completely uncalled for.
While I appreciate the fact that Liam was going to fight this battle for me, physically or not, it’s well past time I stood up for myself and fought my own battle.
“It’s funny, you know? When we broke up I spent so much time trying to figure out why I wasn’t good enough for you. I wondered what made you run to some other girl. Was I bad in bed? You never complained. Did I not do enough around your place? Cleaning up after you and cooking for you?”
Shaking my head at the memories rolling through my mind of all the questions I asked myself, a slow smile starts to pull at the corner of my lips. “I always thought it was something I had done, or didn’t do. It took months for it to occur to me that wasn’t it. It was you. It had always been you.”
“Give me my bag, Jordan.”
Liam snarls beside me. “Let her finish.”
Without looking at Liam, I know he means business. So does Paul, apparently, because he shrinks back from us, going quiet while his eyes move between the two of us.
I give him a moment. More to watch him squirm in his spot and make him as uncomfortable as possible. It might be a little evil, but I feel this sense of power surging through me, spurring me on, but also keeping me from hurrying through this. So I can savor it, or drag it out for him, I’m not sure.
“I thought for so long that I didn’t deserve you, but it was always you who didn’t deserve me.
” A small laugh escapes me. “And I’ve realized that you always knew that.
Which is why you always tried to keep me feeling small.
It’s why you put me down, and put me in my so-called place, and maybe even why you cheated on me all the time. ”
I draw in a breath. “And I let you. I let you take away all my power. I let you put me down over and over again, and then I even started to believe the things you’d tell me. I believed I wasn’t good enough, and that I’d never find someone else.”
Liam’s warm hand slips into mine, and I finally take a moment to look his way.
That damn half smile, half smirk that I love so very much is beaming in my direction, and to say my stomach doesn’t explode with butterflies would be an outright lie.
Having him by my side, knowing I have his support, but also knowing I can count on him to let me handle things on my own, is enough to make the back of my eyes burn.
I don’t want to let this man go. I won’t.
He has become my everything while helping guide me down the path of finding myself again.
And he did it without me ever realizing it.