Epilogue
Liam
Nine Months Later…
Jordan was meant for me. This is the woman I’m going to spend forever with.
Have I proposed? Nope. Do I have a ring?
Nope. Do I have plans on getting one? Again, nope.
Not anytime soon. But do I know that I’m not letting her go?
Absolutely. There is no piece of me, big or small, that wants to live a single day without her by my side.
Could we one day get married? Sure. It’s a possibility.
Am I going to count on it? Nope. For a guy who swore he’d be a bachelor his entire life, the fact that I’m in a relationship is outstanding.
And given that it’s my first one, I’d say I’m doing pretty good.
Of course I’m not without my ups and downs.
Jordan would say we are not without them, but nine months in, and she’s more perfect every single day.
We both know the ups and downs are me. All me.
A lot of that had to do with dealing with my mom. That shit was a lot to unpack after twenty-plus years, especially with the revelation that she was a drug user and had been for most of my life.
Those first few days after the incident in the hospital with her were eye opening.
My dad confessed to me he’d kicked her out after coming home one day to find her high as a kite.
I guess it wasn’t the first time, but he’d made sure it was the last. He’d given her numerous chances; told her she needed to clean up her act because he wasn’t going to tolerate it around his son. It was the drugs, or us.
Unfortunately, the drugs won. He admitted a lot of the heartache I saw him go through was because he didn’t know if he’d made the right choice—not for himself, but for me. Fuck. I always knew he’d tried his best growing up, but I had no idea how deep it went.
Didn’t mean I wasn’t pissed at him for not telling me. I was, and I spent a lot of hours on a fucking couch in a therapist’s office working that shit out.
I owe that to Jordan. She urged me to go.
I fought against it at first, wanting to just talk to her or Nate about things, but she convinced me that someone outside of the situation would offer aspects neither of them could.
They were too close to both my dad and the situation with my mom.
Turns out, she was right. While she always took my side when I had a bout of anger towards either one of them, the therapist I ended up talking to dug deeper to look at what I was really feeling.
What was really triggering me to be upset.
It was never what I thought it would be.
A lot of times it was what I would have considered stupid shit prior to talking to the therapist. A memory of my mom boiling the hot dogs for my lunch instead of putting them in the oven like I liked.
My dad missing a football game in high school, even though he made it to most. Or spending so many nights at work to keep us afloat, that I missed out on him being there with me.
I mean, I know why my mom wasn’t at those things, but turns out just because I knew she wouldn’t be there didn’t mean it hurt less.
And as for my dad, he was working. Surviving.
Still trying to keep a roof over my head and give me everything I needed in order to succeed.
Yet I held it against him all these years without even realizing it.
So, Jordan was right to encourage me to speak with someone that wasn’t her or Nate.
I’m a better man for it, which means I’m a better partner to her.
These days that means the most to me. Showing up for her in every way I can is a new experience that makes my chest puff with pride.
Nothing makes me happier than being there for her in all the ways she’s never experienced. We were exactly what the other needed.
We are exactly what the other needs.
We needed each other greatly when it came to dealing with my mom.
In the six months that followed, there were court proceedings for her, and while I didn’t have to attend all of them for my part in things, I still did.
If it had been someone else, I may not have, but because it was my mother, I felt, on some crazy, fucked up level, like I needed to be there.
In the end, she pleaded guilty to a felony charge of false imprisonment. She ended up with the felony because of the needle. Turned out, the thing was loaded with meth laced with fentanyl that could have killed Jordan.
It still makes my stomach churn when I think about that. How close I was to the possibility of losing her. I’ve lain awake many nights thinking if I’d said one thing wrong, or done one thing differently, my mom may have killed the love of my life, and I wouldn’t have her today.
When it came to sentencing, both Jordan and I were granted permission to read letters.
Jordan was kind. Maybe it was the nurse in her, but she asked for leniency, and shorter jail time.
She asked the judge to make rehab part of the sentence, especially when my mom got out of jail.
I didn’t fully understand her choice, but I stood behind her on it.
Me, on the other hand, asked for the harshest punishment the law could hand down.
There wasn’t an ounce of sympathy in my body for her.
It was years of resentment and anger finally being allowed to come out.
Finally being allowed to have a voice. And even though it was opposite her choice, Jordan supported me in my decision.
The judge sentenced her to two years in jail and two years’ probation.
Though I looked directly at her on more than one occasion, I never spoke a single word to her.
I haven’t visited her in jail, nor do I have plans to.
But I work on my anger and resentment every day, and every day I’m stronger for it.
Jordan was right. Despite my mom, I’ve become a pretty incredible guy.
I deserved a mother’s love and didn’t get it, but now I have the love of a woman so perfect for me it makes me feel whole in a way I didn’t know was possible.
“Pretty fucking spectacular, isn’t it?” I whisper into that woman’s ear.
We’re standing at the edge of Lipan Point on the Grand Canyon’s South Rim.
The first trip we made to the Grand Canyon wasn’t nearly enough to satisfy either one of us.
It was rushed. It was to give Jordan something I knew she wanted so badly, even if only for a second.
This trip is to get the full experience.
We got in late last night after flying into Vegas in the afternoon and then driving out to Grand Canyon Village, where we spent the night at the El Tovar Hotel.
This morning we got up and did the ultimate tourist attraction by taking a spin in a helicopter to see the eagle eye views of the canyon.
It was breathtaking. The Canyon is impressive at the rim, but to see it from the sky is otherworldly. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Once we were back from that, we had a light lunch and then went on a hike before heading back to the hotel to freshen up so we could jump in the rental car and drive to Lipan Point to catch the sunset.
We’ve been here for twenty minutes, and the display the sun and clouds are giving us has already been worth the drive.
Not that it wouldn’t have been beautiful back at the Village, but this place is nearly deserted, and the Village was still crawling with tourists like us.
Jordan hums her agreement. “I don’t know what’s more magical. The helicopter this morning, or this sunset.”
Her head falls back against my chest, and I press a kiss to the side of it.
My arms tighten around her. It’s not like she can get any closer, but I’ll never stop trying.
She calls physical touch my love language.
I constantly tell her it’s because I’m a man, of course physical touch is my love language, and I always get a roll of her eyes.
Fucking love it when she rolls her eyes at me.
“The sunset. Definitely the sunset,” I inform her.
She giggles, turning her head to look up at me. “Because you couldn’t be all over me in the helicopter?”
I grin at her. “You know me so well.”
“You can be rather predictable at times.”
There’s one other reason I’m choosing the sunset, but she doesn’t know that.
Yet. It’s been on my mind for a few months now, but I wanted to get through everything with my mom before I did anything official.
Now that it’s behind us, and we can move forward, I want to take a huge leap into the unknown.
Releasing one arm from around her, I nuzzle my face into her hair while I shove my hand in my pocket and fish something out. It’s more symbolic than anything, but it felt right when I grabbed it from a drawer before we left home yesterday.
Bringing my arm back around her, I find her hand and slide the little object into her palm.
Her head bows to look at what I just placed there.
It takes her a second to recognize that it’s a key I’ve just given her, but when she does, she half turns in my arms, her eyebrows pulled together, perplexed.
“What is this?”
“A key.”
“Yes, brainiac,” Jordan laughs, rolling her eyes at me. “I can see that it’s a key. Why are you giving it to me?”
“Move in with me.”
Her mouth opens to answer, then closes. When she repeats the motion, I can’t help but laugh. My hands find her hips and I swivel her back towards the sunset.
“Watch the sunset with me.”
“I don’t care about the sun!” she says, spinning back around. “Liam!”
“Jordan.”
Her eyes dart back and forth between mine, trying to gauge how serious I am. When I don’t even crack a smile at her, her eyes begin to widen.
“You’re serious?”
“Look, I know it’s only been nine months, but you practically live there already.
You have the code to get into the house, the key is more a symbol of my commitment to this.
” I bring my hands to her cheeks, and a smile begins to tug at the corners of my lips.
“Jor, I love you. Tosha loves you. Neither of us wants to spend a second without you if we don’t need to. ”
Her cheeks pull in as she sucks on them, her eyes narrowing as she lets this settle in her mind. I can see the wheels turning as she tests the waters on how serious I am. “You want all my stuff there? Taking up space?”
“It already does,” I remind her.
“Even more stuff. All of it.”
I nod. “There’s lots of room.”
“I could stain your sheets with my period.”
Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes. At one time that would have been a threat, but we both know it doesn’t hold any clout now. “I’ve fucked you on your period. Bring it on, Fireball.”
“There’s going to be no escaping me. We’re always going to be in each other’s space or not far from it.”
I shake my head. More empty threats. “Jor, I’ve got my workshop. If either of us needs space, I go out there.”
Funnily enough, I’ve already let her invade that space.
I found a comfy chair secondhand that I put in there for her, though when she’s not around I’ve found myself using it more than once.
She spends a lot of time in the shop with me while I do my woodworking.
Something she’s encouraged me to do more of.
In fact, a table much like the one I gifted Nate and Savanna for their wedding paid for this trip we’re on right now.
Her head tilts to the side as she contemplates me. “You’ve really thought this through.”
It’s a statement, not a question.
“I have. And there’s nothing I want more than you in my space. All the time. Every single day.”
A smile breaks free across her face, and there’s a sudden change in the air as she flings her arms around my neck.
She’s breathtaking. As she lights up, the sun behind her is sinking quicker and quicker, which casts shadows and creates colors in the sky beyond her that make her seem ethereal.
She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.
With or without the Grand Canyon and its sunset.
“I am so proud of you, Liam,” she murmurs while tugging me down towards her. I bend easily to her will, my lips just barely brushing across hers.
“Is that a yes?” I whisper.
“It’s a hell yes.”
It may not be marriage. It may not be babies. And those things may never happen. But I know that this woman will be mine for all my life. And I for hers.