Chapter 3 #3
Abruptly, she shifted again with her back carved against the mattress, my eyes glazed over her beauty.
A shade of moonlight passed through the window and fell on her face, illuminating her dewy, rosy skin.
Her nipples softly strained against her sheer white nightgown, and her glossy eyes that appeared she had been crying pierced me.
A soft brief twitch disrupted my sternum.
Her lips parted as she softly asked, “And how would you fix me?”
Fuck, as if she needed any “fixing.”
Tingles ran over my mouth, resisting the need to smash my lips against hers, but I refrained, knowing that wouldn’t help her in anything.
Plus, she would kick me off the bed, but I liked being in her vicinity, so I sat there, running a hand over my chin like a good boy.
“You don’t need any fixing. You’re perfect the way you are, Blair. ”
She rolled her eyes, huffing. “You don’t even know me.”
“True, yet, in the little time we’ve been together, I’ve never seen as much care as the way you treat children and the elderly.”
“Any person with decency would do so.”
“You’re not just any person.” And there was a long list. I'd argue about how so.
“Still, it shouldn’t be what I should do for the rest of my life.”
“What is this about?”
She closed her eyes, blurting out. “I’m having second thoughts… about becoming a nun.” She let out a sigh, her chest falling inward, as she had been hiding this terrible secret.
“Ah.”
“Yeah.”
The next question was too obvious. “Why?”
A puff of air fled her lips as she snapped her head towards me, her hands circling around us. “What do you mean, why? Look around.”
I started to examine the room and the items inside it—the wooden drawers, the old desk, the windowsill— it was a small humble abode, but what else would you expect of a holy place?
“I didn’t mean literally, Kon.”
She drew my eyes back to her as I scratched my brow with my thumb. “Well, I don’t see what you mean.”
She ran both her hands over her face, groaning miserably as she began pulling at the roots of her hair.
“Konstantin, being here, surrounded by these four walls, constantly guarded, surrounded by women telling you what to do every minute, every second, watching your every step, just waiting for you to mess up. It feels like a—”
“Prison.” I finished her sentence, sharing that common sentiment.
Years of being locked up drove the mind to delirium and rage to be pent up, worse than a howling animal in the wild. Meanwhile, everyone and everything around you reminded you of the freedom you no longer had. It was a game of mental fortitude.
“Yup, and it’s suffocating.”
Tell me about it.
A scoff passed my lips, and I folded my arms one across the other.
“Then why are you still here, kotyonok?”
“I— I don’t really have a choice.”
“You always have a choice. Your life is yours, so rule your destiny. Never let the past consume you.”
“That’s easy for you to say. Can you really tell me you don’t regret things you did in your past?”
“Although I don’t feel that sentiment often, life is full of regrets for one reason or another. The decisions we make shape us. So rather than seeing it as a punishment, see it as a learned experience. If not, you'll never let go of the past.”
She eyed me meticulously and with a glint of intrigue. “Look at you becoming so wise. Who are you, Buddha?”
“Watch it, that’s blasphemy.”
Her lips cracked a smile I loved seeing. “Ahh, I hate when people are on my ass.”
A chuckle rumbled from my throat. “What a mouth you have, sister.”
“Oh shoot me! This place is making me lose my sanity.”
“I have a pistol. Don’t tempt me.”
“Well, spare me a bullet then. It only takes one shot.”
“Don’t ever say that.” My tone became darkly possessive. “Besides, your life is mine. I won’t let you escape that easily.”
She tilted her head to the side on the pillow and looked up through her lashes at me, grasping me in the enchantment of those hazel eyes that appeared like the breezy autumn and holding me prisoner.
“Oh, and how do you plan to torture me then? I advise you I do bad in small spaces, I need comfy clothes, and I’m allergic to chloroform. ”
My jaw tightened at that last detail. “What the hell were you doing with chloroform?”
“Well…not me per se, but my ex was in that business.”
Ex? Did she say ex?
I think she did. Who the fuck is that fucker?
“What business? And what ex?” My voice dropped to a threatening decibel.
“Doesn’t matter now.”
She shrugged it off like it was fucking nothing, but it was a nuisance I couldn’t let go of.
Only with the knowledge of another man being graced with the permission to touch and hold her, which only ended in him breaking her trust and abusing her, did red flash before my eyes.
Imagining it to be his blood as it coated my hands, I watched the life leave his eyes as I slit his throat.
Not before I tore his chest open, dragging out his intestines and playing with them, torturing him with every breath he took.
Just get the name, and we’ll make him regret his existence.
Kill him.
Obliterate him.
Get. Rid. Of. Him.
The violent waves of rampaging bloodlust hit my system. Needing a quick fix of uncontained slaughter, but that small outlet would only lead to a mass murder.
I can’t. No. We can’t.
Bloodshed was inevitable in the mafia; it was expected for men to adapt to vicious violence and to not care for the casualties, but I would not go on a hunt and watch innocents get hurt.
It was my law. I wouldn’t do it, more so because I couldn’t control Dya not to, so I held him back.
It was my responsibility, as it was his, to shield me.
I removed my legs from the bed and sat up quickly, leaning forward, angling my elbow on my knees, and bringing my hands to my face and closing my eyes.
Breathing in for four seconds, holding it for four seconds, and letting it go for four, and holding it again— a technique I was taught by a psychiatrist once to calm down the nervous system and regain control of my mind.
My pulse spiked as the incessant thoughts ran rampant, and I needed to negate it. Needed to control it. Needed to control myself and lock the worst parts away.
A gentle hand landed against my cheek; instinctively, I raised my hand and gripped it harshly.
“Relax, it’s just me,” she softly murmured, the heat of her breath closer than before.
I opened my eyes and met hers, watching my reflection. Her closeness and the subtle care she displayed shifted the axis of my world, ceasing all debilitating thought. Observing how she sat upright on the bed, seated by my side, so close.
Wow.
“Sorry.” I emitted a long sigh.
“Are you okay? You look …tired, I guess.” She wondered, keeping her hand on my cheek as she lowered it, stroking the stubble on my jaw.
The back of my neck tensed, flaring with heat for some odd reason. “I have…” My mouth went dry as I harshly swallowed, trying to find the perfect excuse so she wouldn’t think differently of me. “A headache.”
She snarled, dropping her gaze to the cemented floor with some disdain. “Sleeping on the floor is really getting to you, isn’t it?”
“It’s better than a prison cell.”
“Well, you’ll never go back.” Her tone was, dare I say, covetous.
The thought escaped me when two hands landed on my shoulders, my back hit the bed, my head rested on a pillow, and my view tilted as Blair nearly straddled me.
Woah, woah, what was happening? I mean, I was all game, but she was taking a vow of chastity and purity.
And the idea of defiling a nun— especially a gorgeous nun like her— riled my cock.
I didn’t need a pity-fuck just to make me feel better.
I wanted her to want me. To be as desperate as me.
Plus, if there was one thing I’d honor, it was a vow. So for now, she was off-limits.
Speak for yourself.
Shut up.
“Kotyonok, wait a minute.” I began, my hands landed on her waist as I started to sit back up.
“Shush,” she pushed my shoulders down, softly grounding her hips against mine, teasing my cock in small circles. Slow flames churned in my veins, drawing more oil to the fire. “I know what I’m doing.”
I jolted, releasing a strained noise, refraining as I tried to push her away. It had been far too long, and like a teenage boy, it wouldn’t be hard to be aroused. “No, you don’t. Look, let's talk about this first.”
She shook her head, biting her lip as she shifted the blanket.
“What is there to talk about?”
“Look, I don’t need you to do anything. You don’t want to, especially—”
“What are you talking about— we’re just going to sleep together.”
“Sleep is not the word I’d use.”
“Ah, don’t be dramatic.” She clicked her tongue, shifting her weight off me, fixing my legs back onto the bed, and wrapping the blanket that fell to my waist. Then she proceeded to slip in on the other side as she curled in next to me. “Now we can sleep.”
I blinked, confused. “But?”
She propped her head up from my shoulder as she loosely questioned. “But what?”
“Didn’t you say we were going to sleep together?”
Soft ounces of annoyance disrupted her features as she kept blanking, staring at me. Wondering if this was a staring contest until I realized…
Oh, she meant just… sleep. Wow, that was a first. Truly, my first virgin experience of just sleeping next to a girl.
She narrowed her eyes, observing me for several beats before she placed her head back on my shoulder. “Don’t make me kick you out.”
I opened and closed my mouth, waving a white flag. Her hair fanned against the pillow before she leaned on my shoulder; her heat was so close, I couldn’t differentiate between my own.
Nearly instantly she drifted off, her chest rising slowly as mine started to beat the same way.
This was… different.
Something that I believed was inherently sensual turned out to be intimate but in another way I’d never experienced.
Well, I’ll be damned if I let this woman escape me now.