Chapter Five
My mom’s voice fills my head, her song playing on a loop.
I sink against the shower wall, water searing my skin, tile leaching the heat, trapped between fire and ice.
Why did you have to leave me alone? Tears roll down my face, mixing with the water from the shower.
Sixteen years, and I was only a shell. The real me, the possible me, was left in pieces somewhere.
And still, I’m not any closer to finding out about the Cicada files that led to my mom’s death.
All these years, and the only thing I know is that my dad killed her, and the files have something to do with me.
The song changes as "Crawling" by Linkin Park starts playing, dragging me back into the void surrounding my brain. The weight of everything makes me feel as if I’m drowning. Struggling to find which is up or down, and no matter how hard I try, I’m just treading water, waiting for the final pull.
Cold water snaps against my skin, the abyss of my mind holding me hostage longer than I realized.
Shutting off the water, I grab a towel as I head to my room.
My phone rings as I walk into my closet.
I answer, placing it on speakerphone. “Hey, what's up?”
Lila’s voice bleeds into the air. “How’d the auction go?” She must be baking with all the noise in the background. “And you also need to tell me about the cafe yesterday?”
Recalling the bright blue eyes that had me in a trance, “The auction went well. We were able to find a few pieces for the next charity auction.” Slipping my oversized shirt on, I pick up my phone and head to the kitchen.
“As for the cafe, I fixed their internet and then left. Sarah said you need to stop in soon.”
“That’s not what I was asking about, and you know it.
Tell me about the man that you gave a pat down.
” Lila is snickering, “One night you're telling a man off for asking if you’re seeing anyone, and the next you’re practically stripping a different man down, lost in your head. That doesn’t happen with you.”
“Sarah told you about it, didn’t she? It was nothing. Really. I ran into him when I turned around and spilled my drink down his shirt. He bought me a replacement, and that was that. What are you doing anyway?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
"Baking banana bread for Dax's family dinner tomorrow. Don't change the subject." She catches everything. Always has. “Tell me what he looked like. Did you get his number?”
“His hair was a dirty blonde that had a fade on the sides, but the top was shaggy and covered part of his eyes. His eyes struck like lightning against a storm sky. God, those eyes were built to ruin underwear. He had this rugged, dangerous look to him, almost like he would ruin you.” I stop rambling about this man, “And no, I did not, but Sarah texted me that he came in the next afternoon.”
"Did he now?" Her voice curls around the words, smug and warm. "So, what are you going to do about it?"
“Nothing. I don’t date, you know this. I have too much going on to lose focus now.” The words feel thin. I stare at myself in the closet mirror, searching for cracks. “Not after Asher either.”
“Babe, you can’t keep holding on to what Asher and Wade did.
I get why you want Wade to suffer. He’s done so much to you, but you need to heal from Asher.
” I know she’s right, but I just can’t. Asher was the first person I trusted outside the Whitleys in years, and that turned out to be my biggest mistake.
“I can’t, not yet. When this is over, we will revisit this.” I let the line go silent.
“Okay.” Lila speaks up quietly, “But promise me, you won’t just bottle it all up when it’s over.”
I promise her we'll talk later, the words hollow even as I say them. After hanging up, the silence after is louder. Exhaustion settles over me; I compose another encrypted email to Dad. This time, it’s a picture from the security footage of him standing over her, paired with the same haunting song.
After sending the email, I set my phone on the nightstand and curl up under the covers.
Sleep comes slowly, finally pulling me under.
"Where's mom?" The words hang, innocent. Last night flickers behind my eyes, something I shouldn't have seen, somewhere I shouldn't have been. I swallow it. Dad's smile lands on me, faking it, a performance I've seen too many times. “Dad, where’s Mom?” I ask again. Why isn’t he answering me?
“Mom isn’t feeling well; she’s with the doctors getting help.” I take his words like the law. If he says it, it must be true. Maybe he got her help after I left.
“Oh, okay. When will she come home? I miss her.” Dad goes back to reading the newspaper. His brown hair is slicked back, and he’s wearing his home suit, which means he’ll be home with us all day. “She said we would make more cookies today for school.”
“She won’t be here to do that. I’ll get Mrs. Whitley to help you.
” He shrugs off my questions, only giving me half answers.
Dad stands up, hollering for Mrs. Whitley.
I wander around the house, lonely, no one to really play with since Mom’s not here.
As I walk past Dad’s study, I hear him speaking softly.
Hugging the wall, I listen to the conversation.
Someone I’ve never heard speaks after a long silence. “Wade, what are you going to do? We need Evelyn’s signature. Kiera is almost at the age we need her.”
“I know! But what am I supposed to do? Forge her signature?” Dad’s irritation is rising. “Goddamnit! Why couldn’t she just sign the damn papers? She wanted this and brought it to me.” I can hear him pacing the room.
“Sign them. No one knows about Evelyn right now. We will deal with this now and her later.” Footsteps head toward the door. I try to move back before the man can get out the door. “Well, hello there, pretty thing.” He gives me an eerie smile. “I’ll be seeing you soon.”
“I don’t think so. I’m not allowed to be around Dad’s friends.” I take a few steps back, the bad feeling crawling up my spine, my anxiety spiking.
“We’ll see about that. Your dad may just change his mind.” With that, he walks away, leaving me standing there frozen.
Gasping for air, I sit straight up, the sheets clinging to me like a second skin.
I thought I had these nightmares under control.
They’ve been nonexistent for months now.
Taking slow breaths, I try to steady my heart rate.
I never found out who that man was. I saw him one other time and then never again.
Whoever he was, he knew about the files and what happened to my mother.
Even then, I could feel the ill intentions radiating off him.
Checking the time, it’s pointless to go back to sleep.
I open TikTok and doom scroll. After a few cat videos and a couple of books I add to my Tbr, I head for the bathroom.
I take a quick shower and rush to get ready, opting for my favorite black ripped skinny jeans, a worn-out band shirt, checkered Vans, and a leather jacket.
Heading to the vanity to curl my hair, Lila’s name is popping up on my phone.
Lila: Still up to meet at the cafe?
Me: Yeah, finishing getting
ready now. See you soon.
I finish curling my hair and makeup, grab my phone and keys, and head to the parking garage. Sliding into my car, A Little Too Late by Nate Vickers starts, and I’m heading toward the cafe. After a few minutes, I’m walking through the door, spotting Lila in the corner booth. “Hi, babes!”
Lila leans in to hug me, “Hey, I was starting to wonder if you’d ever show. I ordered you a Dr. Pepper and a Caesar salad.”
“Yeah, sorry, I had a nightmare for the first time in forever. It had me scrambling this morning. How was Daxton's family?” Sarah walks over with our drinks. "Thanks, Sarah.”
“No problems, girls, happy to see y’all both here. I’ll get your food out soon.” Sarah heads back to the counter, leaving us alone.
"Went great, they inhaled the banana bread." Lila pauses, lethal. "Soo, Mr. Rugged?" She wiggles her eyebrows and deploys the puppy-dog eyes. Weaponized cuteness.
"No, nope. Not happening." I kill her hope gently. "I'd rather watch paint dry. Or go bungee jumping. Into traffic."
“Oh, come on, I need to know! I’m dying.
” The bell rings over the door. Laughing, I glance over, and my eyes collide with an electric blue pair.
Some of his tattoos show today, love and pain on his knuckles.
He has a spiderweb with a black widow on his elbow; there's a coffin with words I can't make out; a skull on his wrist with peonies flowing around. I would know them anywhere. One is popping out of his collar, and I can’t make it out. Shit. I turn back to Lila, hoping she didn’t notice.
She’s sporting a sly smirk. Fucking hell.
“He looks an awful lot like the guy you described.”
“No, don’t even think about it.” Lila’s grin gets wider. “LILA,” I whisper, “Don’t…”
Before I can even finish, Lila is waving Sterling down, “Excuse me!” He looks over to her, “Yeah, you!” Groaning, I slide down into the booth. Please ignore her. He makes his way over to us. “Hi, do you happen to know my friend here?”
Sterling looks over to me again, giving us a lopsided grin. Fuck me. “Well, as a matter of fact, I did meet her the other day? Paige, was it?” Fucking asshole. He knows he knows me.
“It’s Kiera. Stalking me now? Sarah did mention you came in the next day.” Two can play this game.
Lila has a shit-eating grin. “Would you like to join us?” If looks could kill, mine would have stabbed her a million times.
“He’s probably busy, Lila. Let’s not keep him.” Hoping he takes the hint and goes his way.
“I would love to join you.” Sliding into the booth next to me, “and to answer your question, I came in here for the pesto.”
Sarah comes over with our salads, trying to hide the amusement on her face, “Here you go, ladies. Hey Sterling. Want your usual?”