36. Vinnie
It’s around seven in the morning when a knock sounds on the door to my hospital room and a young female doctor walks in, pushing an ultrasound machine.
“Good morning, Mrs. Lucchetti,” she greets, coming to my bedside.
My eyes burn as I push myself up in the bed. “Good morning.”
Sly hands me a bottle of water, which I drink gratefully before coughing gently to relieve some of the tightness in my throat.
“My name is Dr. Douglas,” she says with a smile, holding the ultrasound probe in her gloved hand. “I’m going to do a transvaginal ultrasound and see if we can find a heartbeat. Your chart says you’re not sure how far along you are—is that accurate?”
“Yes, I only found out yesterday with a home test, so I’m not sure how far along I am.” I glance at Sly, who is grinning at me.
“What was the date of your last period?”
Pursing my lips, I try to think back. It’s been a while since I’ve truly had one.
“There’s been a lot going on lately…I’m not sure, actually.” My hand flutters down to my stomach, and I shake my head.
“That’s okay,” the doctor tells me. “We’ll see how big the baby measures and approximate a due date based on that. Typically, I bring my patients up to OB for this, but for your comfort, we can do it here. Is this dad? Would you like him to stay?”
“Yes,” I tell her immediately, and Sly laces his fingers through mine, coming to stand by my head.
“Excellent. If you could lie back and put your feet flat on the bed, please.”
Adjusting, I scoot myself down and bend my legs, tenting the blanket as I do. The doctor adds lubricant to the ultrasound probe and lifts the blanket at my legs.
“This will be cold and you might feel some pressure, but it shouldn’t hurt.” She places her gloved hand on my thigh, then gently inserts the probe. Immediately, a gentle whoosh and a steady beat fill the air. The doctor smiles. “Your baby has a strong heartbeat already, Mr. and Mrs. Lucchetti.”
Tears fill my eyes and I look up at Sly, the joy evident in his features.
“Of course they do,” he says, swiping beneath his lashes at a tear. “Look at who their mother is.”
“Vinnie!” Raina cries as she comes flying into my hospital room, a bouquet of flowers bigger than she is in her hands. She pushes them into Sly’s chest, letting them go before he has a grasp on them, forcing him to catch them midair as they start to fall.
Cecilia comes into the room behind her, clutching a brown paper restaurant bag to her chest.
Crashing into me, Raina sits next to me on my bed, wrapping her arms around my body. “I’ve never been so scared in my entire life. Are you okay? Let me look at you.” Her hands fluff my hair then run down my arms, as if checking that I’m in one piece.
Laughing, I tell her, “I’m fine. More than fine, really.” There’s a huge smile on my face, the ultrasound photos of the baby sitting beneath my thigh as I anxiously hold in the information that I’m dying to tell her and Cecilia.
But there’s also a twinge of guilt in my chest, being so happy under these circumstances.
I’m not far along—about eight to ten weeks—which puts the date of conception when I went to Ridgewood while Sly was in the hospital.
I began to bawl when I pieced together the timeline, realizing that August could have killed our child when he abused me the day I returned, but my body protected it.
“We brought breakfast,” Lia says, setting the bag on the floor next to Sly’s chair. “Thought you might want some comfort food.”
“Bagel sandwiches?”
“Of course,” she says with a grin.
Sly walks over to the counter to put the bouquet down, then returns and opens the bag, distributing the sandwiches to each of us. The scent of bacon, eggs, and buttery bagels drifts into the air and my stomach rolls, both in hunger and what I now realize is morning sickness.
“Grazie, Cecilia,” he says, keeping a hold of a fourth sandwich. It brings another dopey smile to my face to know that my friends thought of him, too. Closing the distance between us, he leans down and kisses my forehead. “I’m going to give you guys some privacy and go check on your brother for an update. I’ll be back. Te amo, piccola ladra.”
“Thank you.” I grab ahold of his hand, holding it until he steps back so far, I’m forced to let go. “Love you, too.”
“You guys are sickening,” Raina declares with a hint of playful mockery.
“I take that as a compliment,” I brag.
“How are you doing, Vinnie? We’ve been so worried. We wanted to come last night, but Luciano insisted we wait. I barely slept.”
“I’m so sorry I didn’t reach out myself. I was in and out of sleep so much last night. I’m exhausted, but things could be worse, so I’m choosing to be grateful and stay positive. The only thing I really would love is an update on my father. The last I heard, he was in surgery, so I’m sure he’s out and resting by now.”
“Has your mother been by to see you?” Raina asks.
“Sly said she stopped by around six this morning, but I was still asleep, so he sent her away.”
“That woman infuriates me,” Lia grumbles, shaking her head.
I place my hand over hers. “I know. I’ve been learning to let it go.”
Still holding the breakfast sandwich, I set it down behind me and grab each of my friend’s hands. “I have something to tell you guys, and I was going to wait, but I don’t think I can hold it in any longer.”
Raina adjusts how she’s seated, bringing her leg beneath her as she shifts her body toward me. Excitement bubbles through me as I let go of her hand and reach for the pictures I’m hiding, but then a small wave of sadness and guilt hits me.
This is all Cecilia has ever wanted.
Am I a bad friend if I share news with her right now, knowing what she’s going through?
Looking down at my lap, I wonder if I actually should keep this to myself for a while longer. I don’t want to hurt her.
As if she can sense what I’m about to say, she squeezes my hand and smiles. When our eyes meet, she gives me a nod, as if she knows what I’m about to say, and I can see the mix of emotions on her face.
A tear falls from my eye, and I release my hold on the ultrasound photos, leaving them under my leg as I wipe it away.
“I’m pregnant,” I tell them, never pulling my gaze from Lia’s. Holding my breath, I wait to see the anger wash over her face, suddenly feeling sad about my news instead of joyous.
Raina squeals, “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Vinnie!”
Tears form in Cecilia’s eyes, and silently she puts her arms around my neck and pulls me to her. I start to fully cry alongside her, and we hold each other tightly. “I’m so happy for you, and proud of you, Vinnie. You’re going to make the most amazing mother.”
“I’m so sorry,” I choke in a whisper, squeezing my eyes shut.
Roughly, she pushes me back, holding on to my shoulders. Looking me straight in the eye, she sternly says, “Don’t you dare be sorry. This is your journey, and I am absolutely thrilled for you. Do you hear me? I want nothing but happiness for you. You’re my best friend, and I love you so much. I can’t wait to be an auntie.”
“Really?” I weep.
“Really,” she confirms, pulling me back in for a hug.
“Okay, my turn to hug my baby mama,” Raina complains, and the three of us laugh together as she tosses her arms around me and Lia.
“I love you guys so much,” I tell them, meaning it with every fiber of my soul.
Pressing a big kiss to my cheek, Raina quips, “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is then, and name the baby after us? Raina and Cecilia are beautiful names. Just sayin’.”
I shake my head, rolling my eyes as I pull the ultrasound photos from beneath my leg and hand them to her, and Cecilia goes to stand next to Raina to look at them.
“Definitely a Raina Cecilia in her belly, don’t you agree?” Raina asks with all seriousness, looking up at Lia.
“I’m thinking more of a Cecilia Raina, but we can negotiate with her parents about it later.”
“And if it’s a boy?” I counter.
“It’s not,” Cecilia says with conviction. “That’s our niece in there.”
Thirty minutes later, Raina and Cecilia leave, shooed out by my doctor so they could do one final evaluation. I lay back in my bed, closing my eyes once I’m alone, exhausted and in desperate need of a nap. A daytime soap opera offers mindless chatter in the background—a subtle comfort so I don’t feel alone.
I hate that I feel jumpy now, startled by every small sound I hear. Joseph stole my peace of mind, and as much as I’m grieving the loss of my brother, I also can’t help but feel an overwhelming amount of anger toward him, too. Even in death, the fear left by my brother and August haunts me.
My heart skips when a light knock on the door sounds, and in walk Sly, followed by Luciano.
“You don’t have to knock, Sly,” I tell him as he comes to kiss me. I tilt my head up, wishing for more than the peck he gives me.
“I didn’t want to startle you, amore mio.”
Sly walks over to the counter where he left the bouquet Raina brought earlier, and starts busying himself with it, which I find a little strange, but then I turn my focus toward my brother, who’s standing at the foot of my bed with his hands in his pockets.
“Hey, Luce,” I greet with a smile. “How’s Father?”
The color drains from his face and he takes the seat across from me, leaning forward on his elbows.
As I watch him, my heart begins to beat erratically, and my nerves kick in.
My brother scrubs his face with both hands, avoiding eye contact as he looks down at the floor.
He looks wrecked. Dark circles are under his eyes. His hair is a mess. There’s wrinkles all over his shirt, and I know he’s spent the night sleeping in a chair. It makes me wonder if Mother and Samuele did too, or if they went home to their beds while Father underwent surgery.
My stomach falls.
A dark cloud hovers over Luciano, and he scrubs his face again, the agony rolling off him in waves.
Whatever he’s about to say is going to alter this family forever, and I’m not sure I’m ready to hear it.
Swallowing around the lump in my throat, my voice is small when I say his name again. “Luce?”
He looks up at me, his eyes red and raw, with a fresh lining of tears on his bottom lashes. He blows out a shuddering breath, and with a slight tremble in his chin, he says, “He’s gone, V. Father is gone.”