16. Evan
EVAN
She makes my blood heat,
My breathing tense and ragged.
Love’s not a straight line,
It’s reckless and it’s jagged.
Beyond the lust, beyond desire,
There’s something in its wake.
It’s jealousy that makes me weak,
It’s hate that makes me break.
B rew Madison is my wife’s favorite place in this whole damn city. My shoes smack on the wet pavement and rain spits from the sky as I close the door a block down and stride down the sidewalk to the coffee shop.
For years she’s come here. She and Jules used to write together in the corner. Jules was her first client here in New York. It’s how she met her now close friend. I huff and my breath turns to steam as I peek in through the glass window.
It used to be a habit of mine to stop here before going home when I landed. Nine times out of ten, she’d be in the same back corner, immersed in a book or a contract. Half the time she was in a meeting.
But then things changed. She stopped going out with too much work piling up as her business grew, and I stopped searching for her when I left the airport. I knew she’d be home, stuck in her office and working no matter what time of day it was.
Work will take as much time as you give it. And Kat gives it all her time and then some.
Today is a different day, though. Given I just told my boss to fuck off knowing he has evidence that could get me locked up, I need to find Kat. I have to see her.
Just before I get to the glass door, I spot my wife. But more importantly, I see who she’s with.
Some asshole is with her. I’m sure he’s only a client, but as they walk toward the exit, Kat’s eyes on her purse as she rummages through it, looking for her keys I’d think, his eyes are all over her body.
The bastard licks his lower lip, and his gaze flickers to Kat’s breasts and then to her eyes as she peeks up at him.
She smiles so naively and tucks her hair behind her ear, but what lights up the anger and the possessiveness running through me, is the blush that rises to her cheeks. My body goes cold and my feet turn to cement standing outside of the shop, watching the two of them unknowingly walk toward me.
She knows he’s looking. She knows he likes what he sees. And she’s letting him.
The chill that runs through my body fuels something deep inside of me. Something primal and raw. The rain that crashes down on me as the clouds roll in and the sky turns darker by the second does nothing to calm the rage growing inside of me.
I open the door just as the two of them are leaving. My grip on the handle is tight and unforgiving as I wait for them to look up at me.
Kat doesn’t stop talking, her sweet voice rattling off something about a signing and who needs to be called to schedule some event.
The dick with a hard-on for my wife sees me first, his eyes widening slightly as he takes in my expression. His first instinct is to angle his body, putting himself between me and Kat. It pisses me off even more and I force my body to stay still, keeping myself from shoving him away from her.
My teeth grind against one another as I stare at his hand, still on her lower back as if he has any right to touch her.
“Evan.” Kat looks up at me surprised at first, without a hint of anything other than shock, but instantly her expression changes. “What are you doing? You’re getting soaked!” she admonishes me in front of the fucker still standing far too close.
Pride flows through me as she pulls me into the coffee shop, even if she’s doing it out of frustration.
She looks from my wet shoulders and the rain dripping down my hair to my forehead and back and then glances outside the shop.
She hasn’t even acknowledged the man she’s with.
The demon inside me is at least appeased by that small fact.
Her small hands focus on wiping off as much water as she can as she positions me over the large welcome mat at the front of the store.
“Nice to meet you,” I say to the man eyeing the two of us. “I’m Kat’s husband.”
Kat looks up at me and it’s obvious she bites her tongue from how her expression scrunches.
“Didn’t know she was married,” the fucker says and I read him loud and clear. I knew there was a crack in my marriage. But this shit isn’t something I’m going to let ruin us. It takes everything in me not to be aggressive toward this shithead.
Kat turns a bright shade of red, but instead of defending us and our relationship, instead of taking my side, she says the worst thing she could to me right now.
“I don’t know what we are right now,” she states more to me than to him as she looks me in the eyes, daring me to say another word. When I’m quiet, she turns to him.
“I’m sorry for the interruption, Jacob.”
“Jake, you can call me Jake,” he answers and doesn’t even bother to look at me. The awkward tension heats. The thumping of blood rushing in my ears is accompanied with an uncomfortable heat. It was between us. Our problem was only between us. And she made it known to him?
“I’ll touch base with you after I get the schedule drawn up, and make sure you get me those summaries as soon as you’re able to.”
Jake nods his head at Kat and then looks at me to say, “Nice to meet you.” He takes his time leaving, glancing over his shoulder more than once, with the rain now coming down in sheets.
“You don’t know what we are?” I ask her, feeling the rage wane as the door closes and the sound of the rain is muffled again.
“When you make an ass out of yourself in front of a client, what do you expect me to do?” she hisses.
The rain gets harder and louder as we stand off to the side of the entrance.
I take a look around and there are only two other people in the entire place.
Both of them women who look like they’re on a lunch break, dressed for office jobs.
One on each side of the room, both of them on their phones and one with headphones in her ears.
“We can wait out the rain. Get a cup of coffee?” I ask her.
At first Kat looks up at me like I’m crazy. Maybe I am.
“And do what?” she asks. “Play let’s-keep-a-secret and hide-away-for-days?”
I ignore her brutal tone and take a chance, wrapping my arm around her waist.
She jumps back for a second, but only because I’m soaking wet.
I chuckle at her response, deep and rough and it makes her smile. She’s quick to hide it, but it’s there.
“I know you’re mad at me,” I tell her softly. “I don’t want to make you angry, Kat. I love you, and I’m trying.”
The trace of all humor fades and she peeks up at me and whispers, “I wish you wouldn’t.”
I brush the hair from her face and smile down at her as I tell her, “I’ll never stop fighting for you.”
At my words, she pushes away from me and says, “Then let’s talk until the rain lets up.” She looks over her shoulder and out of the window, as if checking to see if our time is already up.
We head to the back corner of the shop, to her spot and her safe place. I can’t count the number of times I’ve sat here with her while she rambled on and told me about her day. Although that was before. It’s been too long.
The rest of the seating in the place is all high-top tables and bar-height seats, but in the corner is an L-shaped booth. The same shiny white tabletop, but the seating is for customers who want to spend a while in here and that’s what I need with her right now, more time.
She doesn’t look at me as she tosses her purse into the booth and then fishes out her wallet.
“You like him?” I question, feeling small pieces of my heart crumble off. Kat’s eyes narrow as she huffs out a breath of frustration.
“Knock it off,” she answers and I feel torn. I saw the look in her eyes. She’s a natural flirt and so am I, but I know she liked the attention more than she should. She felt comfortable with it.
“I don’t like him.”
“Good to know,” she answers me immediately, crossing her arms as she walks toward the counter to order something.
I follow her like a lost fucking puppy. It’s quiet between us and the tension is thick as she orders a coffee or whatever the hell it is. The blood is pounding so hard in my ears, I can’t hear a damn thing.
“I mean it. He wants you, Kat,” I tell her and then nearly flinch from the look in her eyes. “I don’t want anyone else’s hands on you.”
“It was innocent.”
“The hell it was,” I bite back instantly, keeping my voice low. I don’t give her a chance to speak.
“You can’t look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t like it.” The air between us turns hot instantly.
“He’s a client,” she says beneath her breath. My eyes dart from her to the man behind the counter. As soon as I look at him, he averts his eyes, pretending like he didn’t just hear the venom in Kat’s voice.
“Client or not,” I say, standing my ground but all it does is wind Kat up more.
“I’m not the one keeping secrets and lying, I’m not the one who’s breaking up this marriage,” she says much lower, so much so that it sounds like it was hard for her to even get the words out.
“Stop it,” I tell her and grip her hip as she tries to walk past me, back to the booth and undoubtedly to get her stuff and leave.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper in her ear and hold her closer to me. I splay my hand on her lower back, feeling the tension in her body slowly leave her. Her body is hot next to mine.
I could fight this, but it’s not worth it to upset her. I wait, giving her a moment to calm down and forget about that asshole. For now.
I sit back in the seat, watching the steam rise from her cup as she slips the lid off and grabs a packet of sugar from the center of the table.
The packet makes a flapping sound as she shakes it back and forth between her forefinger and thumb to get the sugar down. The motion is forceful and she stares at it as she does it, before finally ripping it open and dumping the sugar into the cup.
“I don’t tell you everything.” The words slip out as the need to win her back takes over everything else.
She’s still for a moment, waiting for more, but not looking me in the eyes.
“It’s not like I do anything that’s … that I want to hide from you. You know what it’s like when I go to work.”
“I know,” Kat says with zero trace of a fight in her voice. “I remember.”
“I loved it when you came out with me. You know that, right?”
She finally looks up at me, but only for a moment before she nods her head then slips on the cap to her coffee cup. Her voice is full of remorse as she tells me, “I don’t have time for that anymore.”
I love that her mind immediately went to the thought of me asking her to come with me.
At the beginning of this year, that’s all I wanted from her.
So we could spend more time together and I could show her off.
But the answer was always “no, I can’t take time off” so I stopped asking.
My heart thumps hard in my chest, remembering how we got into a fight over her not wanting to come with me to Rome a few months back.
“I gave my notice,” I tell her and her eyes fly to mine, looking accusing more than anything.
“Because you wanted me to.” I say the words as if they’re the truth and for a moment it feels like they are.
But then I remember that’s not the reason.
I remember what happened. I remember everything in a flood and I have to turn away to breathe in deep and focus on keeping Kat.
That’s the only thing I care about while everything else collapses around me.
“And because I want to quit too.”
“When’s your last day?” There’s a small bit of hope in her voice, and I watch it shatter as I hesitate to answer.
“I don’t know. He … umm. James.” I run my hand down the back of my head and I hate how Kat sees through it all. Her head shakes with disappointment. “It’s not finalized.”
I nearly forget everything I planned on telling her, but somehow I hold on to it and continue, “I regret a lot of the things I’ve done this year and maybe for a while now?—”
“For a while?” Kat repeats and her eyes reflect the pain that’s in her voice.
“I didn’t cheat on you, Kat. It’s not what you think,” I tell her and feel like a liar. “I told you, you’re the only one for me.”
Before I can say anything else, she shakes her head and that false smile mars her face.
“I don’t know what you did. But I don’t want to know anymore,” she says quietly, staring at the cup in her hands before looking back up at me.
“We’re different people and I think it was only a matter of time before something like this …
” her voice cracks, but she doesn’t cry. She simply looks away.
My heartbeat slows. So slow that it’s painful.
“Where are you sleeping tonight?” Kat asks me and I have to swallow the spiked lump deep down in my throat before I can answer.
“You still don’t want me to come home?”
“It would be easier if you didn’t.”
“Easier for what?”
“Easier for the breakup, Evan.” Her lips part and then she adds, “It’s not about love anymore or about what we had. It’s about trust and what we’ve become. I need a fresh start and a life I’m proud of. And I don’t think it includes you in it.”
“It does,” I answer her instantly. “And I want the same.”
She stares back at me with an expression that shows how vulnerable she is. How much she wants to believe what I’m telling her.
I take her hand in mine and tell her, “I’ll do whatever you want, so long as when it’s all said and done I get to keep you.”
I stare in her eyes knowing I’ve never said anything more truthful, but something deep down inside tells me that’s not how this story will end.
“It’s too little, too late, Evan. I’m sorry.”