Chapter 16
Evan
T he piles of dirt are growing larger. The metal shovels pierce the frozen soil. The sound cuts through my bones, one and then another and another.
It’s been constant as I stand here helplessly. I’ve never been colder, the bitter wind and blustery snow besieging my body, but I still don’t move.
I can’t take my eyes from the two graves.
The shovels spill the dirt, the piles mounting as my eyes drift to the tombstones.
The first my father, a man who died before his time. A death of tragedy.
And then to my wife’s. My love’s. No one believes me. He put her there. James killed her.
My eyes pop open wide when I hear Kat whisper, “It’s all your fault.”
I wake up gasping for air, my heart pounding and I swear I can feel Kat’s hot breath on my neck even though I’m alone. My eyes dart around the room as I slowly lift my body into a sitting position on the bed.
Just a terror. The same as last night.
I’m quick to grab the video monitor for the security system from the nightstand and flick the button on to bring it to life. Mason set it up for me to keep a close eye on her.
It’s only when I see Kat in bed that my heart starts to calm, and my heated skin seems to succumb to the chill of reality.
She’s okay.
I close my eyes and when I open them, the monitor displays an image of her rolling over in bed. To my side. My fingers brush the glass where she is. I’ll be there soon. I’ll be with her and it’ll all be over.
It’s that promise to myself that brings me any sleep at all anymore. It’ll be over soon and then I’ll be with her.
“There’s a lot of shit you aren’t going to like,” Mason states matter-of-factly the second I close the door to his car.
He doesn’t even wait for my ass to hit the seat.
He’s situated outside the park and I focus on the people walking by.
Moving through their day and carrying on with their lives, while mine’s slowly deteriorating into nothing.
I needed this meetup to get the fuck out of this rut and talk to someone. Even if it means hearing something I’m not going to like.
“Let’s start with the easiest.”
“You have a tail. Hired by Lapour,” he says, and his sentences are short, clipped. I nod my head. I figured as much. I’ve been scoping James out and James is doing the same in return.
“The cops are coming around your place more often too and they’ve been poking around your family home, looking through the garbage. A few tags on the station’s search engine too.”
“They’re not going to give up, are they?” It’s not really a question. The leather of the seat groans as I lay my head back.
“They just need one thing to pin it on you.”
“James has the evidence they’d need to do it.” The photos come to mind and anxiousness makes my chest tighten. I’m waking up to heart palpitations and I’m constantly exhausted, but not able to sleep. My right leg rocks from side to side as Mason speaks.
“We can wipe them from his computer, but the hard copies will have to wait until tomorrow. My associate will ensure the place is clean, but then he’ll know.”
“That works. Whatever it costs.”
“It takes time to get a batch of drugs that matches,” Mason says and I know it’s not about the money. It’s about the time and executing it correctly.
“It would have been easier if we’d found it on him,” I say, stating the obvious.
“Yeah, it would have,” he agrees and then it’s quiet.
“I’m failing. All this money paying other people to do shit and we’re coming up empty.”
“You’re doing everything you can.”
I can’t stand the waiting anymore. “I want this over with,” I confide in him. A couple days turned into a week. And now the weeks are bleeding into one another.
“I’m walking around this city,” I tell him, “stalking a man who should be dead. I need to do something.” It’s killing me to wait, driving me fucking crazy. I can practically feel my sanity slipping away.
“You have to be careful when you … take care of someone,” he says as if I’m being impatient. “If you’re reckless, you get caught.
“Besides, I don’t have anything on James. Not a shred of evidence that shows he purchased the fentanyl.”
“We need evidence or to set him up if there isn’t any. Or we can just murder him and end it all.” The thought has been festering in the back of my skull. Picking away at me. I just want to kill the fucker and be done with this.
“You kill him before it’s ready, and the cops will be looking for his murderer. Is that what you want?”
I know he’s right, and I can’t answer. I respond with the only thing that matters. “I need my wife back.”
“That’s the other thing,” he tells me while looking out his window.
“What thing?” I question, a deep groove settling down the center of my brow as I stare at the back of his head, willing him to look at me. “About my wife?”
“She’s seeing someone,” he answers and it’s like white noise.
“You’re wrong.” Time slows. She isn’t. There’s no way she’s seeing someone.
“She went out yesterday and we kept an eye on her like I promised you we would. My guys saw some things.”
That’s when a man’s face comes back to me. My hands clench into tight fists at my side as I shake my head. Jacob whatever the fuck his last name is. My breathing comes in ragged pants as he says, “Jacob Scott is his name. A potential client of hers.”
“Not my wife,” I say, biting out the words although I already know it’s true. “She’s not going to move on so fast.”
The worst part is that I don’t even blame her.
I’m dying inside. Every night I think about how my father should still be here and my wife should be in bed with me.
Instead I’m alone, clutching a fucking T-shirt Pops always wore.
He gave it to me when he gained a little weight and it didn’t fit him any longer.
It’s just a shirt from a shop he used to work at. The shop’s not around anymore.
I didn’t give a shit about it back then, it was just a shirt, but all I can see when I hold it now is him. It’s funny how the little things that don’t matter are the most sentimental when you lose the ones you love.
That’s my life. Hiding away and mourning my father alone. Hating myself and not being able to fix it all. I can’t fix a damn thing.
“I told you she wasn’t doing well,” Mason says like I should have known better.
My teeth grind against each other as I seethe.
“I can’t do both at the same time, lead her on that we’re broken up, but also be there for her.
” Pounding my fist against the window once like a madman, I hold on to the anger.
I’ll prolong every other emotion I can until I’m forced to deal with it at night when sleep refuses to comfort me.
I know I must look like I’m fucking unhinged, but I am.
So, I suppose it’s fitting. “I can’t protect her and have her in my life at the same time.
There’s no way for me to do it!” Exasperation gets the better of me.
“Well, if you’re not there for her, someone else will be.”
My heart’s in my throat. That’s the only explanation for what I feel. It’s not in my chest where it’s supposed to be. Only pain lingers there.
“I want to kill him. That Jacob fuck.”
“Now I know that one isn’t serious.”
“He’s seeing my wife!” I bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming, but Mason doesn’t react.
He’s silent as my rage slowly subsides.
“What would you do?” I ask him out of desperation as I imagine her calling him. Alone and desperate for someone to take away her pain.
Mason answers with a shrug, “Kill the asshole.”
“You’re a real wiseass, you know that?”
“It could be worse,” he says.
“How’s that?”
“She cried for a while when she got back from dinner with Jules.”
I wait for him to continue, not understanding. “Why was she crying?”
“After seeing the guy, she cried all night. She’s not moving on. She’s not okay, Evan.”
“What am I supposed to do? She’s everything to me. And all I can see, all I dream about at night is her dying because of me.” Mason doesn’t answer me.
No one has an answer for me. “If I lose her, I have nothing. There’s no reason to live if I don’t have her.”
“You could always go with the locking her in a room option. She likes her office, right?” Mason jokes and I don’t know whether to thank him for lightening the mood, or punch his fucking face in.
“Do you think James would go after her if I took her back?” I ask him. “Tell me honestly.”
“If someone wanted to hurt you, the first thing they’d do is go after her.” Mason says exactly what I already knew, and I rest my head against the window.
“He still might, but the chance of that seems low. Right now, James is only interested in three people: you, Samantha, and a man named Andrew Jones. Obviously, a cover.”
Before I can ask, Mason adds, “We’re paying him a visit soon. As soon as we track down his location.”
I nod, agreeing with the plan, but all I can think about is that prick with his hands on my wife.
“What if we paid Jacob a visit?”
“You really think that’s the way to go? Like Kat won’t find out?” he asks me, and I grit my teeth.
“What if she goes home? What if you go home? Just be quiet about it. Rent a hotel room and make sure you’re seen there for your tail. But go to her at night and make sure she keeps quiet.”
“Kat can’t keep a secret for shit.”
“She’s talking about going back home anyway. You’re going to need to be there.”
“You think she’d be okay with me just slipping in at night? Maybe if I told her what’s going on. But in and out, coming and going as I please? She’d kill me.”
“Don’t tell her shit. Are you fucking crazy?”
“Lie to her? Kat’s always been able to see right through me. Lying is what made all this worse.”
“I’m not saying lie to her. I’m just saying this is how it has to be. Right now, she needs comfort … She’ll take what you can give her.”
“James thinks you’re with Samantha, so be seen with her, then head over to your place.”
The very idea of being seen with Samantha makes my stomach coil. “You want my wife to hate me?”
“It’s the only real option you have right now,” he says and looks me in the eyes to add, “She’ll never know.”
He’s a fool to think that. She’ll find out. There’s no fucking way I’m going to do that to her. She deserves better than that.