Chapter 24
Evan
T he paper rustles in my hand. It’s a list Pops left on the counter. He didn’t tell me about it, but I’m sure it was for us.
Bottles.
Pacifiers.
Bibs.
Onesies.
It goes on for a bit, but it’s everything I need to buy. I’m not sure if he was going to give it to me, or if he was going to get this all himself. A pain radiates in my chest, right where that beating organ is. I miss him. I’ve never needed to talk to him as much as I do now.
You have to do it. I read the text that buzzes through and then put both my phone and the list in my pocket. I already know what Mason is getting at.
He’s convinced I need to be seen in public.
To make sure the tail James has on me sees me keeping my distance, moving on.
He wants them to back off and that means I need to look like I’m backing off too.
No more of this tit for tat. The plan is to let them think I’ve moved on from looking into James.
That I’ve given up or simply decided it wasn’t worth it. It doesn’t matter which.
I stare down the aisle as a kid runs past, holding up a plane in the air and making swooshing noises. It’s crazy that one day, I’m going to have one of them. A kid. A baby first. And before that, a pregnant wife.
It’s fucking terrifying.
This particular setting isn’t what he had in mind and I made sure no one followed me here. Family first, though, and then I’ll take care of the mess. Bars and old hangouts. Then back to the apartment every night before I sneak out to go home. She’s a saint for putting up with me and all of this.
“Hey,” I call out as a young guy in a blue Kiddie Korner T-shirt walks by with a clipboard in his hand. He has to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose when he looks at me. “Can I help you, sir?”
“Yeah, I was looking for simple baby things. Like bottles and tiny clothes. Things like that,” I tell him. “I can’t find them anywhere in here.”
“We don’t have infant merchandise. You’ll have to go to Little Treasures,” he responds and starts walking to the center of the store to point. “Two blocks down and make a right. It’s a bit of a walk, but it’s right there on your left.”
“Thanks.”
I rub my tired eyes and walk out of the shop, hearing the ding of bells above my head and I’m instantly accosted by the bitter cold.
Just as I’m shoving my hands into my pockets, I catch sight of Detective Bradshaw.
“It’s one of those days,” I mutter under my breath as he kicks off the wall. Guess the prick was waiting for me.
“Mr. Thompson,” he says, greeting me without a hint of emotion as he closes the distance between us.
I take a few steps forward as a couple of kids run behind me and into the store. Meeting him halfway, I answer him, “Detective Bradshaw, nice to see you again.” Not fucking really.
He huffs a laugh like he heard my thought and says, “I’m glad I found you here.”
“A bit odd that we just happened to run into each other.” Holding his gaze, I let him know that I know he must’ve been following me. “Not my usual hangout.”
“Yeah, I noticed. Your schedule’s a bit different now?”
“A bit.”
“For the best, I hope?” he asks and a prickle runs down my neck. I don’t like it.
“Yeah,” I answer, and my word comes out hard. My back’s stiff and my muscles are wound tight. “You taking me in?”
I wait as he assesses me, enjoying the suspense.
“Should I?”
“I can’t think of any reason off the top of my head.” He doesn’t think my answer’s funny in the least. My lips quirk up into a smirk at his hard-assed expression. “I’m good to go then?”
“You got any new information for me?” he asks, getting to the point of this meeting.
“I got nothing to say.”
“Why are you doing this to yourself? Protecting someone who wants to issue harassment charges?” he asks me, and I can’t help that my forehead creases with both confusion and anger.
“Oh,” Detective Bradshaw says, finally showing a little joy. “You didn’t hear?” He rocks on his feet like he’s happy to deliver the news. “James Lapour wants us to keep you away from him. He filed for a restraining order and all.”
“That’s why you’re here?” I ask, not sure what to make of James’s move. He went to the cops and maybe I grew up different, but that’s something you just don’t do when you’re neck-deep in criminal shit.
“He said you were snooping around, making him uncomfortable and issuing threats.”
“Threats?” I echo, getting more pissed off by the second.
“Nothing solid we could work with, so I thought I’d give you a shadow.”
“Ah, and thus this wonderful meeting.” I don’t talk to cops. Never have, never will. Half the city’s cops are in someone’s back pocket. Someone’s like Mason and James; the rich someone’s . Not someone’s like me and the kids I grew up with.
“I’m sorry to say I couldn’t really give two shits about James Lapour so if you want me to stay away, I’m happy to keep my distance.”
Detective Bradshaw’s less than pleased with my statement. “Just thought you’d like to know.”
“Thanks, Detective, am I good to go now?”
“Have a good day,” he mutters as he walks past me, brushing my shoulder as he goes.
I finally bring my hands out of my pocket and open my clenched fist only to see the scrap of paper balled up. My breathing comes in shorter and my blood heats.
This shit has to stop. Right fucking now.
Diary Entry Two
Dear Pops,
I’m ashamed. I feel like I’ve lost complete control and I know it’s hurt Kat.
Help me to be a better husband and take the nightmares away. Please. Just get them out of my head.
It’s just getting worse every night, and it’s scaring my wife.
What kind of a man am I? Dreams are tearing my life apart.
I can’t sleep without seeing you. Don’t get me wrong, I love and miss you so damn much, but you always die in my dreams. You’re gone. All of the memories of our life together are changing. I don’t want them to, but I don’t know how to stop it.
I have them with Kat too, and it’s killing me.
I yelled in my sleep last night, and it woke me up. Kat was crying next to me, Pops. She said she’d been trying to wake me up and that’s when I started screaming.
She’s worried, and I feel like less of a man and husband because I can’t stop it.
Please, Pops, if you’re there and you’re able to, please help me.
I miss you.I can’t stand this.
Please just take it all back.