Chapter 27
Kat
“ I thought we were just going to order out,” Evan says from across the table. The silverware clinks in his hand as he picks up the white cloth napkin and lays it on his lap.
The Savinga Grill has always been one of my favorite restaurants since I first discovered it years ago. With exposed dark red brick, raw wood beams, and high ceilings, it’s rustic, it’s cozy, and it’s only a cab ride away.
That’s what I told Evan to get him here when he asked where I wanted to go. Just a cab ride away.
I shrug and say, “I wanted to go out.”
“It makes me nervous,” he tells me. I know it does. I realize this is a risk and one he didn’t want to take, but time is not on our side and I’ve waited long enough.
I lay my hand on the table, palm up, and wait for him to take it. “Mason said you need to be seen.”
“Me, not us .” He emphasizes the word “us.”
“It’s part of us moving forward together.” The smile on my lips is small but it’s still there. “I won’t let someone keep me from you or us from our lives.”
His lips twitch with a response, but he doesn’t say anything. Two weeks have passed since I told him we were pregnant. Two weeks came and went, and I’m officially in our second trimester now.
“We tried this your way, now we try it mine,” I tell him, and my words come out hard.
“And your way is to go out and risk being seen?”
“I want us to go out, yes … like we used to.” My answer is blunt as I pull my napkin across my lap.
“I’m not going to hide away in some dark room and let my fear cripple me.
” My voice is stern but also sympathetic.
“If someone wants to know if we’re together, let them know.
” He woke up last night with sweat pouring down his face.
He was screaming in his sleep. I refuse to play this psychological game.
I’m going to be there for my husband. I’m going to do everything I can to make him better.
And that means not hiding and not being scared.
I’ll be strong for him. I’ll be strong for us both.
At this point I don’t know what to think of his ex-boss or how Tony died.
I know my husband is letting his fear kill him, though.
It’s shoved itself between us and I can’t let that happen anymore.
He refuses to go to the cops. He’s not ready to see a psychologist. I’m okay with that, but I’m not okay with nothing changing for the better.
“I won’t let a single person keep us from moving on with our lives. That means being together and going to my favorite restaurant to celebrate.”
I flash him a smile as the waiter walks over to us. Like this conversation doesn’t put me on edge.
It’s quiet while the water is being poured, and stays that way except for the waiter informing us of specials and handing us a pair of menus.
It’s only when he leaves us that I continue what I was saying.
“Yes, I want us to be seen. I also want to celebrate being pregnant. I want to buy a new house, a bigger one closer to the park.” My fingertips play along the stem of the water goblet and I rest my elbow on the table as I talk while reading the menu, even though I already know what I want.
“I want to slow down with work and I want the world to know it all. I want to move forward, Evan. I want everything that happened to stay in the past.”
He only responds with a tight smile.
“I’m not going to let this change us and who we are.”
“I don’t want you to be in danger,” he answers me, leaning back in his seat and casually glancing to his left and right. I recognize a man sitting alone a few tables away. Occasionally he glances up at us. It was Evan’s concession and I allow it.
“Too late, baby,” I say and my smile falters.
“I feel uncomfortable being here,” he says and guilt digs its claws into me at his admission. I’m trying to do what’s right. That’s all I want to do.
“I feel like”—taking a deep inhale, I steady myself to continue, meeting his concerned gaze—“like you’re perpetuating your fears by hiding away and only focusing on them.
Not just focusing, but allowing them to dictate everything.
” My voice cracks with the confession. I have to take another sip of water to calm myself down.
“I hate that you’re constantly on edge when we leave the house. ”
“You don’t understand,” he tells me with a frustrated sigh that pisses me off.
“It felt like you’d died when you left me,” I say. “So, I think I do understand.” I take another drink of water and ask, “What if the cops stop looking into what happened? They have no leads.” I stress the basic truth. “What if James gets away with it all? What then? Will you carry on like this?”
He doesn’t answer, although I can see his will to fight me has left.
“I just want us back,” I say. “That’s really what it comes down to.”
This time it’s Evan who puts his hand on the table and I’m more than happy to reach for him. He kisses my knuckles then my wrist. “I’m sorry,” he whispers against my racing pulse.
“I know you are, but what am I?” I give him a joking response to lighten the mood and it works somewhat.
As Evan’s lips pull into a smile and he relaxes his posture, he takes my hand in his.
“You know I miss this side of you?” he tells me.
“What side?”
“The playful side,” he answers and squeezes my hand … kind of like how my heart squeezes. This is the version of my husband I want all the time. The man I know and love.
“Can I tell you a secret?” I whisper just before the waiter walks up to us. “I miss it too.”
“Are you two ready to order?” the waiter asks, looking between us and clasping his hands in front of him.
“You first,” Evan says and gestures at me.
“The lasagna please, with a house salad.” I almost order a glass of cabernet but then I stop myself. Every time I remember we’re having a baby, it’s a gift in itself.
“I’ll have the same,” Evan says, and it surprises me.
When the waiter leaves, I comment with a questioning smirk, “You never have lasagna.”
He shrugs and says, “I guess I want to try it your way.”
“We have the next doctor’s appointment coming up and since you’re no longer working, I assume you’re coming with me?”
“Of course,” Evan says then nods and leans forward, lowering his voice and adding a huskiness to it that makes every inch of my body tingle. “You know you look beautiful, right?”
I can’t help the smile and blush that spread across my face at his compliment. “Stop,” I say, brushing him off.
“Never,” he answers playfully, his handsome asymmetric smile toying with my emotions.
That warm cheery feeling in my chest slowly drifts away as I remember my own little secret. Not so little, really.
“I have something to tell you,” I say, uttering the words even at the risk of upsetting Evan. I guess I waited intentionally for us to be out in public before I could tell him. “I did something that I don’t think you’re going to like.”
“What’s that?” he asks easily, although I notice his shoulders stiffen.
“I was curious about something and I think it’s something only I would know how to ask appropriately …”
I don’t know how to word this, and I find myself staring at the ice in the glass of water.
“You can tell me. Whatever it is.”
“I went to see Samantha a couple days ago. At her place on Fifth Avenue,” I tell him, confessing before I can stop myself. The air instantly changes as Evan doesn’t respond. He seems uncomfortable if anything.
“I had to know for myself.”
“What did you have to know?” He shifts in his seat
“I had to know if she was your type. What she was like. So I know how to react when her name comes up.”
Evan runs his hand down the back of his head as he looks away from me. “Her name isn’t going to come up …”
“You don’t understand—” I start to explain but he cuts me off.
“There’s no one else for me, Kat,” he tells me bluntly, his hands hitting the table and rattling the small plates. The couple a table down from us glances in our direction and Evan grimaces. Sometimes he doesn’t realize his own strength.
“I knew you would be upset—” I begin my apology and again he cuts me off.
“But you did it anyway.” His cocked brow adds some humor although I still feel guilty over it all.
I nod my head once. “I did. And it’s over.”
The tension between us lifts a bit as I look him in the eyes and say, “It’s over. There’s nothing there and I’m fine now, but I had to tell you.”
“You’re fine?”
“Yes,” I answer and I am. “There’s no way she’s your type.”
My response gets a short laugh from Evan. A genuine smile even. “You know you’re crazy?” he asks me.
“I do. And you made me this way.”
“Fair enough,” he says but then his expression gets serious.
“I know, don’t do it again,” I say before he can tell me.
“I’m serious,” he says, and I nod.
I glance to Evan’s right, toward the front of the restaurant as another couple walks in. “I was surprised that Samantha does pills,” I say absently. More to gossip than anything else. Well, maybe to throw her under the bus a little. I can admit that I’m not a big enough woman not to.
“What?” Evan asks.
“There was coke on her kitchen table, lying out in the open.” He looks back at me with an expression that’s not quite disbelief, but something else.
“Coke?” he echoes. “Sam doesn’t do drugs.”
I ignore the fact that he called her Sam and nod my head once while I add, “And a bag of pills. She had a variety pack, Adderall and a mix of things. It was like a grab bag. I would never have guessed she does drugs.” I wait for him to say something.
“Speed?” he asks me again although it’s not quite spoken like a question.
“I didn’t say speed,” I reply.
“Adderall is speed,” he tells me with a concerned expression.
“Oh, I didn’t know. I don’t know what they were. I just know what I saw and I was shocked. I’m just guessing it’s Adderall.” I swallow thickly, wishing I’d just kept my mouth shut and saved the gossip for the girls.
I watch as Evan’s forehead pinches, but there’s something else in his expression that catches me off guard.
It’s hard and unforgiving. Something that sends a chill down my spine.
Even his hands clench into fists on top of the table.
I glance at them and then his eyes, but movement behind him at the front of the restaurant catches my attention.
“Is that Suzette?” Even with the shock of seeing her stride in just now, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier for a change of subject. I wish I could snatch the last two minutes of our conversation from the air and shove them back into my petty mouth.
“It’s definitely Sue,” I say, holding up Evan’s end of this conversation since he’s still silent. I’d know that blunt bob anywhere. She walks slowly as she digs in her purse, looking for something at the front of the restaurant.
I’m pushing my chair out from the table when my mouth drops open at the sight of a man coming up from behind her.
He’s much taller than she is even in her heels. I don’t recognize him; he’s facing away from me. In a black suit, he stalks up behind her, moving his hand to her waist and pulling her close to him.
“Who is that?” I say beneath my breath, but when I look to Evan and try to get his attention, he’s busy on his phone.
“Babe,” I say, not so quietly trying to get his attention. It’s not every day you see one of your good friends being felt up by someone you don’t know. I much prefer this conversation. It’s easy and Evan always has something to say about whoever Sue is “dating.”
I have to turn my head when I look back up to keep my eyes on them and try to follow them down the hall. But they’re gone before I even get the chance to stand.
I swear it was her and I go to reach for my phone to send her a message, but glancing at Evan, he stops me in mid reach.
“What’s wrong?” I ask him as he stares at his phone.
“We have to go.” His response is hard and nonnegotiable.
“We just got here,” I object, but that doesn’t stop him from standing up abruptly as the waiter returns to our table.
“I’m so sorry, we have to go,” Evan tells the waiter. “Please cancel the order.”
“Are you serious?” I hiss as the couple from before looks at us again.
“I’m sorry, but something just came up,” he tells me and there’s a look in his eyes that’s begging me not to push him.
“Please, Kat,” he says, ushering me away. “We need to leave. Now.”