Epilogue
EPILOGUE
Kat
Little blips, they come and go,
In rhythm and in time.
Black lines that paint a picture,
And soft lullabies in rhyme.
You’re everything, and the reason I need,
To love and to forgive.
My only wish is to keep you safe,
For as long as I shall live.
S eeing that little blip makes it real. “I can see his heartbeat.”
“You’re still convinced it’s a boy?” Evan says although he doesn’t take his eyes off the monitor. A trace of a smile is on his lips and it only grows when the little one moves.
“We’ll find out soon,” I tell him with a little more glee in my voice.
“Soon as in right now,” the doctor comments, breaking up our little moment.
With Evan to my right, I hold his hand as I lie back on the white paper, hearing it rustle under me.
Dr. Harmony holds the wand right above my belly button.
My belly is covered in clear gel and there’s more than a little bump now that I’m twenty weeks along.
I’m quiet as the sound of a steady heartbeat comes through the speaker. Lub-dub , lub-dub , lub-dub . The only thing that distracts me for a moment is Evan placing his second hand over our joined one.
“Our little baby,” he whispers in awe.
“Your little boy ,” the doctor corrects him, pointing to the screen.
She keeps the wand there for a moment, tapping on the keyboard to take photos before removing the wand and the soft, rhythmic heartbeats are gone.
But I heard them, I heard that steady heartbeat and that sound will stay with me forever.
“He’s healthy?” Evan questions and my heart swells.
“Perfectly healthy,” Dr. Harmony says as she wipes down the equipment and tosses the paper towels into the trash.
“I’ll be back in just a bit with some pictures for you two.” The young blond doctor has a pretty smile; it’s one that reaches her eyes.
“Thank you,” Evan and I say in unison.
“A boy,” I murmur to him before he cuts me off with a kiss.
“We’re going to have a son,” Evan says, running a hand down his face. “It’s real.”
“Does it feel real to you now?”
Evan takes my hand again and kisses my knuckles before nodding his head.
My gaze moves from Evan to the screen. The little heart is beating in a perfect rhythm.
“I have a feeling it’s going to be really, really good,” I tell him and get a little choked up.
“It is,” Evan says and kisses my hand once more. “I know it is.”
Evan
The morning brings a bright light,
Hope and laughter too.
And with time comes a new love,
Faded dreams become anew.
Just remember to hold tight,
And fight for what you love.
For our lost ones will watch over,
And keep us safe from up above.
“We should name him Henry,” Kat suggests as we walk into the house. The homes near the Manhattan Bridge are an expensive area to live, but the park is close, and this school district is where Kat wants to live for our little one, so how could I say no?
She tosses the keys onto the side table, walking past a row of cardboard boxes and a stack of dishes I brought back from the old place last night. “I’ve thought a lot about it. And I think we should.”
“Henry.” I say my father’s name and a swell of unexpected emotion catches me off guard. I slip the jacket off my shoulders and move to busy myself, opening the window in the dining room and ignoring the look Kat gives me.
“I know it hasn’t been a long time since he passed,” Kat says. “It feels like it was yesterday.”
She holds her swollen abdomen and drags out the head chair in the dining room. At least this room is mostly put together. Kat’s nesting has her up all hours and doing shit she shouldn’t do. Like carrying heavy boxes and climbing on the furniture to hang curtains. She’s ever the stubborn one.
“I wish he were here with us,” she murmurs and gets teary eyed; she’s been crying a lot more recently, probably due to the third trimester pregnancy hormones. “But we can give him this, you know?”
Her voice is tight with emotion and I nod my head, understanding what she’s saying but not wanting to voice it.
The wind blows through the house. It’s warm for late March. The breeze gently moves the napkins on the table so I’m quick to tuck them into the holder and attempt to form a response. I miss my father. More than I ever could have imagined.
“He’d have loved to help us move down here.” I say the thought out loud to offer her something.
“At least this time you hired movers,” Kat says with a bit of humor, but her voice is solemn.
She winces with pain and grabs ahold of her belly, her eyes closed tight and my heart races.
“Babe?” She ignores me, just like she’s been doing. For some unknown reason, I continue to think she’ll respond during these Braxton-Hicks contractions.
Hovering over her, I eye her carefully then walk slowly to her and wait, afraid to do anything wrong.
I may have made mistakes while learning to be a good husband, but Pops showed me how to be a good father and I won’t let him down.
“Oh my gosh, that was a long one.” Kat finally breathes out as her body visibly relaxes.
“Do you want to go in?” My nerves are all on edge. I’m terrified, but I won’t tell Kat. I’ve never even held a child, let alone having one depend on me to live.
Kat rolls her eyes at me. “For one contraction? I think not.”
She reaches into the bag at her feet and pulls out a water bottle. “Besides, I read a baby comes when you’re ready and relaxed, and we have four more rooms to set up and get settled in before I’ll be anywhere near relaxed. And another two weeks until our due date.”
A huff of humor leaves me and I move the top box off the nearest stack, ripping the tape back to expose what’s inside.
“So, what do you think?” she asks me.
“About what?”
“About naming him Henry?” She tilts her head to the side and her long hair falls over her shoulder.
“I think Pops would have loved that,” I say, getting out the answer before my throat goes tight and take in a deep breath. “I think he’d be proud.”
Lowering myself to the floor in front of her, I let my hands rest on her thighs and bring my forehead down to rest on her belly. “What do you think?” I ask our son and Kat’s belly shakes as she laughs.
“You think it’s funny, but he’s going to know my voice.” Kat doesn’t hesitate to lean down and kiss me. The first one is a peck on my cheek, but then she moves her hand to my jaw and keeps me still for a longer one, a deeper one.
It’s slow and sensual and makes my blood heat.
“I know he will, and I love you for it.”
I take her small hand in mine and look deep into her eyes.
She’s seen so much of me. All of my bad along with the little bit of good I have in me, and she still loves me.
There’s no way I could doubt that. “I know this past year has been rough, but I’m going to do everything I can to make our lives easy for … forever.”
A small smile seems to tickle Kat’s lips, still a darker hue from our kiss, and she moves her fingers to them.
“I mean it, Kat. I love you and this baby more than anything.” Tears come to my eyes and I only pray she knows that I love her just as much as she loves me.
After a moment, she nods. “I know you do, and I know you will.”
Moving my hand to her belly, I feel our little one kick just beneath the small bit of pressure. It still gets me every time.
“He knows too,” Kat says with a smile that lights her eyes.
“So, Henry?” I question, feeling a swell of pride in my chest.
She nods her head, her eyes getting glossy as she puts a hand on her belly.
“Henry.”
Diary Entry Three
Hey Pops,
I wanted you to know, every day I think about what I should do to make you proud. Even the days I mess up. I guess those days especially. Your voice is always there, telling me to make it right.
Lately, I’ve been doing good. I think you’d agree. Sometimes I make mistakes. Like when little Henry peed through his diaper last week at four in the morning. I changed his diaper but didn’t change the onesie. Kat let me have it for that one.
Common sense and all that goes out the window when it comes to him. She didn’t tell me to change the onesie too. I should have known, but I’m just so careful around him. She’s teaching me, though, and we’re learning together. You’d love it. We miss you so much.
He’s so small, Pops, I can hold him in one hand. I’m scared I’m gonna break him some days. Kat tells me I’m fine, and that I look good holding him. But I’m terrified I’m going to mess up.
I guess I’m just nervous to ruin it, so I keep waiting for her to tell me what to do.
She’s taking good care of me. Especially in that department.
She’s not going to mess up and that’s the only thing that makes me think it’s all going to be all right.
Kat’s not gonna let me get away with anything anymore.
The best part about that is that I love it.
I wish I’d listened to you sooner, Pops. I want you to know, I’m trying to make sure my marriage is like yours and Ma’s.
I’ve got to go. I just really wanted to talk to you tonight. Some nights are harder than others and I’m not sure it’ll ever get too easy. Even if it does, I’ll be thinking of you and wanting your advice.
I love you. We all do.
Sue’s story is up next! You don’t want to miss Tell Me You Want Me .