13. Graham #2
“The kind where she told me she’d do anything if I could help her out with the rent, and I agreed.”
He doesn’t say anything.
I check my phone.
Call’s still connected.
“Scott?”
“You made a deal with her for sex?”
“It sounds terrible when you say it like that.”
“I’m not judging.” I think he might not be. Scott’s always been the most levelheaded of us all. I can hear him drumming his fingertips on the desk in a slow rhythm. “She was into it, I’m assuming, since?—”
“Yes, she was into it,” I snap. “I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. You know that.”
“I do,” he says quickly. “I do. Then what happened? You decided to date her?”
“The arrangement continued in a way where we became closer and there are feelings…at least on my end.”
“Okay,” he says slowly and appears to be more agreeable with the situation. “But...it’s nothing formal.”
“We’re not boyfriend and girlfriend,” I say, hating how cynical it sounds and how petulant the statement is.
“You might want to have a conversation about that, if...things are happening.”
“Yeah.”
A minute passes. It starts to seem like a good idea.
To tell her that I’m her boyfriend now and that she can confide in me for more emotional things.
I shift where I stand, thinking it’s not going to work, but if she’s going to leave me, it’s an offer.
I don’t know what it’s worth, but it may be worth something.
Scott just waits on the other end of the line.
“Graham.”
“Yeah?”
“Go talk to her. You’re not going to fuck up your life by telling someone you love them.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to,” he answers, and I let that sink in. “Go talk to her. Text me tomorrow. We’re all going to come to your office and drag you out kicking and screaming if that’s what we have to do.”
“Don’t or I’ll send building security after you,” I attempt to joke although it doesn’t make me feel any better.
“I can take your security,” he says comically and hangs up.
I’m left standing there in the alcove next to the bench, wondering if Scott’s right or if I’m right or if nobody’s going to be able to tell until I find Maddie and talk to her.
Although doubt creeps in, I’m almost certain she feels for me a hint of what I feel for her.
Before I can head back up, the lobby doors open and a gust of air comes through, as does Madelyn, the woman who’s tempted me to want more in this life.
When the hell did she leave? The question answers itself as I remember I dozed off earlier. I swallow thickly, feeling even less than worthy.
The sight of her is like a punch to the chest. She’s wearing a gorgeous pink dress that looks like a dream and large sunglasses, probably meant to hide how long she spent crying yesterday. Maddie stops when she sees me, hesitates, then continues on toward the elevator.
I don’t say a word, instead I step out to meet her in the middle of the floor. Maddie lets out a breath and we continue walking. I settle in beside her and we go toward the elevators.
Privacy will be good for this. My hands go numb as she doesn’t make a move to touch me, to kiss me. I think she’s really going to fucking end it with me and the thought won’t leave me alone.
She can’t. The only thing I know is that if she plans to leave, I have to tell her I love her. I can’t let her leave me without knowing that she means more to me than our arrangement.
She takes one look at the silver doors and keeps going past, finally stopping at the same alcove I just took that call in. Maddie turns to face me. One more deep breath, and she pushes the sunglasses up to the top of her head.
I was right. Her eyes are all red, her cheeks are blotchy, and she looks like she needs a hug.
“Hi,” she says.
“Madelyn.”
At the sound of my voice, she closes her eyes. After a beat, she opens them again. “I’m glad I saw you down here, because I…I wanted to give my notice.”
Fuck, no . “Your notice?”
“I wanted to ask you if I could end my lease early. I know that’s technically not what’s in the contract, but I’ve considered all my options, and I need to move somewhere that’s...within my means.”
What the hell is she talking about? We have an arrangement. She could live here for the rest of her life and still be well within her rent budget.
“I can take on whatever bills you need,” I offer her. “Credit cards or whatever it may be. Simply give them to me.”
“No,” she says, and her chest rises with a stutter.
“Why?” I’m not proud of how I sound in the moment, and I can’t help stepping closer, my chest aching. “Should I have stayed last night?”
Maddie looks down and away, slowly dragging her eyes back to mine. “It’s not that.”
I can’t let her do this. I can’t let her disappear out of my life. I can’t spend from now until I die thinking about her.
“I should have stayed last night,” I tell her, taking charge of the conversation.
At least my part of the conversation. “That was a bad move, to leave you alone like that. I could have stayed in the living room, given you space, but been there.” I think out loud, attempting to learn from my mistake.
“I am not well versed in…” I swallow, not knowing what to call what we have given the circumstances. “Let me make it up to you.”
“Graham, I don’t?—”
“Come to dinner. Have something to eat, and we can talk.” My voice is even, my suggestion strong yet gentle. So at odds with the chaos and loss that run like wildfire through my blood.
She presses her lips together, and I’d give just about anything to kiss her.
Red. The word hasn’t been said in this moment, but it was before and it lingers between us. “It’ll be all right,” I tell her. “Whatever it is, whatever you need,” I remind her, “I will take care of you.”
But she’s on edge, tensing up, and I don’t want to push her until we’ve had a chance to lay everything out on the table.
“Are you hungry?” I ask.
Maddie runs a hand through her hair, almost knocking her glasses off in the process. “I haven’t eaten much,” she admits. “Yes. I’m hungry.”
“Then come to dinner. Or just...come upstairs. I can have dinner brought to us.”
She hesitates one more time, and I offer her my arm.
“It’s not far,” I tell her, keeping my voice light.
“Only an elevator ride away.” At this moment I remember the first time I laid eyes on her.
I can’t lose her. I did once before, and I don’t know what will come of me now that I know every little bit about her that I do.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I confess to her, and her eyes meet mine with surprise and maybe hope.
“Okay,” she says softly, and takes my arm.
Thank fuck. I at least have a chance.