12. ZARA
ZARA
By the time Gabriel turned up to collect Seth, I was almost relieved, as if the waiting was somehow worse than him actually going.
That didn’t stop me from throwing myself at him and clinging onto him like a koala though, barely resisting the urge to beg him to change his mind and stay, until he gently peeled me off him and transferred me to Eli’s arms saying, “look after this for me until I get back, will you?”
I choked out a laugh, just like he’d intended, and I was glad that his last sight of me before he shimmered away had been at least some semblance of a smile instead of a sobbing mess.
Not that my composure lasted long after he’d gone, and poor Eli bore the brunt of my breakdown, but it wasn’t the first time he’d had to deal with being my emotional support vampire. He was used to it by now.
“You guys really don’t need to stay, you know,” I said once I’d pulled myself together and started clearing away the mainly untouched breakfast no one had really felt like eating.
“Are you sure you'll be okay? I don't mind staying and keeping you company for a bit.” I looked at Eli’s worried face and wanted nothing more than to beg him not to leave me here alone. But I couldn’t do that to him, not when he had Rachel at home waiting for him.
“We can move back here for a bit if you want,” he offered, as if he’d read my mind. “Or you can come and stay with us. Just until you feel ready to be on your own.” I was sure Rachel would love that when they’d only just finished settling into their new house together.
“Or come back to Avalon with us,” Phoebe said. “I’d love the company and so would Tilly.”
“Or come and stay at mine. I’ve got plenty of spare bedrooms.” I managed to summon a half-hearted smile for Theo. He might only have joined the team recently, but it was already starting to feel like he’d always been a part of it.
“You know you’re always welcome in Fae,” Terrah chimed in. “If you don’t want to stay at the palace, my sofa is your sofa.”
“I really appreciate it, all of you,” I said, forcing myself to put as brave a face on things as I could. “But I’m going to have to get used to being here alone at some point. The longer I put it off, the harder it’s going to be.”
“If you’re certain that’s really what you want.
” Eli looked relieved, even though he was doing his best not to show it, and I was sure he’d been worrying about how Rachel would react if he had to tell her they were babysitting me.
“I’ll be here most days anyway for work.
And you can always call me if you need me and I can be here in under a minute. ”
“Same for us,” Jed said. “Oh, and by the way, there’s Karaoke at the tavern at the end of the month and Tilly’s already decided you’re doing a couple of duets with her, so don’t even think about saying you don’t feel like coming or I’ll never hear the last of it.”
I managed a real smile at that. “I wouldn’t dream of bringing Tilly’s wrath down upon you,” I said.
And besides, however shell shocked I might feel now, I couldn’t spend the next six months wallowing.
The time would pass a lot quicker if I pulled up my big girl panties and got on with my life the way I’d promised Seth I would, so that was exactly what I was going to do.
Starting tomorrow. Today I felt I deserved to wallow at least a little.
Once I’d managed to convince everyone I wasn’t going to melt into a giant puddle of snot and tears the moment they left, and was finally alone, I went in search of my phone.
If Seth hadn’t remembered to send me that video before he left, I was going to hold a grudge against him for the next six months, because I wanted to watch it again and see myself the way he’d seen me.
An email with the video attached was there, and I had a text message from Rachel too, demanding to know how Mission Lady Marmalade had gone. I was still deciding whether to answer her or watch the video again first, when another text pinged through from her.
I know you’re alone now. Eli just got back. Don’t leave me hanging. I want to know if it’s worth me getting one of those costumes.
Definitely worth it. Pretty sure it’ll be the first thing on his mind every morning and the last thing he remembers every night while he’s gone.
You so should have videoed it. He’d have loved that.
I just sent back a smirking face.
Oh my god, you totally videoed it you little minx.
Not me. Him.
Hah! Told you it’d be one for the wank bank. Did you get a copy? Can’t wait to see it.
You can see some of it, if I can work out how to edit out the X-rated parts. He may have forgotten to stop recording before things heated up.
If you need help editing it, I’ve been learning how to do that for my SM course.
Nice try. Get your own costume and drive your own man wild. Then you can make your own video and edit it to your horny little heart’s content.
Spoilsport. Got to go, Eli’s waiting to take me shopping. Ring me if you need anything, okay?
I will do. Thanks.
As soon as we’d finished texting, I pulled up the video only to find it was protected with a password. When I’d finished cursing, I found a text from Seth that I hadn’t noticed before because I’d been too focused on Rachel’s.
I refuse to risk anyone else seeing what’s mine. I called you something last night, but you’re quite the opposite and that’s the password. I love you.
Something he’d called me last night. That could be any number of things.
Sweetheart. Pet. My love. But ‘last night’ made me think it wasn’t any of the things he usually called me.
I ran the evening through my mind until I got to the point where he’d spanked me.
Naughty girl. That was what he’d called me.
But he said I was the opposite and that was the password.
Hoping I had more than one attempt if I was wrong, I typed in goodgirl and gave myself a mental high five when it worked.
After it opened I emailed a copy to myself on my laptop so I could see it on the bigger screen and watched it again.
I was surprised at how confident I’d been, although considering how often Seth teased me about being his lustful little siren I probably shouldn’t have been.
Maybe I’d make the most of having the manor all to myself most of the time and start practicing something else for when he got back.
My only regret was that the camera hadn’t captured him at all so I couldn’t watch his face as he’d watched me and relive just how much I’d affected him.
As the rest of the day dragged by I soon realised I was going to have to find something productive to do with my time or I’d go insane.
I spent a couple of hours cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom, resisting the urge to go on a baking spree when there was nobody here but me to eat what I made.
The thought of cake made me hungry though, and I pulled open the fridge to see what I could rustle up, laughing when I saw the container of food with a note in Eli’s handwriting on top of it saying Eat me or face the wrath of my creator.
When I’d polished off the contents, I washed the dish and popped a note of my own inside it: Mission accomplished.
Please don’t smite me with a smiley face.
When night drew in at last, I took a shower and put on the most snuggly pyjamas I owned, then made myself a mug of hot chocolate and settled down with escape from reality in the form of the latest novel from my favourite author.
I cast a longing glance at the fireplace.
Seth had always lit it with magic, and I wished I’d taken the time to learn how to do it the normal way, because there’s nothing quite as comforting as an open fire when you’re feeling down.
Well, apart from being held in your soul mate’s arms, but that wasn’t happening for another six months.
I concentrated on the logs, wondering if there was any way of recreating the fire from my dream cottage in the real world and nearly jumped out of my skin when they suddenly started crackling and flames leapt between them. “Fuck.” I muttered to myself. “Did I do that?”
“Don’t flatter yourself, Mathitevómenos, you’re nowhere near powerful enough for that kind of magic yet.” I should have known. “And you’re welcome.”
“Shit. I fell asleep didn’t I? Am I in my dream or yours?”
“Neither. You didn’t fall asleep. I heard Seth had left and thought I’d come and see if you’re okay.”
Oh, well wasn’t that just peachy. Apparently I didn’t need to fall asleep anymore, Morpheus could just come and inflict himself on me while I was awake now too.
He settled himself down in one of the armchairs next to the sofa I was curled on. “Are you okay?”
“Not really,” I admitted. “But I will be. Soon. I suppose you want to know when you’re getting your new slave.”
He looked a bit hurt, and I felt a flash of guilt. His recruitment methods might have been a little unorthodox, but it wasn’t as if he’d forced me to agree to work for him.
“Didn’t we already have this conversation once?” he said irritably. “You’re not a slave, you’re a valued apprentice. But yes, I would rather like to know when you plan to start fulfilling your side of the bargain. I have been very patient, after all.”
“I was planning on coming to see you tomorrow,” I said, then squealed as a little zip of electricity hit me in the shoulder. “OW! Why did you zap me, you bastard?”
“Because you lied to me. But worse than that, you lied to yourself. You weren’t planning on coming to see me tomorrow.
Oh,” he cut in when I started to protest, “I don’t doubt that’s what you told yourself.
But deep down, you didn’t have any intention of doing so.
Tomorrow you would have decided it could wait another day, then another.
If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll see it’s the truth. ”
I scowled at him, wondering if I could unleash my siren powers on him to make him go away, but they were frustratingly absent.
“The sooner you jump in, the easier it will be, you know. So I thought I’d come and visit you so we can go over a few things.”
“I suppose you may have a point,” I conceded, knowing it was useless arguing when he was right.
By the time he’d told me a bit about how the dream messages worked, and I’d reluctantly agreed to tag along on a few ‘cases’ with him the next night, the fire had died down to embers, and I was barely able to keep my eyes open.
“You need to get off to bed,” he said. “Don’t worry, I won’t encroach on your dreams tonight, and I won’t allow anyone else to either, so you can rest easy.
” By anyone else, I assumed he meant Lachesis, although I couldn’t see what she’d want with me now she’d already got everything she wanted.
“Do you need me to carry you?” He smirked as I shot up off the sofa.
“Do you need me to see you out?” I countered and he chuckled.
“Well, I found my own way in, so I think I can find my own way out too. I’ll expect you at my place at midnight tomorrow, Mathitevómenos.
And please try to find something to wear that’s a bit more appropriate than your usual peasant outfit.
” He was gone before I could find anything heavy enough to be worth throwing at him.
He wasn’t wrong about me needing to get to bed, but not only because I was exhausted.
I was, and I couldn’t wait for this day to be over and to be one day closer to Seth coming back, but I wasn’t interested in sleeping yet.
First I needed to see if I could connect with Seth.
I hadn’t said anything to him about visiting him in his dreams, and he hadn’t suggested it either.
I was scared it was because he didn’t think it would be possible, so I hadn’t said a word, knowing that without that hope to hold on to it would be even harder to let him go.
But now the moment of truth had arrived.
Settling myself on top of the covers, I sent my consciousness into the void, searching for any hint of Seth’s presence.
I thought I felt a slight tugging sensation, but when I tried to follow it I found myself standing in front of a wall of what looked like black granite.
Impossibly high and with not a single crack nor any sign of an entrance, I quickly concluded that it was impenetrable.
Letting myself return to my body, I tried to stay positive.
I’d definitely felt something, even if I hadn’t been able to reach him this time, so maybe he just wasn’t asleep and that’s why the wall was there.
Resolving to try again tomorrow, I crawled under the covers and, comforted a little bit by the scent of him still lingering on the sheets and on his pillow that I clutched to me, I let myself drift off.