37. ZARA
ZARA
“Hello Mathitevómenos.” I looked away from the fire I’d been staring at, to the familiar figure standing in the doorway of my dream cottage. “May I come in?” Well that was a first. Nero usually just materialised in front of me or whisked me away to his palace if he wanted to speak to me.
I shrugged. “If you want. Have you come to lecture me about coming back to work?” He’d told me to take as much time off as I needed, and it had only been a week, but knowing him, his patience was probably starting to wear thin.
“No of course not. Well, actually yes,” he amended, “but not only that. I also wanted to remind you that you have a friend in me if you need one. Not that I should have to remind you of that by now.”
A chair materialised opposite mine, and he lowered himself into it.
“I truly didn’t come here to push you about working if you’re not ready to come back yet, but don’t you think perhaps keeping busy would be better than just sitting here in this dreamscape of yours wishing the nights away?”
“I don’t know if I can. I think I’m broken.
” I didn’t bother trying to hide my tears.
This was my dreamscape, so I could be as broken here as I needed to be.
No pretending I was doing okay and pasting on a fake smile for my friends like I had to do when I was awake.
Not that I thought they believed my act for a second.
“You’re not broken, Zara. Wounded certainly. Bitter perhaps - I know I would be in your place. But this won’t be forever, you know that.”
“I don’t know that though, do I? Gabriel said only one of them can leave the Underworld.
For all I know he’s trapped there forever.
Or maybe he just decided he likes being a king better than he liked being with me and wants to stay there,” I added, hating how pitiful I sounded but unable to stop myself.
He gave me an exasperated look. “Now you’re being ridiculous.
You two are bonded mates. I can guarantee you that everything you’re experiencing being separated from Seth, he’s feeling the exact same things.
He will be back, Zara. And until then, you owe it to him, and yourself, not to go to pieces. ”
Deep down I knew Nero was right, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to summon up any motivation to get on with my life the way I knew I should.
The way I knew Seth would want me to. The rational part of me knew that he would be doing everything he could to come back to me, but the part of me that was crying out for my soul mate tortured me with the possibility that he was gone forever.
He hesitated, as if he wasn’t sure if what he was going to say next was the right thing or not, then gave a what-the-hell kind of huff.
“There’s something I need to tell you.” His expression was a mixture of uncertainty and guilt, and I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously.
“Go on.”
“It’s about that dream you had the night of your birthday.” Oh. My. Gods.
“Please tell me you didn’t send me that dream,” I choked out, feeling my face flame at the thought.
He chuckled. “Relax. Of course I didn’t send it. Although from the look on your face, it’s one I’d have been quite proud of if I had. But no. The truth is it wasn’t a dream at all. Seth was actually there.”
What? “But- but- but you convinced me that it was just a dream. You were so certain. And how could you possibly know that anyway?”
“I told you I came back the next morning because I was worried about you, but I actually came back that night. I was about to show myself when I realised you weren’t alone.
Seth was with you. You were crying all over him, but he obviously had it under control, so I left you to it.
I did speak to him before he left though, much to his annoyance.
He wasn’t at all pleased about being caught out.
” Or about Nero being in the manor, I bet.
“I can’t believe you made me think it was just a dream.
That you knew he’d really been there and yet you still…
how could you do that to me?” The betrayal cut deep.
I’d come to view Nero as someone I could depend on, but if he’d lied to me about something this important, how would I ever be able to trust him again.
“I couldn’t tell you the truth, Agapiméno, as much as it pained me to keep it from you.
I gave Seth my word that I wouldn’t. He knew if you found out it had been real, you’d spend the rest of the time he was gone hoping it would happen again, but Gabriel had made it very clear to him that it was a one-time deal.
He went to great lengths to erase all evidence of him being there before he left because he didn’t want to raise your hopes knowing full well they’d be dashed.
And at the time I have to admit I agreed with him that it was better for you to believe it was just a dream.
If you think that was wrong of me, then I’m sorry you’re hurt by it, but I’m not sorry for protecting you. ”
“You should have told me.”
He gave me one of his ‘really, Zara?’ looks. “Should I though? Should I have broken my word to Seth, who had gone to great lengths to conceal the truth from you, even while knowing that telling you would do you more harm than good? Set aside your emotions for a moment and look at the facts.”
“I suppose I can see why he didn’t want me to know,” I grudgingly admitted after spending a few minutes silently turning it all over in my mind. “But I absolutely think he was wrong. And I wish you’d told me back then instead of waiting until now. Actually, why are you telling me now?”
“Because the circumstances are different now. At the time I did what I believed was best for you, now I think you need to know. Seth and I had a little chat while he was waiting for Gabriel to come and take him back to the Underworld and I think it will help you to know what we talked about.
“He was counting down the days until he could return. That’s not to say he wasn’t enjoying the challenge of whatever he was trying to achieve in the Underworld, but he definitely wasn’t happy about being away from you.
There wasn’t a shadow of doubt in his mind that he could do what he set out to do but… ”
“But?”
“But he did question whether it could be achieved within the six months he’d agreed to.
He was hopeful that if he needed to be there longer, he’d be able to convince Gabriel to allow him one more visit, so he could explain the reasons to you, but he wasn’t at all certain he’d be able to get him to agree.
And as he hasn’t been back, I can only assume that he hasn’t been successful.
At least, not yet. But I don't think we need to see that as a cause for concern.”
“So what are you saying? That you agree with the others and think we should just wait it out and let Seth deal with it in his own way?
“I know it’s hard for you to accept, but yes, that’s exactly what I'm saying. From what he told me, he’d been making steady progress in his time there. And even if he and Lucien aren’t able to achieve their full objective, he was convinced that Lucien won’t keep him there against his will.”
We sat there for a long time, with only the crackling of the fireplace to break the silence until he finally asked, “Are you very upset with me? I never meant to hurt you by keeping the truth from you. Quite the opposite in fact. You can yell at me if you want to. Or maybe you’d like to throw something at me?
” He snapped his fingers and half a dozen brightly coloured pompoms appeared, hovering in air in front of me. “I won’t try and dodge.”
“Very brave of you,” I said, smiling despite myself.
I reached out for one of them and lobbed it at him, then burst out laughing at the look of surprise on his face when it hit him on the forehead.
The next one winked out of existence when I reached for it, then the rest started juggling themselves in the air, disappearing one by one until the last one bopped me gently on the nose before it too winked out of existence.
I sighed. “You’re making it very hard for me to stay mad at you.
Especially when I know you were only trying to protect me.
I know it’s not your fault Seth made you promise not to tell me.
But I’ve come to expect nothing but honesty from you, Nero, even when that means you have to tell me something I don’t want to hear.
And you didn’t just not tell me you’d seen Seth, you went out of your way to convince me that him being here had just been a dream.
That’s the part that really hurts. Is there anything else you’re keeping from me? ”
“No, Agapiméno. I promise I’m not keeping any more secrets. And in truth I’m very glad not to be keeping this one from you any longer. Even though I thought it was the right thing to do at the time, it has been weighing rather heavily on me. Please tell me I’m forgiven?”
“You’re forgiven this time.” It was impossible not to forgive him when he was looking so genuinely remorseful and was obviously worried that I wouldn’t. “But please don’t ever lie to me like that again.”
“You have my word that I won't. And now you know the truth, there’s no need for you to wallow in self-pity any longer, is there.” Charming. “So tomorrow night you’re coming on a visit with me. I’ll meet you at my place at our usual time.”
Before I could say anything he was gone, but not soon enough for me to miss the look of relief on his face.