Chapter 29
29
TODAY
I look back at the time that has passed, and sometimes I am amazed. That woman, the one who didn’t know how to cope with life, who was anxious, insecure and worried, had been me.
I went back home on 1 April, crossing the channel in a very different frame of mind from the one I had felt all those weeks ago when I had arrived. So much had changed for me and for other people too.
Sara and the girls moved into their new place and last month I put my house on the market. I am going to find somewhere smaller and easier to deal with. Who knows I might buy a small place in France. Maybe a shepherd’s hut at Potato Farm where I can go when I need to breathe in that clean, invigorating air and wake to birdsong and more likely, the dogs barking.
Sara was the first in the family to meet Luc and was prepared to be suspicious of him, but in the end, she was won over by his kindness and his charm. The way he cares for me.
Her divorce has been made final now. Marty and the secretary split up soon after their romantic Christmas break, and he did make some pathetic attempts to reconcile with Sara, but that time she spent alone with the girls made her see she was perfectly capable of running her own life after all, and more than that, she was enjoying doing so. I’m proud of her, and yes, I told her so.
Mia and Poppy seem to have adjusted to their new lifestyle of spending most of their time with Sara and occasionally being introduced to Marty’s latest girlfriends, all of whom they find cringe , or occasionally cheugy, which means they try too hard. They came to stay with me for a week during the summer holidays when Sara went off with some friends for a spa break, and we had such fun.
John and Vanessa adore New York, and so do their girls. Luc and I went to visit them for Thanksgiving in November, and they seem to have adapted to life there perfectly. Far from acquiring a New York twang, both Jasmine and Bunny have developed clipped English accents, which apparently their friends and more importantly their friends’ parents, find ‘ just adorable’ .
Isabel has continued making crazy videos of her brocante and attracts more customers than ever. As a result, her g?tes and the shepherd’s hut are practically sold out for next year; she’s thinking of expanding the place and now she has the money to do it.
Felix found that far from being a risk to his business, the English editions of books were incredibly popular, and half his shop is now stocked with them. He remained unconvinced about the notebooks but occasionally sells some.
Most surprisingly, Eugénie and Charles did go to Venice for her birthday, didn’t get lost at all because Charles had an unexpected ability as a map reader, and when they got back she announced ‘ nous sommes fiancés’ as though it was always on the cards. She was wearing a socking great sapphire ring to prove it. Whether they will marry is another matter.
Isabel tells me Eugénie continues to lead Charles a merry dance, one minute affectionate, the next treating him like a naughty schoolboy. She told Isabel he may have to chase her a bit longer before she allows herself to be finally caught.
Luc and I did, as I had hoped become good friends, and who knows – maybe more than that. I know we love spending time together; he came to visit me a few weeks after I had left France. He said he wanted to see York and London again, but then he admitted he just missed me. So, in the end I went with him, and we spent such a lovely time, looking at castles and historic sites, where he knew so much about them already that he made them come alive for me.
And what did I do with my list? When I look back through it, I can see I’ve achieved a lot. I still have some to cross off, but I’m getting there:
1. Do things I like to do.
I’ve certainly done this! I’ve learned how to cook more exciting meals, stopped buying dreary clothes and going to bed to watch television at seven thirty!
2. Don’t do things I don’t want to do.
Apart from anything else, I did get a window cleaner and I’m very happy with him.
3. Travel to places I want to see.
I spent a week in Rome with Luc and yes, I did get a Fast Track ticket to see the Sistine Chapel and it was well worth it.
4. Learn a new language.
I’m learning Spanish. Dondé es el gato? Where is the cat? Probably in the barn, sleeping on top of the tractor.
5. Throw out every black garment I own.
Done.
6. Buy more colourful things.
Done.
7. Change my car.
Done, and 8 – it’s red.
9. New bed linen.
10. New pillows.
Done.
11. Find my white trainers.
I’m wearing them. I have three pairs.
12. Go to Wimbledon.
I went and I had a great time.
13. Throw out the plastic washing-up bowl.
Done. Good job too.
14. Visit John in New York.
I did, and I did stay with them. My granddaughters were so pleased to see me, and we are getting to know each other much better. We even went out shopping together and they showed me the best diners. I never got to see a show on Broadway, perhaps next time.
15. Get a decent haircut.
Done. I lost about four inches of hair and ten years at the same time.
17. Make a dental appointment for a check-up.
Done. Not as bad as I thought.
18. Ring people.
Still not very good at this but I am a demon texter and I know all about emojis and gifs.
19. Stop taking the blame for everything.
This one’s a hard habit to break but I’m getting there.
20. Do things that make me feel better about myself.
Yes, I know I am doing that. Maybe just small things occasionally, but I do them for me. And I recognise them for what they are. Even if it’s just going out for coffee with a friend.
Luc…
As someone once said, love starts as a feeling, but continues as a choice. And funnily enough I find myself choosing Luc more and more as time goes by.
I have just arrived back in France to spend Christmas with him in his cottage and I’m looking forward to it immensely. I will not wear myself out trying to cater to everyone’s needs, I will, just for a change, allow someone to look after me. And I will enjoy myself. And I will not try and lift heavy objects.
The most important thing is that now I am enjoying each day, and I am not afraid of the future.
I have made new friendships and rekindled old ones. I am busy and happy. I don’t have to make life perfect for anyone.
As Eugénie said to me when she saw I was back.
‘Petit à petit, l’oiseau fait son nid, des grandes choses peuvent être réalisées.’
Little by little, like the bird makes its nest, great things can be achieved.