Chapter 31 Kate
KATE
O, beware, my lord, of jealousy!
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock.
The weather has cleared, and while it is still overcast, the air feels balmy.
They are all gathered outside Pia’s house.
A good place to leave cars and bikes. Kate was pleased to see Tay arrive with Bardy.
Pia has invited them for coffee and cake afterward, and Linda is already talking about cake.
This followed Kate’s suggestion that on their next group outing, they might like to come to London with her to visit some galleries.
Everyone seems enthusiastic, and Linda is telling them about her friend’s approach to looking at art.
“She says the best way to go round a gallery is to find a painting you love and a painting you hate. And then go and eat cake.”
“I like it, I think we should do that and then talk through what we chose,” Satya suggests, and Pia nods.
“Would you be able to come?” Kate asks Tay, knowing it is likely to be a midweek trip. Ideally, when she is going to see King Lear with Simon. She could meet up with Simon afterward. She hasn’t seen him since the pub, but they have been texting.
Tay nods. “I guess so. Jan told me to take off whatever time I need.” She smiles, and Kate thinks it makes Tay look younger somehow. “They binned her off, you know.”
“What, that woman who was so awful to you?” Linda asks eagerly.
“Yep. They got security to walk her to the door. She was mouthing off at us all.” Tay is really grinning now.
“How have the other women been?” Kate inquires, slightly worried.
“They’re not so bad. Shit at spreadsheets, but they are getting some help with that.”
“Have you heard what’s happening to Jonathan?” Bardy asks.
“Nah, but he had to write me an apology,” Tay says gleefully. “Twat.” She turns to Pia. “Is Noy coming with us?”
“No, I think he might disturb the birds.” Tay looks disappointed, and Pia adds, “Brenda’s looking after him, but he will be here when we get back. Have you ever had a dog, Tay?”
Tay looks at her like she’s mad. “You’re joking me! Toni wanted one of those handbag dogs, but Bardy stopped her. It would have been dead in a week. Would have forgotten to feed it or left it in the pub. Or some dickhead she was with would have kicked the shit out of it.”
The casualness of this retelling horrifies Kate and makes her want to hug Tay. Hard-shelled, spiky Tay. She thinks of Tay walking into Hana’s embrace. There really must be something pretty special about Hana.
“Right, are we ready?” Leonard emerges from around the tail end of their car.
He is wearing camouflage gear, has binoculars slung over his neck, and has a telescope and tripod strapped to his back.
It is clear he is in a very good mood. “Off we go,” he calls, and he heads off down the path that leads along the water’s edge and across the fields to the bird reserve.
He has already told them which hide they will be visiting and got them all the relevant day passes.
He and Linda have a lifetime membership.
Kate glances at Pia and Satya, who nod at her meaningfully. She hopes her idea might work. But who knows? She sees Bardy watching them but he quickly looks away.
Oh, Bardy.
She likes Simon. He makes her smile. She is genuinely looking forward to seeing King Lear with him . . . but . . .
Her thoughts are interrupted by Bardy, who catches up with her.
“Kate, I’ve been meaning to say, look, I’m sorry about the other night. The Hamlet rubbish I was talking. Sorry. Seems like a nice bloke. Lou said . . .”
“What did Lou say?” And why does she feel Bardy hadn’t meant to say that bit?
“Oh, nothing. Seems to know . . . Simon, is it? From way back. Says he’s not so bad.”
Why the hell have Lou and Bardy been discussing Simon? It is none of their business. Kate is suddenly angry with Bardy. The Bardy who couldn’t even speak to Pia, because he fancied her so much. The Bardy who was getting oh so cozy with Hana in the pub.
“He is really nice,” Kate responds.
“Yes, well, yes, that’s what I’m saying,” Bardy says, flustered. “Have you known him long?”
“From way back, but he’s been living abroad, in Dubai.”
“Ah, must be good to meet up again. You and he are . . .”
“Bardy, what are you on about?” She continues before he can answer, “Look, he’s a friend. Someone who wants to get to know me better.” Why had she said that last bit? A dig because he hadn’t been interested in her?
“I bet he does,” Bardy mutters to his boots.
The phrase You want your Kate and Edith comes to her.
Except that Pia or Hana was Bardy’s equivalent of Edith.
This fuels her anger. On top of that, she heaps her frustration.
She wants to shout at him. Why didn’t you see me, Bardy?
Why didn’t you like me? Even now, she is willing him to tell her that she might mean something to him.
That, despite the hair and the scar that she fears will brand her as damaged and ugly, she is attractive to him.
That he could desire her. She dips her head to hide the sudden tears.
Bardy continues to walk, looking at his boots.
Then Kate thinks of Alice, her dragonfly-bright sister.
She lifts her head. Fuck it. She’s worth more than this.
“It’s been really good to meet him again.
I hope we can arrange this trip to London to the galleries, and I might spend a bit more time there.
Simon’s taking me to see the new production of King Lear. ”
Now he does look up. “But that’s my favorite play.” Without another word, Bardy stomps off to join Lou and Tay.
Kate wants to lift her head to the sky and scream. Long and very loud.
She picks up her pace to catch up with Pia and Leonard, bypassing Linda and Satya, who appear deep in conversation.
Kate hopes Linda can work some of her magic and ease what is troubling Satya.
She must have seen it with her own boys, in partnerships or in marriages that hit rocky patches.
Then she hears the words “mission statement” and her heart sinks.
When she reaches Pia and Leonard, Pia is asking, “So what is the difference between a twitcher and a birder?”
“I’m sorry. What was that?”
Pia repeats it more loudly.
Leonard adjusts his binoculars around his neck.
“Now, birders, they are not just about ticking species off a list, like your twitcher. More of a genuine interest in birds, I always feel. And the liberties some of those twitchers take, invading people’s gardens, gearing themselves out in all the latest army gear.
Ridiculous!” says the man in camouflage trousers.
“Oh, I see,” Pia says, solemnly, eyes twinkling.
Soon, Leonard is leading them along a broad bank that runs perpendicular to the sea.
On either side of the bank is a series of wide expansive pools.
These lie between reedbeds and broader flatlands, intersected by rivulets.
Kate thinks Hana is right; everything reflects everything.
Each strand of water carries the reflection of the sky deep into the marshland.
And everywhere there are birds. An erratic scuttering of small birds explodes from the reedbeds nearby, and in the pools are the waders and the ducks.
Kate is not surprised Leonard thinks this is a “good spot.” It reminds her of an African water hole—there are so many species gathered here.
Leonard may not be a twitcher, but there is no doubt that he is excited by each bird he sees: the curlews, redshanks, shelducks, and ruffs.
“I’ve even heard there’s been a sighting of a long-billed dowitcher,” he exclaims happily.
Kate looks at Pia and Satya and nods. They nod back.
“What’s that all about?” Bardy says quietly, making her jump.
She just shakes her head. “Wait and see.” It seems he has recovered from his . . . whatever it was.
And so has she.
It seems impossible to hold on to annoyance, and even her grief, when standing here listening to the wind and the birds. She thinks again of Alice, feeling the air on her face. She looks up, taking in the sky above her. Breathing it all in.
Despite whatever is going on—or not going on—with her and Bardy, Kate knows she has much to be happy about. That she should be grateful just to be standing here, with these people.
And for the first time in a long while, Kate finds that knowing this does make it so.