Cecilia - Twelve #2
I kept going, “He chipped away at me slowly — a comment here, a criticism there — until I didn’t know where he ended and I began.
I was always apologising, always explaining myself, always feeling like I was too loud, too sensitive, too much.
I was being isolated from my friends, from my family and even from myself.
He hated when I took my makeup off too early, he would say I looked too different and that I ruined the mood.
I would cry and he’d call me dramatic. In the end I felt myself giving up because he wanted all of me, but not in a way that ever felt like love. ”
Theo’s brows drew together slightly, his body still and focused. I saw his fingers move like he was deciding on whether it was a good idea to reach for me or not. As if he could read my uncertainty, he hooked our pinky fingers together and it was enough of a lifeline that I inhaled a deep breath.
“I wanted to leave for months, maybe longer. And when I finally did, I was so relieved and I felt so awful because I thought I had broken his heart. That same night, he screwed somebody else in our bed,” I let out a small laugh, thinking it all sounded ridiculous out loud.
I pressed the heel of my palm against my eye, angry at myself for how unsteady my voice sounded.
“I think he did it to coax me back or maybe punish me. I don’t even know anymore. It was just another thing in a long list of ways he twisted the truth to make me doubt myself.”
I looked at our fingers barely touching and I followed the path up to this face, “You probably think I’m an idiot for staying, but things weren’t as black and white when I was in it.”
His hand moved them to my chin and he pulled my gaze to his.
“You are many things Cecilia Hart, but an idiot is not one of them,” the words whispered from his mouth and settled over me in a way that made my mouth dry and my skin warm.
“I promised myself I wouldn’t let it happen again. I would find my own happiness; I would love myself enough so that no man could ever dim my light again. I want more than to be just somebody’s girlfriend. Somebody’s shadow.”
Theo reached out then, gently, and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers lingered just long enough to make my breath catch.
“You were never supposed to have to survive someone like that,” he said, his voice low and hoarse. “And I hate that you did.”
I looked at him then and everything in me felt too tender.
“I meant what I said earlier that I missed having you in my life, Theo,” I said, the words thick at the edges.
His throat moved as he swallowed, and something shifted in his eyes.
“I couldn’t be in your life,” he said, softer now. “Not when you were with him.”
I frowned. “Why?”
He hesitated, looked away, then back at me. “Because I couldn’t stand to watch it. I couldn’t stand to watch him take up the space I wanted to fill.”
My breath hitched, the air catching in my chest. “What do you mean?”
He let out a breath like he’d been holding it for six years.
“I thought you knew how I felt,” he said. “That night… the kiss… I thought it meant something. And then the next day you acted like it hadn’t happened. You started dating him. And I didn’t know what to do with that, except step back.”
The world tilted just slightly .
I stared at him, my heart in my throat. “Theo,” I whispered. “What do you mean how you felt?”
He didn’t answer straight away. His eyes searched mine, and for a moment I felt like we were standing on the edge of something huge, something that had been waiting for years to be said. His mouth parted slightly — but before he could speak, Siena’s voice rang out across the terrace.
“Oh my God, look at this view,” she said, breathless as she came up beside us. “I swear, this entire coastline is just showing off at this point.”
Nate was right behind her, stepping into the golden light with a smirk tugging at his mouth. “Told you the South of France is unbeatable.”
Siena looked back at him with narrowed eyes. “You’re only saying that because you’re old.”
“I thought you said you liked old men,” Nate fired back, teasing.
“I said men,” Siena snapped, arching a brow.
He leaned closer, voice low and cocky. “You have no idea how much of a man I am.”
For a split second, Siena went silent — her mouth parted slightly as if stunned by his tone — before she straightened and turned quickly toward me.
“Cece, come take a photo with me before I push him into the sea.”
She was flustered and trying to hide it, but I caught the small curl of a smile as she walked away. My own heart was still thudding from everything Theo had just said, and everything he hadn’t .
I turned to him one more time. “Theo—” My voice was barely above a whisper. “It meant something. Of course it meant something.”
He stilled, his expression unreadable, and I saw the slight rise of his chest as he took in a sharp inhale. I didn’t wait for a reply — I couldn’t. Not with Siena waving at me and the golden hour slipping away.
I jogged toward her, as best as I could with my heart rattling in my chest, the echo of Theo’s breath still in my ears. And in the back of my mind, one thought pulsed louder than the rest:
We hadn’t even spoken about Natalie.
Plus, I was just getting my life back on track, even if I’d made a promise to myself to stay free and unbound, it didn’t change the fact that all those years ago… I’d felt something too.