Cecilia - Twenty
It was the following morning and still yesterday kept playing in loops behind my eyes.
Theo. His mouth on mine. His hands. The way he’d looked at me like I was the only thing in the room, like touching me was something sacred.
I didn’t know how to make sense of it. I didn’t want to overthink it, but overthinking was something I’d perfected over the years.
That soft, breathy moan I’d let out when his fingers slid inside me was still echoing in my head.
After our slight detour into one another’s bodies and Theo had left me alone to shower in peace – something I was so grateful to him for.
Despite the fact we had been somewhat intimate with one another, I wasn’t ready yet to be completely naked with him, not when Nate and Rae could have returned back at any point and even though Siena and her sister could talk for hours, I didn’t want to risk her barging into my room.
It wasn’t that I was embarrassed to be seen with Theo, far from it. It was more that I wanted us to just have that moment to ourselves and that wasn’t guaranteed when we were sharing our space with other people .
I had gotten changed into my fresh clothes Theo had kindly bought me and then we had found our way into the kitchen to make an afternoon snack. It hadn’t been long until Siena too was hungry and within the hour everyone was back.
Nate had already returned the boat, as he had only hired it for the previous day, but he offered to pay for Siena and I’s taxi back to our apartment.
Even though we had sailed over, you could easily commute back via the land, it was just a longer journey, but we didn’t mind.
We were grateful that Nate had paid and the taxi ride home gave me a chance to think about everything that had happened between Theo and I.
The blaring of a car horn cut through the air and I turned towards the open window.
The breeze brought in the scent of salt and warm stone, the promise of another clear-skied summer day.
I was already awake. I had been for some time, lying there with one arm thrown across my forehead, trying to chase down my scattered thoughts.
I groaned and dragged myself upright, shoving a hand through my tangled hair.
My whole body felt different. Not sore, not tired—just alive.
I pulled on a pair of shorts and a loose tank top and padded barefoot into the living space.
The tiles were cool under my feet, and the hum of the city outside was just beginning to swell.
Siena was already awake, curled on the couch in an oversized shirt and a halo of bed hair, spooning cereal into her mouth like she’d been waiting for me. The television played something muted in the background, just noise to fill the space .
She looked up. "Took you long enough. I thought you might sleep until noon after your little adventure."
I presumed by ‘little adventure’ she was talking about yesterday; it had only taken one inquisitive look from her yesterday for my face to light up, a deep crimson covering my cheeks – I had always blushed so easily.
She knew something had happened and I had been quiet lipped about the whole thing in the car ride back last night, so I knew my time of silence was coming to an end.
I raised an eyebrow, heading for the kitchen. "I wasn’t gone that long."
"You were gone long enough to come back looking like you’d had a religious experience."
I poured myself a glass of juice and turned to face her. The citrus stung pleasantly on my tongue. "You’re ridiculous."
She shrugged, grinning around her spoon.
"You’re glowing. And don’t think I missed that very purposeful quiet entry when we got back last night.
You couldn’t have run faster from the front door to your room if you tried.
I gave you a whole night to emotionally process, but now? I need details. Every last one."
I flopped down beside her and tucked my feet beneath me. The fan on the ceiling creaked slightly above us, circulating the warm air.
I took a breath. "Okay. We kissed."
"Well, obviously. I figured that out when you kept staring out the car window like you were in a music video."
I laughed under my breath. "We kissed. And then we didn’t stop kissing. And then he, um... "
Siena raised an eyebrow. "Cecilia Hart. Are you trying to censor yourself?"
"I'm trying not to start sweating."
"Did you sleep with him?"
I shook my head. "No. But it was... a lot. He touched me. And it was intense and hot and sweet all at once and now my brain is soup."
She gave a triumphant hum. "So, he made you come and now you’re experiencing post-orgasmic existentialism. Classic."
I rolled my eyes. "It wasn’t just that. It felt like more."
"More than a hand between your thighs? Damn. We really are getting old."
I nudged her with my knee. "You’re a menace."
"You love it."
A moment passed, and then I tilted my head, watching her. "What about you?" I thought my question would help deflect the attention from me, but I knew she was likely to see straight through the facade.
She squinted at me. "What about me?"
"You and Nate." I gave her a look. "You two were flirting."
She huffed. "Flirting? He's hot. I'll give you that. But I don't really do men permanently, remember? They're not in my line of vision."
"But if they were? Wouldn't Nate be your type?"
She gave me a dry look. "He's a sweet dad. A dad , Cece. As much as I love Rae, I don't think so."
"You were laughing together. Close. Comfortable."
She pointed her spoon at me. "Sorry, when did this become about me? You're the one who's just been in post- orgasmic bliss. Why aren't we talking about that? Or his dick. Why aren't we talking about how big it is?"
"Siena!"
"It's big, isn't it? Okay, don't tell me. Just say when."
She held her hands apart, slowly widening the gap between them. I clapped a hand over my face and just started laughing.
"God, no wonder you were smiling like a lunatic when you came in."
I shook my head, breathless with laughter, tears springing to my eyes. "You're the worst."
"I'm the best. Now, are you seeing him again or what?"
I hesitated, turning the question over slowly before answering.
"Yes. I mean, I want to. It's so easy with him, Siena. He just makes everything feel lighter. But also... a part of me is terrified. And I don’t even know why.
I think I thought I needed to be alone to be happy after everything with Adrian, that I had to prove something to myself.
But then Theo has always made me comfortable.
So, us getting together could be great, but then suddenly it feels like too much, too fast. I get overwhelmed. The cycle continues."
Siena didn’t say anything for a beat. Then, gently, "Cece, it's okay to be scared. But it sounds like you're not scared of him. Just of what he represents."
"Maybe."
"Well, maybe it’s time you start letting yourself want the good stuff. Without waiting for the catch."
I gave her a grateful smile. "You're getting too wise in your old age."
"Please. I'm a mess. But I give excellent advice. Now—"
She pushed herself off the couch, brushing her hands together. "I think it’s time we get out of our heads. Let’s go out."
I perked up. "Where?"
"We’re getting our nails painted."
"Yes, please."
"And wine. Obviously."
"We always have wine."
"Sorry, why does it sound like you're saying that as a bad thing? I'm sure I heard the wrong tone there."
I laughed as I followed her down the hallway. "Definitely wrong tone. I'm all in."
Twenty minutes later, we were wandering the winding streets of Nice, the sun warm on our shoulders, the scent of blooming jasmine following us as we passed brightly painted shutters and slow-moving scooters.
We found a nail salon tucked off a quiet square, the kind of place with blush-pink walls and tiny glasses of chilled rosé handed out at the door.
We sank into side-by-side chairs and picked our colours—Siena chose something called French Kiss (of course), and I opted for a soft coral that reminded me of the sunset two nights ago, right before Theo kissed me for the first time in six years.
As the technician started on my nails, Siena glanced at me. "You’ve got that dazed look again. Still thinking about yesterday?"
I smiled down at my hands. "Just... all of it. Him."
"You're in deep, huh? "
"Maybe. Yeah."
Siena sipped her rosé, then nudged me with her elbow. "Then let yourself fall a little. I’ll catch you if it goes to hell."
I leaned my head against hers. "That’s why you’re my favourite."
After nails, we found a café with an open terrace and ordered another bottle of wine, settling into the shade with flushed cheeks and sun-kissed skin.
The laughter came easier than I’d expected.
So did the quiet contentment. My body was still humming from yesterday, but now it was layered with something else—a kind of anticipation I hadn’t let myself feel in a long time.
I wasn’t sure what came next. But I had a feeling it was going to be worth writing about in my journal later.
Siena and I had just gotten back to our Airbnb after an afternoon of contentment, our bellies full of wine and warm bread with slathers of cheese on. I don’t think I would ever get bored of freshly baked baguettes and slices of cheese that burst with flavour in your mouth.
As we shrugged off our bags, my phone vibrated in my pocket and I took it out seeing Theo’s name appear at the top in a beacon-like notification.
Already I could feel my heart bursting and my cheeks pulling as my lips curved into a small, secret smile.
THEO:
I couldn’t stop myself from laughing out loud at his message.
“What are you giggling about over there?” Siena asked and when I looked up I could see her eyes were narrowed at me in question.
I tried to make my expression look as normal as possible, “Nothing.”