Theo – Twenty-eight
I’d never realised how much I wanted someone else I cared about in my space.
Despite the fact that I’d moved in with Nate a few years ago to help him with Rae, I wanted Celia in my space.
After having her around for just one week, I couldn’t picture being surrounded by my family and that not including her.
Six days. That’s how long it had been since I left her at the airport, kissed her one last time with the weight of everything unsaid sitting heavy on my chest.
She was still in Europe — Italy now — sending photos of cobbled streets and rustic lunches, her captions laced with exclamation marks and little hearts.
Sometimes it was just a picture of her morning espresso.
Other times it was her, blurry and smiling, with her hair swept up and sunglasses too big for her face.
Every time my phone lit up, I felt it in my chest.
I’d meant what I said before I left. I wanted something real with her. I still wanted that. But I hadn’t told her the full truth — hadn’t said what sat low and stubborn in the pit of my stomach since I got back.
I missed her. Too much.
More than that, I was terrified .
Because now I knew what it felt like to have her look at me that way. I knew what her skin felt like under my hands, how her voice cracked when she whispered my name, the way she blinked when she was trying not to cry.
What if she slipped through my fingers again?
What if I lost her — this time — after finally knowing just how much I stood to lose?
I was pouring coffee when Rae came bounding into the kitchen, dragging one of her fluffy blankets behind her. Her hair was a mess of tangles and sleep, cheeks still pink from her pillow.
“Uncle Theo,” she mumbled, reaching for me. I crouched and pulled her into a hug, breathing in the scent of her strawberry shampoo.
“Morning, bug.”
She buried her face in my neck. “Can we make pancakes?”
I glanced over her head at the clock. 10:42.
“You slept in.”
She yawned dramatically. “I’m growing.”
I chuckled. “That explains a lot.”
She grinned up at me, missing one of her front teeth, and suddenly everything in me ached. Not just for Celia — but for the life I wanted. The more I’d never let myself imagine too clearly.
Now it had a shape.
A house.
A family.
Her at the centre of it all.
“Pancakes!” Rae said again, bursting my imaginary bubble .
I grinned down at her, “you get the cream and I’ll start making the batter.”
She grinned back and then slid free running straight to the fridge.
Rae was at the bench smearing cream on a plate like it was glue, half of it ending up on her cheek.
“More berries?” she asked, already licking her fingers.
I leaned over to wipe her face with a paper towel. “One berry at a time, Picasso.”
She giggled, wriggling away as I flipped the last pancake onto the growing stack. They weren’t as neat as Nate’s, and the edges were a little crisp, but Rae gave them an approving nod before grabbing her fork.
I was pouring syrup over hers when Nate walked in, hair damp from a shower, wearing that smug face he usually reserved for when I lost at poker.
“Well, look at that,” he said, grabbing a mug. “Didn’t realise we were having a brunch party.”
Rae beamed. “Uncle Theo made pancakes!”
“He did, huh?” Nate grinned at me. “Was he distracted while cooking? Kept checking his phone?”
“Shut up,” I muttered, reaching for the coffee pot.
“He does that now,” Rae offered helpfully, waving her fork. “His phone goes ding and then he smiles.”
“Traitor,” I said under my breath.
Nate raised a brow as he sat opposite me. “Let me guess. Text from Europe?”
I didn’t answer — just sipped my coffee, trying not to look as transparent as I felt. But Rae, bless her, was far from done .
“Celia is so pretty,” she added, licking syrup from her thumb. “And Uncle Theo loooooves Celia.”
Nate barked a laugh and clapped a hand over his mouth like it might stop me from strangling him in front of his kid.
I rolled my eyes. “I hate you.”
“Mutual, mate. So, you going to call her or just reread her messages and sigh dramatically?”
I didn’t answer — because I had been rereading her messages. Every emoji. Every little ‘miss this’ or ‘this reminded me of you’.
It was ridiculous how quickly I’d memorised the curve of her sentences.
But still, I hesitated.
Rae finished her pancakes with a sticky grin and announced she was off to build a ‘blanket spaceship’. I watched her shuffle out, dragging cushions in her wake, then tapped out Celia’s name and hit call before I could overthink it.
She picked up after two rings. “Hey.”
Just her voice made something in my chest loosen.
“Hey,” I said, and it came out softer than I meant. “You busy?”
“Not too busy for you.”
I smiled, sinking a little lower in my chair.
There was quiet on the line. Comfortable. Familiar.
“I saw a house,” I said eventually. “Couple towns over. It’s a wreck. Broken windows, peeling paint, garden full of weeds.”
“Sounds dreamy,” she teased .
“I think it is,” I said honestly. “Or it could be. If I fix it up.”
I could almost hear her smile. “You always said you wanted to build something that was yours.”
“I did.” I cleared my throat. “Still do.”
There was another pause.
“You should do it,” she said, voice soft. “You’d make it beautiful and it’s a dream of yours Theo, so why not?”
What I didn’t say — what sat heavy in the space between my ribs — was that maybe, just maybe, I wanted her to be a part of that dream too.
I wanted more than to anything to create the house for the pair of us, just like we’d joked about in Nice.
Except, I hadn’t been joking. Everything Celia had said she wanted in a house; I had filed away into my brain so I could bring it to live someday.
She changed the subject, telling me about a pasta place she’d found in Florence where the chef sang while stirring sauce, and how Siena was trying to flirt with their waiter and kept knocking things over.
I laughed, picturing it. Picturing her .
“I miss you,” she said suddenly and I felt myself take a deep breath. Those three words were the reassurance I hadn’t realised I needed to hear.
“I miss you too, Celia.”
It took every part of me not to tell her the other three words that sat on the end of my tongue, desperate to spill over and reveal every aching thought I had, but I didn’t want to scare her off or do it over the phone.
Even if she wasn’t ready to say it back, I could wait for her.
I would always wait for her, but I know she needed to have her own time in Europe without thinking she was letting me down if she wasn’t ready to say it back.
It wouldn’t be fair to her.
“Where are you off to next?” I asked, eager to keep her on the line just a little longer.
“I’m actually on the train right now heading to Pisa.
Even now it’s ridiculously tourist like of us to take a photo with our hands pretending to hold the tower and I suspect it’s going to be so busy, we have to do it!
” she explained and at the mention of the train, I could hear the platform announcement ring out in the background.
I smiled at the image of the pair of them trying to get the right angle.
“I’m looking forward to your daily recap later,” I replied and I heard the slight laughter from her in response.
“I have to go Theo, but I’ll send you pictures!” she said and I quickly said my goodbye so she could carry on with her day, not wanting to overstep.
When we finally hung up, I sat there a second, thumb still resting on the screen, like if I stayed still long enough, she might call back and I could hear her voice all over again. I’d missed her over the years, sure – but it was nothing compared to now.
Nate came in carrying Rae’s abandoned blanket. He had kindly followed his daughter into the adjoining room to check on her ‘spaceship’ and allow me some privacy.
“Was that the girl?”
I nodded, not even able to muster up the strength to roll my eyes at him. He already knew Celia was it for me, but being my older brother still meant he loved to tease me about it.
He tossed the blanket on the couch, eyeing me carefully. “You’re in deep.”
“Yeah,” I said quietly. “I think… maybe a part of me always was.”
He didn’t speak, letting me get it out.
“She was the one that got away. And now she’s back, and I actually have a chance — but I can’t do anything except wait.”
“And you're scared she'll meet someone else.”
I looked up. “Yeah.”
I hadn’t wanted to admit it and I knew that both of us over the years had suffered because of people we’d been in relationships with and I knew we wouldn’t hurt each other.
Yet, there was still that nagging insecurity and I knew it mainly stemmed from the fact I felt in awe ninety percent of the time, as I couldn’t believe I had the privilege of being with her.
Nate rubbed a hand over his jaw. “Then build the house. Fill it with everything you want. And when she comes back, show her she’s part of it.” He smiled. “And hey, I’ll help you tear the thing apart and put it back together. You know, like a manly bonding montage.”
I huffed a laugh. “You just want to use power tools.”
“Obviously.”
I glanced down at my phone again, then slid it into my pocket.
“Thanks,” I said.
He shrugged. “Just don’t forget to paint one of the rooms pink. Rae’s already moved in. ”
I laughed at that because of course my wonderfully cute niece had already picked out a room colour.
“It’s going to be strange living without you,” I said and he gave me a small smile.
Nate wasn’t always the best at opening up, but I knew how grateful he had been to me for moving in after Milly had died.
“Don’t think we won’t be around to bother you,” he smirked and I knew he was telling me he’d miss me.
We gave each other a brief hug and then Nate coughed, excusing himself to tidy up, despite the place looking very clean.
I picked my keys up off the side and decided that with Celia still being in Europe for another two months, I might as well start building my dream home. Our dream home. At least I’d have something to show her when she came home.