Chapter Eleven
Jackon
I know I’m in trouble. For the first time in my life, I know my actions did more damage than I”m prepared to handle.
I stare at the shut door that my brother just stormed out of, wondering if he’s even going to bother waiting for me, or if he’s going to head back to Hemlock without me.
It”s probably best not to tempt him any further, so I grab my bag and run downstairs praying I catch him in time.
I jump in front of our car as he starts to pull out of the parking lot, and for a split second I actually think he might hit me. I can see him thinking about it through the windshield. His jaw flexes and his teeth grind harder as I walk and try to get in; except when I reach for the passenger side, he locks it.
He motions for me to climb into the back, so I reach for that door instead, climbing in with an apology on my tongue.
“Just don’t,” he bites out.
Then he proceeds to flip on the radio and cranks the volume so loud I can’t even hear myself think, let alone have a conversation with my brother who’s only a few feet away.
The drive back to campus feels like it takes forever when I’m sitting here in turmoil like this, but I only have myself to blame.
It would be stupid to follow August up to the room immediately when he”s in this mood, so after he parks and storms off with his shit, I sit there in the loud silence and wait for him to disappear from view. I figure he’s going to need a few minutes alone with Delaney before I ruin their happy bubble, so I just get out and sit on the hood of the car, staring at the sky as I ignore the texts blowing up my phone. Texting the angry ex back after everything that just went down would most definitely not improve my situation.
When I feel as if enough time has passed, I grab the bag I dumped at my feet and throw it over my shoulder and head to our dorm.
My face is throbbing from where August punched me, which I accept as part of my penance. Things will likely be awkward between me and them since we live together, but I really can”t predict how Delaney will respond, even if for those few perfect weeks it felt as if I understood her inside and out.
Why can”t I just let myself have the good things? If I didn’t decide I needed to question everything for no reason, I wouldn’t be in this predicament.
Self-hatred rises within me, oily and viscous, as I head to the place my heart wants so desperately to be. But once again, I push that down so I can try and breathe for a minute. What that woman makes me feel is overwhelming and not something I can process. To keep from spiraling once again into my pattern of self-destruction, I keep walking, pausing when I make it to the top of the stairs, because even from the other side of the building I can hear her screaming. Out of her mind, impaled-on-a-thick-cock-and-loving-it screaming. It seems the short time I gave them alone to reconnect was used very well.
Heads are poking out of doors and looking towards our room as I walk shamefacedly down the hall, wishing I had a hand in those sounds. August has zero discretion; he definitely wants to show off what he”s doing because it sounds as if he’s taking her up against the door, which is shaking and rattling on the hinges.
With each thrust another wave of shame flows down my spine, but I must admit that he”s got an impressive amount of thrust force, pulling orgasms out of her like water from a sieve.
When they finally go silent, somebody in the hall actually applauds them. I drag my feet just a little bit longer, giving August and Delaney a chance to move away from the door before I attempt to open it.
Once I”m in front of it I unlock it carefully, relaxing when I notice her bedroom door is shut with them presumably inside of it. This allows me to slink into the room I was sharing with my brother and listen to them through round two via the thin wall that separates us.
I can’t hear what they’re saying to each other, but I can hear the pleading tone in my brother’s voice, the back and forth of them hashing something out, followed by the obvious silence of kissing and groping.
I can just imagine how beautiful he would look on his knees, pleading with her to forgive him for choosing me over her, then the devastation she would paint in the quivering emotional response as she tries to process what she”s hearing. Next comes the rhythmic artistry of their bodies coming together again, softer this time, giving me all kinds of fodder for my imagination to pretend I know what”s happening.
I can hear her sobs through the wall too, her pleading with him for some kind of assurance, the pain we left with her evident in every noise she makes, each one a stab with a serrated knife to everything I thought I stood for.
She”s been doing a good job of hiding that multitude of pain from us, of shutting us out from it so that all we saw was a cool indifference when we moved in with her.
I want to be anyone other than the fucked up person I am so I could actually be in there with them, skin to skin, discovering something incredible and new; but instead I”ve trapped myself in solitude, because I made a reckless decision and wrongly assumed my brother would go along with it like he always does.
It was supposed to be drinks with an old friend,a few mimosas at brunch. I didn”t tell my brother we were meeting our ex there, or that she probably thought it was a date, because I just needed some sort of failure to measure Delaney against, something to throw into relief how I feel about her because I can”t even trust my own thoughts anymore. My thoughts are all traitorous assholes who just want to see me undone, and because it originates from my own head, I keep listening.
So I thought lunch with our ex felt like maybe the okayest idea I”ve had in a while— after all, we weren”t actually with Delaney anymore so there was nothing to feel guilty over. But I guess if that were true, I wouldn”t have hidden it from August.
He was blindsided and completely refused to sit with her, embarrassing the shit out of Nat while she tried to calm him down. She made a mistake and tried to touch him though, grabbing his arm and leaning in close like a lover with secrets in an attempt to de-escalate his rage tantrum.
Hindsight, it was a really shitty thing of me to spring on him, and I definitely deserved the swinging fist to the eye he gifted me once we were right back in the parking lot as he screamed at me about how he”s been waiting for me to pull my head out of my ass so we could grovel to Delaney and try to win her back, because he was so sure that was our future he didn”t even comprehend I didn”t assume the same.
I figured she was done with us and we were just going to be friends.
It didn”t matter that my heart ached every damn time Delaney looked at me, because I could see wheels turning as she started meeting people this past week, moving on with her life.
August has been playing the long game though, and I guess I”m just too thick headed to have seen it. Too hardened by the semi-casual -way she was able to toss us to the side with what felt like minimal uncertainty.
My afternoon ended with August declaring we were on different paths, and that I could fuck around with whoever I wanted to but to leave him out of it, because he”s done waiting for me when it comes to Delaney.
So now they”re clearly having rigorous amounts of makeup sex, which means his groveling must have been on point or she realized that he”s been nothing but loving and attentive since I screwed everything up and she can’t live without him.
Or something very nonspecific like that.
Water. Desperately need some water.
I was so intent on avoiding August and Delaney when I came in, that I must not have paid any attention to the rest of the dorm room. Because sitting on the couch is that crazy-ass professor I want to bitch slap, reading a fucking newspaper as Delaney’s screams echo through the place, painting it in erotic shades.
“Uh, can I help you?”
He waves me off. “No, I’m good thanks.” He goes back to his paper then pauses again. “Actually, I could use some water.”
I stare at the back of his head for a second and decide, what the hell, before preparing a glass for the both of us. I join him on the sofa, handing the cool beverage over in a manner much too casual for the tension I feel.
“Thanks,” he says before taking several sips. “Oh, is that lemon?” he asks, peering into his glass.
“I love me some Meyer lemon in my ice water. I hope it’s okay that I took the liberty of adding some to yours.” Then I fall silent, because I have no idea what else to talk about.
“Fuck me harder you delicious hunk of non-cow meat! Gods, you”re so hot I could just pour some oil on you and watch you sizzle like sausage!”
“That’s a new one,” I remark as Delaney’s words carry over to us.
“Hmm,” the professor says, shrugging. “He called her a delightfully tight cunt muffin surprise before you walked in. Was a little shocked by that one. Seems like they’re getting creative.”
I absorb that before talking again. “Can I ask why you’re sitting in my living room, listening to my brother and my girlfriend go at it?”
“You sure that”s what you want to go with?” He flips the page of his newspaper.
I scowl. “Fine. Technically she’s my ex-girlfriend, but I’m going to change that. I am.”
“Good luck with that,” he says calmly before flipping another paper. He even does that annoying thing where he licks his finger to get a grip on the page first. How old is this guy, eighty? “Did you two have a nice weekend?”
“You want to shove it in my ass baby? Go right ahead. Stretch my virgin ass!”
My eyes go wide, my dick goes hard, and my mouth waters. Mainly because it’s not Delaney that yells this. “What the hell are they doing in there?”
“Oh,” he says calmly, finally turning to the back of the newspaper. “I believe something about a strap on was mentioned a while ago.”
“Mine!” Delaney shouts.
I stand up, fists curled in for who knows why. “She’s pegging him?”
The professor looks up at me. “Perhaps. Seems like it. Sounds like they’re having a nice time.”
“Oh yeah, take that August. Take that dick like a good boy!”
“Most definitely,” the professor amends.
And there goes my boner, reaching that stage where it feels like it”s going to fucking explode from how much blood it’s housing. The thought of Delaney bending my brother over and shoving something inside of him, that”s hopefully connected to something inside of her, has me ready to nut into maybe anything I can reach. Not a good look when the closest soft thing to me is a throw pillow with a gray kitten wearing sunglasses on it.
“Ash Wilder,” the professor says extending a hand. I guess this situation calls for first names. “Most people call me Wilder, though.”
I take his hand. And then I notice the mark on his arm, which is a perfect match to my girl’s. “Son of a bitch!” I stand up, all that testosterone shifting and encouraging me to be very violent in creative ways, but somebody knocks at the door.
“You’re so fucking lucky that just happened. We are talking about that fucking mark.”
He looks down at his arm and smiles. “I think I”m pretty damn lucky too,” he says pleasantly, annoyingly and completely missing the direction of my threat.
I go to open the door, because I think we all know that Delaney and August are occupied at this point. As if to prove my thought, my brother cries out, “Nailmy prostate baby. Smash those big tits into my back and fuck me harder with that delicious little cunt of yours! It’s like a magical jellybean of orgasmic magic!”
Adam stands there with his partner Cory, both of them bug eyed as they stare at Delaney’s door. “This is a bad time. We should come back,” Adam says immediately, trying to flee.
Cory grabs him by the back of the shirt and I take a page from Ash’s, staring calmly at the new guests because it”s really fucking amusing to watch Adam squirm. “What’s up?”
I try to ignore the dirty fucking happening in the next room, tucking my hands into my pockets as I lean against the door frame. “Did she know you were coming over?”
“If you’re here to join,” Ash calls out, “I suggest you wait until—”
There’s an absurd squirting noise against the interior bedroom door followed by a whimper that sounds like a small animal dying, then immediately several slaps which could be spankings, after which everything falls silent. “That,” Ash finishes. “I would wait until that. Maybe give them a minute before you join them, I’m sure she could be roused again since she doesn”t have a refractory period.” And then he starts reading a book that I’m pretty sure is from Delaney’s shelf, completely uncaring there”s an absurd amount of abs and chest hair on the front.
I look back to Adam and Cory. “Is that why you’re here? You finally grew some balls?”
Cory shakes his head, warning me that I”m poking at a sensitive topic. Whatever, I can handle Shit Bag Adam.
Adam looks pissed “No,” he bites out. “I came to apologize.”
This is funny to me because I’m pretty sure that’s what Ash and I are both also waiting for, and the absurdity that Adam would show up at this exact moment that August actually is apologizing, in a completely outrageous and scarily vulgar way that still manages to sound sexy and erotic is fucking hilarious. So I laugh. And then I laugh some more, and pretty soon I’m wheezing, bent over, and I’m pretty sure that Ash appreciates the joke too because he’s chuckling in the background.
“What the hell is so funny?” Adam asks.
“Have him get you some of his refreshing lemon water,” Ash suggests. “It is delightful.”
The sound of pipes filling with water comes from the walls, and I think most of us breathe a sigh of relief because if they”re in the bathroom, then hopefully that means they’re done with all their kinky sex and are very responsibly getting cleaned up.
“Please, come in,” I say, wiping tears out of my eyes and backing up so Adam and Cory can walk into the place. I shut the door behind them and head to the kitchen to get them drinks, tracking them as they find a place on the love seat across from the sofa. Cory is staring at Ash like he might be a ghost, and I remember he is a teaching assistant for him. This ought to make class next week really exciting.
“Professor Wilder?” they ask timidly.
“Hello Cory,” Ash says, adding nothing else as he goes back to his book.
“Right. This is fucking weird,” I say as I pass out the waters, claiming my spot back next to Ash.
And then August and Delaney start banging in the shower, which is somehow almost as loud as it was when they were up against the bedroom door.
“Damn girl, get it,” Cory says under their breath.
“What do you have to apologize for?” I finally ask Adam after we all spend a good few minutes appreciating the sex sounds.
Adam opens his mouth to speak, but Cory cuts him off. “Don’t answer that,” they say with their eyes narrowed at me. It’s almost as if I can see computations running through their head as they try to figure out the situation. “I heard you and your brother do everything together.” It definitely comes out like an accusation.
“But your brother’s in there getting the life banged out of him, and you’re out here moping. So that must mean…” and they gasp. “August and Delaney got back together, but you’re not part of the deal, are you? You and August split ways! Oh shit, this just got juicy!”
“Must we?” Adam says on an exhale, rubbing the patch of skin between his eyes.
“I would like to hear all the sordid details of your failed relationship now, please.” Ash finally puts aside his book because apparently I’m that interesting. He turns to look at me, waiting for an answer, with an expression that says he might be reading a weather report.
“Oh my goddess” I say frustrated. Apparently we’re just here to gossip now. “Fine. I have issues, okay?”
“I’ll say,” Adam mumbles.
Rage flows through my veins as I focus all my attention on Adam. “You want to talk, man? You going to talk about the fact that she’s in love with you and she came to the school to be with you, and to declare it, but you were already with somebody else and she didn’t even know that and was so embarassed? Or do you want to talk about how crushed she was to find out that she didn”t even mean enough to you to tell her you met somebody?”
“I told you!” Cory says standing up and pointing a finger at Adam. “I was right! Suck it!”
“Oh this is fascinating,” Ash drawls, leaning forward on his knees.
“You’re going to get involved now?” Adam asks, shifting his focus to Ash to avoid answering me. “Fine! Then let”s talk about how you abducted her at a community leadership event and bit her against her will, and then ghosted her! Let’s talk about how she didn’t even know what that bite meant until Cory told her, making her realize that she was basically rejected! Let’s talk about the fact that she ended up in your class and you bullied her in front of everyone and made her cry!”
“I knew there was more going on!” I yell, jumping into the noise.
“Gods, you’re all so dumb,” Cory intones, dropping to the seat exhausted. Adam goes to put his hand on their knee, in a gesture of what I”m assuming is meant to be reassurance.
“I wouldn’t do that,” Cory snaps at him.
“Babe it’s really not like that,” Adam pleads.
Cory shoots me a look that says, isthis guy for real? And then we both snort and start laughing in tandem.
“It’s exactly like that,” Cory assures him. “Okay, somebody needs to fix this; and by somebody, clearly I mean me. I think we can all agree that I”m the most qualified to do that. I have the perfect solution.”
“This is getting so incredibly intricate and intriguing the more that comes out of the woodwork,” Ash says, completely unaffected by everyone’s anger. I kind of want to rile him up because he”s too chill for this situation.
So I snap at him. “What are you even doing here?”
“Oh,” he says. “I stopped by last night because I wanted to talk to Delaney, but she was out on the balcony drunk, laying in the rain, going on about gargoyle dick? There was some other guy here too. Apparently they’re in love.”
“Who?” I demand.
“I don’t know. Just some guy. I don’t think she knew him that well, but she said she loved him. He was looking at gargoyle dick, too. It was either an incredible bonding experience, or the tequila was talking really loud in her head. Anyway, he left, I stayed the night on the couch to make sure she was okay. I made her breakfast this morning and was going to make sure she felt okay after drinking so much, but she kicked me out.
“Then she called me again about an hour later asking me about the balcony. There were stones everywhere and she cut her foot—”
“Is she okay?” I instantly demand.
“There was a little blood, but I fixed her up,” he says patting me on the shoulder, and I relax.
“So there were some creepy stones on the balcony that said ‘she’s mine’— very dramatic, yes. But I think there might have been somebody that broke in last night, so we need to figure that out. Obviously she can’t be alone in here.”
My head is spinning. “How on earth did I miss this much? I swear to you I was only gone for two nights.”
Ash shrugs. “I came up to check things out and we were finally having a heart to heart, and then your brother came storming in. With all the… door fucking and bedroom pegging though, I think she forgot I was here. Understandable,” he says waving me off, “but I kind of want to finish that conversation with her?”
“Thanks for clearing that up. Are the rocks still out there?” I question, standing up to check them out.
“Yeah, and somebody threw something at the window, too. It’s cracked, so be careful.”
“What the hell?” Adam asks before going to check.
“Again?” August asks from the bedroom, sounding exhausted. Clearly they’re all wrapped up in their own world to be completely oblivious to everything happening in the living room. Then again, my brother’s dick did make Delaney she had someone over and they were mid-conversation from the sound of it.
“Just a little bit right on my chest,” she assures him. “Please?”
“Fine,” he whines, “but I do this, and you’re not getting the tongue thing again until later.”
“Deal!” she replies excitedly.
All of our heads whip to the bedroom door.
“I hope she has spare sheets,” Cory says conversationally.
I can answer that. “Yeah, she’s loaded with sheets. Mattress protectors, too. At her mother”s insistence, actually.”
They all nod their heads as if this is a normal thing for a mother to do.
Then Cory, sounding impressed, adds, “That man can fuck.”
“That’s my brother you’re talking about.” It comes out as more of a growl than words, but whatever.
Cory stands and goes for their bag, twitching slightly like they”re nervous. “We all need to relax, I think. Clearly the goddess wanted us all here at the same time, because we need to bond. We’re all meant to be in her life,” and they pause to glare at Adam, “so I think it’s important that we all get along.”
They withdraw some sort of packages that are thin and look squishy, ripping the top off of one before walking back over to me. “Lay back please,” they ask me. “Rest your head on the couch and tilt your face up. This may be a bit cold.”
“What the hell is that? Why is it slimy?”
“Oh shut up, it’s a face mask. It’s good for your skin. We all need some chill out time.”
Adam is smothering a laugh at my expense, but Cory catches it. “Careful, I can feel that amusment from here. You’re next.”
Adam rolls his eyes as Cory smooths the cool calming sheet over my face.
“Cory, don’t be absurd. I don”t do facemasks,” Adam informs them.
“Oh absurd, am I?” Cory is actually kind of scary I’m realizing when there’s something they want. “Don’t make me break out the cucumber slices for your eyes. I will so do it.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“I’ve also got a deep conditioning hair mask I’m more than willing to retrieve.”
“Fine, whatever,” Adam retorts, sulking and leaning back against the couch.
I listen to Cory tear open another package and Adam”s disgruntled whining as Cory applies it to his face.
Adam can be a little bitch, this might be the most relaxing thing I’ve done in a while. “I”m actually greatly enjoying this. Thanks, Cory. It”s like I can feel the stress melting away.”
Cory gives me an ‘mmhmm’ in response. “It will help with any fine lines you might be worried about, too.”
Should I be offended? “You think I have fine lines?”
But I don”t get any confirmation, so I let it go.
“Here, listen to this,” they say, and then some soothing music comes through what I’m assuming is their phone.
“Here Mr. Professor Wilder, Sir.”
“Thank you Cory.” I hear the rustling of packaging again and then I feel Ash’s weight fall against the back of the couch, and more rustling as Cory presumably gets a mask for themself, and then we”re all just zoning out, listening to soothing piano music. A couple of bros working on skin care and mental health. Sexy.
It”s weird, but I can actually feel tension draining out of me as I attempt to relax. “This is such a simple thing, but it makes such a difference.”
“I’ll make sure I stay stocked then,” Cory answers from across the room.
It’s silent for a few minutes aside from the music, and then Delaney’s bedroom door unlatches and uneven footsteps make their way towards us. It sounds like she”s limping, which is a whole other level of rigorous sex I have not achieved. I know when she finds us all out here bro-ing it out because she freezes. “What the hell is happening out here?”