Chapter 2.16 #4
“I know now that he is worthless…but it is so sad, Lizzy. That he deceived me is of little importance, but I am thinking of my father who treated him so kindly. He even paid for George’s school, you know. He would be so disappointed…”
“Oh, my dear…I cannot tell you how pained I am for your sorrow and how angry I am at Wickham! And at myself because I allowed myself to be deceived by his lies much easier than you did. I only knew him a few days, and impressed by his appearance of goodness and amiability, I granted him my trust and my friendship —for which I am deeply ashamed. You knew Wickham all your life; your father showed him affection, and you were accustomed to his presence in your parents’ house for so long that it was only natural you grew affectionate and trustful towards him.
And it is even more astonishing that you found the strength not to follow the plan to the end.
Few women in your position would have had the same courage and determination. ”
Elizabeth’s speech turned angrier with every word. Her own frustration, shame, and fury came to intensify her sadness for the torment Georgiana had to suffer and for Lydia’s misfortune.
“Lizzy, I do not deserve such praise. It was only by chance that my brother came to visit me a day before the elopement. I could not keep the secret from him, as I could not bear to disappoint him. I confessed everything to him, and he wrote to George. I know not what my brother said, but I never saw George again.”
“Mr. Darcy must have been so upset…” Elizabeth whispered to herself, but Georgiana heard her.
“He was indeed. What I regret the most is the pain and distress I caused my brother. He did everything for me, and I was such a disappointment. I will never be able to remedy this.”
“Georgiana, I have known Mr. Darcy for over a year now, and we have had frequent disagreements. Many of them —I only now realise —were due to my trust in Mr. Wickham and his malicious stories about your brother.
But one thing I came to know from the beginning of our acquaintance: Mr. Darcy’s affection for you. He always spoke of you with such tenderness and admiration that anyone could see the strength of his love for you. Surely, you cannot doubt that.”
“I do not. I know he does everything for my happiness even when he disapproves of my behaviour. He was displeased with my decision to find refuge in unfamiliar parks and conceal my true name, but he allowed me to do as I pleased. Do you wish to know why I did that?”
Elizabeth held her arm tighter. “Only if you wish to tell me, my dear. I confess I am grateful that I met you, aside from the reasons that brought you near Gracechurch Street.”
“Yes, it was the best thing to come from this. You were the only person who wished to be my friend without wanting anything from me.”
“My dear, I am sure there are many others who care for you as much as I do. Why would you feel otherwise?”
“I cannot say. It might appear strange to you but…I just could not bear to meet people I know in Hyde Park. I felt like everyone knew what I did, and every glance seemed to carry with it reproach and disdain. And any time I met one of our acquaintances, they would ask about William. I am so tired of being only my brother’s sister.
I would readily give my life for William, but I wished that, just once, someone would like me for myself.
I know I sound unreasonable and foolish…
and probably my words make no sense to you, but I feel so much better talking to you.
I am so grateful that you listen to my ramblings… ”
Elizabeth’s thoughts were a tumult then grew into a storm that overwhelmed her.
She found little to say as her heart ached for Georgiana.
Slowly, the girl’s soul opened to her enough that she could see inside it, and the depth of the suffering and torment of a young person who seemed to have everything frightened her.
Her own concerns, her own doubts, mattered little.
There was nothing to discuss and no decision to delay.
She could not —she would not —forsake the girl who valued their friendship so much.
“And I am grateful that you trust me enough to share your ramblings with me, my dearest friend. Now we should return to the others; we will have plenty of time to talk on our journey to Pemberley and in the next few months there.”
Georgiana’s eyes glimmered, and then tears fell over her pale cheeks.
“You are coming with me to Pemberley? The day after tomorrow,” she whispered incredulously.
“I most certainly am.” Elizabeth attempted to smile.
“Oh, Lizzy, I am so happy…so very happy…but you said you were not certain. Did you change your mind because of everything I told you?”
Elizabeth breathed deeply, took the girl’s hands in hers again, and looked deeply into her eyes as she answered.
“Yes! I do not wish to deceive you, so I shall not offer useless explanations. I am grateful for your confession. It helped me understand that now I must —and I wish to —be by your side. At Pemberley.”