Chapter 8 - Archer
I’m still feeling like a smug son of a bitch to have been able to experience Trish coming like that.
What a fucking privilege.
And I can’t stop replaying it in my head.
We spent the rest of the day in the lake, stopping only to eat some sandwiches I had brought and play some cards. When it was time to leave, I let her get out of the water first. I had to have one last view of those gorgeous curves. Another memory replaying in my mind.
To say I was relieved to hear her ‘yes’ when I asked her to have dinner with me would be an understatement.
Taking turns taking a shower, I let her borrow one of my t-shirts, which instantly makes me possessive. I almost pin her down on the floor and take her right there.
“I’m impressed you know how to cook.”
“If the fact that I cook leaves you impressed, you sure have low standards.”
She laughs out loud, I wrap my arm around her waist after I put down my knife. “Lucky me,” I say, kissing her passionately.
She’s a giggling mess, the kiss turns sloppy, it’s the most fun I’ve had in a while. In fact, all the time I’ve spent with Trish so far has been the highlight of the last decade.
I get back to chopping the vegetables, and she snatches several slices of carrot.
“There’s food in the fridge, help yourself,” I say. It’s taking me longer than usual to prepare dinner because I keep getting distracted. I love the interruptions, but I don’t want her to be hungry.
“It’s more fun this way,” she says as she grabs a full carrot this time, taking a bite, the crunching sound filling the room.
I shake my head and continue chopping.
It’s only when she’s serving the food onto our plates that she comments on the state of my home.
“You’re doing this whole renovation by yourself?”
“Yes, it keeps me busy. The cabin belonged to my family for generations. I thought it was time to update it, I’ve been living here for a long time. Over the last few years, I’ve been learning how to do repairs and felt confident enough to tackle the job.”
“It’s a big undertaking, every month an additional problem I hadn’t planned for arises,” he continues. “Luckily, some of the guys who live here in the Almond Mountains come help.”
“You don’t seem like the kind of guy who asks for help.”
I smile at that.
“Oh no, Lana does that for me. She comes by to inspect the state of everything and quickly figures out if I need a hand or not.”
“That does sound like Lana. She’s like that at work too.”
“I figured. Ever since she came to live close by, my life has been genuinely better.”
“She changed my life too. Once Lana becomes your friend, you know she’ll be there throughout your whole life. Taught me everything I know about my job, which is why it’s been so hard to open up with her. I don’t want to disappoint her.”
“One thing I know about Lana is that she never judges you. She’ll understand.”
“Yeah, I know. And she knows something is up. She’s not dumb, I know she’s worried,” she looks down. “I’m going to tell her when she gets back,” she says with certainty. After a beat, she nods toward the mess around us. “So... how much do you still have to do?”
“It’s still a mess, I know.”
“No, no. I swear, when I heard you talking about renovations the other day I pictured something way worse. It’s clear you have everything organized,” she points to all the numbered boxes, and the clearly defined corners— the tool corner, the paint corner— throughout the living room.
“I don’t like to live in a mess. The military does drill that into you, even if you’re there for a short while.”
“Is that...?”
“Yes, it’s a struggle to be in a place full of people because of that.”
I try to keep it light as I try to explain the panic of feeling constantly in danger when I get to a crowded place.
When she squeezes my hand, though, I want to go deeper, letting myself tell her more than I ever told another human being.
When I’m done, I realize she doesn’t know why I’ve been insistent on going to my nephew’s wedding.
“Despite everything, I want to go to my nephew’s wedding.
It means a lot to him.” I smile to myself.
“I became an uncle when I was eleven. None of the kids in my class could say that, so I thought it was the coolest thing in the world.” I let out a quiet laugh.
“Honestly, it never stopped feeling special. We stayed close as he grew up, even with me always keeping to myself. Then I came back from the military and...” I trail off, rubbing the back of my neck.
“I started pulling away from everyone, him included. I hate that I did that.” I shake my head.
“A couple of years ago I decided I’d had enough of hiding behind it.
To be honest, I think having Lana around played a part in it too.
She’s good at keeping me in check. I’ve been making an effort ever since: calling, showing up, making sure I don’t lose what we have.
When he invited me to the wedding, I knew I had to go no matter what.
I don’t want to fuck it up. It will not be a huge wedding so I think I’ll manage. ”
No. I will manage. I’ll manage because my nephew deserves that of me.
She squeezes my hand again.
“You will. I know you will.”
I take her hand to my lips and kiss her.
Maybe this is what sharing a life with someone looks like. Putting our naked selves out there, hoping that instead of recoiling, they’ll offer us affection.