33. The Sunset Trial #2
“Congratulations,” he beams.
I have absolutely no clue what he is talking about. After what I just witnessed, I don’t think there is anything left in this world worth congratulating.
“Sorry?”
He indicates my uniform. “You FI’d.”
“Oh. Yes.”
“I knew you would learn quickly.” He motions with his shaved head. “Let’s catch up on each other properly, now we can. I really have been wanting to.”
“Yes,” I say again, even though I know that won’t be happening. I don’t trust any of the FIs. They’re all cowardly or stupid enough to swear loyalty to a tyrant Queen.
I don’t want them dead, and I hope Ephraine will spare them.
But there are consequences to actions. And these are theirs.
At least, I think to myself, as Riss and I sit at a bench with our bowls, Cosmer is free. And I’ve FI’d. We can be together, whenever he’s ready.
Riss has plucked out a bone from her stew and is sucking on it. It would be the most unladylike thing I’ve ever seen if it wasn’t so endearing when she does it with her little fingers.
Why hadn’t I liked her to begin with? She’s a little rough around the edges. But she’s a good person.
And a true friend.
“We’ll help each other, won’t we?” I say. “When we’ve got Cosmer back.”
She nods quickly. “Of course. He’s going to need us both. And honestly, it will be nice not to have to get him clean again on my own this time. It can be pretty lonely.”
“Lonely?” I repeat, swallowing heavily.
“Addicts are…” She flails her spoon. “Selfish. The drug, that’s the only thing they really care about.
So, they’ll lie to your face. Hurt you, over and over again.
They don’t mean to. They don’t want to. It’s the addiction.
” She sighs. Goes back to her food. “The amount of times I wanted to give up…”
Oh, Cosmer.
What did you do to yourself for me?
“The first few days are the hardest,” she continues.
“You have to watch them like a bird of prey. You can’t even really fall asleep.
You have to make sure they don’t get away from you, because they’ll just try to find the drug again.
” She licks her lips. “And osimidite withdrawal is particularly nasty. They start shaking. Wheezing, like they can’t breathe.
And he’ll be completely miserable. He’ll be begging us for it.
You’ll have to be strong. Stronger than you’ve ever been. ”
She looks up at me.
“But this time will be different,” she concludes. “There are two of us helping him. Two of us who love him, in our own way. I think – I hope – that will be enough.”
We eat in silence for a moment.
“Riss,” I say.
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
She snorts. “For what?”
“Being such a good friend to Cosmer.” Hesitantly, I add, “And, to me.”
She laughs. “Who said I was friends with you?”
I kick her under the table. She laughs harder, spit coming out of her mouth, which makes me laugh too.
And maybe we can do it. Maybe we can get Cosmer clean again.
Maybe I can finally live the life I want to live.
And love the person I want to love.
After dinner, I help Riss move her things from her standard cabin back up to her old officer cabin.
Dumping her clothes on her dresser, she leaps back onto her four-poster bed. Stretches out like a flipped-over crab.
“Heaven,” she gushes, stroking the sheets. “I missed you, bed.”
“Goodnight, Riss,” I say, making for the door.
But she calls out to me. “I don’t mind if you want to share. There’s loads of room. And I’ll bet you don’t snore as badly as Drake. And we can talk about dumb stuff.” Mischief glimmers in her face as she sits up, pulling a pillow to her chest. “Like how me and Cosmer kissed once…”
My jaw drops. “You didn’t!”
She howls with laughter. “Your face! I’ve been dying to tell you.
It was at a morale booster. Don’t worry – it was disgusting.
Like kissing one of my brothers. We’ve been friends ever since.
” Grinning, she bats her eyelids at me. “Come on. I bet you’ve got loads of dumb stuff you’ve been dying to tell me. ”
Talking about ‘dumb stuff’ until late does sounds fun.
But…
“Thanks, Riss. But I’m just going to sleep in my old cabin.”
She scrunches her delicate nose. “Really?”
I shrug. “I like it.”
I do. And Cosmer will know where to find me.
“Goodnight, then,” she says. Knowingly, she adds, “Girl in Love.”
“Goodnight, Riss,” I say again. “My reluctant friend.”
That sets her off into nasally laughter again. I can still hear it as I close the door.
I sleep restlessly. I check the bed next to me every time I wake, but to my overwhelming disappointment it remains empty.
At some point, I feel a pressure between my temples. I know it must be Drake trying to enter my mind. I keep him shut out.
I’m almost finally in deep sleep when bells ring out. In my blurred state, I think maybe it’s Cosmer, coming home to me at last.
But it isn’t. I’m still alone.
And there’s a problem. Because this isn’t the morning bell. It’s more urgent, and it’s accompanied by the sound of a loud, long horn. Lights haven’t come on. My body is telling me it’s still night.
I tie my hair up in my ribbon and open my door. All along the hallway, other pilots and soldiers are opening theirs. Some are running, fleeing from their rooms, overstuffed satchels at their sides and oxygen cannisters on their backs.
What is happening?
A solid mass appears by my side. He takes my arm.
“Evacuation order,” Drake says. “Get your oxygen mask from under your bed. Then we need to go.”