48. The Erasure of Pain
The Erasure of Pain
I’m speechless. Breathless.
I can’t begin to form an answer to this. Any of this.
In the air, our magic continues to twist and writhe. But some of the strands are coming undone. Splitting at the ends. As if giving up the fight.
Swallowing, I say, “If we do all of that, then nothing changed, by initiating The Soulmates fortune. You still did end magic – the way we know it, anyway. I just helped you.”
“No one cheats the Sisters. Especially not queens who think they can.”
I remove my wrist carefully from his grip.
Calmly, a rip in my throat, I say, “I want it, Drake. I can see that it would be a life that would make us happy – and our people happy. But I don’t see how it’s possible when I love someone else.
And when…” I exhale. “When he has hurt me the way he has. I’m not myself right now.
I don’t think I’ll ever be myself again.
” I stand taller. Push my face up against his.
“That’s why I need you to do it. Erase my pain.
Just like I asked. It’s the best thing for you, and me, and Rhavna. ”
He motions with his head. “I do not believe that would be wise—”
“I do,” I say, hushed. “Erase my pain. And I will be your queen.”
“We cannot erase him.”
I already know what to say to that.
“We can erase the reasons I loved him.”
“It would still require an immense quantity of magic.”
I nod. “We know what we need to do to get that.”
“Ara,” he breathes, briefly closing his eyes. His lashes are long. I hadn’t noticed that.
I’m insistent. “You have nothing to lose. And everything to gain.”
“You understand what you are asking me.”
“Completely.”
“I would not do it for anyone else.”
I reach for his shoulders. He’s perfectly still, as if afraid to move. My fingers move up to settle by his neck. I level my mouth with his.
“You would do it for me,” I whisper, soft as dusk. “So, do it. Please.”
I feel, see, his body quiver.
He never should have let me know his weakness.
He stares at me like he loves me and hates me at the same time.
But he doesn’t stop me.
I shut my eyes and press my lips quickly but gently, so gently, over his. They’re soft, just like I’d thought they might be, and his mouth is burning. At its touch, my skin ignites. My heartbeats slow, then almost come to an end, as if my life is over. Or about to start again.
The magic that was in the air surrounds us. Enters us. We become the knots. A togetherness I can’t even begin to describe.
The flame really was inside us.
And the magic is working.
I experience what I’m losing before I lose it.
The sugary-sweet taste of tinned peaches. Like goodness in the world.
The feel of the sun on my bare skin on the desert island.
Cosmer’s hard, warm, slender body against mine. The smell of oil and metal and leather in my mouth.
His quick footsteps over the Sky Deck, towards me. His hair flaming. Freckles popping. Everything, and everyone, else a blur.
The ribbon between our faces, as I laid over him, swinging it between us.
Riss’ voice. Must have really liked the girl he did it all for.
His own voice, in that crooked smile. Brought you some bread.
Tears are streaming down my face. Pain is leaking into my every breath. It sits under my ribs.
But it’s like inhaling osimidite. I am numb to it.
My head is lighter.
My heart is freer.
There it is, I think.
There. It. Is.