Chapter 17
Water is Wet
? Over my head - The Fray
Liam
Dinner is surprisingly uneventful. Then again, I should’ve expected that Aiden would steal most of the attention.
He spends the evening talking Connor’s ear off about school, the science fair, and everything he’s missed in the last six months.
Muffins with Mom day gets a particularly enthusiastic reenactment.
Aiden yawns and rests his head in his hand at the far end of the island, where he claimed his seat beside Ruby.
“Come on, little man. I’ll tuck you in.” Ruby holds out her hand for Aiden.
“I can do it,” I say.
She shakes her head. “Why don’t you boys have a drink, and I’ll take care of the cleanup?”
“You sure?” Connor asks. “I can help.”
“I’ve got it. You two need to talk.” She squeezes my forearm and leads Aiden away from the kitchen.
“Night, Uncle Connor,” he says.
“Night, buddy.”
Turning my attention to my brother, I ask, “Beer or something stronger?”
“Beer’s good.”
I snag a cold one from the fridge and pour myself two fingers of whiskey neat. Connor settles himself on the oversized sectional, and I take the armchair across from him, one leg draped over my knee.
“You’ve done well for yourself,” he says. “Proud of you.”
I stare into my drink like it holds all of the answers to life’s problems. “Worked my ass off to get here.”
“I know. I remember.”
“Do you?”
He scoffs. “Of course, I do. Just because I left doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate everything you did for me.”
I take a long, burning pull of the amber liquid. “What really happened all those years ago?” I ask, ripping off the band-aid.
“You really want to do this now?”
“It’s been a long time coming.”
“Yeah. I guess you’re right about that. I um… I’m not really sure where to start.”
My eyes instinctively trail to Ruby. She’s standing behind the kitchen sink now, elbow deep in dishwater as she hums an unfamiliar tune. She does that a lot, and I don’t think she realizes it.
“Why?” I ask. “You had everything. Why did you hurt her?”
He releases a ragged sigh and sips his beer. “Honestly? I don’t know. I didn’t sit down and hatch some grand plan to break Ruby’s heart. It just… happened.”
“That’s a cop-out, and you know it. You threw away the best thing you ever had. For what?”
“It’s complicated. I was a dumbass kid… way too fucked up for her. You know that better than anyone. I was working through my own shit back then.”
“So, why string her along? Why cheat on her in front of her fucking face? You humiliated her, Connor. You don’t know how hurt she was that night after prom.”
His jaw ticks, and he shakes his head. “But you do, don’t you? How fast did you drive to get to her, huh? Who does that? Who steals his brother’s girlfriend?”
“She was my friend. While you were out getting drunk and high, hanging out with the football team and fucking around with cheerleaders, I was at home getting to know your girlfriend, picking up the pieces you left behind. She was always there, loyal as hell, waiting for you to fucking notice.”
He drapes his elbows over his knees, picking at the damp label on his beer. “You’re right. I fucked up. There’s no excuse for what I did, but there’s something you should know.”
I motion for him to continue, waiting for whatever bullshit he’s going to try to spin this time.
“I loved Ruby, but not in a romantic way or even a sexual one—not in any way she deserved. Not the way you love her.” He waits expectantly, as if giving me time to refute his claim. When I don’t, he smiles at me, brows raised. “Wow. You’re not denying it.”
I cast my gaze to the kitchen and nod. “Love her so damn much it hurts sometimes.”
“Does she know?”
She shimmies her hips to a beat only she can hear, using a spatula as a microphone. “Nah.”
“You should tell her.”
Relaxing back into the chair, I swirl my drink and take a sip. “I thought we were talking about you.”
“We were, but you’re a bit distracted, big brother.” He smirks. “Ruby’s even more beautiful than I remember. The magazines and album covers don’t do her justice. She wears those bell-bottoms like a second skin.”
My nostrils flare, and I blow out a breath as my hand grips my glass tighter. Connor barks out a laugh. I bring the drink to my lips in an effort to calm the anger that’s bubbling up inside of me.
“Relax, Liam. I’m gay.”
I choke on my whiskey, coughing against the burning sensation. Clearing my throat, I grit out, “I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“I’m gay. I like men. So, you see, Ruby and I never would’ve worked out anyway.”
Rocked by Connor’s sudden declaration, I think back over years of interactions, searching for any signs I might’ve missed. Connor finishes his drink and places the empty bottle on the table.
“How long have you kept this from me?” There’s an edge of hostility in my voice, but it has nothing to do with his sexuality and everything to do with the thought that I suddenly don’t know my own brother—the only family I have left in the world.
“It wasn’t like a lightbulb that went off, and I magically started being attracted to guys. It’s something I’ve grappled with for as long as I can remember. I hadn’t really accepted it until a few years ago. That's why I moved away and sold the bar.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“I was scared. You’re my only family, and shit was already messy after what happened with Ruby. I didn’t want to risk making things worse.”
“You really thought it would matter to me? You should know me better than that by now.”
His tone sobers. “Look, I didn’t come here to fight. I just wasn’t ready to tell you at the time. I was still working through some things on my own.”
Fucking hell. I’m being a selfish prick. This isn’t about me, but I’m too busy making this into some personal slight to be the brother he needs right now. This can’t have been easy for him.
A wave of understanding washes over me, and I manage to rein in my pride. “I’ve loved you for twenty-eight years, Connor. I loved you when you broke my guitar. I loved you every time we fought. I even loved you when you were a little shit in high school. This doesn’t change anything.”
He swallows thickly, a crack forming in his usually placid exterior.
“I’m sorry if I gave you hell growing up.
I looked up to you, but you were all I had, and I think I took my anger and frustration out on you.
” His eyes dart to the kitchen and back.
“When I was with Ruby, I had all of these conflicting things going on inside my head. I always cared about her, but I knew something was missing. Instead of admitting the truth, I acted out. I hurt her, and that’s on me. ”
“You need to tell her that.”
“I will. I’m here to make things right with both of you.”
“You knew she was here?”
“No, but I wasn’t exactly surprised. She always had a soft spot for you. When I heard about the fire… fucking hell, Liam. I drove out of Lexington so goddamn fast. I replayed every unspoken apology and regret until I walked into that hospital room.”
“And then?”
“And then I saw my ex-girlfriend in your arms, and some small part of me was jealous. Not because she was yours, but because you could love her in a way I never could. I swear to god, Liam, if you fuck this up, I’ll never forgive you.”
I raise my brows and snort. “That’s rich coming from you.”
“I know, but I still think you should tell her how you feel.”
“I can’t. It’s too complicated. There’s Aiden to think about, and her career...”
He shakes his head and pins me with a hard stare.
“You’ve spent nearly two decades taking care of other people.
A job you never asked for, mind you. You’re the selfless one—the man everyone can rely on.
But what about you? Don’t you think it’s about time you were a little bit selfish?
You deserve to put your own happiness first for once. ”
“I don’t have the luxury of putting myself first. I haven’t since the day our parents died.”
We’ve always avoided talking about what happened.
He used to ask me about them when we were younger.
Those questions tapered off as we grew up.
At some point, we came to some silent agreement not to talk about them at all.
Maybe if we had, we’d be in a better place now, but regret won’t change anything.
We exchange an anguished expression, and he releases a resigned sigh. “Ok.”
I stand and grab his empty bottle from the coffee table. “Can I get you another drink?”
“Nah. I think I’m gonna call it a night. Thanks though.”
“Why don’t you take the guest room? I’m sure Aiden would love to have you around for breakfast.”
“Yeah? You sure?”
“Positive.”
With a curt nod, he stands, taking two steps in my direction. He holds out his arms, and we hug for the first time in years. It’s brief, but something about the gesture has a lump forming in my throat.
He starts down the hallway, but I don’t let him get far.
“Connor?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for telling me. I’m proud of you.”
A small smile forms on his face, and it’s then that I notice just how much time has changed him. He’s not the little boy I raised anymore.
He disappears into the guest room, and I’m left alone with a million different thoughts playing through my head.
Our entire childhood feels monumentally transformed, and I can see how so much of his angst and anger had nothing to do with me or Ruby, and everything to do with his internal conflict.
Connor was struggling with his identity, and I failed to notice the signs.
Fuck. I’m a piece of shit. Maybe I could’ve helped him come to terms with things sooner. Maybe we wouldn’t have wasted years on manufactured hostility.
Ruby plucks the empty glass from my hand and replaces it with a full one. “How did it go?”
“Fuck, Goldie. I don’t even know where to start.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
I take a drink and place the glass on the coffee table. I won’t out Connor to Ruby—that’s his story to tell in his own time.