Over #2
Heaven and hellfire, with my idiot comment about sleeping in his bed, I’d not only been thoughtless after an emotional day for Tanyn, I’d crossed the pride of a demon.
In other words, I’d not only screwed up big.
I’d screwed up huge.
This was confirmed when my eyes moved through the room and I saw everyone studiously avoiding my gaze.
Except Nayden, who had dropped the mask of affable buddy and was scowling at me with open distaste.
Definitely screwed up huge.
Crap.
“Catla,” Dad said.
I jumped because he was right at my side.
I looked up at him.
“What’s going on with you and Tanyn?” he asked, his tone gentle, concerned, his expression the same.
And honestly.
I’d had enough.
“When he approached you, did you think, even once, what you’d be asking of me when you signed my life away to a male I barely knew who lived in a realm not my own and came with responsibilities I might not want?” I demanded to know.
“Sweetheart, I understand you’re dealing with many things, but you wound me by asking something like that.”
“In other words, as a male, not only can you not comprehend what you were expecting, you refuse to try.”
He winced.
Maybe that got in there, maybe it didn’t.
It didn’t matter.
I was not finished.
“All right then, I’ll ask, did you think, even once, what you’d be asking of Tanyn in knowing how opposed to this match I’d be?”
“You two have not given it much time.”
“If you’d encouraged him to court me, instead of simply handing me over, we would have had that time without this weight hanging over us.”
“You were very aware this was a possibility,” he reminded me. “This didn’t come out of the blue.”
It did not.
He’d been threatening me with it for ages.
“And yes, Dad, it’s been oh so fun living under that weight too,” I snapped.
And to say I was done was laughable.
I was absolutely and completely done.
So much so, like Tanyn, quite rudely, I marched right out of the room without a word to anybody.
I heard Laura calling me in the hall, but I didn’t even hesitate.
No, in fact, I started moving faster.
I had to, because I was going to lose it. I could feel it. And I didn’t know, when that happened, if the demon would rise up and I’d tear something apart, or the human would come out and I’d sob for hours.
This decision was made for me when I hit the queen’s chambers, which, not incidentally, were attached to the king’s chambers by a narrow sitting room.
This space was decorated in lilac and gray, it was very feminine (whereas the king’s chamber, even decorated in glimmer and light blue, somehow managed to be quite masculine), but I didn’t even look at it.
I strode right through it to the closet.
“Lights, one hundred percent,” I ordered.
The lights came on and I stood in that cavernous area which had not been divided into two, and my things were there, taking up a paltry amount of space, looking forlorn and lost.
Or maybe it was me who was forlorn and lost.
“Cat,” Laura said from behind me.
I turned, took in her beautiful, beloved, worried face, and that was when the decision hit me.
I moved to her, collapsed in her arms and started weeping.
“Oh, honey,” she whispered, holding me close. “I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know you’ve been going through so much.”
“He-he moved me out of his room be-because I’m a moron,” I sobbed into her neck.
She held on tighter. “It’s going to be okay.”
Maybe it was.
Maybe it wasn’t.
But at that moment, all I could think about was everything.
My gallery. My flat. The coffee spot on the corner that had the fabulous chocolate pistachio croissants I loved to eat with a latte and a book, my Sunday morning ritual that was just for me.
Laura. Gayle. Mon. Mom and Dad.
Chelta’s Boutique, where I always found something perfect to buy.
Bash being a dick. Me probably sabotaging every relationship I’d ever had.
Sigil. Zyra. Mangold. Hurley (where was Hurley, anyway?). Avie. The lynx kits. Darynda. The cove. The window seat in Tanyn’s room there. The view. The tester bed I wanted to buy for Tanyn.
This castle. His perfect bedchamber. Not to mention closet. Hells, this perfect bedchamber.
The queen’s study, my study (also perfect). Sitting at the foot of the table to his head.
His mom. His dad.
Trolls.
Murder.
Traitorous plots.
And Tanyn.
All things Tanyn.
While I cried, Laura helped me out of my clothes and boots, into a nightgown, onward to the bathroom where she shoved the Denti-Clean in my mouth, and when that was done, the spa-visor on my face.
She then took me to bed, tucked me in, and because she was my gal, my Laura, she climbed in with me and tucked herself to my back, holding me, because I was still crying.
It wasn’t long after that when Mom came in, sat on the bed and whispered, “Oh, my beautiful girl,” as she stroked my hair.
My beautiful girl.
My beautiful Catla.
I was Tanyn’s beautiful Catla.
My weeping had been prolonged, though quiet, but at the reminder of what he called me, and how I’d treated him, a sob tore up my throat.
“My dearest, dearest girl,” Mom whispered, an angry tremble threading through it I couldn’t quite lock on because I had to focus on falling apart so I could get it over with and begin the process of putting myself back together.
I did that.
I fell asleep doing it.
And hours later, I woke up alone.
Unraveled.
I rolled to my back to stare at a ceiling that looked studded with diamonds, glinting in the morning light.
Under that sky of diamonds, I gave myself long moments to wallow in what I was determined to make the last moments of misery.
Finally, I muttered, “Time to pull my crap together.”
Gathering the remains of myself, I threw back the covers to do just that.
I had not lied to Tanyn.
When I needed alone time, you had better give me alone time.
I didn’t make my loved ones guess at my mood.
While drinking coffee I’d ordered up and preparing for the day, I’d text commed my loved ones to warn them of this, and they gave me space.
I told staff I’d breakfast in the queen’s study, and that was where I went to await my summons from Tanyn.
As the hours slid by, I did some work. I checked the social tapes to see if anything had been leaked about Riland, Darynda and Tatra (it hadn’t).
I texted Gayle again (still no reply). I left a very long a-comm for Monique to give her a brief version of the trial, telling her I was still in Sky’s Edge, and I’d audio soon to fill her in completely.
And I spent a good deal of time practicing what I’d say to Tanyn.
I got a text from Jorda telling me my meeting with Tanyn was at two, and someone would arrive at the queen’s study to escort me to it.
I was not liking this.
However, I had to give him time to hold a grudge.
He deserved it.
I’d done something stupid.
I would apologize for it.
I would explain to him where I was with us.
That being, I liked him. I found him interesting. I was incredibly attracted to him. Since I thought we had a chance, I wanted to continue to explore this, not because I had no choice, but because that was what I wanted.
But even so, I was still going to need time to come to terms with all the changes it would bring for me.
Because…not only was there no way around me leaving Night’s Fall to live in Sky’s Edge to eventually be queen, and I still didn’t want to be queen, however I was understanding I was going to be, and I needed to get my head around that fact.
Though, one could say I didn’t need time to take it to the next level, that being sexually, but I was going to save that for last.
And finally, I wanted him to know, even though I fell down on the job yesterday evening, he could count on me to be there for him with all he was learning, and what might come of it.
I was too freaked out and nervous to order lunch, so when a member of staff came to collect me (this one I’d actually seen before—one thing was certain, if (now, it was when) I actually became queen of this castle, I was going to have a look at the staffing because this was a big place, but the level of staff was ridiculous), I was tense and jumpy.
I was no less so, in fact I was much more so by the time we traversed the space from one wing of the castle to the other, and I was shown into Tanyn’s study.
It was bigger than the queen’s, decorated in the deepest purples with black accents.
We hadn’t toured this room yesterday. It was the only room with dark décor I’d seen.
And it was filled with beings, including Nayden and Mira.
“A moment, Catla,” Tanyn bid when I arrived, affording me only a scant glance.
That stung, but I’d wounded his pride.
I had to take it and anything else he delivered so he could get over it.
“Of course,” I mumbled and moved to a seating area with two wine-leather-covered chesterfields facing each other.
“So we’re agreed. More information is needed before we share anything,” Tanyn was saying. “Focus on today’s business and what might result from that. Yes?”
“Yes, sire,” Mira said.
“Great,” Tanyn replied.
And apparently that was that, because everyone milled out, Mira with a small, polite but distracted smile aimed my way, Nayden with a desultory chin dip, also my way.
I moved to stand in front of Tanyn’s desk and initiated the opening gambit I’d practiced.
“Hey. I’ve checked the tapes and heard nothing so far. How did the vote go?”
I was talking about the tax changes. The vote was today.
And I knew that was important to him, so I thought maybe starting with it, hoping it was good news, might set me up for all the rest.
“They’re still debating it on the floor.” He used his head to indicate the chairs in front of his desk. “Please take a seat.”
I wasn’t fond of his formal tone, but I sat.
I shifted to my second gambit. “Is there anything new on—?”
“I’ve spoken to your father,” he interrupted me to state. “And your mother. Along with being well aware of your own feelings on the matter, I’ve given it some thought and decided to release you from the contract.”
It felt, excruciatingly, like he’d punched me in the throat.