15. Harper
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
HARPER
The steam from my coffee cup rises in a thin, mocking ribbon, disappearing into the ambient noise of the bistro before I can even take a sip.
I’ve spent the last ten minutes tracing the grain of the wooden table with my thumbnail, cataloging every imperfection in the varnish while I wait for the storm to arrive.
Ryan is late, which probably means he overslept or ran into some fans.
I check my phone for the tenth time, my thumb hovering over Jaxson’s name in my recent messages. He’d sent a meme of a goat licking the camera with the caption: You goats this. I laughed so hard I almost spit my coffee all over my phone screen.
The bell above the door jingles, a sharp, cheerful sound that sets my nerves on edge. Ryan strides in, looking like he owns the place. He spots me and grins.
"Hey, Harp," he says, sliding into the booth across from me and bringing the scent of cold air and expensive cologne with him. He leans over to kiss my cheek. "How’s it going, shorty?"
God, I hate that nickname. “Great, string bean.”
Ryan scoffs, flagging down a waitress with a casual wave of his hand. The waitress arrives, and Ryan orders a massive burger and a side of fries without looking at the menu. I settle for a salad I know I won't eat.
As soon as she leaves, I know the time has come to get my secret out in the open. I can feel the secret pulsing under my skin, a rhythmic thrumming that demands to be let out.
"So," Ryan says, leaning back and eyeing me with his sharp intuition. "What's really going on? You've been weird on the phone the last few weeks. Please don’t tell me you’re dating some middle-aged doctor and you’re quitting work to be his sugar baby."
My brother would probably take that scenario better. "I'm not dating a doctor," I say, my voice steadier than I feel. I take a breath, feeling the air catch in my throat. "But I am seeing someone."
Ryan grins, completely unaware of the cliff we’re standing on. "Spill it."
I look up, meeting his eyes, knowing he isn’t going to like what I’m about to say.
"Ryan, I need you to listen to me before you react," I say, my tone shifting into the one I use with hysterical patients in the trauma bay. "I've been seeing someone. It's serious. More serious than I expected it to be."
Ryan’s smile falters, his brow furrowing as he senses the shift in the atmosphere. "Okay? Why the dramatic buildup? You're a grown woman, Harper. You don't need my permission to date some guy unless he’s a loser."
"It's Jaxson Thorne," I say. The name hangs in the air between us, a physical barrier, cold and immovable. I don't look away. I can't. "I’m in love with Jaxson." It’s a relief to get the words out.
The transition in Ryan’s face is instantaneous. The confusion drains away, replaced by a blank, terrifying stillness that I’ve never seen directed at me. He doesn't blink. He doesn't breathe. He just stares at me as if I’ve suddenly started speaking a language he doesn't recognize.
"Repeat that," he says, his voice dropping an octave, coming out as a low, dangerous rumble. "Slowly."
"I'm in love with him, Ryan," I say, and the admission feels like the first real breath I've taken in weeks.
"I didn't plan for it to happen. God knows I fought it.
I had the rule. I knew who he was. But the man you see on the ice…
that's not all of him. He’s different with me.
And your professional rivalry has nothing to do with me. "
Ryan’s hands fist on top of the table, the knuckles turning a stark, bloodless white. "He’s my enemy, Harper. My fucking enemy ."
"He’s a rival player," I argue, leaning forward, desperate to make him see the man who sends me silly memes and worries about the loneliness of his own success. “Not a mortal enemy.”
He stands up abruptly, his chair screeching against the floor like a dying animal.
The waitress arrives with his burger, her eyes wide as she looks between us, but Ryan doesn't even acknowledge her. He’s looking at me with a mixture of betrayal and disgust that feels like a physical blow to my solar plexus.
"I can't believe you’d do this to me," he says, his voice trembling with a rage he’s barely contained. "You know my history with him."
"I’m not doing anything to you!" I shout, standing up to meet him. "For once in my life, I chose what made me happy, and it has nothing to do with you. You and Jaxson can have your rivalry on the ice, and it has nothing to do with my relationship with either of you."
"You're betraying me," he spits, the word landing with the weight of a stone.
“Maybe it’s time for you to grow up and get over yourself.” I can’t hold back. “No matter who I date, it has nothing to do with you. I could date every single member of every NHL team, and it still would have nothing to do with you. You have your life, and I have mine.”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.
” He pulls several bills out of his wallet and drops them on the table.
Then he turns and storms out of the restaurant, the door slamming behind him with a finality that echoes in the sudden, ringing silence of the bistro.
I stand there, frozen, my hands shaking so hard I have to grip the edge of the table to keep from collapsing.
The waitress is still standing there with the burger, looking at me with pity.
"Do you… do you want this to go?" she asks quietly.
“No. But thank you,” I mutter as I grab my purse and stumble toward the exit.
I walk to my car, my vision blurring as the first tears finally break free.
I’ve lived my whole life hiding in Ryan’s shadow, following the rules of a rivalry I didn't choose, and now that I’ve stepped outside them, my brother hates me.
I sit in the driver's seat, the engine idling, and pull out my phone. My fingers are still trembling, but I find Jaxson’s smiling face in my contacts. I don't call. I can't trust my voice not to shatter. Instead, I type out a message, the screen swimming in front of my eyes.
Me
I told him. It was a disaster. He walked out.
I jab my finger at “send” and let my forehead slump onto the steering wheel.
The silence inside the car wraps tight around me, like something slowly closing in, muffling out even the low hum of the engine.
There’s a particular, twisting kind of loneliness reserved for the exact moment you stand up for yourself.
For the split second when you let go of what everyone else wants for you, and you realize the people who claim to love you best are the ones pulling the leash the tightest. The thought stings, but it’s not new.
For way too long, I’ve just been Ryan Coleman’s little sister, and I’m tired of living my life through someone else’s name.
From now on, I’m just me—Harper Coleman.
My phone buzzes immediately, lighting up with Jaxson’s name. I stare at it, my heart doing weird cartwheels. “Hello,” I answer, settling back into the car seat.
“Are you okay, firecracker?” His voice is tight, worry flaring hot beneath the words and sparking at the back of my mind.
“No, but I will be.” I have to believe it. Somewhere deep in my soul, I know my brother will see that I’m not betraying him by being true to my feelings. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.
“Do you want to come over and tell me all about it?” That sounds like heaven.
“I’m on my way.”
I drive straight across the city, not even noticing the skyline or the busy streets. By the time I hit the elevator inside Jaxson’s building, I’m ready to feel his powerful arms wrapped around me.
He’s waiting in the doorway, barefoot, sweatpants slung low on his hips, and hair all messed up like he’s been running his fingers through it. The second he sees me, the wariness drops from his face, and the concern takes over.
“I love you.” His voice goes rough, which shouldn’t make me feel better but does.
I drop my purse and walk straight into his arms. “I know.”
His chest expands, then he hugs me hard. Then he leans over and kisses me. He doesn’t just press his lips to mine. His hands come up and bracket my jaw.
My brain short-circuits as the taste of him scrambles every sad thought in my head, every echo of my brother’s rage. All I know is the way Jaxson’s mouth moves against mine, soft at first, then deepening until I can’t breathe for the need pouring through me.
His tongue teases the seam of my lips, and suddenly, I’m desperate, clutching at his shoulders for balance. He growls against my mouth, and I open to him. He takes that invitation and runs with it. Kissing me harder, until my knees are like Jello, and my lungs forget their job description.
When he finally pulls back, I’m dizzy. Wrecked and put back together, all at once. He tilts my chin up, blue eyes scorching, and whispers, “I’ll take care of you.”
“I know.” I believe him. And I believe in us.
For those few seconds, I forget everything except Jaxson. He doesn’t press me. Jaxson knows what I need, and he stands there and just holds me until I’m ready. “Ryan threw a hissy fit,” I mumble into his shirt. “He stormed out. I’m pretty sure he’s plotting your murder.”
The rumble that comes out of Jaxson is half laugh, half growl. “Want me to talk to him?”
“No.” I shake my head, hugging him closer. “This is my circus, and my crazy monkeys. I’ll handle Ryan.”
“I have no doubt you can handle this.” He presses a kiss into my hair, holding me tight. I plan to go to the game tomorrow night and show my brother that I can be both his sister and Jaxson’s girlfriend.