Chapter 7 #2
Not only did they spend time together when she was recovering from the massive hate from Westbrook and Greek Row, but they came back here together.
He talks about her as if they were close friends.
He went to find her first, so it must’ve been because they keep in touch.
What if there was more to it? They could’ve been growing closer while I’ve been away.
She knew about my crush on him, but I kept the details of The Incident under wraps, which means she might think it was merely something innocent.
It could explain why Cerys decided to stop reaching out to me as well.
Acid sizzles in my stomach. The thought of Danny having romantic feelings for my best friend makes me nauseous. The walls of my stomach constrict painfully, forcing bile to rise in my esophagus. I hold my breath and squeeze the dress between my fingers, regaining some control.
“What do you want to hear from me?” he asks, pleadingly.
“I don’t know,” I confess. “I don’t know what I want to hear from you, but I know I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out why. So, if it’s not the kissing and you don’t think I’m ugly, then . . . do you have feelings for her?”
“For whom?”
I know I’m being unclear, but it’s so hard for me to even say it.
Cerys is my best friend regardless of our lack of communication.
Our bond can’t be measured by something so trivial as the passing of time.
But it will hurt me deeply if he has feelings for her, and she for him.
I would want them to be happy, but for that I would have to remove myself from the equation all together.
“Do you have feelings for . . .” The words get stuck in the back of my throat.
“For whom?” Danny presses. “Look at me,” he demands.
I bite the inside of my cheek until I start to taste the familiar metallic flavor of blood. Slowly, I turn to face him.
“For Cerys.”
Danny shakes his head in complete disbelief, blinking as if I just slapped him. His reaction makes me confused, and I can’t help but frown.
“Are you joking?” he asks.
“No, I’m very serious.”
Why does he act like it’s such a ridiculous question? Cerys came back to this place with him. Am I missing something here?
“This is crazy,” he mumbles. “You can’t be serious. That makes no sense.” He rubs his forehead. The blush on his cheeks returns with a fury. Air comes out of him in small but audible puffs as he grows more frustrated with me.
I lick my lips before I explain.
“It does to me. I’ve been trying to figure out for ages the reason why you rejected me that night.
You could barely look me in the eye afterward, so I’m wondering if you rejected me because you’ve been in love with Cerys the entire time.
” I gulp my emotions down. “Trust me, I get it if you are. She’s a lovable person.
She’s the best person I’ve ever met, aside from Carmen. ”
Danny frowns. His stance grows awkward, his body tense. Uncomfortable. He scratches the back of his neck again.
“No, Mabel, I don’t have feelings for Cerys. How could you think that?”
I dig my nails into the palms of my hands, hoping the small scratches will help me stay focused.
“Aside from the obvious, the biggest clue is that you went to see her first when you got the letter. You came here together. She seems comfortable with you, enough to return to this hellhole. Should I go on?”
“We’re friends,” he states. “We kept in touch after she dropped out. I sent her contacts so she could get the therapy she needed during that time. I helped her find resources so she can complete her degree online and still build a competitive and compelling CV for law school. I’m practically her mentor.
” With every word, he sounds more irritated, verging on angry. “That’s all.”
“You’ve talked to her more than to me.”
“I wonder why,” he spits out, sarcasm dripping from his words.
“Don’t use that tone with me.”
He tilts his head. “You’re asking a bunch of ridiculous questions. Accusing me of having feelings for a good friend is outrageous, Mabel.”
Anger flashes through my system, spreading a hot wave across my nerve points. The corners of my eyes start seeing red.
“Outrageous?” I echo his words. “Outrageous was the way you completely cut me off without giving me a reason. You were supposed to be my friend, and I get that I ruined our friendship. But do you know how much it’s fucked with my head?
You bailed on me. I haven’t even been able to accept a coffee date with co-workers because I can’t stop thinking about how much I messed up with you. ”
“Mabel—”
“I get it,” I interrupt him, holding a hand up as I step closer.
Danny’s stands there, chest heaving with every rapid breath he takes.
“You’ve never felt anything for me and that’s the cold hard truth.
But there’s no reason for you to preach honesty and transparency and then give me the cold shoulder.
You could’ve talked to me about it and explained it to me.
God, we were friends before that happened. Why couldn’t you still be my friend?”
“Because I’ve never seen you as a friend!”
His expression crumbles a split second after he explodes, immediately regretting the words. Brows arching softly over his brown eyes.
My heart falls to the pit of my stomach.
Have I been so delusional as to think he at least saw me as a friend? I was sure we’d had a connection. Every moment we spent on the rooftop, the long conversations, the inside jokes. The secret smiles. There was something.
Now I feel stupid and ashamed. The truth stabs into my chest, digging itself deep in my soul. It hurts. My breathing shallow, I’m unable to hide the emotion that overwhelms me.
“Oh.”
Danny sighs, letting his shoulders drop in defeat. “I didn’t mean it like that. Why do you always assume the worst of me?”
I swallow, forcing the pain down my throat where it meets the ache in my stomach.
“Look at my history in this place, Danny,” I say, pointing around me.
“When Cerys dropped out, I was utterly alone. I stayed here until the end, despite all the bad memories and the hatred. You have no idea how mean people were to me in those months. If it weren’t for Aidan, I would’ve probably lost my mind, because even Carmen merged with the crowd of people telling me I was a lost cause for defending Cerys.
They all said I was a liar. I was everyone’s enemy, even though I had done absolutely nothing but defend my friend.
It fucking hurt to go through everything alone, and I have a thick skin; I wouldn’t have survived in this place if I didn’t.
But you . . . you left along with the rest, Danny.
” My eyes sting but I try to keep the emotions at bay, holding back from showing how vulnerable and raw I feel saying this. “Don’t forget that.”
Danny’s lips quiver as he tries to find the words. He struggles for what seems like forever, the seconds stretching between us.
“I didn’t . . . I didn’t leave you.”
I scoff a laugh.
“Oh, really? Where were you then?”
“Mabel, you stopped talking to me,” he reminds me.
“What did you expect me to do? I kissed you and you ran away. There’s only so much my ego can take.”
“It’s not what you think.”
“Then tell me what to think—not once have you given me a reason!” I exclaim, running a hand through my hair, tugging on the strands to release the rising frustration in my body. “All I know is it happened, and then afterward you never tried to fix things either.”
“Because I was ashamed of myself!” he yells.
He lets out a defeated groan, mumbling a curse under his breath as he rubs a hand over his forehead.
“Mabel, you were drunk the night we kissed. You were so drunk, and part of me was aware of it when you got closer. I could smell it on you, and I didn’t stop you,” he explains, lowering his voice.
Almost driven by an impulse, he steps closer to me, shortening the distance between us. “I could’ve stopped you,” he whispers.
We’re so close that his words tingle on my face.
The warmth of his breath makes me want to sigh.
I’m overpowered by the tension tightening around us, wrapping us together and pushing us even closer.
Our chests almost brush with every breath we take, and, instinctively, I begin to match my breathing with his.
Only centimeters separate us now and I’m too tempted to touch him.
My hands ache with the need to feel him, to pull him in and dig my fingers into his hair.
“Why didn’t you?” I ask.
I need him to say it and be clear about what he means.
I refuse to move an inch if he’s not open about what he wants.
Reading between the lines has caused me a lifetime of heartache.
It’s not what I want this time. It doesn’t matter that it would be almost too easy to kiss him right now.
If he can’t say how he feels, I’ll walk away from him. I deserve better.
Danny’s hand brushes mine, the featherlight movement causing goosebumps to erupt all over me.
I flex my fingers, wanting to reach for him, but I don’t, and he doesn’t make any attempt to intertwine our hands.
Instead, he reaches higher, slowly drawing an invisible path that goes from the back of my hand to my shoulder.
I shudder and a ragged sigh slips past my lips.
“Danny . . .”
“I couldn’t resist you,” he whispers. With care, he pushes my hair away, exposing the skin of my neck where his touch finally stops.
His fingers rest at the nape of my neck, cradling my face.
“I’ve never been able to, and you . . . You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to repeat that moment.
I’ve thought about touching you every night since we talked for the first time.
You’ve been in my mind ever since, making me want you, driving me crazy. And when you kissed me . . .”
His thumb finds my lips, parting them with a subtle touch.
Desire curls in my body, making me feverish. Pure need rumbles in my bones, heating under my skin.
“When I kissed you . . .?”
He huffs, leaning in to rest his forehead against my own. His nose rubbing mine as he breathes rapidly.
“When you kissed me, I thought I was dreaming,” he says, closing his eyes.
“But you were drunk, and I was taking advantage of you. That’s why I pulled away.
I’ve never thought you were ugly, never believed you were a bad kisser, nor did I have feelings for Cerys.
All this time, I’ve been crazy about you. ”
Oh God.
My heart skips a beat before speeding up so fast I fear it might burst out of my chest. I hope I’m not the one dreaming here. It would ruin me if it were, because this moment, right here, with him whispering his confession to me, is everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
“You have?”
He nods.
“But I valued our friendship and didn’t want to be that guy who only becomes friends with a girl to ruin it by having feelings for her.
Then, I was too ashamed of myself for not stopping you sooner.
I didn’t want that kiss to be a drunken impulse.
I hated myself for waiting until you had already kissed me to stop it from going any further.
The next day, you couldn’t even look me in the eye, and Mabel, I couldn’t live with myself, knowing I lost you because of those seconds where I lost perspective. ”
My sweet Danny, beating himself up for something that was never his fault. Always the gentleman I’ve known him to be, caring more about my well-being than he cares about himself. All this time . . . We’ve wasted all this time because of a stupid misunderstanding.
“It wasn’t a drunken impulse,” I tell him. “I was aware of my actions, the alcohol just gave me the confidence I was lacking. I’d wanted to kiss you for too long before I actually did it.”
Danny pulls his head back to meet my eyes, searching for the truth in them. “You did?”
I nod. “I did,” I reaffirm, and even as my survival instinct screams at me to run away before he can do something to hurt me, I add, “I still do.”
His brows perk up. “You do?”
“Of course. Do you want to kiss me?”
He groans. “That shouldn’t even be a question.”
“Are you going to wait around for me to make the first move again?” I question, arching a brow inquiringly.
“Oh, shut up,” he mumbles.
Before I have the chance to say anything else, he closes the distance between us.
After a year of causing both of us unnecessary pain, Danny finally kisses me.