Chapter 11 #2
I look around the room. We built this place as a safe haven for our families as well as to house the club. A lot of good that did me. My old lady and daughter have been running from danger for a long time and refused to come to the virtual fortress we built for their protection.
I lean over and put both hands on the back of a chair and lower my head. Before I can stop myself, I’m squeezing so hard my knuckles are turning white. I jerk the chair sideways and hurl it against the front of the bar.
It feels so good to let my anger out, so I fall into old habits by grabbing another and tossing it too.
The sound of wood splintering cuts through the air, an old familiar sound that used to soothe me in my youth.
The next few minutes are a blur of rage and muscle.
I grab the nearest chair, throw it, watch it explode against the wall.
Another. Then another. Once I get started, I can’t stop myself.
My fists ache and my arms burn, but it doesn’t touch the fury burning in my chest. I think of her face when I touch her. I think of Katie’s little hand clutching the toy I gave her. I think of every goddamn mile I’ve ridden alone, believing I didn’t have a family of my own.
I roar with frustration when I think about how many club girls I’ve fucked, not knowing I had a family.
I surely wouldn’t have wasted my time messin’ around with club girls if I had known about Katie, I would have been working on being a father and salvaging my relationship with her mom.
Christina robbed me of my right to make good decisions for myself. That thought just enrages me more.
During my rage, something moves behind me. I glance over my shoulder and see my ma in the doorway. Before she takes a step, Rock’s arm comes out to block her path.
“Let him get it all out of his system,” he says.
His voice carries, low and steady, no judgment in it. She nods once and disappears from sight.
Before I know it, I’ve destroyed almost all the tables and chairs in the bar.
That’s when I realize there’s nothing left standing except the bar and pool tables, because I’ve smashed it all.
I lean against the wall, my chest heaving.
My knuckles are bleeding where I split them on the counter.
And shame fills my very soul because I worked hard to overcome my rage and thought this behavior was squarely in my rearview.
I stomp out the front door and head to the garage.
My bike is sitting in one of the bays with the oil pan already removed from where I was working on it before the bomb threat created chaos. I grab a rag, wipe my hands, then start working on the throttle assembly even though it doesn’t really need work. It’s just something to help calm me down.
I hear my dad and brothers coming. Rock shows up first. Then Jasper, Onyx, and Mica shuffle into the bay. Without saying a word, the four of them just crouch down around me, a semi-circle of leather cuts.
I keep my eyes on the bike, tightening a bolt that’s already tight. It’s clear they’re following old protocols by waiting for me to speak first.
Finally, I sigh. “Sorry about the mess. I’ll pay to replace everything I smashed.”
Rock snorts a laugh. “Of fuckin’ course you will. But that’s not what we’re here to talk about.”
I glance up at their serious faces. “What the hell do you want from me?”
Jasper shifts, his forearms resting on his knees. “We want some fuckin’ answers. I haven’t seen you act like that since you were a teen. What in the hell happened?”
I drag a hand down my face. “Katie’s my daughter,” I say.
“And Christina never said a damn thing. She never even called me when she had a stalker chasing her. If Rivera hadn’t crossed paths with her and called me, I never would’ve known.
They’d both likely be dead right now because she’d rather risk my child’s life than accept a fuckin’ biker as her father. ”
Rock leans his elbows on his knees, watching me. “You’re filling in the blanks with your own insecurities again, son.”
I look at him. “She lied. You’re the one who taught me that lies of omission were still lies.”
“Maybe. But you’re making up the rest. You don’t know the whole story. You’ve got to ask questions and fuckin’ listen to her answers.”
“I did that already,” I reply curtly.
Rock’s exasperated voice shoots back, “Then you dig deeper. You wouldn’t have fallen for her back in Afghanistan if she was a bad woman.”
I shake my head. “How am I supposed to believe anything she has to say at this point? I clearly can’t. So, what’s the point?”
He studies me for a long moment, then nods slowly. “That’s your choice. But you already know that people lie out of fear more often than malice. You have a child with this woman. So you’d better figure out which one you’re dealing with before you decide what comes next.”
The wrench in my hand slips, metal clinking against the floor.
What comes next.
His words echo through my mind, cutting through my anger.
Onyx speaks up. He takes after our dad when it comes to being the voice of reason. “You said she was in a coma, right?”
“Yeah.”
“For how long?”
“I don’t know exactly. She made it sound like a couple of months.”
He shrugs. “Then logic probably wasn’t her strong suit for a while.
Brain injuries mess with more than memory.
They twist your perception, your judgment, and most especially your ability to make decisions.
Someone fucking tried to kill her, and she wakes up from a coma finding out she’s pregnant.
No one’s gonna be thinking straight after something like that. ”
Mica nods. “And being stalked is a total mind fuck for a woman. She was likely just living minute to minute, doing whatever it took to keep breathing and keep her and the kid one step ahead of the assholes who wanted her dead.”
I glance up at him. Mica is the youngest of us, but he’s seen his share of hell.
We’re all quiet, turning the situation over in our minds.
“I just keep seeing her face,” I say finally.
“The way she looked when I asked. She didn’t even try to deny it.
Just stood there, telling me she thought I was off on another mission, that she didn’t think I wanted the responsibility of a kid and wasn’t sure about her being around an outlaw MC.
I thought she knew me and trusted me, but now I’m questioning everything I thought I knew about her and our relationship. ”
Rock pushes himself to his feet. I can hear his joints cracking, but his expression gives no indication that he’s in pain. “You’ve got every right to be angry, son. But you’re gonna have to figure out what you want to do. My suggestion is to ask for a paternity test.”
“What the fuck, old man? I don’t need a paternity test to tell me what I already know. Katie is clearly my daughter. I can tell that much by looking at her.”
He claps a hand on my shoulder, it’s heavy and grounding.
“Me and your ma figured that out the minute she walked through the door. You need a paternity test for all the legal shit you’re gonna have to sort out.
No insult intended, but did you ever consider a woman who lied to you about important shit might lie about whether or not you can see your own kid. First step, prove she’s yours.”
When they all come to their feet, Jasper adds, “When you’re ready, talk to her. Don’t let her walk off with your kid. And more importantly, don’t let this fester, brother. That little girl deserves a fuckin’ father and for better or worse, you’re it.”