Chapter 23 Hell
HELL
Fifteen years ago
She came through the door wide-eyed, like a bunny caught in the teeth of a predator.
Her long dark hair clung to the sides of her face.
Her legs wobbled as she struggled to stay upright.
I tracked her movements as she slowly made her way towards the meal line.
She was so focused on the food choices, not going for lavish meats or meals with names longer than I cared to remember but instead the light foods, protein filled. Sustainable food for the long run.
“First time, huh?” I watched her grabbing the same foods she chose. Of course, I wasn’t going to eat anything. I hadn’t eaten for days. Every time I looked at food… I blinked back.
“Huh?” Her eyebrows creased like she was trying to determine if I was talking to her.
“First time they let you out of your room, right?”
“Yes. That brownie looks like gold after the horrible lukewarm chicken stock thing.” Her French accent was soft, and her English flowed naturally. I wondered whether she had been born overseas. Her eyes looked at the rest of the brownies in wonder.
“Here.” I gave mine to her, a slight smile on my face.
“Oh no. You don’t have to do that.” She was so genuine; it was refreshing when everyone else was so–dead.
“It’s okay. I’m tired of it to be honest. What’s your name?”
“Hey little one,” some girl said as we walked. I wonder how many ‘hey little ones’ it’ll take for her to crack. It’s been a while since that trainer took a girl…
“Uhh.” Her eyes glazed over as she tried to pull the simplistic information from her brain. I stopped walking, giving her the time to adjust. “I don’t remember.”
She scrunched her face and had that look of despair when she replied with her slave number. I could see how much it bothered her. I had been in the same situation months prior, in the way it broke me down and reshaped my thought process. It was a mind-fuck.
“Not there yet?” I smiled and started walking again.
“I’m Summer.” I set the tray of food on the empty table.
It was the only one next to the water fountain, and a few of the other girls looked towards her with disdain.
I smiled at them. It was a little too cheery, but a threat nonetheless.
She was too absorbed in her thoughts that she did not notice the hostility.
“How long have you been here?” She almost whispered the words. She was here longer than I was, a year I think, but this was the first time her trainer let her out. Her eyes unfocused as she waited for my answer.
“I’ve been here a while, I think close to eight months but when you’ve been starved of daylight time behaves funny.”
Her eyes widened, and I shrugged. We sat there studying each other until she remembered the food in front of us. She ate almost everything on the tray, so I shoved my yogurt towards her. “What are you doing?”
“I’m not so hungry,” I lied. I was starving, but I couldn’t bring myself to eat.
She hesitated but took it, slipping it into the pocket of her gown. “Thank you. May I ask why aren’t you hungry?”
“My trainer told me something awful, I don’t know what to believe.” My voice shook.
“What?”
“He said they ate my baby.”
Shock filled her face as she stopped eating. “Do you think … is it possible? I mean would they?”
I nodded, too fearful to acknowledge what I already knew as truth. She watched me, contemplating whether I was telling her the truth or just lying to her. She was smart, weighing the consequences. I sighed, “He does love to fuck with my mind.”
She struggled to apologize to me, and I just weakly smiled.
“Did you love him?”
“Who?”
“The father.”
Who was the father? “I didn’t know I was pregnant…
” Laughter echoed around me. I tried to ground myself in the here and now, with the girl across from me, but I just saw red.
Why was it so red? I didn’t know — why didn’t I know?
Stupid girl, finish speaking … “Until I lost it.” I swallowed hard. I didn’t know.
I shoveled a spoonful of food into my mouth, almost gagging from the taste.
It was soup, so it should have been an easy swallow, but it felt like razor blades down my throat.
There wasn’t anything left to say about it.
I’d have to ask the doctor, the one who always paid close attention to details.
Fuck, what was his name? I am sure he wouldn’t sugarcoat it… maybe.
Another bitch came by with, “Hi little one.” It brought me out of my depressive spiral as I sat a little straighter.
“Hi—what?”
“Don’t pay them any attention, they are just jealous. You have the nicest trainer.” It was a straightforward reply. They wanted her position with the infamous ‘Sir’ instead of the other fucks in this place. The nicest trainer was putting it lightly; they were all deranged, sick assholes.
“What are we in high school?”
“You got to admit, it’s not much different than high school,” I joked.
Shit, I hope that was accurate. When was the last time I was in school?
Wasn’t I supposed to be in school? I shook my head trying to get my age right.
I looked like a lot of the girls here, and all the trauma aged us …
why can’t I figure it out? There was too much silence again.
I didn’t want to be awkward. This new girl had been with her for a while, but it was the first time she was let out with us all because Sir had been ready to present her.
“I watched you,” I finally managed to bring myself to speak after choking down food.
“You mean on the stage?”
“No. The other night.”
“Wh-what are you talking about?” she stuttered.
“One of your walls is a two way mirror. All of ours are so they can watch.” Her face drained of color as she struggled with it.
She looked anywhere but towards me, and I reached my hand towards her.
“It’s okay. They do it to everyone right before we are released.
Don’t feel embarrassed by it. If you hadn’t obeyed and orgasmed, they wouldn’t have allowed you out here.
What other choice do we have?” I shrugged.
I could tell that it was too much for her.
She was crawling back into her mind like a scared animal.
I didn’t blame her, but I wanted to save her.
“Hey, don’t let it get to you. I just … I didn’t want you walking around without knowing and having everyone whispering about it, like they did me. ”
“Did your trainer make you do the same thing?”
I remembered being trapped against my own trainers.
They usually assigned a single trainer to us.
I was on a rotation. I didn’t think I should scare her with that aspect.
Especially after what the last one did to me.
“Not exactly, their job is to figure out our weakness, what we can’t handle and that’s what they target.
So yours must have known you had a thing against anal sex.
” She looked like a lost animal caught in a trap; her eyes were wide.
Why was I so bad at making friends? Because you were never allowed to have a friend … Cole. He was my friend, though. Was he?
“What’s wrong? You’re so pale. Do you want to go outside?
” I asked so I wouldn’t be alone with my thoughts.
She nodded, shoving a few more items from the tray into her pockets, and followed me to the courtyard.
It was a manufactured courtyard, with cement walls around, but it was the one good thing in this hell.
We walked into the giant square, and the other girls gave me a wide berth.
I didn’t blame them; they were pussies trying to get into everyone’s good graces.
That’s the thing though; when you’re forced to kill over a morsel of food, you get a reputation.
I was speed walking, faster and faster we walked until there was a slight sheen of sweat on both of us.
It calmed the urges to lash out, to scream bloody murder and to curl into a ball.
I wasn’t strong enough to keep going through this hell …
Daddy said it wouldn’t be so long … why did he leave me?
“Don’t trust him ever,” I finally said. It was more of a reminder to myself. Stop being so gullible.
“Sometimes I get a feeling there’s more between us, I can’t help but hang onto that. Did you ever … want him to love you? Your trainer?”
“No.” I stopped walking, caught off guard.
Please don’t be like the rest. Don’t submit.
“There isn’t any love. You are just trauma bonding.
He’s abusing you and you attach yourself.
Letting him be your everything, and you think you’ll fix him.
Don’t do that. Fight him.” She contemplated my words as we continued to walk again.
“Do you know why your trainer is famous here? He makes his slaves fall in love with him.”
“Uh. What? But … how? Why?”
I shrugged. “God only knows why these sick bastards do what they do. Yours enjoys the manipulation, fucking your brain and your body, it’s not rare as you think.
I think it’s why every time you’re on display people are so eager to watch.
They want to see if you’ve already fallen for his tricks.
I heard you got the apartment after the spanking.
The overlords were impressed by your defiance. ”
I was arming her with the truth. She wasn’t like the rest of these two-bit whores; she was intelligent and cunning. She needed to survive. I wanted to believe that someone else could survive.
“Hey Little one, did they let you out finally?” One of the girls came up to us.
I rolled my eyes. The nickname was cursed as far as I was concerned, but then again most of us were cursed to be here.
The newest ‘little one’ wasn’t like the rest though; she had a grit to her that I hadn’t seen in the rest. It intrigued me; I wanted to know more about her.