Chapter 27 If You’re Useless You’re Dead
IF YOU’RE USELESS YOU’RE DEAD
Seven years ago
Someone pounded on my door. I looked up from my seat in the small dining area towards the clock on the microwave, three o’clock in the morning, and yet I was still sitting there. I had been sitting at that table for hours drinking, my mind rattled from the events of the past few days.
‘I swear to fucking God if you do not tell me where my child is I will never speak to you again,’ it was the last thing Summer said to me.
I should have taken her word for it, but I was an idiot.
Summer couldn’t keep the kid; we both knew as much, but my mind stumbled back to that dingy clinic room.
Midas was outraged, and we both had been avoiding him for too long.
I had hidden Summer these past two months, her pregnant belly too big to be concealed anymore.
Any longer and Midas would have discovered our secret, so I had to take matters into my own hands.
Summer would forgive me eventually. At least, that was my initial thought.
I regretted that Summer couldn’t spend longer with our child.
My throat felt raw, and my eyes were puffy.
I took a swig from the bottle, letting it burn down my throat.
The burn was pale in comparison to the pain I caused myself, the grief I caused my firefly.
I was now a villain. I was proudly the villain, and I’d die if it meant Summer’s child, our child, could live free.
If she never spoke to me again, it would be worth it.
I loved the little thing as much as I loved Summer, probably more, but I would not allow Midas’s touch to corrupt anymore.
I was done. I could see the images from the last few days as clear as ever, the liquor did nothing to stop my brain from overthinking, and the incessant banging on the door reminded me that I deserved this.
I hurt my firefly beyond repair. There was no going back this time.
I stared across the table as my mind went back to the moment of betrayal.
The C-section was brutal, but a necessity.
We couldn’t risk a natural birth. I drove her four states over to Utah.
She knew she would have a C-section but didn’t know my plans.
I helped her up onto the table. Once on her back, I pulled out the arm boards, securing her arms within them.
My heart was beating faster; it was the only thing that moved fast as I deliberately took my time, planting a gentle kiss upon her forehead and murmuring words of encouragement.
I kissed her legs, gently stroking them as I strapped her feet to the bottom of the table.
Click. God, it was so loud, echoing off the walls, and it took every ounce not to wince and give away what was going on.
I watched as the doctor lifted the dressing gown and prepared her stomach.
He looked at me nervously as he continued to double-check the area, a pitiful look towards Summer, who was just trying to breathe through it, and I knew I had to take over.
Squeamish doctors were not reassuring, and I knew this one was the wrong choice.
The straps were already in place, she knew it would be that way, but she didn’t see the locks on the underside, and what she thought was the securing lever of the arm and foot rests locking into place was the soft click of the padlocks.
A must for what proceeded, I told myself.
There were no epidurals to be given, no medicine of any sort; it was risky enough having to do it in the middle of the night and in a clinic that had seen better days.
I was disgusted; even my torture rooms back home were more sterile, but I kept my face neutral, gleeful even as I was about to welcome our child into this world.
He or she would be delivered by my hands.
The doctor’s scalpel hand shook as he walked closer to her big, beautiful bump. He smiled uneasily at her, and she raised an eyebrow.
“Everything alright doc?” The hesitation in her voice made my heart thunder.
I eyed the doc, and he nodded. “I’m about to start.” He raised his hand once again, but the scalpel clattered to the floor. The idiot didn’t want to follow through, and my Summer was getting anxious. I could see the slight worry lines on her face.
“Step back doc,” I commanded. I didn’t have the time to hold the doctor’s hand through this.
I would deal with him later. “Hey gorgeous momma, you don’t mind me taking over do you?
” My voice, even a wink towards her, as I doused my hands in alcohol, along with a new scalpel.
Her anxiety melted away, as if this was always going to be the right decision.
She didn’t say anything, just gave me a slight smile.
God, she was beautiful. I poured more Betadine onto her bump.
As I came closer, I had never performed a c-section in my life, but what was the difference between the delicacy of slicing skin away from muscle, right?
I had watched several videos over the last few weeks after we had decided on this course of action.
I was always prepared to take the necessary steps.
As if an afterthought, I realized she would need something to bite down upon, the fucking idiot.
“Doc, be useful and get some pencils for her to bite down upon,” I eyed him before he snuck out of the room.
“Yes right away,” he rustled against the filing cabinets or desk drawer and then appeared at her head.
She opened her mouth, and he dropped a bundle of pencils in, her eyes watching the doctor.
“Hey baby, you got this, keep your eyes on me,” It was the last words of encouragement before the scalpel pierced flesh above her pubic area.
Blood pooled as the scalpel sliced through her skin.
The muffled scream as her eyes bulged against the pain made me swallow hard, the sooner I did it, the better.
“I know baby, I know,” A weak smile crossed my face as I continued the horizontal cut into the fat layer.
A pencil broke in her mouth as she gritted her face, her arms jerked in their binds.
“Breathe deeply baby, you have to continue to breathe,” I reassured.
The doc removed the broken pencil. Replacing it, he was white faced looking sick.
Two down, keep going. I was trying my damndest not to cause her more pain as I slashed through the fascia tissue still in that horizontal motion, pulling more of her out of the way.
“Baby the muscles next, halfway there, you need to breathe, we can’t have you passing out, look at me,” Calm but commanding, I watched her straining face as she opened her eyes again to look at me.
“Good girl, that’s it,” I set the scalpel on the tray to separate the muscle with my hands, remembering this was a vertical pull.
Her body was warm as I pulled apart the layer not being rough.
It was much harder to grip the tool to cut open the peritoneum, but we were so close, despite the panic I could see rising in my girl’s face, the muffled screams of the pulls against the restraint.
“Almost there just a little further,” I pinched my brows together in concentration, continuing on.
Pushing her bladder down and out of the way so I could make one of the final cuts was a challenge.
I mean, I had my hand inside my girl one way, but this was a whole new first.
My eyes locked on the baby lying sideways within her — a breech birth, I think it was called. Fuck me, I am glad we decided on a C-section after all.
I gently cut the amniotic sac and maneuvered the baby’s head out, grabbing the suction bulb from the table and beginning to clear our little girl’s airway.
Yes, she was an angelic little thing, despite the grimace she had towards me.
It was a good sign; her pulse was strong against my finger as I continued to finish the steps.
I clamped the cord and cut it. My eyes locked with the doctor, and Summer spat out the pencils, ready to hold her child against her skin.
Tears streamed down her face. She looked dazed, confused maybe.
I think the shock of the event had an ironclad grip as she watched me pull the child up into my blanketed arms. The doctor said nothing as he came around.
I whispered in his ear, “Stitch her up and don’t let her out or it will be your family’s heads.
” He gulped and nodded, turning to grab the necessary tools for the close.
“I love you little firefly,” I whispered as I turned away from my wife, our child held tight to my chest, my hands still coated in Summer’s blood.
As I turned to walk away, a sob rang out from Summer.
The shock wore off quicker than expected.
I frowned as I reached the exit door. As she wailed and bargained with me not to take her child but I didn’t listen.
The child, a girl, the most beautiful thing, just like her mother, and even though she was not my blood, I saw myself as her father. Gabriella.
I loved her the moment I saw her, and my heart ached when I took her away, hidden from our world, from the bastard hands that would taint her innocence. Summer screamed, begged and pleaded just to hold her child. I couldn’t let it happen.
I knew my firefly wouldn’t have let go; it was better this way. My hands pushed open the door as curses, screeches and shrieks met my ear, and the doctor’s pleading voice to “Stay still” continued on.
Barely minutes old, little Gabriella’s big beautiful eyes stripped away at my heart. She didn’t cry a single time, almost as if she knew we had to leave. I almost broke down, I almost handed her over, but I kept walking, the echoes of Summer’s howls chasing me with every step.
I wiped the tears that grazed my cheek as I came back to reality.
There was a shout at the door, and I shuffled to it, my hair a mess, my face scruffy and still in my sweatpants.
I felt like shit, and the last thing I needed was someone shouting and waking up the neighbors.
The bottle of liquor slipped in my hand, and I recovered it with ease.
I yanked the door open, and he fell forward. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
“What the fuck did you do?” Scott’s heated gaze stared at me.
I shrugged, walking back to the table I had been sitting at.
Scott followed, still shouting at me. I took a swig from the bottle as I took my seat.
“I did my fucking job,” I ground out. I had no idea what he wanted.
I couldn’t care less; I just did the bastard a favor beyond favors.
Of course, the weasel wouldn’t know, but my anger rose anyway.
“I never wanted to be a part of this bullshit, why couldn’t you leave things be? I didn’t want to be some common thug,” Scott’s face reddened.
I looked at him and laughed. I shouldn’t have been laughing at the shameful thing I did, but his selfishness was too funny.
“Listen here pretty boy, you stepped into our world when you begged that rapist uncle of yours for money. I don’t give a flying fuck why you did it and I have enough things to worry without babysitting an ungrateful brat like you.
You were warned there would be no going back, if you ever pay attention to anything I say let it be this.
Grandma Obsidian has been in the ring for a long time.
Paralyzing your uncle while I commend, was unexpected consequences and put your name on her list, it’s time for you to grow the fuck up and do as your told or much worse will happen,” I sighed, running my hands through my hair and dropping them on the table.
Something much worse, like taking a child from your wife while she was still cut open, I thought.
“Help me, tell me how to get out of this, I never wanted to step into his shoes, I fought in those rings for the money, not because I enjoyed it,” he pleaded.
“Why should I help you?” I scoffed while taking another drink. Her screams reverberated around my head. I’ll never speak to you again. I missed her. It was the last thing she said when I unlocked her from that table, slapping me in the face, an emotional mess.
“I am desperate, I don’t have the stomach for this kind of thing and I will get killed if it continues, please,” He gripped my arm, shaking it.
“You have to be useful, if you are not useful you are dead,” My head was pounding another flash of the memories—her horror-filled eyes when I returned with the small baby blanket and no baby.
She would hate me forever, and I’d do it all again.
It’d been days since she had spoken to me, but it felt like years.
She stalked me everywhere. I went, I saw the signs, but I wasn’t that stupid.
The child and I had no contact. I wouldn’t risk Gabriella’s safety.
.. Summer would have to forget for now. Maybe if I helped her little boy toy, she’d understand.
It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I was drunk, and this was a last-ditch effort to get Summer to talk to me again.
“What is one thing that every criminal needs?” I prompted as I watched him fidget in his seat. Perhaps I’d make him my new project, mold him into the future Summer needed.
“A gun?” he spat out the question, and I smirked. Not too bright, I see why she likes him.
“Helpful but even you know we don’t need guns to kill, think harder and stop assuming,” I sighed. This was already a long night. He sat there as he contemplated the options and looked around the room, but he said nothing. I took pity and continued my lesson.
“A lawyer, every criminal needs a good defense, even the best of us still require one. This is what you present to her, and you will be the best damn lawyer or you will suffer her wrath, she may be old but she is no fool,” I finished as I leaned back in my chair.
Scott looked at me confused and yet bewildered at the same time. “How do you know it will work?”
“How many lawyers have you seen involved in the bloody side of business? It will work, you will do it and you will be very useful,” I declared, smacking my hands to the table.
He looked down and then back up before swallowing hard and saying, “Ok.”
Good boy.
I stood up, and he stood as well. I opened the door again, and he looked out and then back at me.
“She loves you, I get that now, you two make a good couple, uh thanks for the advice and good night,” Scott admitted, and he was gone down the darkened street corner before I even had a chance to respond.