Chapter Twenty-Two
Eliana
I’d always thought I understood fear. The kind that steals your breath, curls tight in your stomach, digs in and refuses to let go.
The kind that renders you speechless. I’ve experienced fear that made my blood turn cold, fear that made it feel as if nothing in the world would ever be right again, but what I learned today was that there were different kinds of fear.
There was the bone-deep fear I’d experienced the day Carlito was killed that left me feeling helpless and terrified, and there was whatever the hell this all-consuming, can hardly breathe fear was. The not knowing was so much worse than knowing and seeing with my own eyes.
Sledge still hadn’t texted.
Not knowing allowed my mind to wander to places it shouldn’t. Dark places filled with the worst outcomes I could imagine, each and every one of them started and ended with Sledge getting injured, possibly dying, while me and Zoya had no idea.
There was no one I could ask. The clubhouse was strangely silent. Other than Slate and a few prospects, everyone had gone to the courthouse to support Sledge and act as backup in case anything happened.
The minutes crawled slowly into hours, each one dragging like a dull blade across my skin, intensifying my pain and anxiety.
My phone remained annoyingly silent with no updates on the court hearing or what came after.
Each time the clubhouse door opened, my stomach clenched, expecting to see cops, bloody bikers, or something worse.
And every damn time it wasn’t Sledge coming through that door, the panic grew thicker and heavier.
Zoya was oblivious to everything which was a blessing. I watched as she sat on the floor with her stuffed rabbit and sketchpad. The sight helped to ground me but also unlocked another fear I hadn’t realized I had.
What if she was taken away? What if that’s why it was taking so long?
Surely if everything had gone well then Sledge would have called?
Zoya looked up at me inquisitively. I guessed that she was picking up on my anxiety. “You wondering about your daddy?” I asked.
She nodded.
“He’ll be back soon, sweetheart.”
I didn’t know if it was true, but I felt like if I said it enough, it might turn into a prayer. Repeating the words only helped because it kept me focused on something other than my worry-filled mind.
Thirty minutes later, the door flew open so hard it sounded like a gunshot shattering the peace.
I jolted upright. Hawk stumbled in first, limping slightly and covered in blood, but I was sure that some of it wasn’t his. Rebel was behind him, his shirt torn, his face bruised. Falcon strolled in last with bloody knuckles, looking like he was ready to do more damage.
“Oh my god!” I got up and headed over to them. Zoya was still peacefully drawing on the floor. My heart was pounding so hard I barely heard the words that left my mouth. “What happened?”
“Ambush,” Rebel groaned, removing his t-shirt and swiping it across his forehead. His voice was tired and flat. “Chaos Raiders were looking for a fight.”
“They found it,” Falcon growled, the barest hint of a smile on his lips.
“What about the guy?” I leaned in just in case Zoya heard us, “who wanted custody?”
“Crow,” Falcon scoffed. “Fucking coward didn’t show up, just the dogs on his leash.”
More Steel Demons filtered into the room, jovial conversation died when they took in the sight of their brothers. “What the fuck happened?” The big guy called T-Bone asked the question.
Before she heard anything she didn’t need to, I called over to Zoya, “Sweetheart, I think Chopper needs to go to the bathroom. You want to take him into the yard?”
She looked up and nodded. She loved that stinky old bulldog.
The men had kept quiet out of respect for her. But now it was just us, everyone started talking at once.
Hawk let out a soft hiss when one of the women crouched down in front of him, testing the bruises and cuts on his face and arms. He brushed her away gently and said, “We split up, following the Chaos Raiders as they went in different directions. Our way was a trap.”
My blood ran cold. “What about Sledge?” My voice was thin and brittle, forcing the question past my lips with a frown.
It was Falcon who met my gaze, worry evident in his eyes. “They followed the other bikers, and we were gone before they were. Somebody should call Hollywood. He was supposed to keep an eye on shit.”
My heart dropped down to my stomach and flipped over until nausea boiled up, threatening to spill over. “So you don’t know where he is?”
“No,” Rebel sighed. “But he’s with Diesel and Rocky. They won’t let shit happen to him.”
Unless something’s happened to all three of them.
I didn’t say that, but the thought wasn’t comforting. “Right.”
“The good news,” Hawk began, wincing in pain. “Is that we’re the ones who followed those assholes. Can’t be sure, but I think that ambush was meant for Sledge.”
My eyes slid closed as I wished away the panic, sucking down air that burned my throat and lungs.
“Right. Yeah. Okay.” For just a moment, everything felt too harsh and too loud.
Too fucking real for the sun to still be shining.
Yet inside the clubhouse it was nonstop movement.
Motorcycle boots smacked heavily against the floor, lights flickered to life, and the scent of antiseptic cut through the smell of motor oil and gunpowder.
He’s going to be fine, I told myself. Except the truth was twisting inside me.
He might not be.
That was the thought that gutted me, losing Sledge.
It was impossible to ignore the truth any longer.
And the truth was that somewhere between hating his clipped sentences and his bossy demands, his refusal to open his mind about what his daughter needed and long, slow nights of pleasure, I’d fallen in love with the single dad biker.
He was nothing like the guys that had killed Carlito. Sure, he was gruff on the outside, sparse with his words, and effective with his fists, but he was also gentle and caring with his daughter. He was a good father, a protective man, and a loyal friend.
I loved all of that about him, and that thought right there hit me in the gut and the chest, stealing my breath.
I loved him.
I was in love with a man with a dangerous job, a sweet as pie daughter, an electric touch, and a life so different from mine that I wasn’t sure we had a future beyond a few really hot nights.
Still, I loved him and losing him would devastate me. Tears spilled down my cheeks as those worst case scenarios played on a wicked loop in my mind.
The old ladies in the club, the wives and girlfriends, moved around the space with a practiced ease and a calm I couldn’t match, not right now.
They didn’t appear scared, at least not the way I was.
They weren’t falling apart or even crying.
Their expressions were pinched and worried, but they kept their focus on tasks like bringing first-aid kits, food, and water out.
Ellie stopped in front of me. “How are you holding up, Eliana?”
I laughed, the sound was flat and lacking all humor. “Honestly? I’m not.”
She sat beside me, her smile and her warmth a calming balm right now. “You care about Sledge. That’s okay,” she added softly. “We all care about all of them, some more fiercely than others, but it’s kind of part of the deal of loving these guys.”
“I’ve been through hell before, it shouldn’t be this hard.” Not that this wasn’t hard, but losing my brother was harder.
“It’s always at the beginning.” She smiled softly. “But after the second or third lockdown, you realize you’re capable of so much more than you thought.”
I nodded but I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to handle the biker lifestyle.
Fear pulsed through me so sharp and visceral that I couldn’t imagine going through this on a regular basis.
This constant state of fear was unsustainable and though I heard Ellie’s words, I didn’t quite believe them.
“There’s also the matter of our different worlds. ”
Ellie smiled sweetly. “You think your world and his can’t mesh?”
I shrugged.
“I hear you, but you’d be wrong. Sure these guys are all tough, macho guys with the kind of protective streak that makes you swoon while simultaneously wanted to slap them silly, but they are modern men.
Look around, none of us had falling for a biker on our bingo cards.
” She pointed out the women. “Laura’s a nurse, I’m an author, Harper’s an event planner,” she laughed.
“But there are also two doctors, a former detective, and even a teacher in this big, crazy family of ours.”
“Really?” Her words infused me with a hope I desperately needed because I was willing to give up everything for Sledge, but if I didn’t have to it meant we could do this. We could have this.
“Oh yeah,” she laughed. “It’s unorthodox, I suppose, then again what the hell is traditional about these guys?”
“Good point,” I added with a laugh. How I managed to even laugh during a time like this meant there was hope. That maybe Ellie was right and I was stronger than I realized.
Suddenly Zoya came running into the room. She’d been happily playing on the lawn with Chopper. “Eliana! Guess what Chopper did! I taught him how to play catch!” she said breathlessly.
My heart slammed hard against my chest.
She giggled, the sound so damn sweet that my breath exploded out of me. Tears spilled before I could stop them.
“They’re happy tears,” I said to her before she could get worried. “Your daddy’s gonna be so happy.”
I loved this little girl so much and the way those big hazel eyes looked up at me with so much trust and affection, solidified everything in place. I knew, without a doubt, that I would do anything, be anything I needed to, to make sure she knew she was loved and protected.
For them, I would summon my inner bad-ass.
“I’m so proud of you,” I whispered before kissing her forehead. “I knew you’d find your voice again.”
But before Zoya could say another word, Slate appeared.
His hair was messy and looked as if he’d run his fingers through it too many times to count.
“Found their location,” he called out, confident it would draw attention from everyone in the room.
He gripped the tablet in his hand tighter as he rattled off the address. “You need to get there now.”
A dozen bikers got to their feet in an instant, but several stood slower and looked around the room.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
No one answered my question, they were all too busy putting on their game faces, grabbing their weapons and heading for the door.
“Tell me!” I shouted.
“Diesel, Rocky, and Sledge have found Crow. There are at least a dozen Chaos Raiders heading to their location and nobody’s answering their fuckin’ phones.”
There was a long beat of silence and then movement. Chaos. Engines roared outside like one giant roll of thunder.
Zoya pressed her face against me, whimpering at the sudden noise and what it likely meant. I held her tighter, my body shook against hers. My heart caught in that hazy space between hope and terror.
Please let him be okay.
I repeated those words over and over while the remaining men locked up the clubhouse to keep us safe from whatever was heading for Sledge.