Chapter 29
TWENTY-NINE
Elle
“ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!” Ruthie’s voice crackled through the waterlogged speaker of my phone.
Its descent into the bathwater after Ruthie’s loud, “Ahhh,” into my eardrum when I told her about the kiss hadn’t helped the already-cracked screen or busted front speaker. As usual, she was more excited about updates on my love life than I was. And, boy, did I have updates.
“No, I’m not kidding. It was … I can’t even describe it. It was perfect. And I initiated it! I mean, who am I right now?” I bragged, scrunching my nose in celebration and sinking deeper into the heaven that was Austin’s guest room tub.
Bubbles and heat surrounded me while my best friend kept me company.
It was the exact therapy the doctor had ordered.
“I don’t know, but I’m sad I’m not around to witness it in person.
I hear so much growth in your voice. I’m just happy you’re not still crying over that douchebag.
I know y’all were together for a long time, but that big of a fuckup gets you off the hook for feeling guilty about anything you choose to do to deal with it. ”
Ruthie had always believed in rebounds and moving on quickly and mercilessly from men who had done her wrong. I, however, was known for taking things slow and letting empathy guide me through relationship troubles. Was that my downfall or hers?
“I feel like I didn’t choose this though.
It’s like it found me. Like he found me.
I mean, what are the odds that I end up kissing Austin at the exact time and place I’m supposed to be kissing Jesse?
It seems fast, way too fast, but it feels right.
I can’t explain it …” Vulnerability wrapped my admission.
I resubmerged my washcloth and situated it flat on my chest, allowing the warm water to reheat my core.
“All I’m saying is that you can’t puss out now. I know you, and you’re probably all up in your pretty blonde head, thinking of every reason not to explore things with the big, mysterious sailor man. Am I right?” She paused.
She was absolutely right. My lack of response answered her question.
“But let me ask you something. Did Jesse think about you before he stuck his stupid cock in someone else? No. So, why the hell should you? Let him sit wherever he’s sitting, and we can only hope he caught something itchy and scratchy as a parting gift,” she said, her voice echoing through the bathroom.
“First of all, ouch and eww.” I chuckled.
Her delivery made it hurt less than it should have.
“Sorry,” she added quickly, taking responsibility for the harshness shadowing her unrivaled words of wisdom.
“Secondly,” I continued, “I hear you, but I’ve never slept with anyone besides Jesse, and I’m freaking out.
I’ve only ever complained about my sex life in the past—the lack of intensity and realness—but Austin is …
intimidating and passionate and also incredibly manly.
Not to mention, he’s massive; he could probably break me in half with one single thrust. The kiss almost killed me—let me tell you,” I divulged.
Zaps shot through my limbs at the plethora of naughty images bombarding my brain.
Austin shirtless.
Austin shirtless, chopping wood.
Austin with his dick out.
Austin on top of me with his dick out.
“Goddamn it, do you hear yourself? That sounds amazing!” she squealed, coughing on whatever beverage she was sipping on back home.
“I miss you, Ruths. I feel so weird. Like I just entered a completely new world. I need my sexpert to talk me through this!” Pulling the phone from my ear, I pressed the speakerphone button, set the busted screen face down on a nearby wooden stool, and gripped the tub’s sides with both hands.
Was I lost? Or was I stopping myself from fully exploring my new surroundings? The surroundings I wouldn’t be in if it wasn’t for Jesse.
Or Austin, for that matter.
“Promise me something, Ells …” Ruthie quieted.
Was she about to be serious? Doubtful.
“You know I don’t promise anything without knowing what I’m agreeing to first. That’s Elle 101. You know me better than that.”
“That right there—that’s your problem.” She sucked her teeth.
“Too much thinking, not enough doing. Going in for the kiss was a start. I’m proud of you for that.
And letting him make the next move is okay too.
But, Christ, Elle, the man sounds like an orgasm in a uniform.
He’s been caring for you, cooking for you, kissing you like there’s no tomorrow.
If the opportunity arises, I hope you enjoy yourself and seize the chance.
You deserve all the good things, but you gotta take off the pussy shield and let those things in.
” Her hilariously unimpressive speech was anything but the moment the words pussy shield came out of her mouth.
She had a gift though. Because no matter how unserious the off-duty teacher sounded, she was right.
It was time to open myself up to new things and people because navigating my life without Jesse would take practice.
And I couldn’t think of someone more perfect to practice exploring than Chief Austin Carterson.
“I’ll think about it,” I blurted.
Was there a real chance that the girl who had come here for Jesse could share her heart with someone else so soon? It sounded like the opposite of everything I stood for.
So, why did the idea tempt me so much?
I stared across the bathroom, collecting my thoughts, before a wooden figurine I hadn’t noticed caught my attention. Above the doorway hung a palm-sized anchor. It looked hand-carved. Anchors always reminded me of home. Was it a sign? That I belonged in the tub, the house, and the moment?
“So, what’s the final word on your flight for tomorrow?” Ruthie asked, steering our conversation in another direction.
“It’s officially canceled. The airline told me they were hopeful it would only be delayed a day or two, but who knows?”
“Snowed in with a sexy sailor. Now that sounds like a bestseller!” she gushed.
“Knock it off!”
Our laughter echoed through the small, humid space. For a moment, she was splashing around in the tub with me.
“As much as I miss you, I don’t want to keep you. I do expect a full update tomorrow. Keep me posted on your new flight so I can arrange to pick you up. Oh, and stay warm!” Ruthie hung up before I could protest.
She was my brand of crazy—the type of crazy that was convincing enough to make me take notice of Austin and what I felt around him.
Excited.
Nervous.
Attracted.
Panicked.
But mostly, I felt like someone with a whole new future ahead of me.
Was there a chance that Austin could be a part of it? The man’s endless actions proved he respected me. I had to accept that he made me feel good. His touch and heavy hand steadying my thigh earlier had felt good. His mouth on mine had felt more than good. Being around him just felt plain … good.
Perhaps it was about time I let myself feel good again too.