Chapter 38
THIRTY-EIGHT
Austin
ELLE WAS A VISION IN winter wear. Before me—in jeans, the sweater I’d bought her, and a fleece coat—she sauntered down the hallway, each step bringing us closer to the unknown.
It was a sight I’d pay to forget.
One that scared me because it could be the last time I ever saw it. I needed Jesse and Elle’s reunion to be over before it even began. My heart thumped erratically, acknowledging my struggle.
“My office is the next door on the left,” I announced as coolly as my unease allowed.
“I know. I’ve been there before. The Heartbreak Room,” she sassed, topping her sarcasm with an eye roll.
My breath hitched when Elle stopped in front of the door and looked back at me.
We’d arrived.
Our conversation on the way over had eased my worries, but only enough to get me through the drive to base.
I feared our end could be closer than she realized and, silently, begged whoever had brought us together to keep us intact.
Maybe it was God, or perhaps my grandparents had had a hand in it.
My sole hope was that it hadn’t been the Devil, lurking in my life, like he had when I was young, waiting for an opportunity to tear me away from the woman I loved.
The answer would come soon enough.
“You’ll have to wait in here while I grab Jesse from the holding division. If anyone knocks, don’t answer.” I looked left and right to ensure we were alone, unlocked my office door, and let Elle enter first.
“That won’t be a problem.” Elle nodded as she entered the aptly named Heartbreak Room, the tenderness of her voice mimicking the calm she’d brought into my life.
I shrugged off my parka and beanie and hung them behind my door. She followed suit, handing me her coat for safekeeping.
“Remember, this is against policy, so everything that happens today must stay confidential,” I reiterated.
I’d do anything for her, but compromising my security clearance was a big risk. I never did shit like this.
I’d never felt the way she made me feel though.
“You can trust me. You know that, right?” She plopped into my desk chair and spun in a circle. It was carefree. Innocent and pure.
Guilt wrapped its broken wings around me.
I knew she was trustworthy. So, how could I have let my lie go so far? I was the one whose trust she should be questioning, not the other way around.
I cleared my throat. “I’ll be back in a bit. I’ve got to come up with a good excuse to pull Jesse from the rest of the group and bring him back here with me.” My hand found her shoulder. “Try to relax.”
Before kissing her, I jiggled the handle to my office door, ensuring it was sealed shut, encapsulating our last moment before I left to get Jesse.
“It’s funny; I thought I’d be freaking out before seeing him.” Elle turned and ran her palm across the framed award sitting next to my computer monitor, the title Most Influential Instructor of 2011 engraved across the glass protecting the manila parchment.
“Are you not?” I asked.
Her bobbing knees hinted otherwise.
“No … surprisingly. I’m just ready to hear his why.”
She looked past me momentarily, tremors of the memories she and Jesse had created likely reemerging in her mind. They needed to fuck off and regenerate themselves with the new ones we’d made the last two days.
“Fair warning: standing by and remaining professional while you two talk is going to be extremely hard for me. I can’t promise not to interject …”
“You won’t have to say a thing,” she assured me. “So far, you’ve only seen me weak. I think you’ll be impressed when you finally see me stand strong.” Her gaze cemented our fate.
Would she stand strong against me, too, when the time came? I swallowed, the thought threading around the knot already making a home in my throat.
Our night together replayed in my mind, the only scene that gave me enough confidence to leave her alone in my office. Regardless of what happened as our day unfolded, we would never be done.
There was so much more to learn about each other. To build together.
It was time to go and get the last thing standing between me and my girl. The same thing that had brought us together.
Jesse Jenkins.
“Where are you taking me, bro?” The crackle in Jesse’s voice showcased what a little bitch he was as we navigated the hallways leading back to our futures.
Addressing his ex-instructor as bro was about as disrespectful as a recruit could get. We weren’t brothers, not even friends. We were enemies as far as I was concerned.
An enemy was something I wasn’t used to having.
I didn’t respond, allowing his anxiety to build naturally. If I could avoid it, I’d give him no time to prepare to see Elle face-to-face.
Surprise, asshole!
“I’m aware you’ve never liked me, but I deserve to know where I’m being taken. You don’t oversee holding, and I’m pretty sure this is against procedure,” Jesse fired.
“You aren’t aware of the procedures of my job, shipmate. Addressing me correctly isn’t even something you’re capable of. So, if I were you, I’d keep my mouth shut and keep walking. You’ll know where we’re going when we get there.” Annoyance overtook me.
Just the sight of him was enough to curdle my usually hardened stomach.
It was hard to comprehend that Jesse had ever had the honor of owning Elle’s attention. For two years, he’d touched her like I had, probably tasted her like I had. But had he ever made her feel safe enough to come three times in one night like I had?
Common sense told me he didn’t have it in him.
Rage told me he’d better fucking not have.
“Can you at least tell me when I can contact my family? My girlfriend? Anybody? Were they even notified about my delayed graduation date?” He shook his head back and forth.
“I figured they would realize something was wrong when they stopped receiving my letters. For God’s sake, they probably have no idea what happened to me or if I’m okay.
It doesn’t matter what I’ve done. I deserve basic freedoms until my formal review.
Prisoners get more liberties than I do!” Jesse’s tone rose like the hives racing up his neck.
By my design, the unknown—which was clearly suffocating him—was part of his punishment. I’d notified his parents of his delayed graduation and safety. Sadly—but luckily for me—they hadn’t seemed to care.
Still, my panic sprouted like seeds from the clearance aisle of the local garden center—never blooming, just rotting away in my mind. If Jesse’s mouth was good for anything besides tongue-fucking Rita Camellino’s cunt, it was giving Elle way more information than she needed.
“You know what? When we get where we’re going, you’ll be able to explain yourself, I promise,” I hissed.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he barked.
“It means …” I paused. Was it the right time to reveal what he was about to walk into?
Moments later, as we approached my office door, I realized it was as good of a time as ever.
“It means that Elle Madelyn is sitting in my office, waiting for an explanation from you as to why you had sex with someone who wasn’t her. ”
The accusation drained the blood from Jesse’s face faster than a leech ever could. His sunken eyes found the floor. His jaw followed.
Yeah, pal, that’s right. You’re fucked.
I gave him only seconds to accept his self-inflicted fate before opening the door. Elle sat perfectly still where I’d left her, her ankles crossed. It took incredible self-control not to grab her hand or walk over and kiss her. To comfort her.
But she needed to do this alone.
A sturdy nod was the best I could offer to keep our relationship out of Jesse’s sight. The less he knew, the better.
“Oh my God, Elle!” Jesse lunged forward, entering my office more enthusiastically than the occasion required.
I entered second and shut the door behind us.
Watching him drop to his knees and wrap his arms around my girl’s legs was a cruel and unusual punishment. My teeth gnawed at the inside of my cheek before a metallic taste spread across my tongue, annoying my taste buds.
“That will be the last time you touch me for the rest of my life,” she revealed calmly.
Elle let him conclude his selfish embrace before unleashing her first wave of fire.
Jesse pulled away and straightened his white T-shirt. Quickly, he stood. A far less hopeful look masked his face than the one he’d walked in with, as if he were two different people in the span of a minute.
Dr. Jenkins and Mr. Hide.
I leaned back against the inside of my closed door, blocking his only way out of the mess he’d created.
Elle stood, facing her opponent.
“I’m going to let you pretend like you have valid reasons for screwing the girl who you must’ve mistaken for me.
And then you can explain to me why you chose her and answer the questions that have filled my mind for the last few days.
” Elle cleared her throat, seemingly making room for the strength her words conveyed.
“How did you even find out?” Jesse asked frigidly.
How pathetic.
“Seriously? That’s your first concern?” A scoff left my girl’s lips.
The ones Jesse would never taste again. “Your main concern is how I found out about your little affair, if you can even call it that, instead of how badly it hurt me or how quickly it destroyed us?” She stepped forward, scanning Jesse’s downturned face for the fucks he didn’t seem to give.
“Let me make this crystal clear for you. You will never see or hear from me again after you give me the closure I’m asking for.
I’ll wish you well, pray you’ll find the decency you lost, and let your parents know you’re safe.
I’ll remember our good times for the temporary fill that they were, but those will be the last things to tether me to the Jenkins family, Jesse.
” Again, she stepped closer, her face inches away from Jesse’s before delivering the final blow. “We’re fucking done.”
A single tear fell from Elle’s left eye. She swatted it immediately. Angrily. But she wasn’t sad.
She was pissed and in full-on Mafia-wife mode.
“I … I really … I can’t justify my actions,” Jesse rambled, gearing up for some bullshit justification.
He continued without catching his breath, “I’ve thought about this moment a thousand times, and I haven’t come up with a single logical reason why.
No reason is good enough.” Tears welled in Jesse’s eyes before falling and dampening his cheeks.
“Maybe I did it to cope with being away from you. I don’t know. ”
“Wow, strong coping skills!” Elle smiled and nodded relentlessly.
“You’d think dating a psych major for two years would have taught you a thing or two about how to deal with emotions in a healthy way.
But, hey, at least you’re right about one thing: no reason will ever be good enough because I deserve so much better. I know that now. Clear as day.”
Elle glanced at me in a brief but powerful moment of connection forever engraved in my soul.
“You didn’t do anything to deserve what I did. I know that.” Jesse lifted his head and faced his fate eye to eye for the first time since we’d entered my office. “But this mistake will stick with me for the rest of my life, trust me.”
“Trust you? Yeah, right. I can’t trust a word that comes out of your damn mouth, Jesse.
I can’t believe I ever did. I was willing to uproot my life for you after graduation.
You know everything about me, my family, my life, but I don’t know who you are anymore.
Did I ever know the real you?” she asked.
“I don’t know who I am anymore either …” He trailed off. “And I’m not afraid to admit that I’m scared …” Jesse’s voice shook. His hands came together as he brought them to his face and covered his nose and mouth like a surgical mask.
“Scared? Of what?” Elle asked unsympathetically.
You should be scared, asshole, I thought. Scared of being without Elle for the rest of your life, scared of getting kicked out of the Navy, scared of …
“Rita’s pregnant.”
My girl’s mouth fell open faster than mine at the information that was brand-new to both of us.
Information that changed the way I felt about the broken young man before us.
Information that made Jesse look a lot like I imagined my own piece-of-shit father looking when he’d found out my mother was pregnant with me.