Chapter 45
FORTY-FIVE
Elle
“YOU DIRTY LITTLE HOOKER!” RUTHIE nipped before unleashing a playful smack to my thigh. Her voice desperately needed a volume button, but I’d lost that remote long ago. Not even the nasally announcer’s voice blasting the score from the loudspeaker above us could match the octaves she could produce.
Another sip of sour beer elicited a purr from my lips that the group of guys sitting on the bleachers beside us couldn’t ignore.
Between Ruthie’s vulgar language and my tipsy sounds of indulgence, the boys, who appeared to be freshmen based on their stiff postures and even stiffer gelled hairstyles, must’ve thought we were open for business.
“What?! I think number twenty-two is kind of hot. That’s literally all I said! How in the world does that make me a hooker?” I asked.
Blush and hops heated my cheeks. I hated to admit it, but I was having a great time, standing and cheering for the home team. Coastal Pensacola’s basketball team was the most impressive sports team it had—the only December games worth attending, in our opinion.
“Because I slept with number twenty-two sophomore year—that’s why!” Ruthie declared.
“Oh my God, you’re right! Shit, I didn’t realize that was Henry the Hound. I’m so sorry!” I squealed.
We laughed, the kind that rocked you so hard that no sound came out. The kind only the realest of friends could concoct. Laughter erupted between us while our heads fell back and forward with amusement.
“You’re lucky I love you because if anyone else called him hot, I’d punch them right in the titty!”
Ruthie reached for my left nipple, mimicking a crab with her ruby-red acrylic nails. I swatted her sexy claw away just in time.
“Only one titty? Why not both?”
I re-created her attempt, stretching to give both of hers a quick squeeze instead of just one. She caught my hands, redirecting them to my sides. Suddenly, I was a naughty student.
“Both titties are only reserved for people who truly screw up. Like Jesse. I’d give him the titty twister of a fucking lifetime.”
I froze. Why did she have to bring him up?
“That asshole moved on quicker than Mary-Kate and Ashley could solve a damn mystery.” She nodded disapprovingly, eyeing the bottom of her beer.
“I swear, if I ever see him again, I will rip his balls off and hang them from my showerhead like euca-fucking-lyptuses,” she said, adding two hilarious insults to my injury.
I downed the last half of my drink before any more could spill onto my tank top. Ruthie stared at me in equal parts awe and horror.
“Anywaaay …” She grabbed my arm and pulled us down onto the bleacher as the halftime bell blared.
“Have you decided yet about that position Professor Oramae recommended you for?” Ruthie reached under her seat and retrieved the mostly spilled carton of popcorn she’d bought on our way in.
She turned to face me, giving me as much attention as her buzzed, reddened eyes possibly could.
“Yeah, I don’t know yet. I applied for it when Jesse was in boot camp. I really wanted to surprise him and tell him I’d landed a big-girl job in Chicago, but I don’t know if it’s a good fit anymore …”
Suddenly, I felt it. The invisible tide washing away my restraint.
The pull toward him.
Toward Austin.
“Are you insane? You’ve literally been talking about it since you started your grad program. What better place to help people with addictions and trauma than a freaking VA hospital? You could make a real difference, working in a place like that.”
She stuffed a modest palmful of popcorn into her mouth. I reached into her bag and followed suit, finding mostly kernels.
“I know. It just hits a little too close to home. The way things ended with Austin and everything. I’m not sure I can handle being back there. So close to him …” Chills climbed up my spine at his name. Saying it out loud reminded me he wasn’t just a memory.
For a time, he had been real.
“I know you told me about him, but why do I feel like I’m missing some details, babe?”
“You’re the only person who knows what happened. What else is there to tell?” I lied.
Ruthie’s head tilted, her sassy squint overflowing with curiosity. She knew me well.
Too well.
“Did you happen to leave out the part about how you can’t get him out of your head since you ghosted him? And that maybe you regret leaving before hearing him out? Because I know that without you saying a single word.”
“That’s the problem. I’m trying to get him out of my head, but he won’t fucking go. He’s like an indestructible, annoying rock,” I sighed.
“A rock?” Her palm cradled her chin like she was evaluating me. “If you said rock hard, I might be on board. But just a rock? I’m having a hard time with the visual.”
She smiled. We both knew sarcasm and jokes could never loosen his hold on me.
“I figured I’d get through graduation next weekend and then make a final decision. I have two weeks before Oramae needs an answer.”
“Needs an answer on the rock, number twenty-two’s cock, or the job offer?” She giggled.
“The job, Ruthie.” I shook my head.
Nothing she said surprised me.
“Sorry.” She straightened and cleared her throat, reentering serious bestie mode. “If you do take the job in Chicago though, it means it won’t be so easy for us to spend time together like this anymore.” My best friend’s lips pursed downward, her face mimicking that of a begging puppy.
We needed each other.
If I moved away, our schedules wouldn’t align as perfectly as they had for the last five years—a thought that pained me. But we often talked about how our lives would change one day. Careers, partners, and kids would come along. We knew it was inevitable. We’d also hoped maybe we had more time.
“Let’s not waste a perfectly good night worrying about the future, okay?
I promise you’ll be the first to know when I decide.
” I hugged Ruthie the same way I had so many times before—genuinely and with the level of connection I felt only for her.
“It’s a huge decision, and I want to be in the right headspace when I make it. ”
Even tipsy, I was the levelheaded one of our duo. Our opposing magnetism attached us at the heart.
“I love you forever, Ellie Vanellie,” Ruthie said adoringly.
Love—a powerful word that had deceived me too many times. I clung to my best friend, her presence like my life jacket as I threaded my arms around her.
She made me want to believe in it again.