Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
WILLA
FRIDAY MORNING
Ihad decided to make that list while I was at the airport in LA on Tuesday. I’ve only ever tried to get over my feelings for Shane Miller, so I have no idea if it’s this hard to get over anyone else. But trying to get over Shane Miller is a joke. Especially now.
There aren’t any billboards in the part of town that he lives in and I don’t watch TV, so I had no idea what a big deal this upcoming Melissa McCarthy movie is.
Driving to Nico’s place, I had passed two billboards and a bus that was advertising the movie.
I don’t know why they felt the need to put his handsome smiling face on the poster—I mean, isn’t Melissa McCarthy a big enough star to sell a movie on her own?
More billboards on the way to the airport, and then as soon as I finished writing up my list, I looked up and saw his beautiful face on the TV in the airport bar. Some daytime talk show.
If he were laughing and smiling like most talk show guests, I would have added that to the list. But he was barely keeping up appearances.
He was still handsome, of course, but he looked tired.
I ran to the bar and asked the guy to turn the volume up, but it was too late.
It cut to commercial, and Shane’s segment was over.
I thought things would get easier once I left LA, but the in-flight movie was that damn action comedy that he starred in with John Cena.
There was a huge digital screen advertising the new movie around the corner from my hotel in Times Square.
And even if he weren’t in movies, it wouldn’t have mattered.
Because I still see his face every time I close my eyes.
The good news is, I haven’t been able to sleep more than a few hours since I left his house.
So my eyes have been open a lot. Always looking on the bright side.
But I miss the twins just as much. I miss hearing their voices.
I miss their little hands. There’s an emptiness inside, and I’m so afraid I won’t be able to fill it, but I also don’t feel right being so attached to them because they aren’t mine.
My talent and skills and work. My own family. These are the only things that are mine. I just need to focus on that.
The job interview was good. It actually felt good to be in a lab again, surrounded by other chemistry nerds who like to make things smell good.
I mean, the job itself gives me no opportunities for creativity, but I can do my own thing on the weekends.
And at night, if I’m not too tired. Manhattan gave me a headache, but I’m sure I’d get used to it eventually.
I’m at Grammie’s house now, and I haven’t heard from Shane since he sent me a text on Wednesday night, asking me not to accept the job until I’ve talked to him.
But I haven’t talked to him. I told him that I only have until this afternoon to make my decision.
I know how busy he is, but come on. Don’t leave a girl hanging.
I’m not calling him. If I haven’t heard from him by four o’clock, I’m accepting the job.
“Why are you shaking your head at me, young lady?” Grammie asks.
I realize my arms are crossed in front of my chest and I’m frowning.
“Nothing. I just can’t believe you won’t let me take you to the arboretum. It’s a beautiful day. Don’t you want me to take you anywhere? Somewhere in Detroit?”
“Well…” She smirks. “If we stay here, there’s less chance of you losing me.”
“Too soon, Grams.” Now I’m really frowning at her. “Too soon.”
We’re sitting in her living room, and the scent of my grandfather’s cherry vanilla tobacco smoke still permeates everything.
It has mellowed a bit over the years, but it’s still here, stubborn and lovely.
Kind of like my grandmother, although she’s not being very lovely at the moment. She’s just being a stubborn ass.
“Well, I’m only going to be here for a couple more days. What do you want to do? Should we visit Mom and Dad?”
“No, just calm down. I want to talk to you.”
“I am calm. You calm down.”
“You are not calm. You’re miserable.”
“Well, you’re not exactly helping to change that situation at the moment.”
“I just want to tell you that I was wrong.”
Ten words I never thought I’d hear this woman say. “Sorry, what?”
“You heard me.”
“Regarding?”
“This job. I don’t think you should take it.”
“Well, I don’t think I can afford not to. I mean, I can get a job waiting tables in LA until I’m making enough from my own sales, but that’ll just drive Nico nuts and he’ll be impossible to live with.”
“Then live with Shane.”
“You’re telling me to live with Shane? Dora Cruella Todd. You?”
“That’s not my middle name. Let go of that heart pendant.”
I let go of it. I’ve been unconsciously rubbing it so much for the past few days, I’m surprised it hasn’t melted. The other one, the one that Shane gave me, just makes me sad, so I try to ignore it. But I’m not ready to stop wearing it yet.
“That’s what I was wrong about,” she continues.
“You and Shane. I shouldn’t have worried about you.
” She closes her eyes and inhales deeply.
“I loved your grandpa so much. Losing him was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and I never wanted anyone I love to go through that. I saw how meeting Shane sparked something in you. Something big and beautiful, and it all happened without him even being around. I was afraid that when you moved in with him, you’d hang on to that fantasy of him, even though it wasn’t real for Shane. ”
“Well. I wouldn’t say you were wrong to think that.”
“No, I was. It just took Shane about twelve years longer to realize what you knew when you met him.”
I bark out a laugh while wiping a tear from my eye. “I think perhaps you’re the one who’s prone to flights of fancy, Grams.”
She smiles at me. She’s so pretty when she isn’t being a bossy know-it-all.
“I wouldn’t trade the pain of losing the love of my life for anything if it meant not having all that time with him.
It took me so long to grasp that. Fortunately, you and Shane are more clever than I am.
So forget what I said before. Don’t listen to me.
About this one topic, I mean. You’re a wonderful girl.
Of course you can live without him. But you don’t have to. ”
I’m about to get up to hug her when the doorbell rings.
“Finally,” she says on an exhale. “I’ve been expecting a delivery. Go get that for me, will you? I have to check on something.” She disappears out of the room without any hug or explanation.
Thanks, Grammie. She never was much of a hugger.
I wipe my nose with the back of my hand and go to the front door. I suddenly get this ridiculous idea that maybe Shane had a big flower arrangement delivered here and Grammie knows about it. I run my fingers through my hair as I peer through the peephole. But I don’t see anyone there.
I open the door, and the reason I didn’t see anyone through the peephole is that the two people who are standing on the porch are under four feet tall.
Shane is getting out of the passenger side of a parked car at the curb.
His tired blue eyes are still magnetic, even from this far away.
Even when they aren’t illuminated on screen.
“Knock knock!” Summer says, laughing.
I am so happy to see them I can barely speak. “Who’s there?”
“It’s us! Trick or treat!” Summer and Lucky say in unison.
I drop to my knees to hug them. The scent of their baby shampoo and the feel of their little hands and arms on my back is confirmation of something I haven’t been able to admit to myself, even though I’ve known it for two months—that I want my home to be wherever these three people are.
I want it, and I’m going to let myself have it.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” I say to the twins, in between kissing their cheeks.
“We took the red eyes plane!” Lucky exclaims. “It’s called that because everyone on the plane is tired, not just Daddy.”
“And we got to miss school today because Daddy’s sick!”
“Oh no.” I look up at Shane, who is walking up the steps. “You’re sick?”
“Yeah,” he says. “Sick of missing you.”
The kids go inside the house while I melt into Shane’s arms. “You could have just sent me a text begging me to come home, you know? It didn’t even have to be dirty.”
“Ahh, but then I wouldn’t have had the pleasure of leaving the red carpet to get home and get two five-year-olds out the door in time for the red eyes flight to Detroit.”
“You rushed to the airport for me? That’s so romantic.”
“Didn’t feel very romantic, with two tired kids and a grouchy nanny in tow, to be honest.”
I pull him inside the house and glance out at the car parked outside. “Where’s the grouchy nanny?”
“At the hotel in Detroit, sleeping. I hired a driver to bring us here. Didn’t want to risk driving in my state.”
“Which state is that?” I shut the front door and wrap my arms around his waist.
“Michigan, I think.”
Summer and Lucky are in the living room, talking to Grammie, who has that elfish glint in her eye. “Welcome to Michigan, Shane Miller. You’re a little late.” While Shane hugs her, she looks over her shoulder and winks at me.
Summer and Lucky run over to me, pulling little boxes out of their jacket pockets and holding them up to me.
“This is a present for you!” Summer says, opening the box herself. “It’s a pretty necklace!” She takes the gold necklace out of the box and holds it out for me. “It has a heart on it like the ones you have, ’cept this one’s mine. For you.”
Lucky holds his little box out to me. “And mine too. You can open it yourself.”
“Thank you. It’s so pretty.” I take the necklace and box from them. “Thank you. I’m going to wear them all the time.”
“Why don’t we give these two kids some privacy, Mr. Lucky and Miss Summer. Come to the kitchen with me.”
“I’m hungry,” Summer says. “What kind of snacks do you have?”
“Prunes.”
“What are prunes?” Lucky asks.
“They’re dried plums that relieve constipation. You’ll love them.”
Summer looks back at us, pouting.
“I also baked some chocolate chip cookies last night. Would you like those instead?”
The twins cheer as they follow Grammie out of the room.
Shane helps me put my new necklaces on. I lift my hair up, and the touch of his fingertips on the skin of my neck almost makes my knees give out.
“If you’re going to do something disgusting to me to make up for how sweet this is, we should at least go into the guest room.”
“Oh, I’ve got big plans for you, believe me. But they’ll have to wait.”
“Not too long, I hope.” When I have four pretty gold necklaces and four pretty gold hearts around my neck, I let my hair down.
“You could also just put all of these pendants on one necklace, I guess. Right?”
“Yes.” I kiss him on the right cheek. “I can.” I kiss him on the left cheek. “So, you told Grammie you were coming?”
He nods. “She good at keeping a secret?”
“A little too good. It’s disturbing.”
Shane takes a deep breath. “It still smells like cherry vanilla in here,” he says.
“Have you been here before?”
“No. You told me about it. When we met.”
“I can’t believe you remember that.”
He looks at me so seriously all of a sudden.
“I know I got your name wrong at first, but I was really tired. I remember everything about that first time I met you. I remember everything about every second I’ve spent with you.
I want to spend all the seconds with you.
Don’t take that job. I want you to live with us, and I want you to make your own perfume, and I want you to feel good about being with us.
I want you to live with us as my future wife.
” He pulls another small box out of his blazer pocket.
Oh my God. I was so excited to see everyone, I didn’t even notice that he’s wearing a blazer, button-down shirt, and a skinny tie! I look down at his feet. And the high-tops!
I’m so excited that he’s dressed up like Greyson again for me that when he opens the box and I stare at a beautiful diamond ring, it takes me a few seconds to understand that it’s an engagement ring. For me.
“I am so in love with you, Willa Todd. I want you to know that you’re the first. I asked Margo to marry me because I got her pregnant and I cared about her and it was the right thing to do.
I’m asking you to marry me because you’re the only woman I’ve ever been in love with, and my kids love you, and one day when you’re ready, I want to get you pregnant.
And you’re the only woman I want to go to sleep with and wake up next to for the rest of my life. ”
Shane Miller is looking at me like I’m the most beautiful woman in the world, but I feel like a twelve-year-old dork. My mouth is dry. My hands are trembling. My right eye might be twitching.
“Yes,” I blurt out, at the same time that he asks, “Will you marry me?”
He laughs, and as he takes my hand to slide the ring onto my finger, his index finger touches the pulse point on the inside of my wrist, and once again I don’t see our future life together, but I feel it.
Comforting and exciting and romantic and light and important and there’s a home and kids, and…
I feel it all in this moment, and this time I know that he feels it too.