Chapter Fourteen
Xolani
Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
– Alfred Lord Tennyson
Xolani missed him. Sorrow filled her and the experience felt like a knife to the heart.
She felt him everywhere. In her heart, mind, at the coffee shop, her office, her home but he wasn’t with her.
It hurt. The fact that she’d told him to leave, to stay away from her even pained her now.
But he’d hurt her with his deception. She scoffed at herself.
Wasn’t that his true nature? A deceiver?
He’d wanted her, but he didn’t love or want her in the way she needed him to.
She’d been thinking long and hard about what Felipe and Dr. Fairee had told her about him being her mate.
What if it was true?
He’d left her bereft. Physically and mentally by giving her what she’d asked for.
She wasn’t sure what hurt more, him doing what she asked or what he’d done before she’d found out who he really was.
A demon. An incubus to be exact. A being who purposefully enticed and had sex with a multitude of women.
Not one woman but women.
The ache in her chest suffocated her so much that she was surprised she hadn’t fainted. She missed his delicious mouth and the way he stroked her body and came inside her. The heat of him as he pressed into her. Hell, she missed the fact that he could speak to her mind as well as to her body.
Xolani had gone back to work to get him off her mind and yet it hadn’t helped.
Sleep wasn’t an issue anymore. Now she was dealing with a broken heart.
Broken hearted and daydreaming of Dima. Or should she say Dirge.
He’d said that was his demon’s name. Dirge or Dima.
She didn’t care. She just wanted the pain and longing gone.
It had been explained to her that Dima was her mate.
The irony of that didn’t cease to astound her.
Xolani Coleman was promised to a demon. Which made him powerful in his own right.
But what did that make her? She was only a human.
How did she fit into his world? Could she fit there?
Beyond that did she need to fit into his world?
None of this mattered if she kept her distance. He’d tried to come around for a while, but she’d put a stop to it. She wouldn’t even listen to her best friend on the matter of at least listening to him. To at least talk to him.
Getting up from her desk, she walked to the window to look out. She’d finished with her last patient for the day and now she was feeling the weight of her breakup if that’s what one would call it with Dima.
He’d tried to apologize and to convince her that what they’d felt for each other was real.
But how could she trust him? He’d come into her life because he’d been obsessed with her and wanted to get her out of his system.
She was constantly feeling the pull to call him.
But what if this wasn’t real? What if his feelings for her weren’t genuine?
Xolani struggled to not let despair drag her down.
A tap sounded on her door and the office manager Claudia stuck her silver head in. “Everyone is gone for the day. I’m leaving as well. Do you need anything before I go, Dr. Coleman?”
She mustered up a smile and replied, “No, go on and leave, I’ll lock up for the day. Thanks for asking.”
Claudia nodded. “Have a great night.”
“Thank you. See you next week.”
The office manager waved and said goodbye and closed the door gently behind her.
Xolani turned back to gaze out the window.
All she needed to do was to say his name and then perhaps the pain would stop.
She deserved answers for what had gone on with him.
Didn’t she? Hell yes, she deserved to at least cuss him out and get this off her chest. She loved him, but she refused to be a pushover.
The situation between her and Dima needed to be rectified one way or the other.
It had become awful because she hadn’t been willing to change or give an inch weeks ago. But now she was willing to listen.
Xolani had to admit she wanted to see him.
Making her way to the couch, she settled down. Taking a deep breath and centering herself, she whispered his name, “Dima.”
If she didn’t know he was a demon, him appearing in front of her like he did would have terrified her. She’d come to grips with that fact.
“You called.”
His voice sent a thrill through her and she didn’t know how she managed to keep her excitement at bay and off her face. “I did. I think it’s about high time you tell me what the fuck you were thinking.”
“In the beginning, I only thought with my dick, not my mind or heart.”
“You got that right.” She sniffed. It took everything within her to keep looking at him. Damn, the man was as gorgeous as ever.
It pissed her off. She’d hoped he would show the effects of this like she did.
Puffy eyes.
Weight loss.
Irritable.
A hot mess.
“I thought that this was an obsession. What I felt for other women since the beginning of my sexual existence. I thought that once I had you, it would be enough.”
“And now?” His words warmed her heart, but she wouldn’t give in to him that easily.
“Now I know that I don’t want to exist a moment without you.”
“You violated my mind. Spoke to me, encouraged me. Why?”
“It is the way we demons speak most of the time. And yes, I did it a few times, even that night. It wasn’t meant to be malicious.”
“I am all about consent.”
“You are and so am I,” he replied defensively. “I will refrain from using my powers unless you want me to use them.”
After hearing his words, Xolani paced back and forth. She wanted to make him suffer a little after hurting her so badly.
“Baby, please tell me what you’re thinking. Call me an asshole, anything but the silent treatment.”
“You’re an asshole, Dima. That’s what I’m thinking. The trust issues I held for Ricky resurfaced because of this shit from you.”
“I deserve that. There is no excuse for what I did. I didn’t realize it was love until you asked me to leave. I’ve felt nothing but pain since then.”
“Pain?”
“As if my very soul has been ripped from my body. I have been suffering from the pain of our parting.”
She stopped her pacing as she gazed into his eyes. “Chest aching? A deep-set loneliness?”
“Ditto. It’s because the bond we share either needs to be severed or sealed.”
“What do you know about love?” Xolani crossed her arms over her ample chest.
“I know that when I’m with you, I feel as if there is electricity running through my pores.
Not in a bad way. But I love it when you smile and when you laugh.
Your joy becomes mine. I also know there is nothing on this earth that would make me leave you unless that is your wish. I’d even give up being a demon.”
Her eyes widened at this admission.
He approached her and took her hand, laying it on his chest to cover the steady beat of his heart. “This heart beats for you. I can’t bear the thought of losing you. But I will leave and have the bond destroyed if that’s your wish.”
Her hand tightened on his dress shirt and his pectoral muscle flexed.
****
Dima
He’d missed her touch. He’d take her anger as long as she needed. He feasted his eyes on the glide of her tongue over her bottom lip. “You alone have that kind of power over me.”
“I wouldn’t ask that of you. It is who you are. The only thing I’d ask is for your fidelity. Do I have that?”
“Always, Dollface. I love you, Doctor Xolani Coleman. There has never been another person like you. I want to spend our lives together eternally.”
Her face blossomed into the most radiant smile he’d ever seen.
Her eyes never left his and he could feel the love she held in her heart for him.
Her soulful eyes tearing up. Even her tears were beautiful.
He stroked her cheek while softly wiping away the moisture.
He pulled her into his arms, loving how she melted against his body. Showing that she belonged there.
She raised her head and pressed her lips close to his.
He could not resist kissing her. Filled with all the love and passion he needed to give her, nothing about the kiss was sweet.
When she pulled away from him, she was panting softly. “Not going to lie, that kiss was everything.” She grinned at him. “One thing I need to know though... what is your name?”
He kissed the tip of her nose and replied, “It’s just Dirge.”
“Well, I love you too, Dima the humanish one and Dirge the demon.”
“Ahh baby doll, we have a lot of time to make up.”
“That we do, now take me home. You can drive, can’t you?”
He laughed. “Yeah.”
“Ok then, let’s grab the keys and start our making up.
He smiled and grabbed the keys off her desk as she picked up her purse. He would have to tread carefully to not make major mistakes. But he understood he might still make some. Even demons had their flaws. He was so happy she’d decided to look past his.