11 Serenity
I manage to act normal for the rest of the night into the following morning. My father is busy at the hospital covering for one of the surgeons, and he’s too backed up with basic surgeries to need me for anything. When I’m not working either job it gives me the rare option to have some time to myself at the house. Which just means I get to stew in my thoughts.
Giving up my virginity was going to happen at one point, and I wasn’t holding out for marriage or romance. But a guy’s hand while we’re working wasn’t in the plan either.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure it would work. What if he wasn’t rough enough and stopped? He could’ve backed out if he realized I was a virgin too soon. Or maybe his fingers wouldn’t be long enough. Playing it out in my head didn’t do me much good, and I started overthinking long before I set my sights on Emeric.
I looked up if I could get away with fingers or if I had to use a penis to get the job done. It was never going to be the problem. It can absolutely happen because of someone’s fingers, or falling, or a bunch of other occurrences. I could’ve done it myself, but I just didn’t want it to happen that way. And what came next really wasn’t that bad.
It felt like something that I wanted to trust someone else with. Emeric is rough around the edges, but I know he’s skilled and now that I’ve felt what he’s working with…
Trust might be a stretch, but despite our arguments and bickering he’s the guy I’m most comfortable with at the club. And we’re upstairs a lot by ourselves, so I didn’t have to play around in the theater or the club rooms if I didn’t want to be caught by anyone.
“You’ve got that dopey look on your face again, sis.”
I stop my musings, glaring at Vienna across the coffee table. She got up late, which isn’t unusual for her, but the heavy bags under her eyes tell me it was a wild night once again. “No I don’t.”
“Yeah, ya do,” she says with a laugh, swirling the cup of coffee. I have no doubts she got her way with the hard shot this morning. Dad isn’t around and the housekeeper doesn’t want to deal with her. “It’s a guy isn’t it?”
I frown. “Why do you assume it’s a guy?”
“Because you’re never dopey,” she says, wiggling her brows. While I have dark chocolate eyes like Dad, her’s are closer to hazel like our moms. “So it’s got to be a guy. One from the club I’m guessing? Oh, does he have a giant-”
“Vienna.”
She smirks, taking a sip of her coffee. “I’m just saying, you seem all uptight but in a different way than normal. Less about work more about… yourself.”
I scoff. “What do you know about me?”
Vienna frowns, sitting forward on the couch. It’s pristine white, just like half the furniture at the house, and we look out of place in pajamas and loungewear. “Ser, you’re the most uptight rich girl I know. You never let loose, you never have fun, you don’t sleep around-”
“I took Anita out last year for drinks.”
“It’s May. That was what, Christmas? And you went to a restaurant, not a bar. It was a wine tasting.”
“It was classy.”
“It was painful!” She throws up her hands, looking at me like I’ve grown a second head. Only five years separate us, but I feel more disconnected from her than I do Emeric, and he’s a decade older than I am. “You don’t have fun. You overthink problems and try to fix everyone else.”
“That’s not true.”
Vienna scoffs. “You’re sitting here on a Friday afternoon with your teenage sister because I’m on house arrest. You’re hiding from Dad and avoiding talking about anything to do with Joelle around me.”
My lip twitches. “She just goes by Jo out here.”
“Yeah, about that,” Vienna continues, flopping back in the cushions again. “Are you ever going to tell me what’s going on with her?”
I shrug. Jo kept a lot of her life from me since a decade separates us, and I can’t say I’ve dug for answers. My mom would whisper about her, and Dad acted like she’s a blight on the family, but when I grew up and actually reached out, I learned Jo is cool. Traumatized and hurt, but cool.
I know little about her outside of what she chooses to share, but Vienna knows next to nothing. Her eighteenth birthday came and went not long ago, but even then Jo never wanted to share the gruesome details with her.
“She’s dealing with the past,” I say finally, and Vienna shoots an eyebrow up.
“The serial killer guy in Florida?”
“He’s in an asylum now,” I remind her, sharing the bits of information Jo gave me. I’m not going into what happened, but she knows Jo was once involved with a psychopath. “She’s back to help with a new problem.”
“Well, that’s cryptic,” Vienna says, rolling her eyes. “Oh well, I guess the details will come out. They always do when the story is juicy.”
I shake my head. My sister lives for gossip, and her life choices highlight that. “You know, if you didn’t get arrested you wouldn’t be on house arrest.”
“It’s house arrest Dad put me on, Ser. Chill.”
“You still have to go to court.”
She shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. It’ll get dropped. Dad’s money will do its job. This is just a way to waste time.”
I purse my lips. She’s right. Her graduation is coming up and all she can focus on is partying and sleeping with her classmates. We’ve gone down that road more than enough times that she knows I’m not as… free as she is.
And there’s no way I’m admitting to my baby sister how I lost my virginity.
I’m wasting time, avoiding the issue of going in. We need to go over the auction setup, and I need to put out a notice to members of the club and what it entails. There’s finances, and people have to sign new wavers, and -
“Do you ever stop worrying?” Vienna continues, picking up her coffee again. A perfectly sculpted eyebrow lifts on her forehead, and I narrow my eyes at her.
“I’m thinking.”
“Overthinking.”
I sigh. “There’s a lot going on right now.”
“Yeah. That club is becoming your whole life.”
I frown, narrowing my eyes at her. I’ve been there more and more, but my romp with Emeric makes me want to hide. The place gives me a different purpose than mindlessly running Dad’s social media accounts and corralling my sister.
Before I can respond, I hear the front door opening. Vienna rolls her eyes, downing her coffee, and I watch in silence as she slams the glass down at the same moment Dad appears in the entranceway.
He gives us a tired smile. “My girls.”
Vienna waves the empty glass at him. “Dad, I’ll be going out tonight. Serenity’s got work at the club.”
I snap my head around to glare at her. The club is a touchy enough subject without Daddy’s little angel announcing it to him.
Dad frowns, peering between us. “You have to go out again, Serenity?”
“It’s my job until Jo’s back,” I remind him, crossing my arms. It’s the same debate every day.
“Well, I met a guy at the hospital today who said that the club”s in a rough spot right now.”
I narrow my eyes. Is that a jab at me or a warning? “We’re adjusting, that’s all. Nothing is going to be perfect with the owners gone.”
“He said it isn’t safe,” Dad continues, Vienna looking between us. We should be focused on her all night partying and the fact that she has no goals presently for the future. Not on the job I’m currently doing around everything else. “Said that they let people accuse each other and there’s more men there than women.”
“That’s drastically incorrect,” I grumble, ignoring Vienna’s curious gaze. I’m not going into the details with her. “The club-”
“Serenity.” Dad sighs, setting down his bag before crossing his arms. I stand from the couch, feeling an argument coming on. “I think it’s time you stop this hobby of yours with the club and get serious. Evan-”
“Not this again Dad,” I growl, cutting him off. “I’m staying at the club until I’m no longer needed there. And don’t get me started on Evan Daniels again.”
He rolls his eyes, and I can tell the day’s worn on him from the purple circles there. “I’m looking out for your wellbeing. Chad said that it isn’t safe-”
“Chad,” I deadpan, watching Dad’s brows scrunch. I don’t know if he’s a client or just someone that happened to get in his ear when I wasn’t around. But I have no doubt which Chad he’s referring to. Maybe he really did do deliveries for the hospital when I bumped into him outside. “Chad told you all of this?”
Dad clears his throat. “I know I shouldn’t share his name, but he claims to go to the club sometimes and said that it’s a little rough-”
“Chad’s in trouble with SS,” I tell him, watching his frown deepen. “There’s some allegations against him from another member. A well-respected member. He’s only been a member for a few days. He’s probably rebelling because of the ridicule he got last time.”
But I can’t help wondering how he knows who I am. He showed up to the hospital not long ago, and now he’s talking to my father… it can’t just be coincidence.
Clearing his throat, Dad tries to take control of the conversation again. “So long as you live under my roof-”
“Dad, I’m twenty-three. I live here out of convenience. I can leave anytime I want and find a place. Your rules don’t extend to my place of work.”
His face colors, turning a deep red. “Now listen here, Serenity-”
“And you shouldn”t take some stranger”s word over mine,” I go on, hands sliding to my hips. “His voice isn’t more important than mine.”
“Chad isn’t a stranger, dear. He delivers some of the supplies for the hospital.” I fucking knew it. “I’ve seen him a few times before dropping things off. Brings in my favorite gloves-”
“A delivery guy,” I say, cutting Dad off. Chad knows who I am by association, but I can’t remember seeing him around the hospital until recently. Maybe I just never paid attention.
“Yes, Serenity. I don’t know him well but I’ve seen him in passing a few times. He seems like a good guy.”
I thin my lips. Myla probably thought her ex was a good person, and Anita believed her ex-husband could control how she felt about herself long after the separation. Men like to twist things to their benefit, just like Alastair did to Jo.
Don’t think about him.
My hands clench on my hips. This is why I avoided getting close to anyone. When I’m enamored I stop thinking clearly, and it opens up a world of problems. Getting close to Emeric was a mistake, and I’m almost certain it’s going to bite me in the ass later.
We have to work together for an unknown amount of time, and I went and made things awkward by making the first move. He might’ve finished things, but I started it.
“Chad isn’t a good guy,” I say with more confidence than I feel. I don’t know enough about him to say that, not really. “You should take my word over his.”
Dad sighs. “I’m tired of you playing games. Nothing good can come from working at that club.” He wrinkles his nose. “I hate to think about you working in some place so perverse. You want to be a good wife someday, don’t you? You can’t be that if you’re slumming it at a sex club.”
His words slam into me like a freight train, and I notice Vienna sitting straighter to gape at Dad.
I clear my throat. “A good wife?”
“Yes, dear. Someday you’ll be married-”
“And my worth will be valued on how well I can service a man?”
Dad sputters, coughing loudly. “Serenity!”
“You know,” I continue, narrowing my eyes. “Mom is never this narrow-minded. I know she travels all the time for herself, but at least she isn’t worried about finding me a husband so I can be someone else”s problem.”
“That’s not what I’m saying!”
“No, you just need me to be a good wife someday so it doesn’t reflect badly on you.” The memory of Emeric taking me to new heights flashes in my head, and some of the guilt I’ve carried around since yesterday slips away. “I don’t care how my personal choices affect you. I’m not doing anything trashy, I’m working. And I’ll be someone’s wife someday, but I’ll be their equal and not just some pretty doorstop to ignore.”
“Serenity, stop that-”
“Because that’s what you treat me as,” I continue, realization kicking in. I need to stop looking at my life through rose colored glasses and accept the truth at face value. “I do all the cutesy work for you, posting your surgical videos and being a pretty face at the hospital. But you don’t put any value in me.”
Dad throws up his hands, looking at me like he doesn’t recognize his daughter. “You’ve spent too much time talking to Joelle. You’ve got insane ideas going around in your head again.”
“No, Dad, I’m just not willing to be a window decoration,” I snap, shaking my head. “I like working at the club. It’s stressful some days but at least the people are real and they don’t hold back. They don’t make me pretend to be something I’m not. All you want is the version of me that lives up to your ideals of a good daughter. It doesn’t matter if I’m different from the mold because you don’t want to see me that way.”
Dad sighs. “Serenity-”
“You know what? Don’t stress about me living here.” I glance at Vienna, giving her a shrug. “I have more than enough money from the trust funds you and mom packed my bank account with. Those are mine since I turned twenty-one, so all that money belongs to me. I can find my own place and do what I want.”
His face turns a violent shade of red again, but I’m done with this. It’s becoming too much, balancing my home life, work life and club life, and there has to be a point where they start blending together so I don”t have to act like a different person depending on where I am. Glancing at Vienna, I give her a shrug.
If she can’t figure out what she wants, she’ll get stuck here depending on and draining Dad. But that’s not a problem I’m going to resolve all in one day. Speaking the same words to her that I told Dad just the other day, I give her a tight smile before nodding to Dad. “Good luck with that.”
~~~
The club is busy due to the weekend, and I haven’t bothered to talk to Emeric.
That’s not entirely true. I’m early, and he’s still running his class. It’s starting to feel like he does this every single day, and I can’t help wondering when that became the norm.
I can’t help but notice the way he eyeballs me for a moment before going back to his lesson. Nate is absent onstage today, and it looks like there’s a few couples and even a few men taking the class.
It gives me the option to observe, but Emeric looks no different than the last time I saw him.
God help me, I want to be on that stage. My body is a little stiff today, and nothing I’ve even half attempted with my fingers comes close to his cock and that barbell, but more than anything I want to be pressed to that pole again with him at my back. The dirty feeling that overcame me when we played up there almost beats the feel of him fucking me.
Maybe it’s the adrenaline rush.
I’m distracted from the class when people start wandering in, knowing that Myla will be here someplace. I briefly stopped and talked to Russell in the security booth, and although he was curious, he didn’t pry when I asked about her.
I keep watching until she appears. A dark head of hair, and David’s taller stature catch my attention. A step or two behind them walk Emilio and his partner Laci, who is wearing an extraordinarily small amount of clothing. I wait until they all begin to sit, the class on stage drawing to a close as people start to prepare for the showcase tonight.
Summer is kicking in. There should be a performance on each weekend night. Pushing out of my seat before I can second guess myself, I approach the group and force a smile to my face. “Myla.”
She gives me a startled look. I don’t know Myla like I know Anita, and Laci I know even less about. The blonde woman is missing from the table, and I can only assume she’s doing something on the floor nearby.
Myla gives me an uncertain smile, brushing back dark strands of hair. “Serenity?”
“Could I talk to you for a moment?” I ask, clenching my hand together to keep from fidgeting. “I just had a question.”
She frowns, glancing at David who lifts one shoulder in a shrug. He doesn’t seem like he’s waiting to give her permission like some couples do, and after a moment Myla nods and I guide her off to one side out of earshot.
“I was curious if you could tell me more about Chad,” I say. When her brows lift in surprise I hurry on. “I just wanted to check something. Do you know what he did for a living before you broke up with your ex?”
Myla gives me a surprised look. “Well, Liam worked at a pizza place. Chad worked there for a time until he started delivering medical equipment, too. He’s the one that gave Liam all his ridiculous ideas about BDSM.”
“Right,” I say slowly, taking that in. So he really could have a legitimate job working with the hospital. Maybe he’s delivered there for a while. “Did he ever rub you the wrong way?”
“Girl, yes. I despised him. Liam was bad but Chad was…worse. More of a sweet talker to get his way. Sneakier.”
That’s not promising, but I give her a tight smile anyway. When I glance back at the stage I realize Emeric is long gone. “Okay, good to know.”
Myla worries her lip, and I’m surprised how close we are in height while both wearing heels. Hers are a tad shorter than mine but she carries herself with more confidence than I do. I don’t spend much time around the members, and I think if given the time we’d be friends. After all, I love Anita. “You aren’t going to let Chad back in the club, are you?”
“It’s not exactly something I should talk to you about,” I remind her sheepishly.
“Right, of course. I just worry he’s not here so much to follow the rules but to burn them down.”
Frowning, I roll her words over in my head. That could be true. “It’s something to think about. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”
She nods, and after a brief pause she turns without another word and walks back to the table. Taking her place on David’s lap when she returns, I don’t miss the way he shoots me a strange look.
I force a smile again before turning away. I need a few minutes to myself before I handle the crowds. I hurry from the theater, glancing at the store to one side of the entranceway when something catches my eye.
There are new things in the shop”s windows. It’s a small space and I’ve seen just about everything in there. Now the supplies are new, and I can’t help myself. I have to take a peek in the windows.
The most prominent display is in the center window, a thick pair of headphones attached to the mannequin head. There’s a soft-looking blindfold and gloves sitting on the display shelf, as well as some sort of terrifying looking gag that’s got a flap on it.
I have no idea what that is. Peering at the display tag, I read the label:
Sensory deprivation kit. Includes noise-canceling headphones, blackout eye cover, open-air gag with tongue block, smelling salts and silken gloves.
The five senses. It’s a set of toys to cancel everything out. I wonder if that’s good or terrifying. The scariest thing in the set is the gag, the metal and leather looking like it might be too intense to deal with.
I stare for another moment, wondering why it makes me feel tingly and a little wet. That’s not something I think I would enjoy.
It would leave me at the mercy of someone, the only sense I have would be to touch when they play with me and maybe taste if they’re feeling nice. I couldn”t imagine letting someone trap me like that.
Shamefully, I know that’s not quite true as I turn and march towards the office door. If he was in a good mood, and I thought I could swing it, I think I would trust Emeric with that type of set up. He might treat me indifferently after and be the fun kind of rough during, but giving up that much control is as frightening as it is thrilling.
I don’t know who I’ve become since I started managing at this club, but this is a kink I’ve never considered before. Yesterday I was a virgin. Today I’m building a list of kinks.