Chapter Sixty-Seven
Sloane
Probably because I’d talked about him out loud at dinner, O’Brien came to me in my dreams that night.
We were back in the desert, eating shitty MREs in camp chairs, while Callahan and Buckley played cards at a popup table nearby.
“You gonna make an honest woman out of Ashley?” he asked with a smirk.
“I hope to someday.”
“ Someday ? What are you waiting for?”
“The right time, I guess.”
“When’s that gonna be? When you’re dead? Give your girl a ring, Cap’, while you still can.”
I looked at him and realized he’d suddenly started bleeding from his head.
It sounded like he was calling from a distance when he said, “Do it for me.”
I jolted awake, momentarily confused about where I was.
“Hey, it’s my turn,” Ash said softly as she picked up Millie from her crib. “Go back to sleep.”
I knew it wasn’t going to be that easy.
****
Ashley
Sloane was quiet as he ate his breakfast, and I asked, “Regrets?”
His brows drew together as he paused mid-bite.
“About us?”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck no. My only regret is that I’ve been away from you for too long.”
“So then, what’s going on in that head of yours?”
“I was just wondering if it’s too soon to ask you to marry me.”
The orange juice I’d been drinking came out my nose, and I grabbed the napkin from my lap to wipe my face before I sputtered, “Marry you?”
“Yeah. Is it too soon to ask you?”
“Yes, it’s too soon! I can’t marry you!”
He pulled his head back and frowned.
“Why not?”
“Because you’re going to go back overseas, and I don’t think I can go through that again.”
“What does that mean, ‘you don’t think you can go through that again’?”
“Exactly how it sounds.”
“So… what’s going to happen if I deploy again? You’re just going to stop loving me? I’m going to become persona non grata?”
“Of course not. You’ll always be Millie’s dad. We need to make that official, by the way, and change her birth certificate so you’re listed as her father.”
“I would love that, but back to if I deploy… are we just going to break up if that happens?”
I set my fork down with a sigh.
“I don’t know, Sloane. My head says that’s the smart thing to do. I don’t think my heart could survive if something happened to you again.”
“But it’d be okay if we broke up?”
“No, of course not. So, you see my dilemma. Getting married would only complicate it even more.”
“There’s a chance I could stay stateside. We’re not involved in any conflicts or skirmishes right now.”
“Given the state of the world, I can’t count on that.”
He was quiet as he stirred his scrambled eggs around his plate, so I said softly, “We just started ‘dating’ yesterday , do we have to talk about getting married today ?”
His smile was forced when he looked up at me.
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have said anything. O’Brien just came to me in a dream last night and gave me shit for not marrying you when he wasn’t able to marry his girl.”
My heart hurt for him. I knew he was struggling with the loss of one of his men.
“I’m so sorry, Sloane.”
A single tear rolled down his cheek, and knowing how much he was hurting made my eyes well with my own.
“I never got to pay my respects,” he whispered. “I should have paid my respects.”
I reached across the table for his hand.
“Baby, you were in a coma. How could you?” I squeezed his fingers. “It’s not too late. We can go visit his grave, and you can stop and see his family. I’m sure they’d appreciate that.”
“You don’t think it’s too late? Wouldn’t that be opening old wounds?”
“They lost a son, brother, friend, boyfriend… those wounds are never going to heal. I think they’d be honored if you came when you were able to.”
“I’ll look into where he’s from and where he’s buried. He might be at Arlington, so it might be two separate trips.”
“Yeah. But maybe not if his family wanted him close by so they could visit him regularly.”
He looked at me thoughtfully. “Is that what you’d want? Me buried close by so you could visit my grave?”
“No, I want you close by so our daughter has a father to walk her down the aisle, and I have someone I can grow old with.”
“I’m a Marine, Ash. I don’t know how to be anything else.”
“Have you even thought about other possibilities? You have a degree. You’ve been in a leadership role for how long? There’re companies who’d be clamoring to hire you.”
“Name one,” he challenged.
“I can’t off the top of my head. Maybe you should look into it.”
I was almost ready to beg him to consider it, but then I realized, just like I couldn’t force him to want to take on the role as Millie’s dad, I couldn’t force him to retire. It was something he had to want for himself, or he’d resent me forever.
I’d take a broken heart from letting him go over one that was slowly destroyed piece by piece because he grew to hate me over time.
****
Sloane
Was she right? Could I do something else?
I’d been so hell-bent on staying a Marine that I hadn’t even allowed myself the possibility there might be other options.
~~~~
O’Brien continued to haunt my dreams, and I made a few calls about where he was buried. Ash had been right—his family had him interred in his hometown in South Carolina. Maybe if I went to pay my respects, he’d finally stop haunting me.
Then Ryan invited me to lunch, and showed up with a woman who looked a helluva lot like Grace but wasn’t actually Grace.
And she had a proposition for me.
I somehow knew there was a higher power at work, and I’d better pay attention.