11. Lyla #2
“Ah, the broody, loner type. Got it.” Another silence falls between us, except for the gentle clip-clop of hooves on the earth, the occasional nicker from one of the horses.
“Tessa isn’t my girlfriend by the way,” Beck says.
“I’d maybe let her know that?” I suggest. “She hasn’t quite gotten the message.”
Beck shakes his cowboy hat-clad head now. “Tessa and I have had a casual thing going for a while. She gets these ideas in her head… and I can never find… I never have the right words.”
My lips press together as I consider Beck’s situation, and decide whatever is going on between him and Tessa, I don’t need to get involved. I’m here to work, to get a reference, and get back to the city. Not to play couple’s therapist.
When I don’t respond, Beck asks, “what about you? You have a guy who likes to share big feelings back in the city?” He’s clearly diverting the conversation away from himself.
I scoff. “Sharing feelings isn’t a bad thing, you know.”
“I know.”
“If you must know, no. I don’t have a guy in the city. I do share my feelings, though. Probably too much. The men I date don’t know how to handle me. They always come up with some excuse but I know I’m too much for them.”
Beck pulls back on his reins almost imperceptibly and stops Bandit. He looks over at me, and the intensity of his dark irises set my core on fire.
“Then they aren’t men. They’re boys.”
He jumps down off of Bandit before I have a chance to respond. He walks over to the fence at the perimeter of the pasture, leaving me speechless. And I’m rarely speechless. It’s a new feeling for me and I don’t like it.
Here I am, working so hard on shutting my mouth for once in my life, and now that I don’t have anything to say, I hate it. But Beck has essentially told me I shouldn’t have to make myself small. For someone who constantly looks so goddamned irritated whenever I speak, it gives me whiplash.
A fucking enigma, I swear.
I somehow manage to not land on my ass in the dirt when I hop down off of Willow, and I give her a warning look as I walk around her.
I hope my animal whispering includes telepathy, so she gets the message I’m subliminally sending her–you better let me back on, or else those cookies I promised? Poof. Gone.
Beck is bending down examining a broken fence post when I near him.
I survey the length of the fence to assess the damage, not that I’d be able to tell him anything he doesn’t already know.
But I know enough to know that this looks bad.
It looks extensive, like Beck isn’t going to be happy about the cost.
“This might be beyond my scope,” he says, standing up and brushing his hands off on his jeans. “I’ll have to call around. See if I can get a decent price for the repairs.”
His expression has changed since our ride, his shoulders have hitched up a half an inch. It’s like all the tension he released on our ride over here is back and worse than before.
“Are you sure we can’t fix this ourselves?” I offer.
I haven’t looked through the books just yet, but based on the set of Beck’s jaw, I can already anticipate what I’m going to find.
Overdue bills, a dwindling savings account, if there are any savings at all.
Expenses put on credit cards. The usual skeletons that I have the joy of uncovering once I start digging around the closet.
Beck looks down the perimeter of the property at the trampled fence. There are several posts that have been snapped off at ground level, and others that are leaning at an unnatural angle. He shakes his head solemnly.
“One post I could repair myself, put up some wire in the meantime. But I don’t like to leave wire up for long, and I refuse to use barbed wire like some of the ranches in the area. I’ve had one too many animals get caught up in it and end up hurt.”
My heart clenches at the thoughtfulness with which Beck approaches every decision on the ranch, down to what type of fences are more humane for his animals.
“This is going to require digging those broken ones out, and then driving new ones into the ground. I don’t have the equipment or the time to do it.”
His eyes look tired, his voice weary. I know he wears a stoney facade, and he’s not always my favourite person to be around because of it, but right now the look on his face has me melting.
“What about Nash? Or Skye? I bet she’d be willing to pitch in with her rodeo winnings,” I suggest, but the mention of it makes the muscles in Beck’s jaw twitch.
“That’s a no go, Trouble,” he says.
The nickname makes me bristle. He coined it when we were teens, and it only ever served as a reminder of what he thought of me.
I still remember when I decided I hated it.
It was the night he picked me up from that party.
What happened, Trouble? He’d asked, as if it was my fault that I got dumped in front of all of my friends.
Dumped is being generous, because I’d discovered my boyfriend making out with another girl in the kitchen of my friend’s house.
Beck breaks me out of my thoughts as he keeps talking. “I’m not going to let the ranch be what takes away Skye’s dreams. She’s worked too hard. And this place has taken too much already.”
I nod, understanding not only Beck’s reasoning for shouldering the whole burden himself, but also the fact that it’s going to be what runs him into the ground. Knowing that arguing won’t get me anywhere, I decide that if he won’t take help from his family, he can take mine.
“I’ll have a look through the books and see if I can’t find some money somewhere to cover it,” I say.
He scrubs a hand down his face. “Good luck. I truly don’t think you’re prepared for the clusterfuck you’re about to encounter, Lyla. I know a lot of ranches struggle, and financial turmoil basically comes with the territory, but we’re really in a hole here.”
“Most ranches don’t look at their operations with a lens of sustainability,” I point out. “I think Wild Sage would have a fighting chance if we did a few things differently. Worked with the environment instead of fighting it at every turn.”
“I’m surprised you're so on board with helping us out. I would’ve thought you’d be thrilled at the thought of a ranch going out of business.”
“In an ideal world? Yeah I’d love it if people didn’t eat animals.
I’m an idealist in a lot of ways. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand how the world works.
I know ranches aren’t going anywhere. But they also can’t continue the way they’re going.
Not if they want to survive for the long-term. ”
“I can respect that,” Beck says, and something inside me swells. It’s not admiration, or even appreciation for my ideas, but it’s something. It’s a start.
“If there’s one thing you should know about me, Beck, it’s that I don’t do anything half assed.
I’m passionate about my opinions, but I’m also passionate about my job.
And just so you know, ranches are not the most unethical business I’ve done work for.
Not by a long shot. I think I can handle this. ”
Beck tilts his head. “Does that have anything to do with why you’re here? Are you on the run from the mob Lyla Morgan?”
I roll my eyes at the comment and turn away from him, walking toward the horses.
I don’t exactly feel like rehashing why I lost my job in the city.
And I certainly don’t want to discuss it with Beck.
He’s already questioning my motives here, doubting my ability to bring Wild Sage back into the green.
If he knew why I had to leave Apex Consulting, he could very easily spook and call this whole thing off.
I’d be jobless once again, without a decent reference.
“That is a story for another day.”
“Looking forward to it,” he says behind me, and I can hear the smirk in his voice.
We get on the horses and start our journey back toward the house, and Beck has promised me he’ll take me to see the bunkhouse, the cattle barn, and give me the full tour. He’s more talkative, and it feels like I’ve gained some ground in our relationship, working and personal.
I’m feeling a little bolder now, having seen a more vulnerable side to him, so I decide to push him, see how far I can go.
“I have some stipulations, by the way,” I say. “If we’re going to do this thing the right way.”
He looks over at me, Willow and Bandit falling into step with each other. “Of course you do.”
“You need to meet me halfway. None of this high and mighty, Cactus Jackass bullshit.”
Beck lets out a laugh that I didn’t know he was capable of. It rumbles through my core and straight down between my thighs.
“Cactus Jackass?“
“Yeah, you know the way you convince everybody you’re fine on your own, you pretend to be prickly so nobody wants to help you?”
“I’m letting you help me aren’t I?“
“Not enthusiastically,” I say. “I’m not convinced you aren’t just doing this as a favour to Austin.”
“Maybe.” He’s cut off by the sound of his phone ringing from his back pocket. When he answers, his face falls and turns grim. “Be right there,” he says before hanging up.
“Everything ok?”
“My dad,” he says, shaking his head. “He needs my help back at the house. I… fuck. I don’t have the time. I told Sutton I’d meet her to vaccinate the new calves.”
“I’ll go,” I offer. “We can do the full tour another day.”
Beck studies my face in that intense way of his. “Are you sure? You really don’t have to.”
“Of course,” I say. “I’m happy to.” It’ll give me a chance to win a bit more favour with Beck. I don’t need to win it with Wade. “Your dad’s a really neat guy. You could learn a thing or two from him about being… agreeable.”
I throw Beck a wink, before turning Willow around and heading in the direction of the house. To my surprise and relief, she takes me home without protest.