26. Lyla
Lyla
Lucky’s is crowded again tonight, as Sutton, Skye and I push our way through the crowd and manage to find a table for the three of us along the far wall.
I couldn’t say no to Sutton’s invite, since I didn’t have an excuse.
Beck gave me the day off after being out all night helping him with damage control.
Besides, I’ve started to wonder if maybe making a few friends in Sage Valley might not be a bad idea.
After last night with Beck, the thought of having more connections here makes something in me feel a little bit fuller. Like maybe I could finally heal from the way I left Sage Valley all those years ago.
It’s not like leaving really did me any good, after all. I never truly fit in in the city either. Everywhere I go, I feel like I don’t belong. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s not so much a problem with me.
The issue might just be with my surroundings, like I’m a plant getting too big for its pot.
But ever since I’ve been back in this town, I’ve started to see it in a different light.
The day I drove back from Calgary after my interview, I felt it.
As the cloistering atmosphere of the downtown core began to dissipate, the roads opening up into fields and wide open spaces, my heart had space to expand, too.
I finally had room to breathe, room to be.
Beck seems to do everything he can to give me more and more space, to never limit me, even when my own tendency is to limit myself.
The girls and I get seated at the table, and the waitress takes our drink order. I order a Corona, nothing strong and only one since I’ll be driving Sutton and Skye home later. They both go for a margarita.
When the waitress returns with our drinks, she no sooner sets them on the table than the bartender’s voice interrupts all conversation to announce the event of the evening.
Lucky’s almost always has something going on–trivia, karaoke, or anything else to get people out drinking.
Tonight, though, is the event the whole town comes out for.
Bar patrons can ride the mechanical bull for a chance at getting all their drinks for free.
“I forgot it was bull riding night,” Sutton says with an eye roll. “The last time I came to this was three months ago, when Beck reinjured his rotator cuff tear. I ended up doing very questionable human medicine in the stock room behind the kitchen.”
Skye laughs. “I mean, treating Beck can’t really be any different than treating a horse.”
Sutton shakes her head, before it whips over to the door as it swings open. “Oh good, tweedle dum and tweedle dee are here.”
I follow her gaze, my eyes landing on my brother and Beck walking–no, strutting–through the double doors, hands positioned on their belt buckles. A deafening uproar of hoots and hollers ring out in the tight space.
What is happening?
As if sensing my confusion, Skye leans over to me and raises her voice so I can hear her over the crowd. “Austin and Beck come every month to defend their ‘titles,’” she explains, making air quotes.
I nod, but I can’t tear my eyes away from Beck.
His broad shoulders fill out his ridiculous button down.
It’s a shiny black satin material with white tassels hanging from the sleeves.
He’s wearing his black leather chaps with snug fitting jeans underneath.
Austin is dressed in a similarly ridiculous outfit, except he’s wearing a tiger print speedo under his chaps, and everyone in the bar appears to be in on the joke except for me.
“Why are they dressed like that?” I ask Skye.
“Trust me, if I knew I would tell you. It’s part of the gag I guess,” she says. “But if I were you, I’d rather dump hot sauce directly onto my corneas than watch my brother ride the bull in a speedo.”
I nod, glancing over at Austin. “Pass me the Franks.”
There’s already a lineup for the bull. Surprisingly enough, people get very excited about being flung off for the chance at getting drunk for free. So, Beck and Austin grab drinks from the bar, and then make their way to the back, straight to where we’re seated.
Beck tips his black cowboy hat in greeting.
“Ladies,” Austin says, pulling up a chair.
Beck does the same, and sits across from me, directly in my line of sight.
I try not to let my eyes linger on him for any longer than a normal person would, but he clearly doesn’t feel the need to pretend.
His dark gaze pins me to the spot, and sweat beads on my back from the intensity of it in the already stuffy and humid bar.
I wonder if he’s had a chance to talk to Austin yet, but I decide I won’t say anything that could arouse suspicion until I can confirm. Beck was right when he said it was something he needed to do. There’s more at stake with their relationship.
Austin is my brother, and although he isn’t exactly in my good books these days, there’s nothing he could do to make me cut ties.
Austin is all I have left, and I know he feels the same about me.
“You guys look like the fucking Village People,” Sutton chides, tilting her head down at their obnoxious garb.
At least I can’t see Austin’s speedo while he’s seated at the table.
“The people of Sage Valley want a show? Then that’s what they’ll get,” Austin says with a smug grin. He’s held the record for longest ride for years now. He was a saddle bronc competitor, of course he’s undefeated, but Beck holds a close second.
“I’m just surprised to see Cactus Jackass here participating,” I quip, earning myself a lopsided grin from Beck.
“Gotta give ‘em what they want,” he says, his eyebrows twitching upward. He knows what he’s doing to me.
Stoic, aloof, cool and collected Beck was sexy to me, but this version of Beck? The one who doesn’t take himself so seriously? Something in me swells, heat rushing through my core at the way he’s looking at me.
I school my expression, forcing an unruffled look onto my face despite the flush crawling over my skin. I make the mistake of glancing over at Sutton, her amber eyes glued to me in that assessing way she has.
“You’re lucky Nash prefers the real thing,” Skye laughs. Nash would smoke all of them in this little competition they have going.
Austin nods in agreement.
“Just don’t get hurt again this year, okay?” Sutton warns Beck, and points at her cocktail. “No one is a doctor after a few drinks, and I’m hardly a doctor sober.”
Beck stretches out his arm as if to show he’s right as rain. “Nah, I’ll be fine.”
I tip my chin toward Beck. “Aren’t you the one supposed to be keeping Austin in line?”
Austin has a tendency to get himself into hot water when he goes out, like the night he punched out a guy that made a pass at the girl he was with. I can’t help but be skeptical about them doing this, and I don’t hide it on my face.
Beck tips his beer back and swallows the last few gulps before smacking it on the table. “Let the man have a little fun.”
He throws me a wink that turns my insides to goo.
“Speaking of staying in line,” Austin pipes up in his own defence. “Beck been treatin’ you right?”
My mouth goes dry.
“Uh, yeah,” I say, choosing my words carefully and stifling the grin tugging at the corner of my lips. “He’s made sure that all my needs are met.”
Across the table Beck nearly chokes on his drink. Luckily Austin doesn’t have a direct line of sight to Beck, because his face has gone a vivid shade of red.
“And the job hunt?” Austin asks.
My shoulders sag with relief that he didn’t pick up on the looks Beck and I exchanged across the table, and it doesn’t seem like Sutton or Skye did either.
Still, I sip on my beer to delay answering his question. I’m sure Austin has seen the video circulating. Hell, everyone at this table probably has by now. It’s no secret that my job hunt has been and will continue to be an uphill battle.
Not everyone is willing to take a chance on a wild card. The video tells every employer exactly what I am: a liability.
“I have some decent prospects,” I say after swallowing. “But I’m not so sure I want to leave Sage Valley just yet.”
Austin’s eyes widen in surprise, but all I’m really aware of is the way Beck’s gaze snaps to me.
“That’s a one-eighty,” Austin says.
“Please stay,” Sutton exclaims. “I’ve missed you, and having you back feels… it just feels right.”
“We’ll see, Sutton. There are a few things I need to work out before I can make a decision,” I add.
I thought I knew what I was doing coming back to Sage Valley.
This would be a means to an end, a place to land while I pick myself up and dust myself off.
And then I’d get back on the proverbial horse, head back to the city and back to the life I worked so hard for.
The life I curated to be everything that Sage Valley wasn’t.
But last night with Beck has me rethinking everything, and I have to remind myself that whatever this is between us is new, fragile, and there are still obstacles for us to overcome before I can be confident in it.
I’ve made this mistake in the past, letting myself get swept up in feelings and emotions, leading with my heart instead of my head.
It’s what’s gotten me in trouble in a lot of ways, but particularly with relationships.
My emotions aren’t gentle nudges, they’re tidal waves, sweeping me and everyone else along for a ride.
I had decided this phase of my life was for growth, figuring out how to leash my impulses and beat them into submission. My heart isn’t trustworthy, despite how badly it’s pushing me, urging me to follow it into Beck’s arms.
This time, I want to take things slow, and use more discretion.
The one thing I do know is that I don’t want to be talking about this.
I don’t need Beck to get scared off by me talking about staying in Sage Valley long term.
Because even though he said he wasn’t going anywhere, I’ve had other exes say that too, only to get cold feet when I wanted to move things forward.