29. Lyla
Lyla
I roll over to the unfamiliar feeling of sheets that aren’t mine, even though the smell of them is like home. Beck isn’t next to me; I know right away because I feel asleep in his arms, curled into his strong and solid side. Now, the space beside me is cool.
The more time I spend with Beck like this, the more I want with him. Every day my feelings get bigger, harder to ignore. The reality is, I don’t know what the future holds. I still haven’t figured out where I belong.
I’m stuck in between two places. My life in the city was supposed to be expansive, give me room to grow, room to be whoever I wanted to be without the expectations of everyone around me. Sometimes, a small town can feel stifling, suffocating.
Sage Valley used to be that way for me. I used to walk around like I had a vice around my throat, unable to breathe because I felt like I was constantly under a microscope. But I haven’t felt that since I’ve been back. It’s been the opposite.
Sutton and Skye welcomed me into their friendship with open arms. People in town seem genuinely happy to see me again, and I’m starting to wonder if all the judgement I felt was all in my head.
And the most surprising part of all of it? Wild Sage feels like it’s where I’ve always belonged. All this wide open space, rolling hills that go on for miles, and breathtaking mountain views. It gives me a strange kind of perspective, it makes me feel free.
I find my phone on the nightstand, and open my e-mail app, remembering the notification I saw come through last night.
When I click on the message, I squint one eye closed and mentally shield myself for a rejection, even though at this point, I should be used to getting rejections by now. But instead, as my eyes skim over her e-mail, my eyes grow wide with surprise.
It’s a job offer. A proper, put down in writing, offer with a salary that just about makes my dinner-plate sized eyes fall out of my head. I sit up in bed and rub my eyes to make sure I’m reading the words correctly.
I was very impressed with your interview, and I believe you’d make a great addition to the team.
I also want to commend you on the way you stood your ground with your previous employer.
In the spirit of transparency, I am well aware of what transpired, and want to let you know that having an ethical backbone is highly respected here at Bloom.
I release a breath that seemed to be trapped in my lungs, relief washing over me at how Shirley was able to look past the drama I left in my wake. How she was able to see me, and all the things I stand for.
It’s a lucky break, and one I know I’m not going to stumble upon again any time soon. She’s given me a week to consider her offer, but has made a point of letting me know that there are other candidates she’d like to reach out to if the answer is no.
A solid answer is not one I can give. A few weeks ago, it would have been an immediate and resounding yes. But now?
I glance over at the other side of the bed, sheets still rumpled where Beck laid next to me all night.
My heart clenches at the thought of him as I run my hand over the cool bedding, thinking about how surprised I’ve been by Beck, how wrong I was about him.
The cowboy I once considered off-limits, not only because he’s my brother’s best friend, but also because he seemed so emotionally unavailable, has more to him than meets the eye.
I’ve come to see him for who he truly is, and I realize that I misjudged him this entire time.
Those scowls aren’t an expression of disdain, it’s concern.
He cares so deeply for those around him, he just expresses it differently than I do.
He tries to be a steady, grounding force for the people he loves. Reliable. Responsible. Loyal.
It’s his loyalty that could be the very downfall of us. It’s the reason I need to keep my emotions in check, not let them get the better of me the way I always do. I’ve been disappointed by men too many times before.
So I don’t want to write Shirley off just yet. The smart thing to do is the one I’m not used to. Giving myself time and space to process how I feel about all of this.
Getting out of bed, I pick up Beck’s t-shirt and my panties and throw my hair up in a messy bun before heading downstairs.
Wade had an appointment marked on the calendar for today, and a note beside it saying he was having a friend from town pick him up.
So I’m not expecting to see him sitting in the kitchen reading the Sage Valley Herald when I waltz half-naked into the kitchen.
“Oh, uh, hi Wade,” I stammer. I try to appear casual as I help myself to a mug and pour myself a cup of coffee from the pot. He doesn’t look up, so I’m hoping he hasn’t noticed my attire, or lack thereof.
“Morning,” he replies, and the smirk on his face as he keeps his eyes glued to his paper tells me otherwise.
I don’t acknowledge his cheeky, knowing expression as I add a splash of oat milk to my coffee and sit down at the table across from him. Probably best if I act as if this is completely normal.
“Anything interesting happening in town?” I ask, even though I notice he’s looking at an old paper, from a few weeks ago when I first arrived.
My gaze lands on the headline on the front page.
SAGE VALLEY STAR FLOPS AT RODEO. There’s a photo of Beck to go along with it.
I wince and look away. It doesn’t seem like a story that should make front page news, but it was a significant event for the town.
Still, my chest squeezes at the memory of Beck’s loss, and how hard he took it.
“This and that,” he says, and without looking up he adds, “If you mean more interesting than you staying the night here, then no.”
My mouth opens and closes a few times, but before I can say anything, Wade sets down his paper and leans back in his chair, putting his hands in the air.
“I’m teasing. My appointment got rescheduled, so I’m catching up on the crosswords.”
A beat of silence hangs between us as I’m still working out how to respond.
“Now, I’m not one to insert my opinion where it doesn’t belong,” he says. “But I will give you some food for thought.”
I nod, hanging on to his words.
“The last few weeks, Beck has been happier, lighter, more himself than I’ve ever seen him. I want all that and more for him, and if you’ve got Austin’s blessing to move forward with this, then I’m thrilled.”
Austin’s blessing.
“That’s a little old fashioned, don’t you think?” I ask, taking a sip of my coffee to hope it stops my stomach from doing somersaults.
“I don’t mean it like that. I may be old but I still live in the twenty-first century. I just mean, I hope he won’t be blindsided is all.” Wade’s face tells me he knows exactly how blindsided Austin will be if we continue the way we’re going.
“Beck is trying to find the right way to tell him,” I answer. “Sometimes I wonder if I should do it, rip the bandaid off you know. At least he won’t punch me out. Can’t say the same for Beck.”
Wade clicks his tongue. “This is something Beck has to do, I’m afraid. If he wants to keep his honour and have a chance to maintain the friendship.”
I nod solemnly. “That’s what Beck said.”
“Good man,” Wade says. “It’s how I raised him. Wouldn’t expect anything less.”
I let out a single laugh at the irony that the very thing I admire about Beck, the very thing that makes him the kind of man I could love, may be the thing that keeps us from being together.
Wade and I are suddenly interrupted by the sound of the sliding door opening, and Beck walks into the kitchen. Something in me alights when I see him, standing there in his faded jeans, and snug fitting black t-shirt.
He’s traded in his signature suede cowboy hat for a blue baseball cap that he’s wearing backwards. His hair curls out from underneath it and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from jumping him here in the kitchen in front of Wade.
He looks between Wade and I with suspicion shadowing his eyes, like he knows we were talking about him. But he says nothing about it. Instead, his dark gaze lands on me and he tips his chin up in my direction.
“You feel like coming with me for a ride today, Trouble?”
My mind instantly snaps back to the first day I started here. How Wade had to practically force Beck to take me out with him. I had been nervous to go with him then, but not today.
Today, a smile takes over my face and I answer him with an eager nod.
Beck’s eyes skate over my body and his mouth tugs upward. “Better get dressed then.”
When I come back downstairs, now fully clothed, Beck is waiting for me. There’s a smile on his face that makes warmth radiate within me as I follow him out of the house and across the yard to the barn.
Willow already has her saddle on, but I can’t help but notice she’s the only horse in here.
“Where’s Bandit?”
“Austin’s out with him today.” He pats Willow on the shoulder and throws me a wink. “You’re riding with me.”
My cheeks hurt now, but I can’t stop smiling as I go over to Willow, and Beck helps me up. His hands linger for longer on my waist this time, and he gives my ass a playful smack as I throw my leg over.
He climbs up next, settling in behind me. His strong arms reach around me and grip Willow’s reins as he gives her a nudge with his thighs to start walking. I lean back slightly with the slow rocking motion of Willow beneath us, and Beck’s chest is solid and warm behind me.
“Where are we going?” I ask as he steers Willow out to the pasture, heading toward the south end of the property.
“Tate has some cattle on the other end of his land, we’re meeting him and Sutton out there. He has a calf he wants me to bring back here.”
“Why?”
Beck seemed to be very concerned over the thought of his cattle getting through the fence, sharing livestock doesn’t seem like something ranchers like to do. There’s a reason they brand them. I shudder at the thought.
“Poor little gaffer’s mom died in the flood. Tate’s property got hit bad, since it borders the river. The heifer got her leg stuck in a mud pit and injured herself real good. He only found her out there in the morning. Died from the stress of it all he figures.”
My heart clenches. “That’s awful. But what can you do for the calf?”
“I’ve got a cow who lost her calf last season. She’s never really been the same since. Sutton’s hoping the situation might help the both of them.”
Ok, Beck has officially wrapped himself around my heart.
“That’s really sweet.”
We crest a hill and spot Tate’s herd down on the other side, where a few horses with riders are off to the side.
As we near the group I spot Sutton, and a man with a very chiseled jaw and salt and pepper hair sticking out from under a cowboy hat.
I assume it’s Tate, and damn. Whatever’s in the water in Sage Valley has aged him well.
The others must be a couple of his ranch hands, because I don’t recognize them.
Tate tips his hat at us as we approach. “Thanks for coming.”
Beck tilts his head toward a small calf, still on somewhat wobbly legs, knees knocking. “She’s young.”
“Only born two days ago. Poor thing’s all alone in the world, now,” Tate says.
I look down at the little calf and my heart aches. The statement reaches a place within me that has become so much a part of me, woven into the very fibres of me that sometimes I forget how much it affects me.
“She’ll need bottle feeding, at least until we can get an idea of whether your cow will bond with her,” Sutton says. “But I’m hoping it will be beneficial for both of them.”
Beck nods, and we tie the calf with a lead rope to the back of Willow’s saddle. She follows along and keeps up, but Beck makes sure to keep Willow at a slower pace as we make our way back across the fields and to the cattle barn.
“There she is,” Beck points toward a cow standing off to the side of the herd as we approach them. “She’s been isolating herself from the herd since last season. Doesn’t eat as well, so I wasn’t able to breed her this year. We’ll see how she likes having a little one to take care of.”
Beck hops off of Willow, and I follow him while he corrals the cow over to the barn and brings them both inside. The calf runs over to her immediately, looking for milk, but the cow pushes her away.
“It’ll take some time,” Beck explains. “Are you hungry little one?”
He disappears into a supply room and reemerges with a bottle full of milk. He hands it to me.
“Don’t look at me, Beck. I don’t know how to bottle feed a calf,” I say.
“I know. I’m gonna show you. That’s why I brought you down here,” he says. “I thought you might like doing this.”
I hesitantly take the bottle from him, and look at the calf laying curled up on some hay. I kneel next to her, and hold the bottle up to let her sniff it.
Beck moves so he’s behind me, that solid warmth I’ve been missing ever since he got off of Willow.
He positions us so we’re next to the calf, and wraps his arm around mine to show me how to hold the bottle.
The calf laps at it a few times before suckling at it vigorously, and I let out a laugh as milk dribbles everywhere.
I turn to look at Beck over my shoulder, but his eyes are on the baby cow, and he’s petting her gently between the ears as she drinks.
There’s something soft and kind in his expression, something loving.
It’s the same way he looks at me, and a warmth expands behind my ribs watching him with her, the way he knows how to feed her, the tenderness with which he does it.
“Does she have a name?” I ask.
Beck chuckles softly. “No. We don’t name them. It’s harder if you let yourself get attached.”
“Well I think we should name her,” I say. “It’s tough enough being all alone in this world, imagine not even knowing who you are.”
Beck sighs. “You’re going to want me to keep her, aren’t you?”
I nod. “Of course. She’s essentially an orphan, Beck. I know what it’s like to be an orphan, and I won’t let her go through this world alone. She needs a family.”
Beck’s expression softens. “Okay, Trouble. What do you want to name her?”
“Dolly.”
“As in Parton?”
“Yeah. I think Kenny Rogers could use a friend,” I say, with a beaming smile.
Beck lets out a belly laugh, throwing his head back.
“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” he says, wiping his eyes as his laughter settles. “But it’s very on brand for you, so I love it.”
“See? I told you you’re a softie.”
“I already knew that Lyla, you didn’t have to throw me a bunny yoga birthday party to prove it to me.”
His hand comes to the side of my head and he leans in, placing a soft kiss on my temple. It’s only brief, because anyone could walk in here at any moment and we both know it. But in this stolen moment, the feelings I’ve been having for this man have solidified.
I made the mistake of letting myself feel everything, because I wanted to experience all of this, all of him to the fullest.
I made the mistake of falling deeply in love with my brother’s best friend.