36. Beck #2
“Promise me that staying means never trying to control your fire. Promise me you'll always be the infuriatingly wild, chaotic, beautiful woman I fell in love with.”
She smiles, and it sets me ablaze.
“You got it, Bossman.”
I left Lyla sleeping soundly in the guest house, a sated smile on her face as she dreamed.
She and I spent the night there together after I brought her home. There was something different about our intimacy last night. It was soft and slow, but never lacking in passion.
I showed Lyla just how much I love her, how many years I spent wishing she was mine.
We gave ourselves to each other, fully, wholly, without restraint.
I let my walls down. I started to let myself think about what I want for a change.
And what I want is Lyla, with every fibre of my being. I want her.
It’s the memory of last night that spurs me on today, my footsteps lighter than usual as I step out into the crisp morning air and make my way down to the barn.
The day is early yet, only the sound of mourning doves cooing as they rise with the sun. Dew drops make the grass around the guest house shimmer and sparkle and everything feels fresh and new.
Of course, I don’t know what I’ll find when I get down to the barn.
Austin is normally at work early, but after our fight and our last conversation, I’m not too sure what to expect.
Part of me wonders if he’ll even want to stay at Wild Sage, or if this rift between us is enough to make him leave for good.
He’s turned his life around, and he told me he’s managed to save a decent chunk of change. He doesn’t have to be here, only stays out of loyalty to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if that loyalty has run out.
I never saw him last night after I brought Lyla home. I texted him to tell him I found her and that she was safe. I even let him know she’d almost brought home a new friend for Critter, although I think Critter would have been more like Fritter. That coyote would have eaten him for breakfast.
The text garnered a curt “appreciate it,” and the conversation ended there.
Willow trots up to the fence as I near the pasture, immediately reaching over and nuzzling into me looking for cookies.
“Morning, lovely lady,” I say. “Got nothin’ for ya today.”
I rub her snout as she blows out a puff of warm air, nickering softly. In the distance, I spot Bandit, who turns his head abruptly, ears perking up, and then heads over in our direction. A moment later, Austin appears next to me, greeting his horse at the fence.
He doesn’t say anything to me, just scratches Bandit on the white star between his eyes. It’s the only part of him that isn’t black as night.
We stand next to each other in silence for a moment. I don’t even realize how much tension I was carrying in my shoulders until Austin speaks first.
“Thanks again for finding Lyla last night,” he says, his eyes fixed on his horse. “I tried to come home as fast as I could. Is she alright?”
“She’s fine. It’s all good, man. I got her. I’ve always got Lyla, you know that,” I answer. Willow bumps her nose against me, more forceful this time, like she thinks I’m wasting her time if I’m not going to give her any treats.
“How did you find her anyway?” he asks.
I don’t know how to answer him without telling him that I’ve learned everything I can about Lyla, that I understand all of her inner workings, and that I know her on a level that no one else does.
I shrug and turn toward Austin, one hand resting on the fence post. “All Lyla has ever wanted is to feel like she belongs somewhere. To feel at home, to feel like she can be herself. I went to the only place she’s ever truly felt that way.”
He still refuses to make eye contact, opting instead to stare down at his boots as he scuffs one in the dirt.
I don’t bother reminding Austin that he was the reason she no longer has that place to return to, why she’s been unmoored and untethered for so long. Deep down, he knows, and I’m hoping he’ll see that I can be the next best thing for Lyla. Her grounding force.
I let the words hang in the air and I turn to head over to the barn to start my work for the day. But Austin’s voice behind me stops me in my tracks.
“You never hesitated,” he says.
I don’t turn back to look at him, but I can feel his gaze on the back of my neck.
“You never hesitated,” he continues. “All those times I asked you to look out for her, to pick her up, to keep her safe. You didn’t question it. But it wasn’t for me was it? It was for her.”
I let out a long exhale and rub the back of my neck before turning to Austin. “I meant what I said about loving her. I always have. I’ve done everything I could to not feel that way but no matter what I did it just kept growing.”
“You spent all these years pretending you didn’t,” Austin says, and I’m not sure whether he’s pointing out the double life I’ve been leading, catching me in the lie, or what. But there’s no sense hiding from him now.
“That,” I answer. “That was all for you.”
Austin nods, contemplating not only what I’ve said, but all the information he’s had to absorb in the last twenty four hours.
“Is she still leaving today?” Austin asks.
I shake my head. “If it makes you uncomfortable being around the ranch with us together, I get it, man. But I can’t let her leave again.”
Austin glances off toward the horizon, and I search his face to figure out what he’s thinking. When he turns back to look at me, there’s a hint of a smile on his face.
“I think I’d kill you if you did,” he says.
My shoulders drop with relief, at the normalcy of his tone, at his acceptance of Lyla and me being together, at the knowing that Austin and I might be alright after all.