Chapter 28
“ T hat’s it, Callie,” Kate cooed at the little girl attempting to put the final piece of the puzzle in its correct place.
A soft grey blanket dotted with busy bees was laid out on the floor of the café. Blake and Callie had popped in while she was napping, and I’d given him as many leftovers as he could handle.
I got the feeling he didn’t have many people in his corner, and I liked to spoil him when I got the chance.
He was sitting in the window seat watching as Kate rolled around on the floor with his daughter. Callie had a nanny who stayed over when Blake was on shift, but other than that he was the sole carer of the little girl giggling her head off.
“Anything new?” Scott asked him from his perch on a ladder. A few lightbulbs had dulled, and he was replacing them for me.
Blake’s jaw clenched and he shook his head. “A text asking for cash and then an hour after I hadn’t responded I got a stream of insults. But no, she hasn’t shown her face in six months now.”
Callie’s mom was a piece of work, and I was glad she was staying away, but I couldn’t begin to fathom how hard it was doing all this on his own.
“Rams, I know you’ve got a nanny sitch going on, but if you ever want to go out for a few beers or take in a Wolves game, I’d be happy to watch Callie for you. Anytime, you just name the day.”
His face softened. “That’s real generous of you, Kate, thanks.”
Scott finished with the last light and descended the ladder, placing his hands on my shoulders.
“All done here. You about ready to go?”
I tipped my head back to look up to him and nodded. He bent to brush my lips with his, and Blake stood.
This afternoon, Scott was taking me on our first date. And I’d been excited since I cracked my eyelids this morning.
An actual date. I didn’t know where we were going but I didn’t care. Just wanted to be near him.
“That’s our cue to exit. Want us to walk back to your dorm?”
“Okay, yeah.” Kate stood, lifting Callie onto her hip, bouncing slightly. “You wanna take a walk? You wanna see where I live?”
Callie let out a string of giggles again. “Down. Walk. Walk.”
Kate tickled her tummy and then deposited her on her little Nike-clad feet. A moment later Kate had her purse slanted across her body and the three of them made their way to the door.
“Enjoy your first official date,” Kate threw out over her shoulder as she took charge of Callie’s stroller.
Scott bent down to Callie and kissed her head. “See you later, tata.”
She pressed her hand to his cheek, and he pretended to bite it.
“Say bye,” Blake encouraged as he took her hand.
“Bye. Bye-bye. Hiya. Bye,” Callie sing-songed and we both chuckled.
“See you tomorrow, man,” Blake said to Scott and then winked at me. “Thanks for all the treats, Jenna. You’re a doll.”
Scott only growled, pulling me closer, making Blake laugh.
“Can we go now?” he asked, kissing my temple once he’d locked the door again.
“Yeah, am I dressed okay? You said active.”
His hand snaked down my body and grabbed a big chunk of ass. “These leggings make me wanna stay in, but yeah, this is perfect for what we’re doing.”
“You gonna tell me now?”
“Come take a look for yourself.”
He pulled me out of the bakery, locked up, and then opened my front door. Two bikes leaned up along the wall.
“We’re biking?”
“You like?” he said as I took in the traditional Dutch bicycle. In this light it looked silver, but as he pulled it out onto the street I saw that it was metallic lavender.
“I love.” It even had a basket on the front. It held two drink bottles, a puncture repair kit, a bottle of sunscreen, and a small first aid box I couldn’t help grinning at.
He took out his road BMX hybrid thing he loved so much and placed his ball cap on his head.
“Got one of those for me?”
“You think I’m some kind of chump?” He whipped an FDNY cap out of his back pocket.
“Aww, and you’ve already cracked the brim for me.”
If he wasn’t insisting on me wearing a helmet, that meant we wouldn’t be doing any road cycling, so where were we going?
He sent me a wink that did completely different things than what Blake’s had elicited.
This wink lit me up inside.
“Now, just stand next to it a second,” he said, motioning to the bike. “I wanna make sure your seat is at the right height.”
“It’s fine. It’s a rental so they’re all the same, right?”
“This isn’t a rental. It’s yours.”
“Huh?”
“I bought it for you. I know how bummed you were about Betsy.”
“You bought me a bike to replace the one the trashmen ran over the day before we left home?”
“Yeah. You haven’t needed one since, but I thought this could be a thing we did together now. I’ll store it with mine.”
“Thank you. I’d like that a lot.”
“Welcome, cupcake,” he said before bringing his mouth down to meet mine. His tongue licked across the seam of my lips, begging for entry, and I obliged. My back hit the cool shutters of the bakery as he deepened the kiss. Boxing me in. His hands twisted in my hair, and his front pressed against mine.
By the time he’d finished, I was dizzy and weak in the knees.
“I think I like this frelationship a lot.”
“Yeah, you do.” I beamed at his use of the name we’d coined for what we were.
We were friends first. And now lovers. Even more than that, we were soulmates. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind.
I hadn’t really explored much of the Manhattan Waterfront Greenway but as of today that was no longer true. We’d joined in Central Harlem and connected with the Hudson River portion of the trail. It was the perfect day for cycling, not too hot, mid-seventies, but there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.
We’d ridden slowly, stopping more frequently than Scott would if he were doing his loop, but he’d said the last few times he’d done it, he’d made a list of all the places he wanted me to see.
We were currently sitting on a bench in Battery Park, eating subs and giving my non-biking tush a rest. I stared out at the water, the sun catching the ripples just right, and Lady Liberty watching from afar.
Sometimes this city just hit the spot.
“I can’t believe you do this so often.”
He shrugged. “It’s only a couple of hours and it gives me the illusion of space, you know? Gets me out of my head.”
“I’m glad you have this, then.”
“I’ve always had you, too. You’re always where I go when I need to feel grounded. You’re my lighthouse.”
“I am?”
“Jenna, you’re like a fucking homing beacon and I’m your lost ship to guide home.”
“Awww.” I melted right there on the bench. “I feel the same about you. Never felt safer than with you.”
“I’ll never let anything hurt you, cupcake. Always protect you.”
I squeezed his hand.
“Maybe I won’t need to come down here so much on my own anymore, we’ll see.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I mainly biked when the urge to bend you over the nearest surface became too much. I’d just pedal until the exhaustion set in and I knew I wouldn’t give in.”
I stared at him, stunned. He reached over and feathered the pads of his fingers over my collarbone.
“Scott, you’re out on your bike every other day.”
“I know,” he stated and tugged on my hips, so I slid to meet his body.
He took my mouth in a slow, languid kiss for so long, that when he pulled away all my limbs had become slack, and my brain was just a fuzzy space of blissed-out nothingness.
I was basically a puddle for him.
“Wow,” I whispered, and he chuckled.
“That was for fifteen-year-old Scott.” He grinned.
“Oh yeah, and who was last night for?”
We’d been so desperate for each other after I’d locked up Cupcake yesterday, he’d taken me right there on the steps that lead to my apartment.
He ducked his head, suddenly bashful. “I think twenty-year-old Scott would have pretty much come in his pants at that one becoming a reality. Think he manifested that shit right into existence.”
I couldn’t hold in my laugh.
Something flashed across his face, though, and it had me reaching out and palming his cheek.
“Hey, what happened then?”
He looked away and sighed. “How are you ever gonna be okay with all this wasted time?”
“I’m not going to hold the way you dealt with a childhood trauma against you.”
“But we could have been together. For years.”
I shook my head. “Can I tell you something?”
“Anything,” he said, kissing my palm.
“I would never have gone.”
“Where?” And then understanding hit. “You wouldn’t have gone to Europe.”
“No. I could barely manage the time away from you as it was, but it was so good for me. The people I met and the things I learned were invaluable. Irreplaceable. And you needed to be solely focused on all of your plans and dreams.”
He swallowed and nodded, but he still looked like he wasn’t done beating himself up.
“How about we turn it into a positive?”
“I don’t see how.”
“Okay, so . . . let me think for a second.”
I flicked through all the times I’d felt disappointed that we were only friends and stopped on one.
“Christmas Eve, junior year.”
He bit his lip, his gaze shuttering for a second as if trying to recall.
“The snowball fight?” he asked.
“Yeah. You tackled me to the ground and straddled me on all fours. Your face was so close, and a droplet of water fell from your hair and onto my cheek. It was the perfect moment for a kiss, but you just pressed your lips to where the drop had landed and hauled me up faster than I could take my next breath. In the blink of an eye, we were back in the house with a mug of cocoa in our hands and that was that.”
His lips ticked up at the sides. “So, what your saying is that I’m a moron and I owe you a kiss in the snow.”
“Yes!”
He nodded a few times. “Okay, this could work, but I’m gonna need to know all the times you were desperate for me.”
I swatted at him and rolled my eyes.
“Seriously though.” He picked up my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing each knuckle.
“I’ll make every time up to you and then some. I’ve spoken with the chaplain. He’s coming to meet with me every few weeks. Gonna try and get some of this off my chest.”
Oh. “That’s good, Scotty. Really good.”
“He’s a real good guy. I like him a lot.”
My eyes got watery, and I sent him a sad smile.
He rubbed his sternum with his free hand. It made me want to wave a magic wand and make everything better.
“It’s all just so big.”
“I know, sweetheart,” I said, mirroring his earlier gesture and bringing our joined hands to my lips, kissing his softly.
“If something were to ever happen to me, Jenna?—”
A shot of pain struck my chest, a white-hot arrow of sorrow burrowing deep.
“Please, don’t talk like that.”
“I need to. I need to address what’s eating me up inside.”
I sucked in a long, deep breath and then nodded as I exhaled.
“My family would do everything in their power to be what you needed. But if you needed the distance, they’d understand that too. And my will. It’s all drawn up. Everything I have would go to you and?—”
“What?” I felt tears building in my eyes. It was always hard to acknowledge the fact that his job was so dangerous he needed to make assurances like this. It made my stomach swoop, and I feared my lunch would make a reappearance.
“I did it when I signed all my papers with the department. You do whatever you want with it all. But that’s not what I was going to say, I was gonna tell you that I want you to do whatever it takes to be happy and live your life to the fullest. No one has ever loved anyone as much as I love you, but if I wasn’t here, someone might come close, and I wouldn’t want you thinking you had to stay loyal to me.”
A tear spilled over. “Please, Scott. I know this is important to you and I promise we can talk about all the what-ifs, but can I say just one thing?”
He nodded and I tried to get a handle on myself. It was just such a hard conversation to have. He needed to start trying to find some peace, though, and I hoped what I was about to say would help with that.
“There isn’t a doubt in my mind about the depths of your love for me. I want you to remember that. When you told me that Tommy had left May all those messages I wondered if they were for his benefit too? He wanted to know that the last thing he said to her was of the epic love he felt. But I want you to know it’s not something I’ll ever question. Know why?”
He shook his head, squeezing my hand harder.
“Because we might not have been brave enough to say the words out loud all this time, but I’ve felt them. In the way you’ve cared for me since we were little. Heard it in your voice when we’ve been oceans apart. Felt it in the way you’ve held me these past few weeks, and maybe even before that if I’m being honest. With every press of your lips to my hair, I’ve known. Every time you’ve held my hand or wrapped your arms around me. I’ve known, Scott, I just didn’t let myself believe it until now.”
His head bobbed he was nodding it so vigorously. “It was always you. It will always be you. I love you so much. I’ll love you forever.”
“I love you too. And it will never go away.”
He caught my lips again. This one burned and was full of need. This one was desperate, and I didn’t know which I loved more.