Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Addison had a date with Walker Grayson, and that meant that she had some damage control to do with Anna, Lydia, Denisha and her father.
Her mom had already gone back to California, and some of that was probably because Addison hadn’t done much to stay in touch with her after the wedding, she could accept that her mom was probably responding to Addison’s unwillingness to engage in deep conversation with her, but it still hurt her feelings.
Because the situation with her mother always would.
But it meant that she didn’t have to worry about what she told her at the moment.
You don’t think that when you have to give interviews, when you’re out there lying, that your mom should know the truth?
She felt weird and conflicted about it, but she also had to be careful about who she told the truth to, because she and Walker didn’t need rumors.
Not that her mother would gossip about her, but she lived in a whole other state, spreading the truth down south felt like a risky endeavor, and one that Addison didn’t really want to engage in.
She had no idea where Alan was. Maybe he was at their house. Eventually, she was going to have to go and get her things. She had clothing packed for a cruise, she didn’t have enough clothes to continue staying at the Painted Ridge Resort in perpetuity.
But she felt like she could probably lay low for another week, and that was about it. Her employees at the boutique had offered to continue to cover for her, and that was very kind of them.
Meanwhile, she had a management team for her vacation rental, and maybe in the longer term, she would need to stop taking reservations for that house and move into it herself.
Yes, that was a decent backup plan.
She could put a stop date on reservations, and then eventually she would be able to move into her house, once she was ready to get everything from the house that she and Alan shared.
The idea of dismantling her life on that level made her want to scream, but she didn’t have a choice. She hadn’t been given one.
She had nothing but rubble to sort through, and she was doing it in the best way possible, even if it did include a giant lie.
She ignored the vague spark between her thighs, and in her belly as she thought about her exchange with Walker yesterday.
It had haunted her last night.
Begging.
In his bed.
She knew he hadn’t been serious, saying all that to her, saying that he would show her that passionate sex right then if she would ask for it.
If she wanted to thank him.
She was sitting on the edge of the bed in the cabin, and pressed her knees together, curling her hands into fists.
Because it was way too easy to imagine sinking to her knees and giving him the best thank you she knew how to give.
She didn’t know why thinking about dropping to her knees in front of Walker made her stomach feel hollow, made her feel hot all over.
She didn’t like giving blowjobs. She did it, because it was often an efficient way to please Alan instead of having to go through all the drama of having sex and faking an orgasm when her brain was too busy for her to enter into that situation, but she wouldn’t say that she got anything out of them, but there was something about this fantasy…
And then she remembered his comment about prom.
She let out a hard breath and looked up at the ceiling.
That had been the single meanest thing she’d ever done, and she went out of her way to never think about it. She had told herself that he never thought about it. That it had been a prank, but she knew that it was more than that.
She had been inexcusably awful to do that to him. But it had been a whole thing – with Alan, actually – where he had badgered her into doing it, and she had because she had been trying to prove that she didn’t feel anything for Walker Grayson.
She did. That was the issue. She’d been attracted to him and Alan — who hadn’t been her boyfriend yet but more of a situationship — had badgered her about it enough times that she had wanted to prove something.
So, she had asked him out with the full intention of not following through with it, to prove that she could, to prove that she had power over the feelings that she had for him, to prove that it wasn’t a thing.
It was something she hadn’t seen the aftermath of, because that’s what ghosting was. You never had to look the other person in the face.
And he had never acted bothered by it. But it was the first thing he had said to her when she brought up fake dating, and that meant that when he looked at her, it was the thing he thought of. She had worked very hard to make it not the thing she thought about when she saw him.
Maybe part of her wanted to make up for that, maybe part of her wanted for him to be angry, for him to hold it over her and tell her that she had to pay him back at –
She snapped back to the moment. She was headed into some weird, fever fantasy territory that she just didn’t… that wasn’t her.
Ever, at all.
She wasn’t all that bothered with sex. And she left that thought there, didn’t let anything else push in, didn’t allow anything else to crowd into her brain.
She let out a breath and picked up her phone. She didn’t usually cold call Anna without texting first, but there was no point sending a text about any of this. Also, she’d rather not have any of it in writing.
“Are you alive?”
“I’m alive,” she said.
“Thank God,” Anna said. “It’s been days. I was worried that I was getting a phone call from police telling me that they found you dead in the woods.”
“I would never go to the woods, Anna, even in despair, also, I’m not going to die over a man.”
“I do appreciate that about you.”
“Mind you, a whole bunch of people on the Internet have said I should probably die, since Alan doesn’t want me, but I don’t resonate with that.”
“Again, this is why I love you and always have.”
“But then, you also know that I’ve already broken up with him once.”
“More than once,” Anna said.
“True. I’ll get through this one too.” Of course, it was so much heavier to break up with him now, because it was losing a whole plan for the future.
Security, a home that they had planned to build, kids they planned to have, and then there was the public humiliation on top of it, the logistics of moving out of a home, all of that, but at the same time, right then, emotionally it didn’t feel any more complicated.
She was going to go ahead and take that as a gift and not worry about whether or not it was shock or her telling herself a lie.
Because it felt good to not have to worry about that.
“I’ve just been trying to hold everything on pause, and make sure I don’t say the wrong thing.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I probably should’ve given you a little bit more help.”
“No,” Anna said. “You were allowed to be upset. You were allowed to go underground for a minute. I get it.”
“Thanks. So… Walker has a plan.”
“He’s been handling it great on his end. He’s done a few interviews, and he’s so charming that people have mostly been focusing on him. And how he rescued you.”
“Yes. Well… Another chapter is about to get added to the lore.”
“The lore?”
“At this point, we have lore.” She took a deep breath. “We are going to go out as a couple. Tonight.”
“What?”
“We thought that… It would make a great story.”
“Are you… Are you sleeping with him?”
She pressed her knees together, hard, and without meaning to, she imagined Walker over her, in her, thrusting hard.
“No,” she said, her throat getting tight. “But we would like everyone to believe so.”
“Oh. Oh. Oh.” She said each oh with an entirely different inflection.
Mortified, confused, and then intrigued.
“I can see that. Especially with the way that he’s been using all of this.
Of course, it makes a great story for the ranch, and how everything will work out the way that it’s supposed to.
And it’s a great story for you. About you winning.
Finding what you really needed. Being resilient. ”
“Yes, he and I kind of already went through that.” Though, she felt gratified that Anna saw the point of it.
“You can’t tell people though, that it’s fake,” Anna said.
“I know. The bridesmaids and my dad. I can group text—”
“We are not putting this in writing. I’ll call Lydia and Denisha. We’ll figure out code words.”
“This isn’t a casino heist, Anna. It’s fake dating to juice up my reputation in a local election.”
“It is your life, Addison, which means it’s more important than a casino heist, and if this goes to shit then what?”
Addison didn’t have an easy response to that. Because yeah. Then what? What would become of her? What would living her life – good and perfect — mean?
“I don’t know. But I still need my friends to know and I don’t need my dad worrying about me being with a Grayson.”
Anna laughed. “A Grayson? Like they’re not some of the richest people in town now? Come on, we all moved past their high school reputations, haven’t we?”
She hated to believe that her dad hadn’t moved past that, but no.
He wouldn’t have. He had a very firm idea about people not being able to escape what they were.
Their nature. She knew that had to do with her mom and probably had to do with trying to pressure her and Jackson into behaving, and that just hit her right then.
But even realizing that didn’t mean that she could pivot away from telling him. Because if he thought that she was sleeping with Walker…
“I have to tell my dad,” she said. “He would worry otherwise, also, I don’t need my dad thinking that I actually left my wedding and went and broke a headboard with Walker.
” She had hoped that by not actually saying sex or any other direct alternative term, she would keep herself from envisioning it, but sadly, she was just imagining Walker over her again, moving with so much force, that he had to grip the headboard, that he –